Ok. If you don't know me, I'm a redneck. Bush voting, gun toting, truck driving, whiskey drinking etc. etc.

All of this aside, I am very interested in colloquialisms around the world.

For example, if it's raining hard outside, I may say ``It's raining harder than a cow pissing on a flat rock.'' Or if someone is out of his mind, I may say ``That dude is crazier than a road lizzard.'' Or, if it's cold outside, I may say ``It's colder than a whore's heart out there.''

I'm interested to see the types of expressions people from other parts of the world use. This is close to sowhat's thread on slang, I guess, but not altogether the same.

In Russian "I am soaked to a thread" thread meaning a piece of fiber ... which really means that I am soaked from all this rain completely to my pants

``In Soviet Russia, thread soaks you.''

HA!

Sorry. :)

``In Soviet Russia, thread soaks you.''

HA!

Sorry. :)

grrr.....:mad:.....

Not a Yakov Smirnoff (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yakov_Smirnoff) fan? Apologies!

An old Iowa farm boy myself, here's a couple that I used to hear in my youth from some of the hog farmers.

Useless as teats on a boar hog.
Helpless as a pig on ice.

The second won't make sense unless you have seen a pig try to walk across smooth ice. Trust me, domesticated swine are not anatomically suited to travel across hard smooth ice. It's pretty pathetic.

I just posted this somewhere else but "what the hey"

"she's no bigger than a bee's peter"

colder than a witches tit
deader than a doornail
dumber than a box of rocks
sharp as a tack

We use loads......

For someone of "below average intelligence":

As thick as pig shit
As thick as an elephant's cock
As thick as Rik Waller's Boxing Day shite

to name but a few

oh, slow as molasses in january

Useless as tits on a bull
[Obvious] as dog's balls (or: stuck out like dog's balls)
Like a spare prick at a wedding
Brass monkey weather
Blowing a bastard (this one's maybe past it's use-by date)
Blowing [I]seven bastards (extra strength)

And lastly - in reference to a running engine or machine:
[It sounds] like a bag of monkey's arseholes

Note: all the above colloquialisms can be suffixed with the universal "mate", as in: "I felt like a spare prick at a wedding, mate." "Nah mate, still sounds like a bag of monkey's arseholes." &c.

"A jug in one hand and his dick in other"

"running around like a chicken with it's head cut off"

Some "translated" from Brazilian Portuguese:

(someone) is as lost as a blind in the middle of a shooting;
(someone) is as lost as a whore's underwear in a brothel;
(someone) is so crazy, that he's saying "my blonde girl" to a buzzard;
(something) is as hard as telling the difference between a cricket's leg and a saw; - (mostly used when you have to explain something obvious to someone who doesn't understand it).

cheers

Their elevator does'n't go all the way to the top.

anyone ever eaten 'shit on a shingle'?

Slipperier than snot on a doorknob! <-- in reference to something slippery, like an icy sidewalk!

anyone ever eaten 'shit on a shingle'?

My mom used to make shit on a shingle all the time.

One sandwich short of a picnic
Thick as two short planks
He gives away money like a Jew without arms
Popular as a pork chop in a synagogue
All mouth and trousers.............................talks a lot but knows little
Full of wind and piss like the barber's cat................ do.
No oil in his lamp
He never takes yes for an answer ........ said of stubborn people

Just a few of my favs, if you can't figure out what they mean feel free to ask;

A few kangaroos loose in the top paddock.
He looks as happy as a penguin in a microwave.
Away with the fairies.
James blunt(as a colloquial rhyming slang).
He's a lanky streak of piss.
To get rat-arsed.
Smuggling plums.

dumber than a box of rocks
not the sharpest knife in the drawer
not the brightest bulb in the room

If wit was shit you'd be constipated.
Beware of Greeks bearing gifts.... ( Trojan horse )
Never look a gifthorse in the mouth
Pissed as a newt
Drunk as a lord
Sober as a judge
He doesn't know his arse from his elbow

Fits just like the cat's ass.
The door is not an asshole it doesn't close by itself.
Crazier than a bag of hammers.

some people in the UK - initially just for a joke - created a lexicon of rude british colloqualisms and called it "Roger's Profanisaurus" (after a foul-mouthed comic book character called Roger Mellie).

It steadily grew through submission from the public, and now contains over 10,000 rude words and phrases.

If swearing was an olympic event we'd win all three medals :)

http://www.viz.co.uk/?%2Fprofanisaurus%2Fprofan_index.php%3Ffb%3D1

Never look a gifthorse in the mouth


Cool... we have the same one here. :)

but:

Drunk as a possum (do the possums drink alcohol?) :D

cheers

Drunk as a skunk

Here's another "asshole" one:

"Not even a [profession/trade of choice]'s asshole." Decries a "not-very-good" example.

e.g. "Not even a chippie's asshole, mate." (A "chippie" is a carpenter/joiner. My old man was a chippie, hence the familiarity with "trade lingo".)