So I don't really get along too well with my dad and step mom. We bump heads all the time. Anyways, they're friends with this couple and they both have kids about the same age so they meet up pretty frequently and drink with each other, socialize, etc. while the kids play with each other. Now the guy, let's call him Ted, has this long running joke with my little step sister, lets call her Jessica, who's about 9 years old, that they are boyfriend and girlfriend... the first time I heard this "joke" it sent a red flag immediately.

Do you think this is creepy? Would you ever leave this guy alone with a little girl after hearing this?

Do you think this is creepy? Would you ever leave this guy alone with a little girl after hearing this?Yes. No.

Grab the little girl and back away slowly.

Sorry, just feel like being concise today...

I agree with Randwolf here.

This thread has the
http://old.culturegarage.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/pedobearapproved.jpg

Do you think this is creepy? Would you ever leave this guy alone with a little girl after hearing this?

Quite creepy. I wouldn't leave him alone with her. In fact i'd keep a close eye on him.

That is a definite red alert. Do NOT leave your child alone with him. Warn other parents too. I don't like the idea of any kid being alone with him.

Just to give you guys more of an idea of how warped this whole thing is... I was over my dad's and having dinner with my dad and my little bro and sis.

My little sister was asking me why I didn't have a g/f and then she says something like "even I have a boyfriend!"

So I asked her "Oh really? Who's that?"

Sis: "Ted! Isn't that right dad?"

My dad: "Well... yes and no.."

...

I didn't even know how to respond... My dad and stepmom obviously find nothing wrong with this whole thing... Just out of good conscience I'm going to ask them if they find it just a little creepy the next time I see them... They'll probably be so offended that I'll be exiled from their house for at least a month but what other choice do I have?

If she's 9 years old, is that really old enough to know what a boyfriend and girlfriend are? I hardly had any idea of the concept myself until I was around 10 or 11, before that it seemed more like an "in the club, not in the club" type of deal, not terribly serious. Just saying, before you accuse the guy of being a pedophile (which could be entirely accurate), you might want to check with your little sis just what she thinks being a boyfriend is supposed to entail. If she thinks a boyfriend is just a guy who has to play dollhouse or videogames with her whenever she wants or give her cookies whenever she asks, that's completely innocent. In the interests of your little sis you have the right to be as overly protective and cautious as you want, but I would try to check into this and make sure something strange beyond the title of "boyfriend" might be going on here, or you'll end up with a lot of unnecessarily hurt feelings at minimum when you go to confront the guy.

What is wrong with you people? Pretending to take on adult roles is how children play. "Friend" has positive connotations. They know people pair up, but they might not know what all is involved. Lighten up.



Would you ever leave this guy alone with a little girl after hearing this?
I wouldn't leave any unknown guy alone with my little girl no matter how they acted.

Had I done this (never would) but had I done it the thing would've meant very little to me, more like a joke. However idk what to think of this situation :X

Just to give you guys more of an idea of how warped this whole thing is... I was over my dad's and having dinner with my dad and my little bro and sis.

My little sister was asking me why I didn't have a g/f and then she says something like "even I have a boyfriend!"

So I asked her "Oh really? Who's that?"

Sis: "Ted! Isn't that right dad?"

My dad: "Well... yes and no.."

...

I didn't even know how to respond... My dad and stepmom obviously find nothing wrong with this whole thing... Just out of good conscience I'm going to ask them if they find it just a little creepy the next time I see them... They'll probably be so offended that I'll be exiled from their house for at least a month but what other choice do I have?

That is NOT right. Even a socially skewed Neanderthal like me can see that is not right. Don't ever let her be alone with him.

That is NOT right. Even a socially skewed Neanderthal like me can see that is not right. Don't ever let her be alone with him.

I wish I had that kind of control... but the fact is she's their kid and he's their friend... the most I can do is try to cultivate some suspicion about it...

I wouldn't leave any unknown guy alone with my little girl no matter how they acted.

To them he's not unknown.

I don't think it's creepy. It might have been something as innocent as her not realising what the big fuss is about relationships and the term "boyfriend" as opposed to girls saying "girlfriends"..

It would be definitely creepy however, if she started to imitate older girls and their boyfriends...

Hmm, roleplaying anyone? My aunt plays with my niece similar things...like she pretends to be me, and my cousin is for example my sister.., or pretending to be dad and mum..

I think the 'pedoalert' is a bit jumping quick to conclusions here. Getting called a pedo, or even just implications about it when one isn't is quite awful. It's one of those 'reputation's' that will stick with you till you die..unless you move to somewhere else.

I wish I had that kind of control... but the fact is she's their kid and he's their friend... the most I can do is try to cultivate some suspicion about it...

So whip up some suspicion.

I'm well aware that it might be innocent, and the term boyfriend might have just been used to mean a friend who is a male, but nonetheless the issue should definitely be raised.

Yah I'm aware of what role playing is. I act all kinds of different parts with my little bro and sis all the time but never boyfriend and girlfriend. If it has ever happened then it was initiated by my little sister and I never ran with it... I'd say something similar to "brothers and sisters can't be boyfriend and girlfriend!" light-heartedly and move on.

I personally don't see myself ever joking around with someone else's 9 year old girl that I'm her boyfriend.. And remember this is an on-going joke. Every time there's an interaction between my little sister and "Ted" they play this joke. In fact, he'll say things like "where's my girlfriend?" or "is my girlfriend mad at me?"

I personally find it creepy and I don't trust the guy for a second.

What is wrong with you people? Pretending to take on adult roles is how children play. "Friend" has positive connotations. They know people pair up, but they might not know what all is involved. Lighten up.



This ^^^


You're all paranoid and are taking what is most probably innocent play and teasing of a 9 year old and turning it into something dirty.

Unless there are other signs, such as mood or behavioural changes in the child, not to mention becoming uncomfortable with herself and her body and refusing to socialise (as some examples), along with other signs (such as his going 'come and give your boyfriend a kiss and giving her a grope at the same time' as one example), it is probably innocent play that most children will have with trusted adults in their lives.

This ^^^


You're all paranoid and are taking what is most probably innocent play and teasing of a 9 year old and turning it into something dirty.

Unless there are other signs, such as mood or behavioural changes in the child, not to mention becoming uncomfortable with herself and her body and refusing to socialise (as some examples), along with other signs (such as his going 'come and give your boyfriend a kiss and giving her a grope at the same time' as one example), it is probably innocent play that most children will have with trusted adults in their lives.

Or such as playing hide the salami. :p

Or such as playing hide the salami. :p

Ermm yes.

Or that..

This ^^^


You're all paranoid and are taking what is most probably innocent play and teasing of a 9 year old and turning it into something dirty.

Unless there are other signs, such as mood or behavioural changes in the child, not to mention becoming uncomfortable with herself and her body and refusing to socialise (as some examples), along with other signs (such as his going 'come and give your boyfriend a kiss and giving her a grope at the same time' as one example), it is probably innocent play that most children will have with trusted adults in their lives.

I don't know. I guess it would help if you guys saw what was happening rather than just hearing words. I can think of instances I guess where it wouldn't be so creepy. I just find when this guy does it it's creepy. I just don't trust him...

One more instance that really sent me a red flag... I was over there and the kids and I were having a water balloon fight kind of against the adults who were being all "you better not hit me with a water balloon" - which only makes you want to do it more. So after the water balloons were all gone, Ted is squirting a water gun at us rather unseriously (man this sounds gay, doesn't it?) and at some point he squirts Jessica in the face which seemed innocuous enough... but Jessica seemed to blow it completely out of proportion and then ran up to her room genuinely upset. And then Ted would ask my little bro or whoever who had been up in Jessica's room things like "is my girlfriend still mad at me?"

I can't help it, I find it creepy.

Sounds harmless.. I think you've been spending too much time on forums where paedophilia seems to be the main topic..
I remember this case where the brother helped his little sister pee..and someone saw them and immediately alerted the police claiming that he was sexually abusing her.

If you find it creepy then say it out loud when they're at it again, no? Isn't it actually creepy that you think it's creepy, that you see something more behind it? Soon guys have to feel worried when shaking a little girl's hand because someone might interpret it as sexual assault.

Sounds harmless.. I think you've been spending too much time on forums where paedophilia seems to be the main topic..

I don't spend any time in pedophilia topics...


If you find it creepy then say it out loud when they're at it again, no?

It ain't always that simple, now is it?


Isn't it actually creepy that you think it's creepy, that you see something more behind it?

You really think what I'm saying here is "creepy"? Like this is your idea of a suspense thriller?


Soon guys have to feel worried when shaking a little girl's hand because someone might interpret it as sexual assault.

What would send a red flag to you then...? Nothing less than molestation?

This ^^^


You're all paranoid and are taking what is most probably innocent play and teasing of a 9 year old and turning it into something dirty.

Unless there are other signs, such as mood or behavioural changes in the child, not to mention becoming uncomfortable with herself and her body and refusing to socialise (as some examples), along with other signs (such as his going 'come and give your boyfriend a kiss and giving her a grope at the same time' as one example), it is probably innocent play that most children will have with trusted adults in their lives.

I guess without evidence of physical contact it's only an assumption.

stateofmind,
Does the guy call other people his "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", after all some can say it to their friends and colleagues as some sort of friendship moniker similar to how someone my say "wassup my homie!?!".

If not, then obviously any concerns should really rest on the parents. After all it's the responsibility to make sure their child is kept from harm, especially by anyone that might be predatorial. (In the cases of paedophilia the preditor's can be "friends of the family, or family" and use that position to not just groom a child but to also groom the parents. After all if they they are at ease with the paedophile being in the vicinity the paedophile is going to more than likely act out their fantasies completely under their nose.)

While in the particular instance you are naming could be completely innocent, it's still right to bring the concept to attention of the parents, as at the end of the day if you were right you wouldn't just be protecting the child from a concerning experience but also the parents from allowing such an experience to exist.

I would guess most parents in this predicament would be happy to have at least the concern mentioned to them by a third-party, while your concerns might be completely unfounded at least they would know that you are also attempting to look out for them and of course the child. You are better off bringing it up, say it's something that has been going over in your mind and that you need to get it off your chest. Once it's done you won't have to worry any more as they will either be alerted or dismissive, but at least you attempted to rectify your own concerns.

stateofmind,
Does the guy call other people his "boyfriend" or "girlfriend", after all some can say it to their friends and colleagues as some sort of friendship moniker similar to how someone my say "wassup my homie!?!".

If not, then obviously any concerns should really rest on the parents. After all it's the responsibility to make sure their child is kept from harm, especially by anyone that might be predatorial. (In the cases of paedophilia the preditor's can be "friends of the family, or family" and use that position to not just groom a child but to also groom the parents. After all if they they are at ease with the paedophile being in the vicinity the paedophile is going to more than likely act out their fantasies completely under their nose.)

While in the particular instance you are naming could be completely innocent, it's still right to bring the concept to attention of the parents, as at the end of the day if you were right you wouldn't just be protecting the child from a concerning experience but also the parents from allowing such an experience to exist.

I would guess most parents in this predicament would be happy to have at least the concern mentioned to them by a third-party, while your concerns might be completely unfounded at least they would know that you are also attempting to look out for them and of course the child. You are better off bringing it up, say it's something that has been going over in your mind and that you need to get it off your chest. Once it's done you won't have to worry any more as they will either be alerted or dismissive, but at least you attempted to rectify your own concerns.

Thanks man. This is the most reasonable advice I've heard on this whole thing. Hell, I hope I'm completely wrong about all this. I have nothing, and never have had anything against the guy - just I find that when he does this I get creeped out. I'm aware that just hearing my descriptions of the whole thing might not seem like it warrants any suspicion - there's a good probability that these things are highly contextual and words would almost never be enough.