View Full Version : Is It This Difficult?
08-02-01, 06:03 AM
:confused: OKOK, I am no casa nova! I don't have washboard abs...but why can I not have someone in my life to love and have love returned? I mean I am a very nice guy and rather attractive...besides the points listed above. I respect women the way they should be, I don't say dirogitory things about them, but nor do I chase after them in a poor hopeless plea for love...Should I? I mean I have tried...I have had companions but no one will stay...or for long. They always seem to be leaving me for my friends or leaving me for reason I am yet to find out. I do what I think I should, buy gifts, treat nice, and talk...I know this isn't a dating center but someone, anyone give me some HELP? I would feel more "whole" with a loyal compaion...am I right? or am I just an idiot?
Your Idiot Savant...:confused:
I will not offer love life advice I have the estimation that it would be poor. I will make an observation.
If your "friends" are taking your girl friends then they are not your friends. They are people you can do without. Surround yourself with others not of this mentality.
Somewhere I heard the old cliche that "nice guys finish last". I always wondered what there was in the bad guy/law breakers that attracted women. But it does.
08-02-01, 06:25 AM
Well I have tried that approach aswell and truly I am not as nice as I come off as...I am not saying I am the devil...but hell!I dunno...or am I just an idiot:rolleyes:
Science are a bad place to find love life help. We havent cracked the human genome enough to tell what makes chicks dig dudes, so in the mean time your just gonna have to (and take this advice if you want or not but dont complain if it fails) Take some interest in her things, do stuff they want and just be romantic i guess.
Oh crap go ask a woman. This is the blind leading the blind :(
Got just the site for you:
I have a few friends who swear by it (along with Viagra)
08-02-01, 05:42 PM
Originally posted by Seskii
...We havent cracked the human genome enough to tell what makes chicks dig dudes...
I feel that it's less to do with the DNA of the lovely ladies, but very much to do with animal behaviour. Yes, some women are attracted to the law breakers and the rouges. Don Giovanni wasn't exactly a nice guy (if my memory serves me right) but the girls loved him. I imagine these characters are what females perceive as Alpha Males. Something that in the wild that would have been very attractive because the alpha male would have been able to provide more.
Just see one of those natural history programmes. Sexual attraction is very primative. The thing I find that works best is confidence. This is something the alpha male would ooze.
Where's Babelina when we need some female input?
08-03-01, 06:07 PM
Oh, this is hilarious! You are so lost! :D Just be yourself and do what feels right. Donīt pretend to be some macho stereotype. The women that falls for that are ususally very superficial and maybe that is why they leave you for your "friends". And not to mention the effort you must put in keeping up the appearance of always being that macho. Honesty and good self esteem are always good qualities to work on, not only from a romatic point of view. And just love! :p
1) Honestly? At least act disinterested. The women most ... likely to respond to my charms respond as such because the charms aren't directed at them. As long as you're slathering platitudes and witticisms unto them, a certain part of every person's need for security and attention is fulfilled.
Consider having drinks at a bar with several of your friends. If you continue to balance your conversation 'twixt all of your associates, the charm will become apparent, and perhaps desired. If you're just giving it away to one person, what need has that person to make any effort? As shallow as it sounds, I've discovered that women will, in some cases, pursue a viable charm merely because they aren't the focus of it. Let me disclaim, though, that in relation to my own personality, these are generally not women on my "committed" list. I'm all up for a good lay, mind you, but I just can't figure out the nature of the one-night stand. Apparently you have to lie about your name, or something, because it truly does become an emotional mess for at least one party, and usually both. I've rejected the notion of the one-nighter because I've never successfully pulled it off. The best I've managed is a 1-week affair; the worst a five-year relationship in which we both continually made each other miserable.
So what will happen is that a woman will approach in an attempt to get to know the person behind that flashing charm; if you both happen to be genuine people at that moment, the potential is limitless.
Let me make yet another disclaimer: I have never "successfully" accomplished what I have just described (botched one-nighters, yeah, those were real). But the whole point is that two people who put up fronts to impress each other are invariably disappointed in each other. Be yourself, as the cliche goes, but for heaven's sake, don't aim it at the object of your desire exclusively.
2) I second Wet's notion that you might wish to reevaluate the terms of your friendships. A few notes.
* J took S's girlfriend. This set a precedent among my friends that this is acceptable.
* S took one of my girlfriends; it takes two to tango, and it really does suck to wake up to find your girlfriend shagging one of your closest friends on the floor ten feet away. C'est la vie.
* I reconciled with S shortly thereafter because the woman dumped him for yet another of our friends.
* By that time, J had paid the emotional price for taking S's girlfriend; the woman was psychotic.
* I have taken a friend's wife before ... bad, bad idea. I paid for this with five years of mutal misery aforementioned. We treated each other as poorly as we treated her husband (G).
The strange thing is that before G faded off into obscurity, he didn't seem to mind; it's not like nobody knew what was going on. S and J were back on good terms almost immediately because S saw J paying for his betrayal by having to handle a psychotic woman. S and I eventually reconciled when the woman left him for our other friend T, who would eventually ruin his life knocking her up and undertaking a devastating meth addiction to numb the misery. Last I saw that woman, she had left T with the kids for some other guy. However, J and T have a place together with another friend of ours, whose girlfriend ... well, that particular orgy was brought to me courtesy of G's wife.
In the end, none of the women are around anymore, and we still get along. On the one hand, yes, re-evaluate your friendships. To the other, whenever we come across each other, there are no hard feelings, and it's largely a matter of geography and schedules that keeps us from more frequent carousing together. The moral of the story is that it's not worth losing your friends over a woman.
Yet another disclaimer: I despise marriage. Not that I haven't learned my lesson about tampering with it (some of my friends think it's about to become an issue again, but it's difficult to explain that situation, since what I crave about this woman has nothing to do with sex). But the fact remains that the women have moved on with their lives, and we're still all civil to each other at least.
Are your friends really your friends? An equal consideration is whether or not the woman was "worth it". (I cite the five years of mutual misery to define the term worth it; no, it was not worth the orgasms, and there was little spiritual bond for that period whatsoever.) Personally, my friends and I still seem to love each other as much as before the whole mess, so there's that (Can't speak for G; haven't heard from him, but we remained civil and more in each others' presence, and it has been related to me that he eventually expressed that he felt better now that someone had taken his wife off his hands.)
If there's anything this soap opera can teach, it's point 3.
3) You may be "trying too hard" in general. One should not look for a life mate; one should definitely troll for a good lay, but that's not a life commitment, is it? Do you require another person in your life to make your own self complete? Sure, you might feel more whole; that's the current issue that my immediate circle may be misinterpreting. A married woman can create the sensation of wholeness in me without sex, and without refocusing herself onto me; of course, this isn't a sustained sensation, and the state of mind it produces is more addictive than any drug I've ever used. So the question I ask is What am I lacking that she gives me? (In my case, those close to me point to mother-issues, which is kind of a scary thing to bring up in this conversation, but there you go.)
Your life mate may be out there or not; I figure, for myself, that person will eventually show up or not. I haven't all the answers to reality, so I'm left wondering whether or not anyone can fill that role, and also whether or not that role is really necessary.
But as dumb as it sounds, be yourself; you cannot win your life mate with deception. In fact, that's a bad way of putting it: your life mate cannot be won. Human beings are not prizes, but I'm leaving this paragraph as it is to demonstrate the point. (Or something like that.)
4) Why do I despise marriage? So two people who put up their impressive fronts come together, are bedazzled, and get married. Suddenly, with nothing left to win, they become "their own selves". If I'm critical of wives it's because the society I live in raises women to be wives and mothers, and that creates an odd state: the most brilliant and giving men I know can be crushed by marriage because they are constantly trying to keep the wife happy. It should be said that this works both ways, but again, it seems that my society breeds women to be wives and mothers: the primary benefit of my last five-year relationship, it seems, is that, aside from regular sexual intercourse (note I did not say sexual "satisfaction"), she was so scared of "losing" me that, well ... yeah, she did once say she would cook and clean and be my wife if I would only blah blah blah and she never figured out that, as nice as the meal and room service is, that's not what I want in a wife or girlfriend; if I am that well served, I would hope to be paying someone cash to cook and clean for me while my life mate and I do things more important to our happiness.
So don't compromise; don't try to impress a woman who isn't your ideal simply because it's getting frustrating. It will be more frustrating later if you do.
I wish it was as simple as smoke a bowl, grin broadly, and be yourself, but, as you can tell, that hasn't worked well for me.
If you can make heads and tails of any of this, congratulations; I can't. But I figured it worth vomiting into a post because it might, somehow, become useful to someone else.
If you're pursuing it, that also implies that it is eluding you.
thanx, and good luck,
What a freakin' mess that last post is ... :D
No way was that post a mess ... at least not in my book.
I guess I'm just too 'old school' to open up like that, but I could identify with a lot of what you had to say. And I imagine quite a few guys do too ... if they're able to be honest with themselves.
08-05-01, 07:10 AM
Maybe you are to anger to want a woman. It mostly happens when you least expect it......So is love, if you are looking for it, you won't find it.....not looking for it, suddenly it comes your way. But if you only want a woman for sex, you better go to the neighbourhood where you can buy 'love'.......And don 't do so pathetic, like you can't get a woman....come on, is this a man speaking or a little birdie.......
Flattery and a bottle of pink gin will take you far.
But you are looking for love. It is my belief that it will, someday, find you.
as a girl who likes nice guys, take it from me - there /is/ hope. don't worry, you'll find love - it'll come to you. lightning will strike. *g*
08-18-01, 08:36 PM
There's a girl for every guy, and vice versa. Don't worry about it. I think that when u just start a normal date, you know just asking a girl out that you see on the street or something (I wouldn't know, I'm only fourteen but I get this idea from my experience from some of the people I've met over the course of my life), that if she really is perfect for you that it will work out and evolve into a loving relationship. You can't ask a girl out because you're in love with her(I learned that the hard way, she's my friend and always been my friend and I'm trying to get her to sign up on sciforums as I speak) because, it just won't work out, you have to be on the same level in terms of how you think of the other person with your girlfriend or boyfriend. I dunno, I'm no expert that's just what I think for now.
I think you've just jumped into my brain!
"Your life mate may be out there or not; I figure, for myself, that person will eventually show up or not. I haven't all the answers to reality, so I'm left wondering whether or not anyone can fill that role, and also whether or not that role is really necessary."
I couldn't have said it better myself.
Listen to Tiassa, Idiot Savant, when you hear words of wisdom you know it, and Tiassa has just spelled it out for you.
Me? I couldn't care less about sex. I think it's all about companionship but mostly I would want someone who could make me laugh. I'd marry Billy Connolly in a heartbeat and I'm not the marrying kind anymore.
There is a saying that if you stop looking for love, it will find you.
Oh, and make sure you don't have bad breath or body odour.
Sorry, had to throw that in. ::D
No offence to anyone.
Also, beware of kippered snacks.
08-19-01, 05:11 AM
Most of the times I saw it happen to friends, who were not looking for love at that moment and at that moment they ran in to a man which some even married.:)
But I agree, it doesn't have to happen always. And maybe if you really choose to live your life alone, you won't find it anymore because perhaps, you don't sent signals anymore. You know what I mean? I guess that people sent signals, but you are not aware of it, just like an aura, you have it, but don't see it or know it. Maybe if you really, really want to live alone, you sent other signals. But I don't know this for sure, I was thinking about this subject and thought it could be something like this......
I don't know, I am only guessing. And people who do want to find love, often find it, when they are not looking for it......
That I have seen happening, but blind dates do work too sometimes. But I am not the type for blind dating. But maybe another person is. It is all your own choice......;)
Do whatever your heart tells you to do....
It should also be said that love often comes to light much later within a common relationship.
Sometimes love will chase you down, hold you, and make you see it.
08-20-01, 06:25 AM
:) There you are right. Love can come in many way's.
Real love.....a one night stand is not so hard to get I guess:o
I go for love, maybe it's the best and the worst 'thing' you get here on earth, REAL love I mean.
But this is only what I think, so maybe someone else has a complete other opinion;)
I suppse that here on Exosci there are too few lovers, Banshee.
08-24-01, 05:54 AM
But I love, love...........
Now you tell me there is no love here??
I am shocked.......real, real shocked:(
Hey people, Wake up......Everybody has to love somebody........
Come on, don't be square;)
Let love come your way, and maybe the greatest pessimist chances in a shining, happy man/woman........Really!!!
At last...It should be this way, I wish love to you all, hope you'll find it soon:)
08-24-01, 06:07 AM
tell you what, this should say it all... listen to green day - nice guys finish last if u listen to that kinda music
or just think about, nice guys finish last
08-24-01, 04:49 PM
I know it.
Whether or not they're handsome.
I watch it almost every day in school. I'll see a nice, intelligent babe out with an ungly, stupid lunatic and wonder: Why?????
08-25-01, 05:22 AM
I think this kind of feelings are normal. Most people who see a beautiful girl with an 'ugly' man, or a handsome man with an 'ugly' girl, think that. I do it myself too.Haha, and after such a thing I always tell myself, 'don't think that, it's cruel'.
But you know, probably the persons we are talking about have found the beauty in eachother........and I guess that's what it all is going about.
To find the beauty of some one else, not on the outside, alone, but also on the inside is what love is about.
If you love some one, you love the whole person, in- and outside. It belongs together :cool:
Maybe if you have no love in your life this moment, it will come your way if you least expect it......and if the person is not so pretty on the outside, you don't even notice. It klicks and then it doesn't matter anymore. How some one looks like...:rolleyes:
Of course life is much simpler and often far more pleasant to just stay single. There are many like myself who prefer and have chosen to remain single. I think society creates an unwarranted pressure that makes people believe that they are abnormal if they arenít in a relationship. But there is an increasing trend now for many people to be single. Marriage, with its 50%+ failure rate indicates enormous complications when two people try to co-exist.
I never intend to have a close personal relationship again; I simply prefer my privacy, independence, and the lack of stress that a single lifestyle provides. But then I did have an 18-year marriage, and my ex-wife is now one of my best friends, so I am making a choice for a single life based on real life experiences.
There are so many things in life to pursue that are just too difficult if one must always consider the opinions and desires of a partner. Being single offers massive freedom to do as one wishes, without worry, and without conflict with others.
I think the key message is that you should not worry whether you have relationships or not. Just be yourself and do the things that make you happy. If you meet someone who has similar interests then share that time, but otherwise donít try for a perceived expectation of something, just be yourself, and be happy with any outcome.
08-26-01, 05:56 AM
Me and my big mouth just forgot about the people who choose to be single:(
Dumb, silly me. You are right Cris, there are a lot of single people nowaday's.
I am single now myself too, but I have always my son, so I am not alone;)
But there is a big difference between alone and lonesome I guess.
If you really feel very lonely on your own, I guess you have to find a solution to that, because loneliness, can drive you crazy, it can....Take it from some one who knows:(
It's never nice too feel and be real lonely and I wish to all of you, it won't come your way......but then again, who am I:rolleyes:
08-27-01, 06:47 PM
I'm sorry guys, but I made that post look like it meant something else. In my small class, (around 28 students) there are a few who are, how can I say it, hillbillies, rednecks, etc that don't look good, act nice, are smart etc.
Yet almost all the girls in my class are drop dead gorgeous, smart, and nice. They seem to like the hill bills, and I don't know why.
I swear it's true!!
08-28-01, 05:22 AM
Maybe the girls like these guy's so much just because they are not polite, not smart and they behave badly..........Man, what a thrill, the girls probably haven't met guy's like these, they mostly meet nice, polite guy's which their parents aproof of. :rolleyes:
So I guess, they like this 'hillbilly's' so much because it is not allowed by their parents in the first place. And then, all those guy's do things they've never dreamt of.....nasty things, can't name one so quickly sorry:)
But in the end they always return to where they've always lived and mostly marry a boy from home. Sometimes it goes wrong and one or two girls get pregnant.....and that's sad most of the time, because it can ruin their young lives completely, without wanting it and that's a shame I think
Nerds do better in the long run, Man. In another five or ten years you will have the money to buy all of the candy your heart desires. But then again, you really don't want something that doesn't want you. Maybe it's better to wait for the girl whose eyes follow you.
08-30-01, 05:34 AM
Exactly Bowser, wait for the girl who's eyes follow you.
And the look in her eyes.......for some times they don't look at you with love, but with anger because you forgot her birthday or some thing like that, haha.
Sorry, I was teasing you, you make me laugh, so I start teasing you, sorry.
I am sure Bowser, you find her, every one has some one waiting for them. You only have to meet eachother.
And if that's what is necessary it will happen.....in time;)
Here's a thought. Women do get angry from time to time. If it was within their capability, would they whoop butt on those who make them angry. I have read stories where the woman has waited for her partner to fall asleep and then take the opportunity to extract some payback.
08-30-01, 01:03 PM
Yeah, you never know what kind of woman you have until she gets mad, haha.
Not every woman is like that my friend, not every woman is like that.
But I assure you that all women can BE that way, if you f**k 'em up enough and make them stir crazy with your silly man-talk, you know;)
Man talk? I think it's more along the lines of honest expression. What do men like? I think there are two sides of the beast which can answer that question, and I think the same is true for women, too. What I have observed, however, is that the two genders show/favor opposite faces of the beast. To express it in other words: Women posses within them that same side of the animal, but it's rare that you will see it on the street whistling at objects of sexual desire.
08-31-01, 04:20 AM
Oh yes, we do....my friend and I whistle back, everytime such a childess man whistles at us
When we get home we just have nothing left to whistle with because it's just too much whistling back...
So there are women who do that too, haha.
Come on, answer......;)