Can't love just be an addiction to your partners'
body and whatever they emit in the way of mental
stimulus... I don't know... their pheramones?
I am in a state of feeling slightly 'chemically dependent'
on my partner. Could I just be overly addicted and need
to cut back? Any thoughts?

Originally posted by susan
Should I shag less often?

No

I didn't say that.
but I think "I" have a point there.
maybe I should shag less often.

Originally posted by susan
I didn't say that.

No but for all practical purpose that is what you said. I was merely paraphrasing it.



but I think "I" have a point there.

I think you also developed a "chemical depedency" from breathing air. You should cut back a little.

let me rephrase:

my 'dealer' is not providing me with enough.
what to do?

also, he wants to corner my market for my habit.
and I do not presently know any other dealers.
hmmmm

Originally posted by susan
let me rephrase:

my 'dealer' is not providing me with enough.
what to do?

also, he wants to corner my market for my habit.
and I do not presently know any other dealers.
hmmmm

I am not sure exactly what you mean. Maybe tell him to try one of those kit that increase one to three inches?

Maybe ask him if you two should join a swing club or something.

My signature says it all....

I think you should find other things to do with your time. I mean... other then... men:D

no, that's the thing; I can't loose myself in other activities
when my person is not being attentative to me.
it's like he's walking around with my attention span and won't
give it back.

Prehaps you should think a moment, Susan. You do divide your attention span all the time. The world is too complex not to. Everyday you do this as you chose to do this or that and ignore or put into the background something else, like maybe the tv playing or the radio.

It is not good to dote on one individual to the exclusion of all else, nor is it mentally healthy.

You should think on this...

I have thought.

It seems that with people who I spend time with I generally
have some sort of art project or something to work on with them;
otherwise I would not bother to hang out with them so much.
My "one" and I do not have any sort of creative project.
I think this void in our relationship (not a void for everyone, but for me) makes me unsettled and feel unproductive, useless.

When You are Old (W.B.Yeats)

WHEN you are old and gray and full of sleep
And nodding by the fire, take down this book,
And slowly read, and dream of the soft look
Your eyes had once, and of their shadows deep;

How many loved your moments of glad grace,
And loved your beauty with love false or true;
But one man loved the pilgrim soul in you,
And loved the sorrows of your changing face.

And bending down beside the glowing bars,
Murmur, a little sadly, how love fled
And paced upon the mountains overhead,
And hid his face amid a crowd of stars.

there are a multitude of types of love.

True love is healthy and balanced. Otherwise, it becomes an abnormality...an obsession

Let's not use this word "Obsession" in a derogatory form.
A true 'obsession' are horrible thoughts that a person cannot control and are unwanted. These thoughts go against the persons moral beliefs as a rule and are resisted thus creating anxiety.
It is a problem in the brain where the thought gets 'locked' in place.
Susan may have an 'attachment' to her guy, and will probebly grow out of it in time.
A person who has 'obsessions' does not mean they are unhealthy unbalanced people.
Sorry to get on a bandwagon here, but I think theres a wee bit of 'mentalism' going on in some threads.
Except for the lovely Aussi guy, Adam of course. :)

Originally posted by kirstykiwi
Let's not use this word "Obsession" in a derogatory form.
A true 'obsession' are horrible thoughts that a person cannot control and are unwanted. These thoughts go against the persons moral beliefs as a rule and are resisted thus creating anxiety.
It is a problem in the brain where the thought gets 'locked' in place.
Susan may have an 'attachment' to her guy, and will probebly grow out of it in time.
A person who has 'obsessions' does not mean they are unhealthy unbalanced people.
Sorry to get on a bandwagon here, but I think theres a wee bit of 'mentalism' going on in some threads.
Except for the lovely Aussi guy, Adam of course. :)

I totally agree with you. Who ever said I labeled Susan as obsessed? I just stated what I think about true love. Besides, obsession is indeed an extremity. I don't agree in placing individuals in boxes especially if you don't personally know them and have spent long periods of time with them in order to fully grasp their personality. My apologies if my message didn't come across that well.

susan,

There is no addiction with Love, cause it comes from within yourself, you are the source. However, if you want more from your partner, than it is possible that you might have an addiction (but it has nothing to do with love, it's just attachment). Be carefull with attachment. You can easily lose your peace with it... and if you are attached, you will eventually lose your partner with it too...

Substitution - Rationalization - Vibrator.....:D

thanks everyone.
i have decided that if my person doesn't become
more emotionally avaliable I will start seeing someone
else.
not as a threat. I just need more attention and to not
be taken for granted.
but perhaps the appearance of my 'new date' will
unintentionally vulcanize my current partner into
being more attentative and committed to me.
what do you think?
what is the best way to break the news?
I am genuinely interested in seeing someone else;
it is definitely NOT a ultimatim or anything; but I know
I only want that because my current isn't devoted enough
for me.

Don't be with someone unless you don't care being alone. Don't be with someone because you want attention, but I strongly suggest you to be with someone if you just want to share your life.

First you must seek yourself, then you may seek others. If you become dependent in someone else, it will be pretty hard to get out later...

susan, u have the most interesting posts.. free internet communal therapeutic sessions... pavin the way for new age... :D

yeah, thanks. I figure better to talk in quasi-confidentiality
online instead of burdening friends!
anyway, yeah, I spend a lot of time alone. but if I feel bad,
I need people. adoration, or at least good conversation.
these things are hereditary.
my aunt and I figured we could never get over a breakup
by 'finding ourselves' in isolation. so, yeah, I just like people
alot; like to here them talking... whatever.
and I DO want to date somebody else for two reasons
1. interest
2. to avoid emotionally exhausting my partner,
whom I think is definitely emotionally exhaustible, as all
people are. and I am pretty intense. I seem to
'run em into the ground' at times. I need to get away from
people for their sake, not mine. I don't want my
boisterousness to crush anybody.

so. how to tell him. how to set up this balancing act.
I know it's been done, many a time by many men and women.
many SUCESSFUL men and women who see socializing/dating
as an inspiration to them in their career or whatever.
I'm a writer. So I love and hate everything conversely.
But I like to love in public and hate privately.
don't know how to end this post ...here goes!

----to avoid emotionally exhausting my partner,
whom I think is definitely emotionally exhaustible, as all
people are. and I am pretty intense. I seem to
'run em into the ground' at times. I need to get away from
people for their sake, not mine. I don't want my
boisterousness to crush anybody. ----

what makes the other person so 'emotionally exhaustible'? im referrin to who ur dating... and what do you mean 'pretty intense'... just trynna figure out the reason for your conundrum..

Pretty Intense means I like to be around people constantly.
I should live in a big city, but I don't.
And I demand a lot out of my relationships.
And I like to argue. And I'm mean.

---And I demand a lot out of my relationships.
And I like to argue. And I'm mean.---

ahahah... sounds like someone i knoww...
ummmmm... is there no way you can chill out a bit?
just wondering if ur partner feels like ur overwhelming....

what is that u demand so much that is drivin ur relationship haywire.. and the arguing and being mean.. :D

I demand
intellectual activity
and sex.

I start classes soon, so I may be subsided by
class discussions and such. I have been on
vacation for quite a while now!

and my partner-
the most he's said is that he's jealous of my intensity.
a good sign, better that than he be jealous of other
men or of something I own.
oh, he also said he wishes he had my brain.
my libidinous brain.
I am pretty challenged by him, but know when to
stop... I don't want him angry or too exhausted to
do what he needs to do in life.
I need other dates. Sad, but true.

You and your Partner are not, Your polarity and his are Reversed, You may feel Jaded and Empty at times, and suffer from a bad taste in your mouth in the Mornings. Your Arguementive personality and naturally sarcastic nature puts you at odds with your intensity and his lack of sharing your attention span with you leaves you with unfettered Hormonal secretions, this is common in eighty year old eskimo Women, this feeling is lessened with drinking old orange juice and aquiring a canine, I suggest a Dumb one with Spots. Spots are athesietically pleasing in utter Darkness and there are no problems with a name for the dog. when it come time to split the sheets with your inattentive mate, you can Blame Spot, the sheets are uninvolved in this plan, only an expression! keep the bathsoap also, it neutralizes the Old orange juice taste in the mornings and can become more addicting than sex. I hope I have helped.

hee hee; thanks! I needed that!
ho ho ho.
ho ho