I am giong on 10 days holiday. the person who puts the wittiest humourous piece on this thread , will receive a present from me brought back from holiday...witticism....and laughter.."are you up for the challenge?
Thanx
Dominic

Originally posted by IXL777
I am giong on 10 days holiday. the person who puts the wittiest humourous piece on this thread , will receive a present from me brought back from holiday...witticism....and laughter.."are you up for the challenge?
Thanx
Dominic

Iwill start it off:

sign on an Indian taxi:

"Licensed to curry four people"!!

Hey! I thought that the thread was "Ass Debate" Me... Personally? I enjoy Britney's butt, also the Olsen twins on occasion... Now that there legal of course...

I do not like the Olsen twins, its a joke people, laugh.

why, counselor coffee....you DO have a sense of humor, afterall....;) :D :p

For only 10 days? You could put a knife in your bag for an extended vacation. Or like the fella that was 80 years old, packing 2 revolvers, who wanted Bin Laudin for the reward that was offered. Now that was an interprising young fella with a definate optimistic outlook. Seems Israel was quite happy to let him go after he surrendered his weapons.

Just think of all the fun and adventure you could be missing by letting this oppurtunity slip away. Seems like they would advertise this on the tourism and vacation centers. Think how much money you could save by being "THE GUEST" of a foreign country. Are you sure you have planned this properly? :D

Think how much money you could save by being "THE GUEST" of a foreign country. Are you sure you have planned this properly?

That's a great idea, Wet1!

IXL777, may I suggest Iraq? It's wonderful this time of year. Cook outs (Explosions), BBQ's (Napalm), and a humble dictator (Sodamn insane) will make this trip the best one yet...

Also middle eastern dishes (Salmonella) are delicious. You should try some middle eastern McDonalds (Anthrax), I heard that there very different (Being bombed) from the ones in the USA.

The Iraqi army will welcome you (Hold you hostage) and the USA army will be proud that your spreading the word of peace (by blowing you to pieces and calling you traitor) All in all, I hope you have fun on your trip (To the after life)

Yo mamma butt so big if you put numbers on it she could stamp license plates.

Yes!
I win!

geez, liscence plates arent that big...
"I tried to set up a nice little anarchic government, but nobody would follow the rules"

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his cellphone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what?"

Originally posted by CounslerCoffee
That's a great idea, Wet1!

IXL777, may I suggest Iraq? It's wonderful this time of year. Cook outs (Explosions), BBQ's (Napalm), and a humble dictator (Sodamn insane) will make this trip the best one yet...

Also middle eastern dishes (Salmonella) are delicious. You should try some middle eastern McDonalds (Anthrax), I heard that there very different (Being bombed) from the ones in the USA.

The Iraqi army will welcome you (Hold you hostage) and the USA army will be proud that your spreading the word of peace (by blowing you to pieces and calling you traitor) All in all, I hope you have fun on your trip (To the after life)

wet 1 and cofee....I will reciprocate the prize for you 2.... ....nice to have so many friends..keep the good work up!!!:D :D

Originally posted by IXL777
I am giong on 10 days holiday. the person who puts the wittiest humourous piece on this thread , will receive a present from me brought back from holiday...witticism....and laughter.."are you up for the challenge?
Thanx
Dominic

1) A new business was opening and one of the owner's friends wanted to send him flowers for the occasion. They arrived at the new business site and the owner read the card,.... "Rest in Peace."

The owner was angry and called the florist to complain.

After he had told the florist of the obvious mistake and how angry he was, the florist replied, "Sir, I'm really sorry for the mistake, but rather than getting angry, you should imagine this: somewhere, there is a funeral taking place today, and they have flowers with a note saying,... 'Congratulations on your new location!'"


2)A man walks into a bar with his dog and orders two glasses of whiskey. He proposes a toast and both he and his dog empty their glasses. The girl behind the bar is surprised and asks: 'Can your dog perform other tricks?'.

'But of course', the man answers, 'he can even gratify a woman'. Anxious to know more the girl leads the man and the dog into a little room above the bar. She undresses and full of expectation she lies down on the bed. The dog looks at her and does nothing, and the man then shouts to the dog, 'OK. Just ONE more time, let me show you how it's done".

3)A woman walks into a tattoo parlour.

'Do you do custom work?' she asks the artist.

'Why of course!'

'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of my left thigh.'

'No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and get up on the table.'

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes. The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.

'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.

'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and I can prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shop and grabs the first man off the street he can find; it happens to be the town drunk.

'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreading her legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'

The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes and says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are, but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!'

:D

gosh, i sure hope its not a bug from the local water!

Originally posted by IXL777
I am giong on 10 days holiday. the person who puts the wittiest humourous piece on this thread , will receive a present from me brought back from holiday...witticism....and laughter.."are you up for the challenge?
Thanx
Dominic

I have just one word to say:

monkey

3 words!!!


I AM CANADIAN!




btw: what prize could you give over the internet to poeple you dont know.......................................

if its cyber sex, count me out

I enjoy Britney's butt

:rolleyes: no no no no no. Kylie is the one and only bum girl. She's the queen. :D

I wasnt aware that IXl even SAID he was going to the middle east. :bugeye:

Who said that man_of_jade?

Persol - :D

Microzoft - :D *

* even though i dont know who willie nelson is.

For some reason I get the feeling that IXL777 ddn’t really went on a 10 day holidays, I’m beginning to believe he went as one of those human-shields to Baghdad.
…I wonder if the “present” is gonna be the head of Saddam?
:o

Once, i had a little too much :m: ok, so i was weirded out, and thought i was a wizard, and started saying "magic" words and turning stuff into other stuff. For example, i grabbed my friend's shoe and yelled "poofel-KROFF!" and said "Poof, it turned into a hat" and then proceeded to wear it as a hat.

That was an odd day.

a man on holiday walks into a bar and says, "OUCH"!

should have seen that coming! The other two ducked.

- On Sears hairdryer - Do not use while sleeping
- On Swann frozen dinners - Serving suggestion: Defrost
- On Marks & Spencer bread pudding - Product will be hot after
heating
- On packaging for a Rowenta iron - Do not iron clothes on body
- On Boot's Children's cough medicine - Do not drive car or
operate machinery
- On Nytol sleep aid - Warning: May cause drowsiness
- On a string of christmas lights - For indoor or outdoor use only
- On a food processor - not to be used for the other use
- On an American Airlines pocket of nuts - Instructions: open
pocket, eat nuts
- On a Swedish chainsaw - Do not attempt to stop chain with
your hands or genitals
- On a child's Superman costume - Wearing of this garment
does not enable you to fly
- On a blanket from Taiwan - Not to be used as protection
from a tornado
- On a Taiwanese shampoo - Use repeatedly for severe damage
- On a New Zealand insect spray - This product not tested on
animals
- In a US guide to setting up a new computer - To avoid
condensation forming, allow the boxes to warm up to room
temperature before opening (instruction INSIDE the box)
- On a Japanese product used to relieve painful hemorrhoids -
Lie down on bed and insert Poscool slowly up to the
projected portion like a sword-guard into anal duct.
While inserting Poscool for approx. 5 minutes, keep quiet
- On a hotel provided shower cap in a box - Fits one head
;)