Here's my problem...

I am currently involved with a guy in which I can't figure out if I want the relationship to continue. We've been together for almost 2 months now and I believe we actually do love eachother.

He treats me really good and is really sweet. But he is unemployed and because he has no income, he thus has no bills, equalling he has no responsibilities. And that really bothers me. To me it shows that he has no motivation in life. I want someone who is independent, self-sufficiant and has the motivation to succeed professionally in life. To me it is a sense of maturity, and I believe that I deserve someone who is emotionally established in that sense.

Also, though I am physically attracted to him, there is no sexual attraction. It's difficult to explain in words but that is how I feel.

Im also afraid to leave him because I have reason to believe he may do something harmful to himself.

So Im stuck at a fork in the road, either I leave him or I stay. And though I love and care for him a whole lot, I don't know if he is.....worth my time.

We've been together for almost 2 months now and I believe we actually do love eachother.

...

And though I love and care for him a whole lot, I don't know if he is.....worth my time.

Only two months and you think you love him. And not only do you think you love him, you think he's not worth you're time. How does this thought process make any sense to you?

Well, what do you want? Love does not always give a damn about social niceties and expectations. Since the physical attraction is not sexual as such, what is the emotional attribute of that attraction? Perhaps his outlook shows that he has no motivation in life. Perhaps it only shows that he has no motivation you appreciate. To the other, though, what it shows only matters if you care about that.

How long have you known him? Only the two months? Why did you get into the relationship in the first place?

If his perspective bothers you and you're afraid to leave because he might harm himself, I'm not sure that's something that can be properly called love. Or, rather, that kind of love. Because, certainly, you might love him, but just not in that "relationship way".

End it. Build another kind of relationship if possible. If you're meant to be together, circumstance will insist.

Well, what do you want? Love does not always give a damn about social niceties and expectations. Since the physical attraction is not sexual as such, what is the emotional attribute of that attraction? Perhaps his outlook shows that he has no motivation in life. Perhaps it only shows that he has no motivation you appreciate. To the other, though, what it shows only matters if you care about that.

How long have you known him? Only the two months? Why did you get into the relationship in the first place?

If his perspective bothers you and you're afraid to leave because he might harm himself, I'm not sure that's something that can be properly called love. Or, rather, that kind of love. Because, certainly, you might love him, but just not in that "relationship way".

End it. Build another kind of relationship if possible. If you're meant to be together, circumstance will insist.

Megga dittos Tiassa...this does not sound like a very healthy relationship. You should not live your life fearful of what another will or will not do. Two months is really nothing in terms of a relationship. You might want to question what attracted you to him? What does that say about you? Hopefully both of you will learn from the experience...that is what dating is all about.

Im also afraid to leave him because I have reason to believe he may do something harmful to himself.
So how much of your life are you going to give away?
In the end we're all of us responsible for ourselves - he can't expect you to hang around on those grounds, it's emotional balckmail at the least.
And I can guarantee if you do hang around long enough you'll come to hate him, yourself or both, if that's why you stay.

Here's my problem...

I am currently involved with a guy in which I can't figure out if I want the relationship to continue. We've been together for almost 2 months now and I believe we actually do love eachother.

He treats me really good and is really sweet. But he is unemployed and because he has no income, he thus has no bills, equalling he has no responsibilities. And that really bothers me. To me it shows that he has no motivation in life. I want someone who is independent, self-sufficiant and has the motivation to succeed professionally in life. To me it is a sense of maturity, and I believe that I deserve someone who is emotionally established in that sense.

Also, though I am physically attracted to him, there is no sexual attraction. It's difficult to explain in words but that is how I feel.

Im also afraid to leave him because I have reason to believe he may do something harmful to himself.

So Im stuck at a fork in the road, either I leave him or I stay. And though I love and care for him a whole lot, I don't know if he is.....worth my time.

You love him like a child... not like a partner and your values are incompatible. There's no happy ending for either of you unless you break it off. If he hurts himself as a result, then that's his problem.

I don't even know why you are asking. You know what you should do.

Do you live together?

I don't even know why you are asking. You know what you should do.

Do you live together?



No, we do not live together.

And I just broke it off with him. :-\

This is really awkward....:bugeye:

Sorry, it's just really wierd seeing a guy talk about another guy like this...

I know watcha mean Norse...

This is really awkward....:bugeye:

Sorry, it's just really wierd seeing a guy talk about another guy like this...


I know watcha mean Norse...

Is there a problem? :bugeye:

Here's my problem...

I am currently involved with a guy in which I can't figure out if I want the relationship to continue. We've been together for almost 2 months now and I believe we actually do love eachother.

He treats me really good and is really sweet. But he is unemployed and because he has no income, he thus has no bills, equalling he has no responsibilities. And that really bothers me. To me it shows that he has no motivation in life. I want someone who is independent, self-sufficiant and has the motivation to succeed professionally in life. To me it is a sense of maturity, and I believe that I deserve someone who is emotionally established in that sense.

Also, though I am physically attracted to him, there is no sexual attraction. It's difficult to explain in words but that is how I feel.

Im also afraid to leave him because I have reason to believe he may do something harmful to himself.

So Im stuck at a fork in the road, either I leave him or I stay. And though I love and care for him a whole lot, I don't know if he is.....worth my time.
*************
M*W: The fact that you have this dilemma shows me that you have answered your own question.

Im also afraid to leave him because I have reason to believe he may do something harmful to himself.


I've been in this position before.
I dated a girl for a long time and wanted to leave, but wouldn't because I didn't want to hurt her. I wanted to let her off easy somehow, but always felt like a cruel monster and never pulled the trigger.

My advice to you is that you ignore your altruistic compulsions, and end it if your instincts/rational observations tell you to do so.

A relationship with someone suicidal is never going to be healthy. Find yourself a regular competent dude with a regular head on his shoulders.

Oh --- btw --- I did eventually break up with her hehe.........but boy was it messy.

MZ3Boy84 i hope your ok
norsefire go fuck yourself

Thank you all (well, most of you) for your kind words and advice.

As most of you have advised, I did infact break up with him today. It wasn't pleasant for either of us, but I know that it was necessary.

It all boiled down to one thing... there was something in me that wasn't being fulfilled. Not sure exactly what it was, I just didn't have the passion for him as I have experienced with previous relationships.

But I do wish him the best in life, and hope he does well for himself.

Thank you all (well, most of you) for your kind words and advice.

As most of you have advised, I did infact break up with him today. It wasn't pleasant for either of us, but I know that it was necessary.

It all boiled down to one thing... there was something in me that wasn't being fulfilled. Not sure exactly what it was, I just didn't have the passion for him as I have experienced with previous relationships.

But I do wish him the best in life, and hope he does well for himself.

i was just going to ask you whether you were a bird or a bloke, but i guess you have just answered it.. Mind you i dont know what difference it has anyway whetehr you were abird or a bloke, but then again there could be some difference - A pretty fucking useless question if i may say so myself

you know, to me it seems like MZ was not completely honest from the beginning. I have learned that it is never good to use people, especially when they care about you as more than a friend.

Might not be what you want to hear.

you know, to me it seems like MZ was not completely honest from the beginning. I have learned that it is never good to use people, especially when they care about you as more than a friend.

Might not be what you want to hear.

hey john

in what way do you think Mz HAS NOt been honest?

Thank you all (well, most of you) for your kind words and advice.

As most of you have advised, I did infact break up with him today. It wasn't pleasant for either of us, but I know that it was necessary.

It all boiled down to one thing... there was something in me that wasn't being fulfilled. Not sure exactly what it was, I just didn't have the passion for him as I have experienced with previous relationships.

But I do wish him the best in life, and hope he does well for himself.

I think you have made correct decision. However, why so easy to make and
break relationship? I think that before you decide to be with someone, you
have to be sure first whether you want to be with that someone or not,
because not all people can take the break up easily, for some people it could
be really destructive (in this case I hope not). For some other people, relationship
is also a form of investment (of time, energy, etc).

My advice is that, next time maybe take it a bit slow.. like 6 months or 1
year.. don't give empty hope until you really feel sure that you love each
other and can accept the merit and demerit of the other person. If you think
you really like the person but that person don't seem to be motivated in life
etc, maybe you could support or motivate that person first and see what
happened. But if you don't want to waste your time or you think that the
situation is hopeless, better not to start the relationship in the first place.
Best wishes & good luck for next time.

How did MZ use him?

You have to give it a shot John99. He may have been attracted to the guy in the beginning. He gave it 2 mths and it didn't click well enough to stay with it.
And most people put on their best behaviour in the beginning. So it takes a while to see the real person.

hey john

in what way do you think Mz HAS NOt been honest?

Hi.

I dont think he was honest with the person he is talking about in the post. I have also learned that you are never going to make someone love you. Either it is there or it isnt.

How did MZ use him?



probably for companionship when he knew that this person was interested in a relationship. It is best to be right up front with the person and tell them that there is no future together.

i would say that he got something out of the relationship and what he got ran its course. apparently this other person will not be able to say goodbye so easily, if this is the case then the only thing a person can do is break contact entirely.

Well done for ending it MZ3. You can't stay with someone because you're afraid of what they might do. It's not your job to deal with that. You were his boyfriend, not his psychotherapist.

and norsefire, leave him the fuck alone.

Hi.

I dont think he was honest with the person he is talking about in the post. I have also learned that you are never going to make someone love you. .
ok


Either it is there or it isnt.


i could agree with that BUT sometimes you can fall in love with some one over time

"i could agree with that BUT sometimes you can fall in love with some one over time"

thats true and maybe he excpected that to happen. i should not have been so harsh but MZ is not the one sitting here with t ehe broken heart so ifigured it is harder on the other person than it is for him.

They have been together for less than two months. i assumed he knew from the beginning and i think he should have been clear about this. well at least he knows for next time.

Hi.

I dont think he was honest with the person he is talking about in the post. I have also learned that you are never going to make someone love you. Either it is there or it isnt.


"i could agree with that BUT sometimes you can fall in love with some one over time"

thats true and maybe he excpected that to happen. i should not have been so harsh but MZ is not the one sitting here with t ehe broken heart so ifigured it is harder on the other person than it is for him.

They have been together for less than two months. i assumed he knew from the beginning and i think he should have been clear about this. well at least he knows for next time.

yep i guess so

hmmm.

"i could agree with that BUT sometimes you can fall in love with some one over time"

thats true and maybe he excpected that to happen. i should not have been so harsh but MZ is not the one sitting here with t ehe broken heart so ifigured it is harder on the other person than it is for him.

They have been together for less than two months. i assumed he knew from the beginning and i think he should have been clear about this. well at least he knows for next time.

John;
We had known eachother for 3 1/2 years off and on before we tried dating. I really liked him, and still do. Over all he is a great guy who treats me well, and I still would love to be with him, had I felt like I belonged. As I've recently discovered, I think my emotions, or lack thereof, have something to do with my previous relationship which involved a lot of emotional abuse. We were together for 3 years and broke up back in January. And though I have no desire whatsoever to go back to him or anything of the sort, I can't help but wonder (what would Jimmy Buffet do? j/k)... cant help but wonder if some of the damage that was done is still with me and affects my judgement to this day.

The best way I can describe who I feel is to say that there was a lack of passion toward him. I enjoyed his company and again, he treated me very very well, but something just wasn't there. It wasn't fair to him for me to stick around in a relationship where he was crazy about me and I didn't feel the for him.

sorry then. you made it seem more casual on your part. i dont know what to tell you as far as that but you need to get over someone from your past. that is hard to do, good luck.

John;
We had known eachother for 3 1/2 years off and on before we tried dating. I really liked him, and still do. Over all he is a great guy who treats me well, and I still would love to be with him, had I felt like I belonged. As I've recently discovered, I think my emotions, or lack thereof, have something to do with my previous relationship which involved a lot of emotional abuse. We were together for 3 years and broke up back in January. And though I have no desire whatsoever to go back to him or anything of the sort, I can't help but wonder (what would Jimmy Buffet do? j/k)... cant help but wonder if some of the damage that was done is still with me and affects my judgement to this day.

The best way I can describe who I feel is to say that there was a lack of passion toward him. I enjoyed his company and again, he treated me very very well, but something just wasn't there. It wasn't fair to him for me to stick around in a relationship where he was crazy about me and I didn't feel the for him.

good for you for ending it, and ending relationships is not easy, its not right that you should be trapped into a relationship with someone who you feel isnt right for you,

Is there a problem? :bugeye:

No it's just weird. I'm not used to hearing a guy ask for relationship advice for another guy

I edited this statement due to my fit of irrationality. My apologies and thanks for the advice.

Matsudai

i wont lie to you that no one is here to judge, as well as being blatently untrue its to easy to check:p (*cough cough* norsefire *cough*)

That being said i belive that most people here take what is said about personal things at face value. Thats not to say that anyone disbelives you but rather that its not our job to judge. If anything some of us here try to give surport to anyone who comes along and some just like to haras and troll anyone different (norsefire).

I will give you both some free advice which you are compleatly welcome to take or leave as you see fit. This isnt a good place for domestics. Im not saying this as a mod but rather someone who made that mestake.

When my last GF and i broke up i poured my heart out here (after getting out of hospital of course) which was stupid for a few reasons but the main one is that when you write something its permident and people who should never see it tend to find it.

The fight that ensured didnt make me feel any better and i doubt it did anything for her and it certainly did nothing for the site

If you guys didnt work out thats sad but holding a grudge and trying to win points doesnt help anyone least of all yourself

as i said take this or leave it, tell me to fuck myself. It really doesnt matter to me either way

Oh, God, the drama :runaway:

So you are still in college? :confused: That is fine. Perhaps you should concentrate
on finishing college first, then you can have job later.

Don't dwell on the past, life is only once, be happy and try to finish your college.
Relationship doesn't always work, but if you are patient and full of love, there
are unlimited love here on earth, including love of family, friends, God (if you
believe in one), etc.

Last but not least, if you are interested, join me, Asguard, and the others in the coming mafia games:
http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=84928

Current game:
http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=84502

Previous game:
http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=84428

:jason: