SCIVILLAGE

Farmer: cosmictraveler, ScRaMbLe (drunk)
Sanitation Manager: Italiano
Pooper-Scooper: Proud_Muslim
Hunter/Scout: Seven
Hunter/Excavator: Dreamwalker
Hunter: Lemming3k
Craftsman: spidergoat
Assistant: Silverback
Blacksmith: DCLXVI, Absane
Zookeeper: Raven
Butcher: RonVolk
Chef: tablariddim, one_raven
Tailor: MISSunderstanding@
Traveling Construction Worker: Invert_nexus
Healer: firdroirich
Alchemist: zonabi
Scientist: TruthSeeker
Genius: cool skill
Lord: Eluminate
Barber: certified psycho (general)
Historian: guthrie (floater)
Explorer: Persol (caveman)
Child Care: Eddie
Undertaker: Madscientist1
Town Crier: Nebuchadnezzaar
Psychiatrist: Dudish dude
Communist: Ozymandias, Communist Hamster
Conspirator: SwedishFish
Bard: NeoBeetnik38
Clown: Morteza Olangui
Confused Nomad: jadedflower
Crone: cyberia
Parapsychologer/Astromancer:Athelwulf
Unecessary Surgeon: Dr Lou Natic
Village Doom-Cryer: Paul W. Dixon
Idiot: ihavenoname083, whitewolf
Hippy: My Sexy Blue Feet
Tiger: Kunax
Unicorn: Jenyar
Giant Butterfly: purple_hairstreak
Fish: Nuttyfish
Tree: vslayer
Nerd Overlord: wesmorris (damnit)
Hermit: Rappaccini
Outcast: spuriousmonkey
Sage: yumum
Deity: ILikeSalt
Priest: korey
Critic: Walker
Lurker: RateLimit
Unbeliever: letitbe2
Mutant: WellCookedFetus
Bum: Guyute****
Femboy: Jolly Rodger
Analprobed: crazymikey
Bartender: Rogue Consciousness
Drunk: RebelWithoutACow
Pimp: daydream_believer, Godless
Whore/Bike: sargentlard, austere
Psychedelic Frog: Arditezza
Witch: Water****

(****Latest addition.)


In honor of those who have contributed their services in the "What would you be?" thread in Free Thoughts, I have endeavored to take on the duties of maintaining the village population list. See above.

If you haven't enlisted, and would like to add yourself to the list, simply post what you feel your duty would be.
If you wish to be removed from the list, or if there is anybody you feel is not active here and should be removed, please mention.
If there are any positions you feel should be on the list, please post them.
If there is any member of Sciforums that has not posted in this thread, and you feel should be on the list, please assign them a duty.

DESCRIPTION
As of now, Scivillage is small town situated on a dirt clearing. The only resources available to the citizens are the surrounding forests, river/waterfall, animals, small mountains. Until somebody sets up another village, perhaps in another website forum, we have nobody to trade with. The entire population of the village are those you see above. The entire town was built using the resource materials in the surrounding area.

STRUCTURES
There is a section of the village full of scattered huts. Each hut is one room that houses each person. At the center of the hut section is the bath house. There are stalls there for using the bathroom. People bathe in the nearby waterfall.
The next section is the farm where crops and animals are raised. Within the farm is a farm house.
The next section is the town center. In the town center, is the cafeteria. This is where food is prepared. There is a counter and tables where people can eat and drink as well. Also in the town center section are sheds where specialists can produce supplies such as clothes, tools, and crafts. Furthermore there are structures for the people who provide the various services such as healing, barbering, and alchemy. There is also a hall where everybody can gather and speak in front of an audience.

TECHNOLOGY
Everybody has clothes and boots. Each person has bath shorts and a robe to wear to the waterfall. Everybody lives in a hut, and uses various supplies for whatever they do. If there is anybody that is good at engineering, and can give us some ideas on how we can improve the village, please let us know.

ORIGINAL POST:

If, big if, you were in a village-type society in the early times of man's evolution what would you be? Would you be the chief, hunter, priest, idiot etc in that settlement. Just think what you think you could be if you didnt have to qualify for a job apply for it & hold onto it to pay your bills. Reasons not mandatory, there is no "good" or "bad" pursuits only personal direction.
I'll go first , I think without the mad-dash I'd like to be the village healer, can't think of a reason why but somehow people would need one methinks.


I think I would be the village genius. All the ape people would gather around to hear my great stories about light speed, computers, and relativity.

Relativity is a type game show that places every day people in a particular environment or situation. Their lives are video taped and broadcasted all over the place. Usually there is some form of process of elimination which eventually leads to somebody getting married or winning a million dollars or both.

Furthermore, I would bring about peace and understanding in the community. As I display my vast range of abilities and seemlessly unlimited intellect, everybody would be in awe. . . Much like in Sciforums.
;)

I think I would be the village genius.

how shy you are :D

People bathe in the nearby waterfall.
there is no way in hell I am batheing in a waterfall. The town river will do fine. :D

Bathe?! Blech! Psh to bathing! :D

"Each hut is one room that houses each person."

You forgot "...except Ozymandias's, which is a grand luxury multi-billion dollar mansion with guard dogs and intensive security to prevent anyone from taking my stuff."

By the way, I bought the waterfall. Nobody can bathe there anymore.

Can i be executioner?
Obviously some of these people will need to be killed at some stage.

I've found a big cave near the waterfall. It's a nice 68F all day... unlike th 100+ in our huts. There is also a somewhat large 'dip' in the middle, which could probably hold liquid. Does anyone know how to make beer?

If you need me, I'll be in the cave until the sun goes down.

I am the nerd overlord.

(damnit)

Sorry to hear that wes.

Thank you for your condolences. Please donate cash.

(to my cause I mean)

I'll let you sleep at the back of the cave. With the sun and your nerd overload complexion, I don't think you'll last long otherwise.

Can i be executioner?
Obviously some of these people will need to be killed at some stage.


Of course you can!

But we don't like to call it "kill". That's much too barbaric.
We prefer the term chastise.

Who's the village eunuch?

I am the whore...awesome. I will be the tool to help release wild sexual tension of the sci village ladies....I know I know..I give so much because I care.

I'm am currently the richest member at scivillage due to my excellent career as sanitation engineer. People pretty much pay me to pick their crap, and their animals crap by the pound. I'm screwed when the toilet is invented. Bye the way coolskill, this village kind of sounds like a communist village, " we all live in a hut" and "we are given the materials that we are needed to do our job, and all have the same clothes". Thats cool, I'm down with equality.

You wonder why it's that way, Italiano? Suffice it to say that some members of our family just had a little talk with cool skill. :D

Diety: ILikeSalt

Don't you mean 'deity'? :confused:

Don't you mean 'deity'

No, he's talking about the god of weight loss... :p


Farmer: cosmictraveler, ScRaMbLe (drunk)

I prefer to call myself a specialist herb gardener

Don't you mean 'deity'? :confused:
Woops.

****The following errors occurred when this message was submitted:
The message you have entered is too short. Please lengthen your message to at least 10 characters.****

Dr Lou Natic....business is Dead as the undertaker...lets rendezvous and discuss possible future transactions....

So what are all the tools we have to work with so we know what we can build?

What type of animals live in the area?

Whats the terrain look like?

This might answer your question.

As of now, Scivillage is small town situated on a dirt clearing. The only resources available to the citizens are the surrounding forests, river/waterfall, animals, small mountains

TECHNOLOGY Everybody has clothes and boots. Each person has bath shorts and a robe to wear to the waterfall. Everybody lives in a hut, and uses various supplies for whatever they do. If there is anybody that is good at engineering, and can give us some ideas on how we can improve the village, please let us know.

Oh so we can be anything we want? I'll be the village fool, if you allow.

HHmm, i wouldnt mind resident alchemist. But thats taken. How about odd job man, amateur historian, and person who frets about how to do things better? Thats what annoys me, when people blatantly do things stupidly, cf the scottish parliament building.

http://www.sciforums.com/showthread.php?t=33401&page=5

Is there a villiage spy.. :D

Ssshhh...;)

Me : Lurker :-/

How about a adult book/video store.:D Does anybody own one, if not then I will be glad to own one.

Well, the lack of TVs/writing instruments might be a problem.

well then why don't you get some Tvs or writing instruments. Own like a store or something.

It's fine to own a store, but you still need to get TVs from somewhere. Do you have the stuff/knowledge to make them?

tvs use essentially the same technology as an electron microscope so i'm sure a few of us could get together and make one. it could only come in black and green though.

Well, I have good news. I just found a path of television bushes right outside town. Over there. Televisions are growing. Yup. So there you are. You found your supply. :D

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Outcast: spuriousmonkey

DAY1

It was another typical day at scivillage for me. I had been quite lucky lately I guess. I had made myself a canoe by hollowing out a tree and had used it to visit another village far downstream. People didn't know me there and that was what I liked. I had even met a girl there who wasn't repulsed by me as the local girls were. During my last trip she had discovered my outcast status and had casted me out.

I was back to myself now. I sat at the edge of the village surveying it. The village was still quite peaceful. People at scivillage tended to be lazy. Nobody had bothered to get up yet. People would start coming out of their huts any moment know so I got up and left. I would make some nice clay pots with erotic decorations which I would sell later to the lonely men of scivillage. I usually used the money i got for this to buy fermented fruitjuice from Rogue. I had the feeling he had been diluting his shit a bit too much lately. ScRaMbLe and RebelWithoutACow had been complaining too.

My next project would be to set up my own distillery. I had to do it in secret though. Korey the priest would condemn this worshipping of the ever filled glass of fermented fruit juice and probably conspire with swedishfish to have me executed by Dr. Lou Natic.

But I wasn't afraid. I had been secretly collecting the necessary equipment and hidden it well. I innocently had asked zonabi, our local alchemist some random questions, a few of which on distilling.

But now I was heading to my own hut. I needed cash.

DAY 1

I got out of bed sometime after lunch. Spent a few hours "tending" to my herb garden. The rest of the afternoon was spent washing and waxing my horse and buggy. I pondered the idea of settin up an illegal "fruitshine" run between the villages and thought to myself "If only I knew someone with a secret distillary"...

I decided if my buggy setup was going to be up to the task of evading the clutches of the law, especially the gleeful wanton executioner, Dr Lou, I would need more horsepower. No need to give Mad "the undertaker" Scientist more business, from what I've heard, he is involved in some strange goings on in the cemetery after dark... So I attempted to install a turbo-charger on my setup. The horse was reluctant.
I must seek the wisdom of the one they call Cool skill on these matters in future, he is a genius, or at least, so they say.

It's fine to own a store, but you still need to get TVs from somewhere. Do you have the stuff/knowledge to make them?
We could could always import some TVs.

I would like to be the very big almost friendly Tiger that stalks the happy SCI Villagers in the forest near the village, of cause aim harmless like any other kitten, it's not fault when people put them self between my jaws.

DAY 1
The Forest
Animal, Tiger, Kunax

Started the day early so i could get a bath in the nearby waterfall, before the bipeds comes and taint it. I think they try and scent mark it by peeing in it, a strange and foul habit.

Later on the day after hours of doing nothing and sleeping follow by more doing nothing, i heard a strange thumping sound, which i decided to investigate.
It was of cause one of those noisy bipeds, planting one of there strange trees in the edge of the forest, Raven The Zoo keeper i have heard them call him, i have decide not to eat... play with him yet because he something put good food at the forest edge.

As usual they have made those strange drawings on the tree, this one looked like this:



Sci Village : Open zoo
Animal : Tiger
Type : Predator
Description : A big striped cat, big teeth and big paws, no feature plan for closer examination. Raven the Zoo keeper.

Warning:
hand feeding the animal is not allowed, and can lead to heavy injuries or death.

Why everybody suddenly posting Day Journal.

DAY 1

I slept the day in

Why everybody suddenly posting Day Journal.


because i am their great example, and everybody wants to be like me and do like me...

Now you people start acting like proper losers if you want to be like me.

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Genius: cool skill

DAY1

Once upon a timeline there was a little town called Scivillage. One bright and early morning, I woke up, poured myself a cup of water, and drank it. I dressed myself in nothing but my bathing shorts, and donned a robe. I gathered some supplies including soap and a towel, and walked outside of my hut. The entire hut was just one large room with a bed, a desk, and other amenities. Outside, there were about two dozen or so similar huts scattered about a large area that made up the residential section of the village.

My first stop was the bathhouse. The bathhouse was at the center of the residential area. It consisted of a number of toilet stalls. After doing my duty to the toilet, I went to the waterfall. There weren't any other people there bathing at the moment as it was quite early. Although in the distance, I did see some madman gallivanting around in canoe.

I jumped in the waterfall, and began work on my 2000 parts. After I was clean, I decided to swim around a little because the water felt quite nice. That is up until I saw that damn tiger approaching again. I swear that motherf****** thinks he's human. I bet he'll want to bathe in our waterfall again. "Cats don't like water!" I yelled. "Why can't you just lick yourself like everybody else!?" I screamed as I cursed him out and ran for my life.

When the coast was clear, I dried up, donned my robe, and headed home. I put away my supplies, and hung my shorts up to dry. I then dressed up in some work clothes, and drank some more water before departing. I made off towards the farm where I met with cosmictraveler. "I was told yesterday that you needed some extra hands for today's harvest," I said. Cosmictraveler showed me what to do. I had to pick various crops, and fill his basket. Others were there doing the same.

Soon enough, that drunk farmer came over, and began rambling about turbo-charging his horse carriage. What in the world was he talking about? I told him to find the one named Kunax. Then, look for Raven. Normal tigers can run about thirty-five miles per hour. Thoroughbred horses can clock up to forty-five miles per hour. Your horses on the other hand are slower than slug. Have Raven train Kunax and three more of Kunax's kin to run your carriage. With their combined power, and your command, I'm sure you'll be able to hit upwards of fifty miles per hour in no time.

With that, I gave my basket to the drunk, and went on my merry way towards my hut for a little afternoon poetry writing.

Oh how my cup runneth.
Oh how my gun dunneth.
Oh me oh my.
Oh sun stop shine.
There's no blame.
There's no shape.
The weather changed the phrase.
It's up to you.
The frost words were rewinded.
The last words will be finded.:bugeye:

Haha! I see my name has been added.

I was only kidding ;)

Hold on there. Why is there the word 'general' next to my name. I thought i was the General/Barber.:D

Strolling by Coolskill's hut, I noticed that the narrative had been dropped. Not having much better to do, I faultingly grabbed it and looked around to see if anyone noticed.

Good: Nobody. So I strolled on up the hill for a look around, without attracting any attention. I was a bit shell-shocked from world events, so it was nice to just sit and watch the people come and go.

But not for long. I need something to eat.

The Forest
Animal, Tiger, Kunax.

After having marked Ravens new tree, it was time to find something to eat. The river is always a good place to look for game, and why not start by the waterfall.
By the waterfall i found a strange wheelie thing with teeth all around, it had a faint smell of the screaming human that was here earlier on the day. It did not taste very well, and after pushing it around a bit, it drop into the pond by the waterfall, time to move on anyway.

Further down the river i found a new thing i never had seen before, it was half way up on shore, but the half still in the water, was making small ripples as it rocked back and forth, it was a hollowed out tree trunk.
Once a gain curiosity got the better of me, and i quickly found, that bigger ripples could be made when i push the canoe down with my front legs, so i jumped a bored to make even bigger waves, and almost ended in the river as the canoe was took of from shore.
This was not like before, now when i moved the canoe would sway from side to side, and soon i found my self trapped moving slowly down the center of the river.

Scivillage
reports by:
Italiano: sanitational engineer

Day 1

I wake in the early morning to start my daily duties. In my departure of my hut I see the outcast of the village. Sympathizing for him I make an attempt to go greet the poor man, but he runs away in fear due to past experiences with people. I go to the public lavatories that I have set up, and collect the income I have made from fee I had placed to use it. Then I clean up the mess made and leave it spotless for the village's use.

After my lavoratories I head to the huts. I go to collect the unsightful excrections that my fellow village members had produced the previous day. My work is not in vain though, for I receive a truly handsome income for each hut. I make as much income for three huts as most villagers make a day. I even collect the fees that the villagers pay to the family. I will never forget how my family had given such a prosperous occupation and am eternally grateful to them. They are grateful to me as well due to the information I aquire traveling from hut to hut and talking with the villagers.

After my duties I head to boss's place and recount him what I have heard. I have been nominated by the family as Consigliori to the boss. I return home to my hut, and spend time with my family. For a man can never be a man if he doesn't spend time with his own family.

Night 1:
I came out of my cave to socialize. A few of the village women went missing.

day one:

I can't find my wife.

Day 1
Had to fight a bear with crapy hair cut.

day 1
poopsmith came today

Night 1: 'The night of Shit'

It is difficult to be an outcast. I had been making erotic art all day long. What more can I say.

But other urgent matters were at hand. My bowles needed to be relieved. I had to visit the toilets in the village or do it behind a tree.

I thought it to be wisely not to do it behind a tree. I had heard a tiger roaring earlier. And I had felt cold eyes staring at me most of the day. I was wondering if I should just smear shit all over me as a precaution. I had the notion that tigers might not like to eat shit-covered outcasts. But maybe they do!
And what if they would discover my remains covered in shit. The villagers would think I had really lost it. Or it would be embarrassing as a gigantic brown stripe in your underpants, having an accident, then taking to the hospital for examination.

No, I decided to visit the toilets. Nights were the best time, because most people were asleep or doing their 'thing'.

The coast looked clear. No sounds emanating from the toilets. Plenty of odours though. I thought someone was supposed to fix these things.

I entered the last cubicle and relieved my self. SHIT no toiletpaper! Ah I'm such an idiot, always check before you go you moron!!!

I heard someone coming. I quickly put my feet up on the toilet seat hoping he wouldn't come to the last one. Of course he did. He started rumbling with the door. I held my breath (also because the stink was becoming unbearable). The person now started ramming into the door and shouting; "GET OFF MY FAVOURITE TOITET YOU WANKER!".

The whole cabin was shaking. Oh shit, I lost my balance and my foot slipped into the toilet bowl. Fuck, why didn't I flush before! The person now burst into the cubicle. I dived between his legs, got to my feet and started running, leaving a splatter trail of excrement all over the toilet...

I didn't stop running until I reached my hut. I threw away my shoes and pants and fell into a comatose sleep.

I never recognized the person, but I was sure he recognized me.

I would be the talk of the town the next day.

One more nail on my cross.

Hold on there. Why is there the word 'general' next to my name. I thought i was the General/Barber.:D
I figured having two full-time occupations might prove difficult. Therefore, I concluded that your general duties would be better off as a part-time hobby so as not to over exert yourself.

I consulted the one they call cool skill about my horse problem. He seemed confused at first but then suggested I use tigers instead. I had seen a tiger floating down the river on a canoe so I actually considered the idea. But then I decided he must be just humouring me as tigers obviously prefered watercraft... In hindsight, I think he gave me his basket of produce in the hope that I would go away. Oh well, free food is free food.

I made my way to rogues bar, grabbed a pint and sat out the front to enjoy my vittles and watch the sun go down. Almost choked on an apple when I saw some guy running down the street with his pants around his ankles. I laughed, I guess the pooper scooper guy must have been running late again today. That guy would have been fired long ago if it wasn't for his associations with the local "family". Oh well, best to stay quiet, my "crops" would be ready soon and I hoped to do business with them.

I figured having two full-time occupations might prove difficult. Therefore, I concluded that your general duties would be better off as a part-time hobby so as not to over exert yourself.
Oh well that might be easier. The stress of 2 jobs has been lifted. :D

Night 1:clean up

The sun was setting, and the time had come for my evening duties at the lavatories. The dinner I had with my family was excellent, thanks to the crops and meat provided by Scramble and cosmictraveler.

As I was walking down my path a few of my friends came by, wondering if I have seen there wife. I told them that I had greeted them this morning on my daily errands, but haven't seen them since. Being pessimistic I worried that the tiger had gotten to them. The tiger has been the tallk of the town lately, with its odd behavior. The tiger's behavior has been astonishingly parralel to that of a human. From rowing in the lake on a canoe, to bathing with the village genius. Even though I believe these women have been eaten by the hungry tiger, I plan to befriend it and adopt it as my partner. No longer will the tiger suffer from hunger, because my wealth will be able to feed him and a hundred of his friends, thanks be to the family .

Arriving to the lavatories I found an upset coolskill. He tells me of the incident he has had with the poor spuriousmonkey. My sympathy rises in me and I mourn inside for the life of this poor man. A trail of excreetment leads to the the outsider's hut. If I would have started my duties ahead of schedule I could've prevented this, I say to myself. A tear sheds when I see the excreetment trail, this is no happy trail. I suddenly have an idea for what we can do with this outsider. Present him before the family. Perhaps the boss will accept him, maybe not, but its worth a try. Maybe spuriousmonkey's assets might be valuable to us. I clean the mess, and clean the lavatory, and ask this genius why he didn't use another toilet and spare the humiliation of this poor man. His answer was that it was his favorite one. I told him that I would get a plaque for him declaring to everyone that it was his favorite and to leave it open for him. I resent these unkind words I said to the genius, but it was for his own good.

I go to my hut, and recount to my wife, Isabella, all that had happened to me today. We both agree upon inviting this poor outsider to our hut for supper. I decide that I would search out for the outsider, and invite him, perhaps I could hire him.

Night 1:


After a long day of poetry writing, I happily made off towards the bath house to visit my favorite toilet for a quiet evening dump. Low and behold it was shut. I started rumbling with the door. It wasn't opening. No doubt some wanker was in there standing on my toilet seat. I began ramming into the door and shouting, "GET OFF MY FAVOURITE TOILET YOU WANKER!"

I heard a splash that sounded like somebody falling into the toilet bowl. When I finally burst in, none other than the town outcast dived between my legs, got to his feet, and started running away.

There was excrement all over the place. Fortunately, Italiano, the sanitation commander, hurried to the rescue. As he cleaned up the mess, I explained to him what had ocurred. He seemed quite distraught about the whole situation. He offered to make me a plaque. I thanked him for his kind gesture, and went off along my merry way. I decided to skip my duties this evening, and retire.

I went to bed, and had a good night's sleep dreaming about my new plaque.

Night 1:

I was awakened in the middle of the night by little Silverback Jr who needed to go. I rolled out of bed and slid on the sandals and robe. He is still too young to use the public lavatory alone, at night. Especially since we hear the tiger often at nights.

The tiger has been a useful lesson to the little guy. We have seen it a few times in the distance, and while the lad likes to see it, he does understand it is dangerous. I enjoy teaching him and watching him grow.

We headed out to the bathroom when we heard this awful racket inside. It sounded like a fight or something. I recognized the voice of the genius, Cool Skill, shouting at some wanker. Then out comes that outcast hurtling into the night. He nearly bowled my son over and I had to snatch him out of the path.

I took the opportunity to show my son another good example. “Now, you don’t want to grow up to be like that, do you?” With big eyes, he shook his head.

day 2: slept in. sent a telegram to rappaccini requesting a security detail. we're getting closer and closer to supplanting eluminate and a few body guards can't hurt. he's been quiet lately. too busy shut up in his castle counting his shiny seashells to pay attention to the people. the bourgeoisie pig has no business being lord of the village. there was a raucous disturbance in the bath house last night and not a peep out of him!

Day 2
Location : river side, neighbour village.

The night before the evil canoe thing had thrown me in to the water where the river has special strong, I almost drowned, but after a hectic swim fuelled by much panic, I reach to shore completely exhausted.

The next morning i started the day surveying my new territory, perhaps there would be a cute female tiger with pretty stripes, perhaps there would be more then 1.

After walking around for a time i found a small pen filled with sheep's and only a single herd boy. With 3 quick jumps I was in the pen, and soon I had killed my first sheep, then a 2nd and 3rd, all the time the herd boy was screaming and throwing rocks, but the sheep's was more fun to hunt so i ignored him and he just ran off, leaving me to munch on the sheep's in peace.

An hour later just as i was attempting to pull a sheep true a much to small hole in the fence, a large group of humans arrived, quickly I ran for the forest but they had spotted me. The chase was on.
The humans where not very fast, i easily outran them even on a full belly, but there where many of them and they did not give up, i could hear them making banging noises far behind me as they moved true the forest.
Soon i found my self down by the river, with the humans approaching from behind and the river blocking my way, the only way to go was back up river.

Day 2: I slept the day away in my cave, tired by the previous nights activities.

day 2: I come upon the realization that I never had a wife in the first place.

Day 2: I came upon the realization that I never had to use the toilet last night in the first place.

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Outcast- spuriousmonkey

DAY2

I went down to the river to wash myself. Although do not think for one minute that I just walked there.

I had found myself awake covered in shit flies. They didn't like it that I disturbed them. They went viciously after my eyes. Once again I was running, not because of humiliation, but because of some buzzing insects.

I managed the lose the harassing cloud near the river. I was hiding in the bushes. Something rustled in the bushes behind me. The tiger. We were both staring in each other. I was wondering what it was thinking. I blinked my eyes and it was gone again. Had I dreamt this encounter?

I washed myself and headed back to my finally finished distillery. The first brew would be ready by the evening. I would sit there all day and wait for the results. I was wondering if I should invite ScRaMbLe. No, he wouldn't want to come.

I stumbled on a patch of loose dirt hidden in the bushes. Someone had buried something here recently. I started digging and soon my nails were scraping a metal surface.

It was a metal chest; locked.

I took it with me. I would try to pry it open later.

I wonder who it belonged to?

Having lost the hunter further down the river, i was calmly walking around my old home turf, when i reach the edge of a small clearing. Near the water was a human, i had seen him many times before but never up close.
Curiosity got the better of me and i broke true the undergrowth into the clearing, so i could get a close look at the human, he quickly spun around to face me, but before i got close a gust of wind send his scent my way, and what a smell it was, i ran away leaving him to his own smells.
As i walked across the path to the waterfall, some thing about the humans scent reminded my of the evil canoe the night before, naa this one had smell much worse.

day 3: someone stole my metal chest! I have prepared the local villagers for a witch hunt in order to locate my stolen possession. We all suspect the outsider.

Night 2:
I awake to yet again go to the village and have some more fun.

On my way to the village I happen upon spuriousmonkey clawing at the ground. I found it ironic that out of the two of us -I- was the one iving in a cave. I sat in a bush and waited, wondering what exactly he was doing. Eventually he stopped, and dragged out a large metal chest. The odd thing was, he seemed surprised. Here spuriousmonkey is, digging in the middle of nowhere, and then he manages to hit something he didn't know was there? Spurious squirrel is more like it....

I followed the squirrely fellow back to his distillery. Even to a man living in a cave, this place was filthy. Spuriousmonkey headed back to an outhouse and was soon back at work in the distillery. The son of a bitch didn't even wash his hands. Something with this man was just not right. He was a hazard to the women of the village.

I waited until spurious went to the outhouse before carrying out my plan. I had previously found a book washed up on the shore called "Martha's Jail House Rock subtitle:(and other assorted projects)". It included instructions on how to make an explosive using only a piece of wood, a few common plants, and urine... instructions which I had previously followed to make such a device. Taking a 3 point shot, a tossed the device into the top of the outhouse.

It landed in spurious' lap. "WTF is this? Damn trees." Seeing no need for it spurious dropped in down the hole. The outhouse disappeared from the ground, spreading it's contents all over the area. Even in death, spuriousmonkey wasn't sanitary. This couldn't be had.

I set fire to the now feces covered brush surrounding the distilery.... and ran. Right when I arrived back at my cave I heard a loud explosion. The fire must have spread to the tanks. Good... the filth in the area had been cleaned up.

Now I go to town and have fun. Then it hit me... I had just blown up the factory which made the women of the town look good.

Day 2.
Today i was cutting peoples hair. That about does it i guess.

Day 2

I woke up to a putrid odour that was hanging over the village like a brown mist. Whatever could be causing this god-awful smell? I wandered outside and instantly gagged. No one should have to wake up to this with a hangover! One pint had turned into 20 last night and now I was paying the price indeed. Still a bit unsteady on my feet, I decided it would be a good idea to get out of town for the day, at least until whatever was causing the smell was gone. I shackled up the horse, jumped on my buggy and took off.

On the way out of town I came across a group of people, some of the faces were familiar, but being new in town I didn't really know them. I decided to stop and see what was going on. By the silence I was greeted with, I got the feeling I had walked into a conversation I wasn't supposed to hear. From the little I did hear before they saw me, I gathered they were planning some kind of revolt, a revolution. One guy was bragging how he had learned to make explosives and tested them the night before. Another two, standing out of earshot from the rest, were discussing how they had all the cash they needed and something about a chest. I could tell by the silence when I approached the group, they had no interest in involving me in their plans, well, not for the time being at least. So I left them, jumped back on my buggy and drove off down the road...

Persol as the town general, You shall be condemed for you actions. Someday you shall be tried for murder and shall be sentenced for killing poor old Spuriousmonkey. An innocent man. Also the blowing up of the factory, you shall be sentenced for that to. :D

While examining the shit-encrusted crater in the middle of town, I heard a sound in the trees. What was that? A person? Could Spuriousmonkey survived this terrible blast and been launched into the treetops with his tattered pants around his ankles?

I should have taken a closer look but the smell was overpowering.

On taking Silverback's account into consideration I will seed a team to investigate.

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Italiano-Sanitational Engineer

DAY2

Today is a day of mourning, a day of grief. The murder of an innocent man has reached the innermost area of my heart causing me great sorrow. I grieve and rejoice for the soul of Spuriousmonkey. I grieve his departure, but rejoice that he is no longer in a place where he is constantly persucuted. To think that today was the day that I would go out and find the man rejected by everyone else, and invite him over for dinner. Now he will never be able to experience the kindness that the human heart is capable of. He has lived a life of isolation and fear of his fellow men. To think today was the day I was going to befriend, I wake up to find him murdered.

What could cause someone so much hate and react in violence to someone they had probably never had spent more than five minutes with. The fear people have inside of people who are not like them is tremendous, causing discrimination, hate, and murder. After receiving the news, I go about my sanitational duties in sorrow, and decide to go to a clearing in the wilderness afterwards and spend some time alone.

I head to the clearing, and sitdown, thinking. Justice must be done. During my route to the houses I heard news of a murder trial, even though I didn't have confirmation of an actual corpse produced. Relieved I felt somewhat, not that it would do poor Spuriousmonkey any good, but it will give a chance for those few who grieve his death a little sense of relief. I make plans to tell the Don this evening about the sufferings and hardships this poor man has had to face through. Knowing my boss is a man of compassion he will certainly sway his relationships that he has with the judge to give the full punishment deserved.

Disturbed in my thoughts by a rustle in the bushes a turn around quickly. I find the tiger and I facing each other. Then all of a sudden, in a disturbed and disgusted fashion the tiger turn around and bolts the other way. It reminds of my plans as partners with the tiger. Tommorow I will search out and befriend it. Now I will focus on the justice done for the murder of the outsider, Spuriousmonkey.

I too wish to know what the Don has to say about this. Murder, perhaps, if a body is found. But also of the loss of the public sanitary facility which was a cash cow for the family.

day 4(?): I found my metal chest today. Now I can rest well again.

Day/night (3):
Seems everybody slept the day in

Day (4)
I think the barber knows what I did, though I know not how. Fortunately, his wife is a 'friend' of mine from the first night in the save. I give her a recipe for "the best seasoned turkey I've ever had"... straight out of Martha's Jail House Rock - and other assorted projects and she invites me over for dinner to explain the situation to CertifiedPsycho.

I arrive and suggest that we start eating before we discuss the incident at hand, and Certified agrees. I slowly start eatting my vegetables as Certified and his wife tear into their turkey like animals. These are definetely people of spurious' ilk. Within minutes, they pass out. "Best seasoning I've ever had... hehe."

On my way out of the building I felt relieved. I had once again cleansed this town.... this time in a much more sanitary method. Nobody needs the barber anyway... they have bowls. Luckily we have no town chemist. The fire roaring behind was my salvation. It had disposed of the one person who had knew who was responsible.

Now I just needed a scapegoat to prevent further investigation...

day 5: I couldn't get a haircut today. The barber shop apparently moved.

Persol, if your only purpose here is to try to kill off the other players, this has to stop. So here goes.

Day 4:

While standing guard outside SwedishFish's home, I noticed Persol heading over to the hut of CertifiedPsycho. No big deal at first, but as he hurried away a short time later I saw flames emerging from the hut. Running to the back door I discovered husband and wife "passed out" at the dining table, and the fire beginning to spread. Quickly I dragged their unconcious forms out the back to safety.

The wife muttered "poison... Persol set the fire..." and I knew he had to be stopped. A few of the other villagers were able to take them to the town healer (truly a miracle worker) who was able to nurse them back to health.

I found him sneaking out of town and ended his life with a single blow to the back of the head. I then carried his body to the butchers shop and "borrowed" the meat grinder to reduce the corpse to small bits. Kunax the tiger was quite happy to receive this evening repast and disposed of all the remains.

Peace and security reign in the village again. I hope SwedishFish and the family move forward with the plans for reorganization soon.

Great job Silverback for getting rid of the pest. A parade in your honor coming up.
Day 5.
After I had gotten my self together, I had put together a search party in search of the great Spuriousmonkey. Reports are that there was no body discovered at the explosion site. And a note to Ozymandias the barber shop will soon open

Day 5:
It seems that Silverback foiled my plan. That damn Martha Stweart's poision was bogus too. I shall haunt the two of them till the end of my days. Oh... wait...

day 6: I found the barber shop. And I got a haircut. I've seen Persol skulking around, griping about some poison. I guess I might be pretty bitter if I was like him, too.

;)

Day 6:
Ozymandias awoke during the middle of the night, face to face with Kunax the Tiger. Kunax opened his mouth and a ghostly voice came out of his bowls, "I only did what I had too..." Kunax then relieved himself in the corner and walked out of the room.

how about slowing down the days:)

Day 4:
Found some meat near in the forest edge, it did smell of human but down it went, all food is good food, soon my stomage(sp?) began to feel funny, and it was not long be for a had to take a huge dump. That was hours ago, and ever since i pooped all over the forest, I tried to find new places to go all the time, do to the smell each time getting closer and closer to the village.

Later on the day:
Final my ass was no longer on auto fire, I ended up just outside the village palisades(sp?), look true the wall into the village itself I could see a pen with those fluffy sheep's, they looked nice.
I figured I could find a bigger hole in the palisade somewhere and started searching, before long i heard a strange sound coming from the top of a tree.
A human in a tree, i had him trapped now, all thou he was bony looking he would make a nice snack, so i jump a few meters up to the lower branches but could not get higher.
The human had climbed for the top of the tree, where i could not reach him, with a speed that would make any monkey proud.
But i had all the time in the world so i just laid my self down on one of the thick lower branches to rested my self, the human would have to come down sooner or later.

edit
haha did not see the ghost of persol's last post, this days a getting funcked up :)

day 7: I was woken up by a tiger with very bad breath today. I think I might have to inspect my hut's locks.

day 1767: I found a time machine and went forward a few days. Remarkably, everything is exactly the same as it was 1760 days ago. I think I'll stay here. :)

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Outcast- spuriousmonkey

DAY4

What the fuck? What the hell am I doing in a tree? How did I get here? My head felt like it was about to explode? The only logical explanation I could think of was that I had been drinking my first brew of my illegal distillery.

It must have been really good shit. I had apparently even soiled myself in the process. I was covered in excrement.

If only I could remember what had happened last night.

Oh oh...no time to think. The tiger!!! I rapidly climbed to the top of the tree. I don't think I have ever climbed a tree so fast or so high.

Good...the tiger didn't seem able to follow me. No be a nice cat and go home.

Oh, it is settling down.

I made myself as comfortable as possible.

The wind started picking up. The tree started swaying back and forth fanatically. This was not good, not good at all.

The tiger looked up expectantly. The tree swayed more and more. I couldn't hold on to it anymore and to my surprise it catapulted me away. I screamed, closed my eyes, and landed in the river.

I had escaped.

I ran towards my hut.

day 1768: Nobody in the future seems capable of doing anything interesting. I might just come back.

Kunax feels the urge to follow spuriousmonkey... the words 'revenge, revenge, filthy revenge, must kill the mushroom humper, revenge, revenge...' repeating in his gut....

I myself fells sorry for spuriousmonkey and desidesto help him by hunting down Kunax. Shall not kill though.

(Hey, I atleast left spurious and you a chance to escape.... Ozy flat out destroyed me;) )

"...the mushroom dry humper must be remove... revenge, revenge...."

But you are bent on killing people on the community.

::journal lies open on desk::

"guard was gone, killed swedishfish"
signed,
....

Ummmmm, there is trechory a foot.

::Kunax's stomach whistles quietly to itself::

Ummm, a side note. Knowing how Persol knows what Kunax is doing, I am guessing he has possed his body. *looking in the yellow books for an excorsist (pretty sure thats how you spell that)

(maybe the tiger is his pet)

Kunax, "I am that bad sausage you ate for lunch. You may choose between my bidding... and indigestion. We will exact revenge upon spurious for his murder of swedishfish. That damn mushroom hunter!"

day whatever: I found a tiger today. It had a speaking stomach. In order to get to the bottom of this, I extracted the contents of the stomach. Lo and behold! It was Persol. I ate the remains of the tiger and made Persol my indentured servant in my comfortable hut-mansion on the outskirts of town.

I was thankful for Ozymandias for freeing me from my goey prision.... until he tried to enslave me. This could not be had. I picked up the knife, and stabbed with all my might. I sat there, staring at the bloody knife. What had I done? This was not the proper way to tenderize meat for my master. I can not live in this heat. I have to escape... back to my cave... the cool cave...

the knife...

day ?: I woke up to see my servant dashing towards town. Upon walking down my grand flight of stairs I saw that the lifelike sculpture of myself that I have been creating for a few weeks now was stabbed, the red paint I had used as the inside of the statue spilled all over my nice wood floors. Pity.

Some fuckin day, who knows...

As my cart pulled back into town I noticed a silence in the air. The silence of a world gone mad. Had I really been gone that long? What had happened here? This seemingly peaceful little village had been gripped by an unfathomable evil, turning man against man, neighbor against neighbor, friends into foes.

Tooth and claw was now law.

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Outcast- spuriousmonkey
night 4 - 'I think I am losing it'

The metal chest was gone. Some filthy thief had took it. I examined the footprints around my hut holding a candle clutched in my hands.

Ah, it was Ozymandias. He should be asleep by now. I ran to the village (I was still afraid of the tiger. I heard it roar all evening) and climbed through Ozymandias window. He was asleep. I took the precious metal chest and sneaked out.

There were people moving about on the village square. I decided to hide the chest under Swedishfish's hut. Nobody would look there. I would come back for it tomorrow.

I 'innocently' crossed the square sipping from a bottle of home brewed divine nectar of the gods. Whoopsie...that surely hits quite hard.

I felt an urge to go to the public toilets. It looked like Italiano did a good job fixing them. Was he the only person in this village that ever did anything useful?

I went to the last cublicle, but there was a sign on it. It read 'Only Cool Skill can soil this cubicle'. My communist nature flared up. WHAT some pigs are more equal than others? Doesn't their shit stink too????

I was raving mad. I pushed open the door of the cublicle and smeared excrement everywhere. Satisfied with the results I turned around, only to find a tiger staring at me.

SHIT, what the hell was a tiger doing in the middle of our village? I threw the last handful of shit in his face and jumped over the top of the cubicle. I ran into the first hut I came accross and slammed the door shut.

It was the hut of ....

I was angry. Who was responsible for this cloud of chaos that had descended upon my newfound home? The time for rhetoric was over. Now was the time for retribution.

I grabbed my sword.

and my bong...

and something to eat...

Fell in to a trap set by Ozymandias, it must have been one of those instant traps , where you just pour water and puff its ready.
Anyway it did not get much better from there, as he killed me and eat my remains, at least i will get rid of the ghost of persol was my last thought.

Suddenly i was back, what was going one here, how could i be back, and why right smack in the middle of the town, i planed to escape far away, but first i would kill spuriousmonkey, he was the create of the evil canoe thingy and had manage to escape once before, but the would not be a 2nd escape.
I follow him into a building, and saw him enter another smaller house inside, he would be mine when he excited.
Just as the door began to open my sense of smell returned, never have i smell a place so vile, then before i could collect my self, spuriousmonkey put both hands in to a hole and throw what he had collected right in my face, he had escaped again.

So be it i though to myself as i ran for the gate, i to will escape this mad house. On my way there i bumped in to ScRaMbLe, who was trying to wield a sword, smoke the peace pipe and eat some food, all at the same time, i hit him quite hard sending all the item flying, i grab his food and ran to the river, from here i would make my way to the 3nd village.

Day.......(shit what day is it)
Any ways. There is trouble in Scivillage. People are dying and shits are being thrown at everyone. Who I tell you who is resopnsible for this. So far the suspects are the usual Mr.Persol and shit smelling Kunax

I am responsible. My job, I admit.

I fed everyone a good meal then washed up and went to bed.

Whitewolf how are you responsible for that action. You are the village idiot.

I woke up naked in the bubble in the river. "What the hell is this?"... although it sounded more like "gurgle, gurgle, gurgle". I burst my own bubble, swam to shore, and hi-tailed to my cave. Along the way I stopped by the village to pick up some 'friends'.

....

I awake some time later still naked, lying in a bush.

why has my guard not been fired???

Because he did his 'job' perfectly well.

bu.... ::jaw drops:: :eek:

Wait... I'm still practicing....

http://www.spleeferz.com/laugh

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 5 - 'I think I am losing it'

I had stumbled in to the hut of the nerdoverlord, wesmorris. It was obvious by the looks of the interior of the hut. Star wars wallpaper on one side, on the other side star trek wallpaper. All very tastefully done I must admit.

I walked forward out of curiousity. I fell over a collection of boxes. They contained Lord of the Rings figurines. I laughed, what a silly geeky thing to have in your house. I opened all the boxes, and started playing World War 3 with the little silly puppets. I must admit that there were many soldiers losing limbs and heads. I ran into the kitchen and got some ketchup. Oh yes baby, now we have the full effect. I started opening up some other boxes with puppets in them. Some of them looked very old. I figured that he was about to throw those out so I mainly used those to simulate mutilated corpses and wounded. It was all great fun.

I then heard some noises coming from the bedroom. I thought it was about time I left for home. I was getting tired from all this war. I put the mess (i'm a responsible person after all) in the trashcan and left the hut.

The square was empty now. I gathered the metal chest from Swedishfish's hut and borrowed a hammer from the blacksmith.

At home I started hammering on the chest. It started to look a bit shabby now and didn't show any intention of opening yet. Should I burn it? Maybe not. I continued hammering...and to my suprise it sprung open. I didn't feel like stopping to hammer though, so i continued hammering the open chest for another half an hour. It was all great fun.

I then looked to see what was in the chest.

That was kind of disappointing. A bunch of letters. Since I had nothing better to do I started to go through them.


They were love letters...

I am an idiot. Yet, I am fully responsible. And this experiment is going quite well so far. :p In fact, it is two experiments in one. Muahaha.

congratulations sciforums. we've been here how many days? and this is our village: http://www.explodingdog.com/january2/maximumdestruction.html

this should be a lesson to never let smart people charter anything. that spaceship heading away from our soon to be destroyed earth....we won't be on it.

Day-????????
Today I am cutting my own hair again. Not going well.

Scivillage 2 - Judgement day

I stepped out of my hut, sword in one hand, bong in the other. I decided to make my way to Rogues bar. No-one had seen Rogue in quite some time so I decided, since I had no other clues, this would be a good place to start. Besides, I needed a drink.
I was no more than 100 metres down the road when, withou warning, I was attacked. Before I even had a chance to swing my sword, the tiger they call Kunax leaped out of the bushes and sent me sprawling. My sword went one way, my bong went the other and my knapsack containing all my food fell to the ground. In a flash Kunax pounced upon the knapsack, gripped it in his mouth and went bounding off into the undergrowth. Now I was really angry, for I had made sandwiches.

I began to give chase, but then I recalled an earlier conversation I had with Cool skill and realised that the tiger would be moving much too fast for me to catch him. I gave up and turned around and went back to gather my things. Tp my dismay, the bong lay broken in the mud. I picked up my sword, dusted myself off and made my way to the bar.

Having arrived at the bar I ordered a drink and began asking around for clues about what was going on in the village. From what information I could glean from the intoxicated patrons, the trouble had started when some loony called Persol had blown up the local outhouse in an attempt to kill some hermit called Spurious Monkey. No one knew why, but one guy said something about "bumfight". I didn't know what he meant.

I decided I would try and find this Spurious Monkey and see what he could tell me about the situation.

I finally brought the harvest in from the fields by myself. Seeing that no one ever visits my farm because it is to far away I'm told. I shall take it into town and put it in the storage bins there for everyone to share as they need it.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 5 - 'The saga continues - an unexpected party'

The metal chest contained nothing but love letters. What a disappointment. I didn't have anything better to do so I went through them with a glass of my own brew which I had named 'Scirum'.

Apparently Ozymandias had been writing love letters to Swedishfish. But they all had returned to him unopened. They were not unopened anymore of course. I was getting quite into it.

Apparently Ozymandias had been in love with Swedishfish since he was 6. That was when she had asked him in kindergarten if she could use his crayons. She never returned the crayons. She had used them all to make subversive posters with catchy titles such as: 'death to all proletarian treachers', 'capatalist pigs will die!', and 'kindergarten is hell'.

The teacher had accused her of making the posters but little 6 year old Ozymandias had jumped in and claimed that he had made them. She didn't even give him a glance of approval but retreated to the toilets to make more pamflets and revolutionary material.

Ozymandias' heart was broken, but could not help loving her.

He continued to follow her around whenever possible but she never acknowledged him. As a teenager Ozymandias decided to make the big step for her. He became a communist. He started writing her the very first letters explaining that he just had become a communist for her!

She never replied, but found a note on his door the next day covered in blood stating: TRAITOR TO OUR CAUSE.

Ozymandias' heart was broken again. Again the girl he loved wouldn't ackowledge his sacrifice. He had denounced his family to become a communist. He had read all the works of Karl Marx. He has bought a red flag and everything. What more could he do to win her heart over? Apparently she was not a communist, but part of some other revolutionary splinter group.

I stopped reading, although it was all very fascinating. I was getting a bit hungry. Thankfully Cosmictraveller had filled the storage bins with fresh food. I had taken a bag of it with me when I left the village. I wish he would grow something else besides potatoes and cucumbers. I made a mental note to tell him that when I would see him.

ScRaMbLe was calling. He had come to visit me. Normally I would have run away but I had already had a few Scirums. I offered ScRaMbLe one which he eagerly took. He told me it was a whole lot of better shit than you could get down at the bar. I guess he would come to visit me now more often. I was not sure if I was completely happy about that, but the Scirum was still in my blood and I started singing. That scared ScRaMbLe a bit and he filled his cup again with scirum slamming it back. He now started singing too, although much better then me.

He told me about the toilet incident. I learned now for the very first time that someone actually had tried to kill me with a bomb. I wasn't really bothered by it though, since the scirum was flowing freely now. RebelWithoutACow was a true professional drunk. He had heard the singing of drunken people all the way back in the village (I doubt that anyone else could have recognized the significance of these strange sounds) and had hurried to get here. We invited him and supplied him with copious amounts of scirum.

It was turning into a proper party.

I had a rather hard time this morning getting all the fresh eggs from the chickens they were in a "fowl' mood. The slaughter of the pigs and a steer went just fine so I will replenish the towns meat supply today. The fresh garden veggies are almost ready to harvest and by this time tomorrow I'll pick them and send them on into town.

The aquaculture farming is doing damn good it seems and my extra lobsters that I didn't sell outside of town will be given to those who would like some fresh lobsters probably on friday if they want to stop by. I guess there will be some who want them and I'll be happy to fill the bill.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 5 - 'addendum'

ScRaMbLe explained to me that I should look further than just the first two baskets for food. There are more food items than just potatoes and cucumbers to be found.

I felt stupid, but that feeling disappeared after another glas of scirum and a handful of fatty scivillage fries.

Animal:Tiger, Kunax
Day 5: A Friend

Retured home after visiting a village further down the river. I had found a friend down there, one of those humans with feathers on his head. We played catch for a while, until he just stopped moving, perhaps he was tired. After trying to wake him by pushing him around, I got bored and moved on.

Later the villagers had found the sleeping chieftain and carried him of to there village, shortly there after they had returned with those pointy sticks of theres, and was now running around all over the place, that was when i began heading home.

Day 5: Back Home
Reaching home i was getting quite hungry, i remembed smelling food in the village so i made my way to the village.
Getting into the village was no problem as there was no one around, in the distance i could hear the dead cries of some strange beast, soon a second beast joined in, I wonder what beast would scream like that, but soon forgot it again as I found the storage bins, now all i had to do was get them open, pushing them over seem to do the trick.

On my way out of the village i got curious about what was in side those little huts the villages was living in, as i approach a hut on the very edge of the village, I found the door open.
Inside everything was nice and clean, except for a dented box, and some buckets and barrels connected by pipes in the middle of the hut. This would make a good hideout was it not for the human taint.

Being thirsty after eating i drank some the water in one of the buckets, it had a strange taste and smell and made me feel all warm inside, i figured it was just my winter coat, so i drank some more, soon the bucket was empty. I was feeling strange, as i made my way for the door, but getting there was not easy, the door kept moving, and why did i keep tripping over my self.
Finally I made it to the door, as i stood there resting for a minute, i noised the terrible sounds i heard earlier approach, deciding to hid I drunkenly turn around and ran back in to the hut, but in my haste to find a place to hid, I got entangle in the bed covers. Figuring i had successfully hid my self i passed out on the bed, only tail sticking out.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Night 5 - 'sleep'

It was a great party...we sang all night and finished my first batch of scirum. Well, I still had a bucket full of it left in my hut, but that was for emergencies.

I went inside and stumbled to my bed. Somehow it was warm and cosy inside my bed. Usually it was quite chilly, but not today. I imagined it was the scirum.

I fell asleep immediately....

Animal:Tiger, Kunax
Night 5: so sleepy


I woke in the middle of the night, someone was using my new hidding place, better show who's boss here I thougth in my clouded mind, as i but a paw across his chest and fell asleep again.

Day??????
Today I opened up another barber shop. w00t. That is about it i guess. Oh look a metal chest.......

Night 5 - Drunken monkey fist

It didn't take me long to locate Spurious monkey. When I first met him it was difficult to hide a smirk... He was the guy I had seen running through the village a few days earlier with his pants around his ankles! Trying not to laugh I introduced myself and began to explain what I had heard. He offered me a drink of some of his home brew he called "scirum". It was good. We continued drinking for a few hours and as we talked the pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. I began to think, despite being obviously unstable, this man could be trusted and probably a useful ally.

Then he started to sing.

I really didn't know what to make of it all, but since I knew the song I joined in. Before long several others arrived and got stuck into the scirum as well. It had turned into quite a party! We sang and drank into the night. Eventually, after most of the drinks were gone, the other guests made their way home.

It was then that the evening took an interesting twist. Perhaps it was the excessive alcohol, but Spurious began to let his guard down a little. He started telling me about his past. It was an interesting story about how he had been trained to fight, by a drunken master, long ago. He said the fighting style was called "drunken monkey fist" and he began to show me some moves. It became apparent that I had misjudged this man. Even in a drunken state he was obviously a force to be reckoned with. A powerful ally indeed. He agreed to teach me this "drunken monkey fist" style in exchange for a favour. He needed someone to transport and sell his scirum to nearby villages. I couldn't believe my luck! We struck a deal and then he said it was time for me to go. I thanked him for the drinks and began to make my way home. I doubted that he would even remember the conversation in the morning...

I stumbled around for about an hour outside and had made it about halfway home when I realised I had left my sword at Spurious' hut. Dammit! now I would have to go all the way back. I crept into the hut, so as not to wake him and grabbed my sword. It was then that I noticed the tiger. This man had a full grown tiger asleep next to him in the same bed! It was the same tiger that had ambushed me earlier that day, I was sure of it!

My head was reeling... What was going on? Who was this man that can tame wild beasts? Did he send the tiger to ambush me earlier that day? I didn't understand, but even in my drunken state, I decided that if he had wanted to harm me, he could have, so perhaps it was just best to leave sleeping cats lie. I would confront him tomorrow...

I put the livestock to rest and closed the barn up and went into my den of creation.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 6 - 'A new beginning'

It was already quite late when I woke up. By the looks of the sun it must already be around noon. I had quite strange dreams. I dreamt that tiger was holding me trying to crush my skull with his gigantic mouth filled with pointy teeth. I sat up in my bed and studied my blankets. That was weird. There were hairs all over my bed; orange hairs, black hairs and white hairs.

No point in worrying about these things. I had more important things to do. I was clean out of 'scirum'. I had to get the next batch going. I decided to make more than last time. A man without a drink is like a man running around with his pants around his ankles?or worse.

I couldn't remember much from last night, but I felt I had given away too much from my past. I should never have told ScRaMbLe about my knowledge in 'drunken monkey fist' martial arts. I was definitely hoping I didn't tell the full story!

I was wondering if the tiger was still rummaging around in the forest. I started thinking about this tiger a lot lately. It didn't really seem to be that evil. No, it seemed more curious than anything else. Still, better not to get to close to it. It might just have stepped out of bed with the wrong paw on the very day that I try to get friendly with it. No sir, better let other people stick their necks out. I decided though not to worry about the tiger too much. Whatever would happen would happen anyway. Nothing I could do about it.

I ran quickly to the village and got some other food than just potatoes and cucumbers. Once back I made myself lunch and started reading the love letters from Ozymandias to SwedishFish.

'love story of Ozymandias and SwedishFish - part 2'
Ozymandias was desperate. He begged SwedishFish to acknowledge him, to acknowledge the mere fact that he was alive. That was all he wanted (yeah right I thought reading that. He wants more than that!). But no, SwedishFish still didn't reply to any of his letters. Ozymandias was beyond desperate now. He decided to get married with a girl from the other village. She had been in love with him for several years. Her father was a rich man and leader of the other village. He disapproved of the marriage, but his daughter begged him incessantly until he caved in. Ozymandias was not stupid though. He demanded half the property of her father before he would marry her. Her father did so because he loved his daughter very much (Ozymandias made a note here saying that he believed that the love of this father for his daughter was 'unnatural'. I am not sure what he meant by this).
They got married in the other village. Ozymandias demanded that they would move to Scivillage. That broke her father's heart. He died soon after. Now everything belonged to Ozymandias. The strange thing was that he didn't want all these riches and properties. He was a communist after all. He gave everything to the scivillage community. He build for instance the public toilets with it (sorry Ozymandias for the mess I made in the toilets. I didn't know about your generous gift. I will flush the next time).

Still, SwedishFish was not impressed and didn't show any interest in Ozymandias since he got married. Ozymandias had hoped that SwedishFish would have gotten jealous. He had hoped that she would have come to the wedding and stopped it. That she would have begged him at that moment to take her instead of that silly cow.

Their marriage was a failure to start with. Ozymandias never even touched his wife. He was obsessed with SwedishFish. Soon his wife asked him for a divorce. He didn't even look up and signed the papers. He left her with enough money to last her a lifetime and started working vigorously on communist essays. Everything to get his mind of SwedishFish.

Meanwhile SwedishFish was seen more and more in the presence of Persol, the explorer. Persol treated SwedishFish like shit. He knew she was in love with him and he couldn't care less about her. Ozymandias was going mad. He left the village for 3 years. He kept writing SwedishFish but the tone of the letters had changed. They were not longer full of life, but were filled with sadness.

After 3 years he returned to find SwedishFish alone again. She had lost her interest in Persol. She still didn't acknowledge Ozymandias though. Ozymandias' heart broke again in one thousand pieces.



Reading makes me thirsty. My new brew was still not ready though. I went down to the village. The people in the village were looking strange at me and were whispering things to each other. I caught a few words; 'tiger', 'sleep', 'devil', 'I hear scirum is good'.

When I was walking in the village saw something that amazed me. Kunax the tiger is right there. What should I do, what should I do. A weapon in hand I slowly come up to him and.........

Thank goodness I live far away from town that tigers don't come my way for it surly would be taken care of here on the farm. I finally am going to get my photovoltaic system up and running today to convert water into hydrogen so I don't have to pay those enormous gas and fuel bills any longer. I've been holding off finishing it because of the harvesting for the good townspeople so they will have plent to eat.

It is very dark out here at night and I use my telescope to view the cosmos. Last evening I saw a few metorites entering Earths atmosphere and burning up. When I gazed away I saw some fireflies flitting about turning themselves off and on , almost trying to communicate with those meterorites. Amazing what nature has to offer and not having a TV it is a much better way to enjoy life.

Animal:Tiger, Kunax
Day 6: Rise and shine

Woke by a door being slammed, where was I, the day before was a blur, i could not remember much of it.
Suddenly remembering where i was, I sprang up, causing my head to hurt and the world around me started spinning, still engangled in the sheet i took a step and dropped out off the bed, landing on the floor with a big thump.
The sheet was still coving my head, I tried to shake it of, but that only made my head hurt, luckily after walking around bumping into a few things here and there the sheet came off and i made a run for the door but had to stop and rest in the door way do to the headaches.

Outside the sun was shining brighter then ever, i had to almost close my eyes as i made my way around the hut, i could see the forest now, only a small fence was in my way, that was quickly scaled with a less then dignifying jump that ended in a crash landing.

I got drunk of scirum. I tripped over the metal chest I found. Also my wife caught me flirting with another women, while I was drunk and I hope we can work it out. Other then that, have a great day people and don't forget to get your haircut, by the Cert himself.*trips over the metal chest again.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 6 - 'A haircut'

I decided that while I was in the village anyway I should get a haircut.

I recognized the barber from the party. His hands were still shaking.

uh...the results were...uh....

the results were that you had the finest haircut I have ever done. On a side note, my hands were shaking because I was afraid that my wife would leave me.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 6 - 'A haircut'

It was the finest work he had ever done. But everything is always relative...

(my goodness! did i at least get some good lovin from persol before we split?)

(i don't know, it is not in the letters. You should know best !)

(funky website you have swedish :) )

(Egads! She doesn't remember?! *moops off into the distance*)

Whew, had a tough day hauling all those vegetables into town for everyone to have. I had to make two trips, I had such an abundance of them. Well the livestock are grazing and I've had my dinner now to sit out on my porch and enjoy some Beethoven while I swing on my porch swing. It is a rather cool evening and perhaps someone will stop by and share a beverage and chat awhile with me out here. I see some headlights from a car on the dirt road nearby but I don't know if they are coming here, time will tell.

Day 6 - Crouching tiger Hidden sandwich

I woke up pretty early this morning, all things considered. I had a full days work ahead of me. My crops were ready for harvest. My head was still throbbing from the night before. That scirum packed a powerful punch!

I made my way to the garden and surveyed my crops. These would surely be the best buds the town had ever seen! I glowed with pride as I began pruning my produce. It was a fine day indeed. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, all was good in the world. My thoughts turned to the night before. Had it all been a dream? What was the nature of the relationship between Spurious and the tiger? Did the other party guests know what was really going on?

Sometime after noon I decided to stop for lunch. I went inside and started making myself some sandwiches. As i sat down to eat, I mused to myself "well at least the tiger wont get these ones!" Then it struck me... I knew the tigers weakness... his stomach. Maybe I could make some "special" sandwiches with my prize weed from the backyard. I could leave them on the edge of the forest as a trap for the tiger. I didn't want to hurt it, but perhaps that could sedate it enough so I could get in for a closer look. But anyway, it would have to wait, I had business to attend to and besides, I was out of bread.

I spent the next few hours finishing off my pruning and stashed it all away in a safe place. I decided I would pay a visit to several members of the village with some free samples to help drum up some business. So off I went. I paid a visit to Rogues bar and left some there in exchange for a few pints. I wandered around town giving free samples to all that I met. Certified, Swedish, Ozy, Italiano, Cool skill and many others. My last stop for the day would be Cosmic. He was a farmer on the other side of town and since it was getting dark, he was probably the only place I could buy fresh bread for my sandwich plan this late in the day...

Wait, what? I return, my computer cleansed of viruses, but apparently I've fallen in love with someone?! :confused:

Oh well. Maybe I'll play along.

day ?: had quite a mess to pick up today. My heart was broken into one thousand pieces. Very itsy bitsy pieces, you know? Well, I'm not quite sure how to put them back together. Krazy Glue? Perhaps.

Day????
Cert's hut.
The night was cold. My wife started talking to me. Anyways I had to find some heat. So I burned some letters I found in the metal chest. I heard some crap about it being love letters, but I didn't bother to read them anyway.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
night 6 - 'it is dark'

The day was pretty uneventful except that my metal chest with love letters was stolen. Now we will never know what happened with Oz and Fish. I made a mental note to ask one of them tomorrow. Maybe they needed to talk about it.

Somehow my new haircut made me feel energetic. I should stop by the barber more often.


I had nothing much to do all day except watching my scirum being distilled. That got boring after 3 hours and I started making erotic art art again. I took the merchandise to the village market and it sold like hot pancakes.

I was still bored. I had a drink in the bar and walked around a bit. At one point I could swear I saw the tiger inside one of the huts. I was wondering what it was doing there but once I got closer it was gone. I was not sure if I dreamt all this or if the tiger had really been there.

The evening was also quite boring. This was turning out to be the most boring day in scivillage so far. Nothing even happened when I visited the toilets.

I decided that scivillage needed some excitement. I waited until it was night and went to the crop fields of Cosmictraveler. I had a rope and a stick and a plan. It took me three hours, but then I had made the most intricate crop circle anyone has ever seen in scivillage history. I covered my tracks and went to bed.

I was sure that some people would panic in the morning. Aliens had come to scivillage!

Animal:Tiger, Kunax
Night 6 : lobster and calf

After a hard day of sleeping, night had come as the darkness began to set i move out to find something to eat.
North of the village i found a big farm, scouting from the forest edge i could see a big bull he looked mighty tasty, but would not be worth the trouble, no i would take that prime steer that had its own pen, it looked much better then the rest.

While sneaking into the farm i passed some huge holes in the ground filled with water, stopping for a drink i noised some strange looking fish at the bottom of the pond, i tried to catch some but they where just out of me reach, so i jumped in to the pond, and started waking then around, this went on until one got a hold of my paw and squished it in its claw, sending me jumping out of the water.
Stupid fish, the the prime steer was more compelling anyway.

The steer never saw what was coming, before it could move it was dead. While munching on the calf, spuriousmonkey entered the farm, he was no danger i learned, but if he thought i would share my food he would learn otherwise. Luckily spuriousmonkey did not see me and headed into the crop fields.
Not wanting to be disturbed again i took what remained of the calf and headed for the forest where i could eat in peace, only leaving a bloody spot where the calf had died.

Living near the humans was easy, they have food all around them ready for the taking, i thought to my self as i rested in the darkness of the forest, only thing missing was the hunt.

I'd like to be the Town Crier....

"Oyez Oyez listen up i'm new Town Crier yeh woo hoo yeh woo hoo
listen to me shout because i'm the new Town Crier,
God Save the Queen Long live the King and all that stuff.
It's been a lovely day in the village a sunny 35 degrees with
a north north westerly wind, now go home to your loved ones
because there's nothing to see here!"

Oyez Oyez

There is a new guy in town. He cries a lot.

[Apparition mode]

NERD OVERLORD:From beyond the space-time continuum

These nerds perform their functions flawlessly.

This pleases me.

*dorky pose*

[/Apparition mode]

(whats is a town crier anyway)

"Hear Ye Hear Ye O ignorant villager whom I serve,
type the two special words Town Crier into your local
web search engine and see what pops up,
this has been a proud public service anouncement
from your local service announcer,
The Town Crier of Scivillage,
I bid you all a good evening"

Oyez Oyez

The cows were creating a disturbance this morning at about 4 AM, there was a fox chasing after them in the pasture for some reason. It finally ran off only after waking me up. Since I was up I went out and fed the chickens and pigs. I gathered some fresh laid eggs for my morning breakfast while there. Looks like we are in for some rain today by the looks of the sunrise. Ever get up really early and behold the beauty of a sunrise? It will take your breath away! Oh well the leechee nut trees are ready for harvesting so that's what I'll be doing today so good townspeople be prepaired for a gastronomical delight when I bring in a load of them later today.

Wow ! Something made unusual designs in my fields of corn during the night perhaps that is why the fox was in the cows pasture. Rather nice designs they are! I'll try to get images of them to show all of you later today.

day ?: I gave up on trying to put my heart back together. I mean, I've already lost my sanity, what use will compassion be? So I'm keeping the little metal pieces in a jar on my shelf. Maybe I'll think of something useful for them later.

I saw the town crier and he was crying as usual. I didn't bother at why he was crying to an ant. I went to my shop and I was suprised that so many people were lined up to get a haircut. "wow" I thought to myself, "I must popular then ever. Well this means that it is more money for me. $$$" :D

Day 6:

Haircut and a shave, for me and the little one.

Well, just a haircut for the little one. He can wait another 15 years for the shave.

After that, head out to hunt for some of this scirum I have heard so much talk in town!

day ?: during a routine visit to the barber shop old memories were reawakened when the barber put the razor to my cheek. In a frantic spasmodic attack, I grabbed the blade and stabbed the barber to death. I blame spuriousmonkey.

later, when I was looking for a book I misplaced, I saw swedishfish out in the woods, with the same crayon I had given her back in kindergarten. She had constructed an elaborate shrine to this small roll of colored wax. Very curious indeed.

edit: swedishfish's ghost ;)

(p.s. i was killed 5 days ago- this is my ghost writing)

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Genius: cool skill

DAY11
I woke up this morning after several straight days of constructing plans for a well in the city town center. The well would reach all the way down to reach the fresh water deep underground. There would even be some form of filter that would filter out most of the dirt in the water that seeps into the well. The filter would have to be changed once every two years.

After bathing, I went into town, and heard about all the chaos that has become of peaceful Scivillage.

I visited Italiano and cosmictraveler to thank them for being the only ones doing anything useful in the community. Even certified psycho kept everybody's hair presentable. I also thanked a few other individuals for trying to keep order.

Somebody told me that some nutcase had smeared residue all over my toilet stall, but thanks to Italiano, there was no trace of it whatsoever.

Later in the day, after walking around to breathe in the fine air, and having dinner at the farm, I retired back to my quarters to finalize my design efforts which shall be delivered to spidergoat for analysis.

It seems that swedishfishes body guard was not well enough paid after all. Rumor has it that Ozy saw her in the woods... alive and well. I have not yet decided if this is a good, or a bad thing.

Animal:Tiger, Kunax

After eating last nights lefts overs and a little nap, i walked around the forest until i ended up back at the farm.
Walked around the farm, I passed a small but strong looking building, as i passed it something inside started clucking(*), it sounded like there was more the 1. Wanting to find out what it was, I tried to push the door open leaving many claw marks. But the door would not open, soon the game got boring and since i was not feeling hungry i walked away. The chicken house it self was still intact, even if it had got a hole new angle.

After wander for sometime, i was back at a big rock formation, I remembered this place, there was
a salty rock on the very top of the formation, it had always given me this strange feeling of being when licked, IlikeSalt.

(*) Sound chickens make ?

(p.s. i was killed 5 days ago- this is my ghost writing)

(just make yourself alive again. I was dead as a sock but I just refused to accept it)

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 7 - 'Someone is not dead'


I saw SwedishFish today. I thought she was dead. She didn't look like a ghost to me so I talked to her and asked what was going on.

Apparently her twin sister had died. It was all very tragic. But she was kind of happy, because her twin sister was a bit evil and her parents loved her sister more than her.

I felt sorry for her, but was glad she was still alive.

Day-?
Ozymandias may thought I have died, I was actually bleeding really badly. After I got patched up, I started to hunt Ozymandias. With a bayonet fixed rifle, I saw Ozymandias in the woods and I slowly came up to him and stabbed the shit out of him. He was gushing blood. Reminded me of the War.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 7 - 'Someone else is also not dead'

I saw Ozymandias coming from the forest together with certified psycho. They were patting each others back and laughing. When they got closer I noticed that both had been bleeding. Nothing to serious I imagined. They came into the bar and sat next to me. I offered them a drink.

When the bartender wasn't looking I added some scirum to the glasses. Ozymandias and certified psycho appreciated that. They told me about their funny game of trying to stab each other to death. It had been great fun, but now they would go back to business as usual. Do something useful or drink all day in the bar.


I asked certified psycho if he had some time to cut my hair tomorrow.

day ?: spuriousmonkey treated me and certified psycho to a glass of scirum today. It tasted pretty bad. I think I'll avoid going to the bar from now on.

The scirum tasted mighty fine. Thanks spuriousmonkey for the little slip there. And yes I am free to give one of my best customers haircut.

suspicions confirmed. who'd have thought in this day and age that you can't trust the mafia? spuriousmonkey stumbled across my forest abode today but he's the outcast; no one will believe him anyway. i still don't trust him much so i made up a story about having a twin sister. the idiot bought it. it's a good thing this town doesn't have a handwriting analyst. since he found me out i decided it would be ok to invite him into the hut for tea. i traded 3 juniper branches and a rusty bell for some of his scirum. it turns out to be an excellent fuel. i had been burning scraps of wax up until now. this is much more efficient. just a few mL are almost explosive.

(p.s. i was killed 5 days ago- this is my ghost writing)
Where?
Why is everybody killing eachother?


SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Genius: cool skill

DAY12
I submitted the final plans for the well to spidergoat. Hopefully, he likes the idea, and has enough engineering skills to pull it off.
A well in the center of the town woulod give everybody much cleaner water.
Italiano took the da off, so I completed his duties for him since everybody else was too busy killing eachother.

Afterwards I went out into the forest to collect coconuts that dropped on the floor. I will attepmt, hopefully with the aid of the farmers to grow a coconut farm. That way we would all have perfectly clean water to drink. All we would have to do is pick the coconuts, and drink the clean water within.

Animal, Tiger - Kunax

spend the morning chasing a village cat around, now it sit up in a tree and will not come down.

I don't want to be executioner anymore, too much responsibility.
I here by hand over the job of executioner to kunax the tiger. Who, being a tiger, will actually be much better at selecting who needs to be executed(ie by sniffing their weaknesses etc)

Now I'm the unnecessary surgeon like my title suggests. See there's no responsibility with unnessary surgeon because any surgery I do will be unnecessary, I can do it whenever I want. And have no obligation to perform surgery when people need it.

Unfortunately for cool skill, I will be performing unnecessary surgery today...*Throws net over cool skill and drags him kicking and screaming down into the non-emergency room*

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 8 - 'SwedishFish makes good tea'

I went to visit SwedishFish again. I was still feeling sorry for her because her evil twin sister had been murdered (allegedly). I brought her a big bottle of scirum. She seemed very keen yesterday on the stuff. Don't know why though since she didn't drink it at all. She just put it away and gave me some crap in return that I didn't need. I didn't want her to start crying so I pretended I was happy with the stuff. I would chuck it in some bush on my way back. She asked if I could bring some more scirum tomorrow. I said yes, but wasn't sure if I would.

She said my haircut looked nice. I had been to certified psycho for a free haircut. My scirum was fast becoming the hard currency of scivillage. She said it looked nice, but she was hardly able to control her facial expression. She was about the burst out laughing.

I wondered why?

I found out when I returned home. A bird had shit on my head and I hadn't noticed. A large bird. A very large bird.

I washed myself in the river and went down to scivillage to see what was going on. Nothing much apparently. Dr Lou Natic had resigned as executioner. People were very sad about that. He had been a good and professional executioner. Some people were hysterical. They kept on shouting: 'WHAT WILL WE DO WITHOUT AN EXECUTIONER?'

I guess people panic easily nowadays. I blame it on TV, although there are no TVs in scivillage.

The village cat was in a tree. I decided to take it down. I climbed the tree and fell out of it. I broke a rib. Nothing a sip of scirum couldn't cure. I climbed in the tree again. The cat looked kind of scared when I tried to grab it. No, I misjudged the expression on the cats face. It was angry. It clawed my face pretty badly. I sat on the branch and had another sip of scirum (maybe 2 or 4 large sips). I noticed that an audience has assembled underneath the tree. They were pointing and laughing. I felt kind of nice that the people tought I was so funny. I always wanted to be a comedian.

At the edge of the village I spotted Swedisfish standing at the tree line, hidden from anyone else. She was poining her finger at a now empty bottle of scirum. Wow, she was a fast drinker. I saw her turn around and walk back into the forest. That was weird, she still seemed to walk quite steady, and that with a full bottle of scirum in her system.

Anyway, I looked at the cat again. It had started clawing my hand now. I pulled it away and lost my balance. I fell down and landed on my butt. The cat landed on my face, still very much in a bad mood.

I had some scratches on my face after that. But don't worry, the bleeding stopped after an hour or so. The people complained of stomach aches. Apparently they had never seen anything this funny before. I started to wonder if they were laughing because I was funny, or because the cat was.

I decided to retreat from scivillage. I had enough company for a day. I went to my hut and opened a bottle of scirum.

I heard the tiger roar close by. I threw another log on the fire.

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 8:Muffins

Passed by swedishfish forest hut. On a small table in the garden was a plate with a few muffins, Curious i tasted the first, i liked how it tasted and quickly ate the rest.
Suddenly a jet of fire stood out the chimney of the hut, startled by it I ran for cover in the forest, tripping over the garden furniture over as i ran.
After taking cover in the forest for a while and making sure the coast was clear, I return to look for more muffins but i could find none, even thou i looked both high and low around the table.

Near the village hidden in a bush i found an old bell, I played with it for a while, pushing it around, until it fell in to a deep hole, the hole was to deep and narrow for me to reach it, i had lost my new toy.
Roaring out in anger I move on, but as I left i noticed there where many hole all around.

Day????
Realizeing that people are dying or getting hurt really bad, I have decided to set up a clinic/hospital. I think this action would benefit the whole village.

someone has broken into my hut! it must have happened while i was out spying on the villagers. nothing was taken except some food but furniture was knocked over so they must have been looking for something. they'll find it over my dead( ;) ) body. it didn't smell like spurious, who has been laying under a bush all day, probably drunk, according to my tracking device. that can only mean one thing; someone else knows about the hut. they'll be back. i'll have to suppliment the traps with firepits. this will call for more fuel. no sleep tonight: must assemble booby traps around the parameter of the hut.

Day?????
While I was building the clinic I noticed a tiger figure leaving SwedishFish's hut moments before the robbery.

Report
By Outcast - spuriousmonkey
No particular day, but on the history of Scivillage and spuriousmonkey


It is difficult to remember how it all began. My parents were not outcasts in Scivillage. They were rather normal and plain. In fact they never lived in Scivillage.

The only thing remotely interesting about my father was that he had no legs. He used to have legs when he was younger. How else could he have danced with my mother? Later my grandfather told me that my father never danced with my mother. He could just as well never have any legs. But he did. I have seen pictures. My father had been in the army. They require legs in the army. He did not lose his legs in the army during some war either.

He apparently lost his legs and his life in a more ordain manner. He lost them due to smoking and a genetic predisposition for bad blood circulation. Smoking cost him half a leg. Then it took a whole leg. Then it took the second leg. Still the Smoking god was not satisfied yet and took finally his life. He ended his life in pain and with his senses intact. The Smoking go can be cruel.

That is the most interesting thing I could mention about my father. About my mother I would have to be short. She was a loving mother, but her good influence was not far reaching. I left her sphere of influence when I moved to Scivillage.

I can't remember why I moved to Scivillage. It seems all so long ago. Maybe it was the lure of meeting interesting people or having a new life. Nothing of the sort happened. People saw right through me. I was an outcast from the start. I moved to a hut on the very edge of the village; a secluded spot. It was previously occupied by the village mad man. He was mad indeed. I found jars filled with body parts when I moved in; an ear, a tongue, a finger, another finger, a big toe, a small toe, a penis, some hairy balls, a piece of scalp with scarce grey hairs on them, some other unidentifiable parts. They were all his body parts. He had cut them off in times of extreme madness.

They say he was in love with someone from the village. That drove him mad. Other people said that he was born mad. During his delivery he had slipped out of the hands of the midwife and dropped on the stone floor headfirst. Others claim that he had a close encounter with a bear in the forest which ate half his ass before he could escape. Apparently he escaped by producing the foulest farts ever produced by a human being. I don't know which story is the truth, maybe they are all true, but some village elders confirmed that he was indeed capable of producing the most obnoxious farts ever known to Scivillage.

People had not been sad when he finally died. It was said that the bar was full that evening with happy people.

It could all have been a coincidence.

I moved in his hut and it took me three weeks to clean it. I still didn't dare to live in it for another 6 weeks. It was haunted. I got a bit drunk and burned the hit down. The villagers thought it was an accident and felt sorry for me. They build me a new hut. That was nice of them.

I didn't really have any skills. I was struggling to survive in Scivillage. I spend a week here and there to learn a profession but everybody kicked me out as soon as they noticed I would never be able to learn any simple task besides fucking things up. Some kept me for an hour, others for a week, mostly out of pity.

I spend a year in the forest living on cockroaches and maggots, until I found out how to catch squirrels. You dig a deep hole in the ground in which you fit entirely. Then you lie in it and cover yourself up with branches, leaves and dirt. You paint your fist so that it looks like a giant nut. You stick your hand out of the hole. Once you feel something nibbling on your nut (hand) you grab the little cretin and bite his head off.

People started avoiding me even more after some people saw me hunt squirrels. I don't know why. Maybe they are just cruel.

My life as a squirrel hunter did not last. My hunting technique proved to be too effective. I soon had eradicated all squirrel presence near Scivillage and in the surrounding area. For a while I thought about becoming a rabbit hunter, but my fingers were too small to resemble a carrot and I didn't feel like potentially losing another body part.

I turned my attention to Scivillage again. I hung out on the village square. I had effectively become a pest; a one-man youth gang. I stole apples and harassed elderly ladies. The leader of the village did not tolerate this for very long and threatened to have me executed (we still had an executioner back then). I gave up my promising career as a 'misbehaving youth' and turned to begging.

I sucked at begging because I didn't want to approach people and beg for anything. That kind of was problematic since I was a begger.

I was soon adopted by an elderly couple who threw me out 2 months later for excessive masturbation.

I was desperate now. I started drawing naked ladies on pieces of discarded paper. A man had been looking over my shoulders and asked if he could have the drawing. He gave me 50 Sci cent for it. I soon learned that men were willing to pay much more for that for artistically drawn naked ladies. I had found a means of living.


An hour worth of drawing made me enough money to spend an entire evening in the bar drinking.

I was an ambitious young man though. I felt that this hour of drawing was a waste of time. I made a secret distillery and learned how to make Scirum. It would take me 10 minutes in the morning to fill up my distillery and could do whatever I wanted the rest of the day. My life had become full and meaningful.

5000 posts!

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 9 - 'More tea, more trouble'

I went to the new clinic to have the numerous scratches treated that I had gained during my brief and exciting encounter with the cat. Certified psycho was quite professional. He had me fixed up in no time. I asked for some drugs against the pain and he gave me a prescription for scirum. He was laughing; I did not think it was that funny.

Yesterday I was not sure if I would bring SwedishFish more Scirum. I didn't want her to turn into a complete alcoholic just like me. But I got curious again if there would be muffins with the excellent tea she always made. I arrived with a huge bottle of scirum but she looked at me with suspicion. I started waving the bottle around so she would stop staring at me. She did not.

This was starting to become a bit creepy. Without saying anything she went in and got some tea. She insisted on having tea outside. No muffins. I asked if she had any muffins. She kicked me hard against the leg. The hot tea spilled over me. She filled the cup up again, but I was afraid to pick it up. She might try to kick me again. I waited until the tea was cold and drank it. She gave me some crap (one item was a broken cuckoo cuckoo clock) and told me to go.

I tossed the junk into the bushes once I was out of sight.


I heard nothing about the mysterious crop circles in the village. I would go out again during the night and make another one. Maybe then people would take more notice and started to get scared.

I had ordered a PhD diploma from a mail order catalogue. It arrived yesterday. I am smart now.

I saw the tiger lurking around in the bushes. I started running towards it. It ran away. I don't know why. I thought we were some kind of friends. I smelled my armpits. Yes, a bit ripe. Could that be it? Was that why SwedishFish was so hostile and insisted on having tea outside her hut?

Day????
As I was walking through the village, I congratulated spuriousmonkey on his 5000th post. He thanked me by giving scirum and thankd him by giving him Morphine for his pains. I went to the local pub to get some more scirum (boy it tasted good). Got into a bar fight. Kicked the shit out of the other guy, didn't bother to get his name though.I was short on cash so I thought to my self "Should burn down the barber shop to get some insurance money" But then again I said to my self "Nahhh, the good people of Scivillage should be able to get a haircut." So I put the gasoline can down along with the matches. I just left it there and just left. Alone by it's self, alone.......

day: I found a jug of gasoline today. Mm-mm, that's good stuff. I took it home and prepared a candlelight dinner.

Unfortunately, the candlelight got into my wine glass, and my entire house burned down. So I've decided to move in with the outcast until anyone else is kind enough to let me move in with them.

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 9: From good to bad

Finally found the the puma that's been lucking around my territory, chasing my pray away or hiding it in the tree where I can not reach it.
The puma did not want a fight and quickly turn tail, I chased it around the forest for a while, but lost sight of it near the village. I knew it was still around some where, its scent was in the air, i just had to find it.

Just when i was about to give up, spuriousmonkey came “running” from the village bottle in hand, apparently he had spotted the puma and had come to help. As he approach the puma sprang from its hiding place and ran into the forest, for a human spuriousmonkey was not to bad i though to myself as i ran after the puma, well except for his smell.


Later my newly developed sweet tooth demanded i look for muffins, since i was near Swedishfish secret forest hut anyway.
Entering the garden true a small flower patch, i soon got a nasty surprise, in between the flowers the ground was cover with small razerblade traps, and of cause i had to step on one.
After jumping out of the flower patch to the lawn, I licked my paw clean of blood, I had got my self a “nice” deep cut, but there was nothing i could do about it now. With my newly acquired limp i continued on to find the muffins.
At the table in the garden I could not find any muffins, on top of that it had started to raining, as i limped out the garden staying clear of the flowers, the wound stated to hurt, almost like a snake bit i once got, this just wasn't my day.

Day-109 (what ever)
Today I was in for a real suprise. Kunax the tiger came into my clinic to heal his wound. I said no at first but then seeing how he is a tiger and all. I treated him anyways. I had a plate full of muffins. The moment I turned my back on him, he swiped all the muffins and went out. "Damn that tiger" I said, "Damn him to the bowls of bloody hell". He took my lunch. But what can I do. I stole somebody's lunch from the fridge. :D

Another f**kin day

We'll be able to fly
Dont fear the reaper

I was confused. again. I woke up in the bushes outside of rogues bar sometime in the mid morning with a loaf of bread in my hand. I had no idea what day it was or how long I had been out. Guess I was used to drinking Rogues watered down drinks, not Spurious' scirum! Oh well, I gathered myself together and wandered home eating the bread as i went. Then I remembered my plan... the sandwich! I would catch that damn tiger and get to the bottom of all this. When I got home I put some of my choicest buds in the sandwich and left it in a clearing in the forest, near where I had seen the tiger last. I knew if the tiger saw me he would be afraid and probably wouldn't eat the sandwich, so I hid in the bushes and waited... and waited... and waited... I was getting hungry... Damn that sandwich looked tasty... but I kept waiting...

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 10: A sleep at the wheel

Must have been sleep walking last night, cannot remember much, My wound feels much better and i have this taste of muffins in my mouth, I wish i knew where i been.

In a clearing in the forest, I found a sandwich on a tree trunk, it was a bit strange, but after looking around i grabbed the sandwich and head off into the forest.

Day a hundred:rolleyes:

I went into certified psycho's supposed clinic today, just to see what kind of show he was running(I faked a sore knee).
Talk about a lame clinic, I swear not once did I hear people wailing in agony. People were actually walking out smiling.
Certified psycho didn't even saw open my leg to pull out my knee cap and file the top of my shin bone, ha!
I saw some scapels, but they looked as though they had never pierced resisting flesh! I did not see a rib-opener, colon scrambler, eyelid clamp or even electric hamstring grater. The operating tables had no tethers or shackles, i wondered how he kept patients still while needlessly de-boning them :confused:
Very amateurish outfit I must say.

Day-1,000,000,000
Damn that Dr Lou Natic. He found out the secrect front that I have going on in the village. I must turn it into a real clinic just in case somebody finds out.


The clinic is closed for today.....ummmmm renovation, errr yes renovation :m:

blood in the trap! so the intruder has returned. i snuck downtown to stake out the clinic. surely the wounded would seek treatment. it turns out the clinic was closed today. all i could see was certified dragging sketchy looking medical equipment in through the back door. on my way back to the forest i caught a glimpse of persol leaving the brothel. at first jealousy flared up my nostrils but then i saw who he was paying. i couldn't help but snicker to myself because i happen to know that The Bike has a bad case of gonorrhea this week, given to him by the idiot whitewolf. serves him right for breaking my heart. mwahahaha!

day -4: spuriousmonkey's house REEKS. So I went back, got some smouldering embers, and burnt it down too. Now I'm moving in with certified psycho, but I have to be careful to make sure he doesn't get the temptation to test out some of his new equipment on me ... we have other people to do that.

Right, spuriousmonkey?

Day-A trillion
I got my new equipment today. And I wanted to test out my equipment on Ozymandias but he was paying me rent, so i left him alone. I went in search for the tiger. But no luck. Oh well..... I just have to find somebody else......

same day

Dammit! My plan failed. The tiger took the sandwich but instead of eating it there, he ran off with it. Now I would have to come up with plan B...

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 10:

It was i good sandwich, so I went back to look for more, as i walk back to the place i found the sandwich i start to feel all funny, by the time I was back where i found the sandwich, I was fealing quite frindly, very friendly, very very frindly.

At the oppersit side of the clearing i saw ScRaMbLe. Feeling friedly and all I ran towards ScRaMbLe, at the best speed my dopie legs could carry me, which was not that fast, it seemed like they all wanted to go in oppersit directions.
Approaching ScRaMbLe, he turn around and ran in to the forest, I had found a new "friend". As I stumpled true the forest after ScRaMbLe, I notised we where headed in yh direction of SwedishFish hidout, Then I remembered the muffins, lots of muffins, munching on muffins.

Seeing how I should test my new equipment, I set a trap for that damn tiger. I put a plate full of muffins and I just waited for that cat to come out.

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 10 - 'Party'

I had been away for a few days. I had gone to another village. There was a party there. It is a bit shit that nobody ever organizes a nice party in our village. I would gladly provide scirum for it.

The party was cool. I met this nice girl and hung out with her for the two days I was there and during the party we had lots of fun. She was a good dancer. The party didn't end until late in the morning.


I saw that my hut had burned down. Fortunately I had already moved to new hut nearer to the village. A bit on the edge of the village, since I still needed my privacy. I didn't want to expose the existence of my distillery to everybody.

I noticed that our plumber had installed a sprinkler system in every hut now. There wouldn't be any of these accidents anymore unless someone would sabotage the sprinkler systems.

I got my shit in order in my new house, started a new batch of scirum, and unpacked my bag, but got a bit thirsty from all this. I went to SwedishFish. I could use some tea and a muffin. Well, let's hope she had muffins this time.

SwedishFish was not around. I just went in her hut to make myself some tea. I was sure she wouldn't mind. There were new muffins. I took one and shoved it into my mouth in one go. And then another one. And another one.

The door swung open. I was about to say hello to SwedishFish when I noticed it was not her at all. It was the tiger. The tiger's eyes went back and forth from the tray with muffins to me. I didn't quite get it what it wanted? Did SwedishFish train it to defend her muffins? Was I in trouble now. I didn't chew the last muffin yet I had shoved in my mouth so I took it out of my mouth and put it back on the tray.

The tiger stepped forward and ate all muffins except the one I had put back. It then turned around and went away.

I decided to follow it. I left the tea where it was and the half-chewed muffin.

Where was the tiger going?

On my way out I bumped into ScRaMbLe.

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 10: Flying High

I had lost ScRaMbLe somewhere in the forest, but it did not matter now, i was just outside the forest hut, and i wanted muffins.
This time I would not walk true the flowers, I had learn my lesson from last time i did that, no instead i would jump over the nice little garden gate i had seen on previous occasions.
Still suffering from the effect of ScRaMbLe special sandwich, I lacked a bit of coordination, and instead of jumping over the gate, I jump right into it, breaking it little, or perhaps a lot since it was in multiple parts now, To me it was of little importance, i was in the garden with free access to the muffin table.


After searching the empty garden table, i noticed the door to the hut was open, this was new, perhaps there would be muffins inside i thought, as a walk over to the door.
Inside spuriousmonkey had already found the muffins, and was munching away on then.
I look at him while he somehow manage to stuff an entire muffin into his mouth, I did not know humans could have so much in there puny little mouths, thy did not even have any teeth worth showing, not to mention thy only had fur on the top of there head.

As spuriousmonkey took his 2nd muffins, and was just about to swallow the 3rd, he stopped and turned towards me, he look a bit shocked.
I did not care about spuriousmonkey, all i wanted was my muffins, as spuriousmonkey put the muffin back, I walk up to the table, sniff the sweet muffins, then quickly ate them all before spuriousmonkey could take any more of my muffins, only leaving the 1 spuriousmonkey had drooled on.
I pondered munching on spuriousmonkey to, but had come to the conclusion he would properly taste worse then a....(*), so i headed for the door.

spuriousmonkey follow me outside, I was not feeling friendly like before any more, no i wanted to play fight, I would go look for ScRaMbLe, perhaps spuriousmonkey would help me find him, like he did with the puma, and even if we did not find ScRaMbLe, i could just fight spuriousmonkey.
I was feeling great, al thou legs a bit wobbly, I felt I could beat anybody, even the old elephant wonder where he is.

(*)crap, missing word, Black/White animal that use smell as defence, couldn't find an alternate solution this time :)

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Genius: cool skill

DAY17

I woke up bright and early to get a good start on the day. The previous day, I had stayed home to finish sharpening and fine-tuning my knew pocket blade. Later in the morning, I headed towards the woods to test my blade by cutting some vines. I brought my yo-yo which I had completed a few days before. On the way there, I ran into some townsfolk. They mentioned to me that the executioner retired from executioning, and decided to become the unecessary surgeon.

When I arrived to the woods, I found some thick vines to test my pocket blade. It sliced through like butter. I named it Ginsu, and put it away. After going for a brisk walk, I headed home. On the way, somebody threw a net at me, and dragged me kicking and screaming away. It was that new unecessary surgeon, Dr Lou Natic. He brought me to his shed on the far side of town, and threw me on the table. There was an ugly stone statue of a life size moose in the corner. He left mentioning something about getting a saw. I remained alone in the shed, trapped in the net awaiting my impending doom.

Hmm. What could I do? If only I could think of a way out of this mess. If only I had an item that I could use to get out of this predicament. Oh well. I guess I might as well accept my destined mutilation. But wait! I did have something that could help me. Aha! I really am a genius. I reached into my pocket, and pulled out. . .

My yo-yo! I began gnashing the net with the yo-yo. I started spining it around, and ended up hitting myself on the head. Heeeelp! I screamed in hopes that somebody would hear me. This isn't working. Screw this yo-yo! I threw it across the room. It latched onto the antlers of the moose statue. I had forgotten that the yo-yo was still attached to my finger. The next thing I know, the yo-yo was pulling me towards it. As I was flying across the room towards the moose, Ginsu flew right out of my pocket, and sliced the net wide open.

I was free! I gathered my belongings, ran out the door, ran to my hut, sealed the door shut, and got under the bed.

Damn that Dr Lou Natic he is stealing my good customers. So I decided to burn his hut. That will teach him.

(*)crap, missing word, Black/White animal that use smell as defence, couldn't find an alternate solution this time :)

(skunk?).......

(thats it thanks)

I returned to the scene of the crime to see if certified psycho was still hanging around. To my shock the hut I had stored my post-surgery corpses in was burned into a pile of ash. What a relief it was. The village would have surely strung me up had they found the bounty I created of their mutilated loved ones, still brandishing the horrified facial expressions they brandished as I incised the function out of their forms.
Someone had done me a great deed indeed.
I returned to my glamorous 30 acre estate on the edge of scivillage, and put my matches back into the cupboard, for they were not needed on this fabulous day.

still day... 10?
Run through the jungle

Feeling disheartened at the failure of my tiger pacification attempt I began to make my way home. As i was walking along I began to get the feeling I was being watched, but thinking to myself it was just paranoia I kept walking. Suddenly the tiger appeared from nowhere and began bounding towards me, somewhat haphazardly. Faaark!

In an instant i realised I had really not thought things through (something different :p ) I had miscalculated the body weight of the tiger, what I had assumed would render him unconscious had merely made him playful. Now what I had on my hands was a full grown tiger with the munchies looking for something to play with. Not wanting to play the part of "McHappy meal" I did the piss-bolt outta there as fast as possible. He seemed to chase me forever, if he hadn't kept banging into trees n stuff I wouldn't have stood a chance.

Finally, after jumping into some bushes, banging my head on a discarded bell, falling into an ants nest, banging my head on the bell again then rolling into the mud, I escaped.

I was now covered in ant bites,mud and twigs and quite lost. I stumbled around groaning for awhile in the undergrowth until I finally burst out onto a path. There were several people walking nearby so I ran towards them yelling for assistance, but all that came out was an incoherent babble due to tongue swelling from ant bites. They looked terrified and ran away screaming "alien alien crop circles something something"...

Finally making my way back into the village I saw Spurious. I stopped him and shaking my head I said "Spurious... you and me... we gotta talk..."

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 10? - 'a talk'

I was minding my own business as usual (looking into the windows of other villagers and see what they were doing) when ScRaMbLe wanted to talk to me. He needed to talk to me in private. It was apparently something important. I immediately pointed out to him that I just look gay, but am not really gay. But he assured me that it was nothing of the sort.

First he asked if he could date my sister. 'Well, ScRaMbLe, I guess so, but you do know that she has been with half the village already?' I asked him. He didn't mind. He was in love with her and nothing else mattered. He subsequently asked if we had different fathers since my sister was quite a looker. I had to tell him the sad story about how my mother used to drop me on my head when I was a baby, a little boy, and a teenager. I took out my bottle of scirum and took a big sip. ScRaMbLe looked expectantly at me. I poored him a cup.

Now he had my blessing he wanted to discuss another urgent matter. He had been stalking the tiger and observing it. He told me everything. About how he saw the tiger in bed with me (I didn't quite believe that. I think the scirum was doing the talking here), about how the tiger moved in and out of the village, always checking things out, how it was always looking for things to eat, and how it always seem to be near me.

He had been using sandwiches as bait for the tiger, but without much real success. He told me about his new plan. He would tie me to a tree in the forest and use me to lure the tiger in. That was his entire plan. I asked him what he would do when the tiger would come. He hadn't thought about that yet. I said I would think about it (yeah right!).

day 10....still

Batter up

Spurious looked concerned when i said I had to talk to him. He seemed worried that people thought he was a batty boy. I assured him that people thought no such thing and that I didn't bat for that team. I told him if he was so worried then perhaps he should do something about the way he walked and should probably stop whistling "its raining men". My advice seemed to put him at ease.

We soon opened a bottle of scirum and started some serious drinking. I decided now would be a good time to approach the subject of his sister. Spurious' sister was the local seamstress of the village and I needed someone to make some cloth sacks for me. My crops had been harvested and I needed something to store and transport them in. I said to him "I've heard your sister has quite a reputation in the sack business". He must have somehow mis-interpreted what I said and then gave me permission to date her. I was surprised, but hey, who was I to argue? Besides, she was a hottie, well, by village standards anyway.

The conversation soon turned to the tiger and I was surprised to learn that he knew as little about the tiger as I did. We devised a plan to lure the tiger with some live bait, namely him. I would have done it myself but I had a bit of a runny nose and might have been coming down with the flu, so I thought it best that he did it. He seemed dubious, so I left it at that for the time being.

I then asked him if he would be interested in going into business selling his now famous scirum. I told him I had already established many contacts in the neighbouring villages through my other various contraband dealings and could make him a lot of money... especially if we burned down Rogues bar first. All we needed was a willing firebug to help us out...

SCIVILLAGE
report by: Outcast- spuriousmonkey
Day 10? - 'more talk, more play'

ScRaMbLe wanted to build up a scirum syndicate. He would head the empirium and get all the money and I would make scirum. That didn't sound like a good idea. I asked for 20% of the money. Ha, the fool fell for it.

He wanted to burn down the bar. I really couldn't do that. I had some wonderful memories associated with that bar. I had spend most of my adult life in it. I suggested that we just open our own bar. We would outcompete rogue's bar. That wouldn't be too hard.

Ozymandias place looked most promising for a location of the new bar. We needed to make him leave this particular hut so we could buy it.

I suggested we would catch the tiger each night and let it loose in Ozzies house. Sooner or later Ozzy would be too scared to even enter his place.

I agreed to be the lure for the tiger.

ScRaMbLe tied me to a tree and threw a bucket of pig grease over me. I was apparently all jummy according to tiger eyes.

ScRaMbLe waited behind a tree with a tranquilizer in a syringe.

The wait was on.


I was getting hungry and licked some of the grease of my face.

Day 10
The wait

In accordance with our plan I tied Spurious to the tree. He complained when I emptied a bucket of pig fat over him but I assured him it was necessary. I filled a syringe I had swiped from Dr Lou and sat back and waited.

It seemed like ages had passed and no sign of the tiger. I started to rummage around looking for something to use as a bong, as mine had been broken. I looked up in the tree and saw some coconuts and had a brilliant idea... I would make a coco-bong, it already had the necessary liquid inside, I just had climb up and get one. Spurious yelled at me saying "Stop being such a friggin pothead, just f**kin wait, you cant leave me tied here, ya f**kin dickhead!"
I dont know what he was getting so uptight about, it'd only take a minute, the tiger was nowhere in sight and there's no way anything could happen in that short amount of time...

Day-?????
Yes I caught that damn tiger. He was asleep. (to much knockout pills). I dragged him to the woods. I saw Spuriousmonkey tied to a tree and I asked why. He said that he is bait for the tiger, but him seeing the tiger in my hands he wanted out. I helped him out before he got into a big mess. But I felt sorry for that poor fellow and just handed him the tiger. I just went back to my shop. :D

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Genius: cool skill

DAY17
I'm under the bed.

day:

I set cool skill's bed on fire.

.....and I had to put out that fire......

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 10: El Cerdo

I awoke felling all dissy, something was not rigth, had i been sleep walked again, was i sleep walking, backwards?.
No somebody was dragging me, i did not like that, but i could not seem to get up. Finally he stopped dragging me, so i could get a little rest, i only need a few minuts to collect me self before i would revenge myself.
As certified psycho passed by me, I got up, I knew my attacker now. In a single jump I closed the distance between us and with my claws extended hit him in the back, sending him flying in to the bushes.

I was just about to follow after, when i got the scent of something far more intresting.
There by a big tree, was something that looked like a human but had the smell of pig, he would taste much better then certified psycho i thougth as i walk up to spuriousmonkey pig incognito.
A pig would be a nice change, from the last couple of days of eating the fat samon that swims up stream each year. I could still taste the fishy taste in my mouth, a pig would be a most welcome change.

Standing face to face with my pray, he was pressing him self against the tree, putting a paw on his check to holding him down, i leaned forward and licking spuriousmonkey greasy face, he was holding his breath and his face was turning more and more red, as i breath some more on spuriousmonkey, his face if possible turned even more red.

Kunax has pissed me off again. After I woke up I saw him licking spuriousmonkey. He was peeing in his pants. With a rifle in my hands, I slowly approached the tiger and rifle butted him in the head. He fell. After thaat I untied spuriousmonkey off that tree and told him to wash himself off that pig smell.

SCIVILLAGE
report by:
Genius: cool skill

DAY18
I was under my bed yesterday, and I started smelling the smoke. Sheet! My bed was on fire! It burns! It burns!
All of a sudden, the fire was distinguished as buckets of water poured all over my bed. I was drenched, but at least I wasn't burnt.
I got up from under my bed. It was ruined. This is terrible. It took me most of the afternoon to carry all of the rubbish to the land fill, and clean the mess up. After rinsing myself off at the waterfall, I went home to sleep. I went to the spot where my bed used to be, and slept on the floor. I had to be well rested for tomorrows journey. For tomorrow I will set off in search for the most extinguished scientist in town to help me with my latest invention idea . . . the fire distinguisher.

Day 10

I got down from the coconut tree and started to make my way back to where Spurious was tied. To my surprise, Certified was there undoing the ropes... Then I got a bit closer i saw the tiger laying on the ground! He looked like he was ready to pounce and I dont think Certified had seen him! I had to act quickly, I only had one coconut so I only had one shot to save Certified. I threw it as hard as I could at the tiger.

I missed.

I hit Certified on the head.

Certified fell over.

When I got closer I discovered the tiger had already been knocked out.

oops.

Arggh. When I woke up I saw the tiger in my face I was scared there for a moment, but kunax was knocked out. I got up and threw the coconut back at ScRaMbLe but I missed. He said sorry for throwing the coconut at me. I forgave him. I handed the tiger over to him and we went our ways.

Can I be the “Insane homicidal village inbreed mutant”? You know like the guy in the Texas Chainsaw Massacre movie only worse.

“On this day many in the village wake up to the sound of a chainsaw and inhuman chuckling, with horror they relies that the vile tiny beast has finally escaped from the old well out by the condemned satanic worshiping center.”

Scivillage
Report by - Town whore - Sargentlard
Day? - Too drunk to remember

Have slept with every Sci female in town to mostly great reviews of my performance....Sci males are jealous of my gift and have planned to kill me but can not due to the blinding rage that will ensue by the sci females if my sweet loving is
lost. Sci males face castration or total package loss if they attempt touch or harm me in any way. Life is good.

Being drunk is great....

Day-?????
Thinking to myself....."wow this village is going down the drain by the minute"

cool skill
How about you just list me as “mutant” for short.

Day 1:
After escaping from my prison I have found sanctuary in a old used tire, it comes with a pool to sleep in and lots of mosquito larva to eat. I been preparing my deadly killing instruments of doom (a dental drill… hey a chain saw is a little to big for me!) for my first murder of revenge, followed by my second murder of mercy, third of necessity and finally a forth for tax evasion purposes. I think that will be enough murdering for the week.
After picking up a local newspaper I believe sargentlard will be my first victim apparently he think he’s some kind of sex king, I wonder if the ladies will like him after I mutilate his face.

The end of days

To catch a tiger by the tail

I surveyed the scene before me. The tiger lay still on the ground. Certified lay still beside it. Spurious was standing nearby. What had I done? What was this madness?

I woke up Certified and after apologizing for my inaccuracy he handed me back my coconut and went on his way. Spurious seemed rather keen to wash himself off so he made his way to the local river. I was left standing there with the apparently lifeless tiger laying in the grass. In a moment of clarity I came to a realization.

What lay before me was a powerful beast, but a beast more powerful, lay, in the hearts of men.

I now knew that which must be done. I must leave this village.

You cannot catch a tiger by the tail, for you will forever be trapped in a vicious circle.

I made my way back to my hut and collected all my belongings, packing them into the cart. The rest of the day was spent going round the village saying my goodbyes. I stopped off at Rogues bar for one last drink then jumped on my cart and made my way out of town. On the edge of town I stopped and looked back. The smell of burning huts was still ripe in the air and this strengthened my resolve. I turned to face the road and spurred my horse into action.

Perhaps I would be back some day, perhaps I would not.

With that thought I made myself comfy in my seat and set off down the road.

Sadly for ScRaMbLe, he happened to pass a abandoned tire, he also did not notice me crawling up into his cart as I am very small. His eyeball juices made good jelly.

That’s what he gets for leaving town.

report by spuriousmonkey - outcast

The end of days

I had cleaned myself up and packed up my distillery and my stock of scirum. I saw ScRaMbLe going away on his cart. I asked if he could give me a ride.

Some crawly worm was crawling up his back. I picked it up and squashed it under my foot. It looked a bit like a mutant fetus, but I probably had too much to drink already. I would come back to the village if there was less fire and murder, and more tea and muffins.

(I should have predicted the reply i got to my last post, I kind of help fuck up you and
ScRaMbLe grease plot :( )

(that was ok - if I don't agree with the plot I just rewrite it)

spuriousmonkey,

You don't know shit you were so wasted you fell off that cart long before I got to it, I watched you crawl away and start making sweet love to a tree stoop, then walk aimlessly into the forest talking about how coconuts have feelings to, perhaps never to be seen again as headed in the direction of my old well home, the stench of which should kill you. You should know the place smells like your own ass! You see the town’s obviously failing sewage system leaked into my home and over flooded it.

cool skill,
I demand someone be hired under the title of “Waste Manager” or better yet “Pooper-scooper” and clean up this mess! I elected Proud_Muslim for the job though his employment demand for the severed head of Benjamin Netanyahu is high I think I can arrange a personal deal with him (I won't drain his spinal fluid to make my wine!).

(too many people trying to fuck up this thread)

No man, I prefer to call it creative deconstruction.

Sargentlard come here this is going to hurt, and I mean DAM WILL THIS HURT!

(creative deconstruction - that is a nice postmodern word)

Well how would you like it if you woke up to find that you have been blown out of your home by a wall of steaming raw sewage! I mean it was like being shot out of gaia’s anus! Now here I am free and oh god the light it burns! I can finally see my own reflection and it makes me want to run up to the nearest living thing and kill it!

(why don't you now wake up and realize it was all a nightmare. In reality you are 'Fetus the shoemaker' or have some other similarly exciting profession)

Ooooh yaaa now I remember I’m fetus the Chupacabra!

Shut up before I make things worse!

(You do that, and I will tell you then that you remind me of PM. You will then start crying and feel sorry for yourself.)

What how are we alike? PM kills Jews on sight and lives under a bridge, I just kill anyone randomly and live in an abandon tire, totally different.

Day 2
After spending much of the morning talking to a drunken spuriousmonkey, I return to my cold cesspool in my tire home and get some more sleep.

(If you would really kill anyone randomly you would be very likely to kill yourself very soon since you are always around and the most random person at most of the time - being the only person around)

who said I was a person???

(i thought mutants were people too)

Day-?????
I saw spuriousmonkey and WellCookedFetus fighting with words today. WellCookedFetus had some type of stabbing instrument in his hands, looks like he was going to stab spuriousmonkey. I didn't want to be involved so I just left the two weirdos there.

Hey y'all... Hope I didn't offend anyone with my last post, wasn't directed at anyone in particular... I'm only gonna have access to the net for about another week then I'm moving interstate so I had to wrap my part up somehow... Anyways, thanks for puttin up with me, you've all helped me more than you realize. Props to Spurious n Kunax, you guys crack me up! I'll still drop in here a bit over the next week and I'll probably be back (they always come back) in a few months when I get myself set up in my new place...

and Fetus...


Sadly for ScRaMbLe, he happened to pass a abandoned tire, he also did not notice me crawling up into his cart as I am very small. His eyeball juices made good jelly.

Screw you hippy, now I'm just blind drunk ;)

see y'all

:)

Alas somebody had the right idea to leave this town......:(

Scivillage
report by
outcast - spuriousmonkey
day 14


I came back from my trip. It was a succesful trip. I sold lots of scirum and set up a trading network. New goods (kites, a football, 2 goals, a whistle, a red and yellow card, some benches, a statue of me for the village center, a piano for the bar, crayons for the children and me, an assortment of new seeds for our farmers, fancy cocktail glasses, a kangaroo, 3 pigs, a turtle, a flute, and a comfy chair) would be flowing into Scivillage soon and all thanks to the miracle of scirum. I was hoping that I would be less of an outcast now.

I wondered what had happened to the village since I had been away. With joy I noticed that the sprinkler system had been working fine and no huts had burned down since my departure. Also nobody had been killed since it was now against the law to do so.

I asked the first person I met what happened to the tiger. It had not been seen for many days this person claimed. Oh well, nothing we can do about then.

I went past SwedishFish's house for some tea and muffins but she wasn't home. Not that this ever bothered me before, but there were also no muffins on the table.

When I approached my own hut I noted with joy that it was still there. I entered my hut, and was just about to jump on my bed when I noticed the tiger lying there. It was sleeping. I looked around. I had been eating my supplies and been drinking my last scirum.

I didn't quite know what to do. That is, until it suddenly woke up. I ran for the nearest tree and climded to the top as fast as I could. The tiger followed me in a lazy manner and looked up. It growled and moved into the forest.

I climed down entered my hut and locked the door. First things first. We need new scirum.

Day-15
I saw the tiger chasing spuriousmonkey up a tree. I didn't know he came back but whatever. Since the new law of not killing thing was in effect I couldn't do anything to help spuriousmonkey, but ran for his hut. While I ran to the bar for some scirum. But there wasn't any. So I marched up to the monkey's hut and demanded some scirum or else I burn down his hut. I needed my daily fix of scirum.

cool skill,
I really demand someone be placed under the title of “Waste Manager” or better yet “Pooper-scooper” I elected Proud_Muslim. I invoke the 4th law of the land:

If there is any member of Sciforums that has not posted in this thread, and you feel should be on the list, please assign them a duty.

spuriousmonkey,

Mutants are people?, what kind of wicked stuff is that scirum? Haven’t you seen X-men: mutants are second class citizens worthy of segregation and extermination at best.

Hum tiger problems, I can solve that!
Day 3
After sleeping for a day with a used porn magazine fetus retrieves ScRaMbLe disembodied entrails, opening up SM hut and using the entrails to bait the tiger fetus runs through the forrest screaming for mercy as the tiger gives chase, fetus runs around the dank cesspool that was once his home and as the tiger catches up it falls into the murk and gets quickly entangled by a giant mutant tapeworm.

See I trapped that thing no problem but lets all give a thanks to the real hero: certified psycho for not taking better care of his parasites.

Animal, Tiger - Kunax
Day 14:

I had been trapped for days in a empty hut, with little food and only the poisonous fire-water to drink.
Finally the door was open from the outside, it was spuriousmonkey, but before i could get up he had already turn around and started running away.
I followed after spuriousmonkey in slow pace still feeling the effects of the scirum, by the time i reach the tree spuriousmonkey had climbed he had already reach it top.
I wonder for a while if i should try and clime up there, or perhaps try shake the tree, but each time i look up, i would get a headache, and all the thing around me would start to slowly spine.

Further into the forest i saw the strangest thing. The village cat was chasing after a screaming WellCookedfetus, i had taught him well, perhaps one day he would grow up to be a tiger just like me.

(not felling very creative, the game is broken)

(indeed...the game has been broken..it is a shame...it was quite an interesting game...)

day whatever: I've done it! I've found the space cabbages! (http://www.weebl.jolt.co.uk/space%20mushrooms.htm)

cool skill,
I really demand someone be placed under the title of ?Waste Manager? or better yet ?Pooper-scooper? I elected Proud_Muslim. I invoke the 4th law of the land:
We already have a waste management. It's Italiano. But if Proud_Muslim wants, he can also do it. If you all think I should add him to that role without his permission, let me know as well.

Put Proud_Muslim under "Pooper-Scooper" then... and yes do it without his permission http://forums.guru3d.com/images/smilies/sgrin.gif.

I did not notice Italiano in sanitation, perhaps he ran way in horror, I mean you all have crap that is definitely a 11 on the 1-10 shit-o-meter.

Day 4: After trapping the tiger and getting no recognition for my accomplishments I started feeling horny as beign treated like crap makes me feel like this, so I went to sargentlard and austere, paid them with a old coupon for 2cents off cat food, and then began a three-some BSMS orgy… Unfortunately for them may acts of pleasure involve smacking them upside the head with a hammer, it was over in 30 seconds... and they said they could last a long time, pathetic.

Later I was told the tiger escaped the worm, I talk to Kunax about how he got out and he calmed that he never fell for my trickery, his oder made me suspicious that he was lying, I should have figured tape worms are not exactly strong rope. So I decided to do what I do best: MUTALATE. With lighting desert jumping mouse speed (I have been told that’s what I look like in action) I attempted to chopped his tail off and grabbed on to his tail he turned around and tried to eat me fortunately his tail was in the way, I jumped off and watch him run around in circles then fold in on to him self like a snake eating its tail and now all that left of the tiger is a basball size super-dense hairy numb. This was not planed in my attack but I had a good laugh about it.

The village is dying!!!!!!!!!!!! Somebody help the village.

Dieing? no man, the town is not dieing, its just once I'm done people will mistake scivillage for a leper colony!

Stopped back home during my scouting trip to find the perfect location for Sciforest. Spurious had been around, snooping for muffins I'm sure. I'm in a good mood today so I'll leave a tray out for him before I go again. If I'm not extra nice to him, he might tell people I'm alive. Back to the forest. A revolution awaits.

As I was walking down the village (leper colony) I spot a plate full of muffins and I quickly swipe them away. I shoved them in my mouth and I ran off. "This must have been the work SwedishFish" I thought, but who cares. What matters is that the muffins were mighty fine.

those were super magic mushrooms fool! I mean muffins are not usually purple with green hair growing on them, at least muffins that are less then 5 years old!