Post your favorite Simpsons quotes.

"Ooh, I'm making people haaaappy. I'm the magical man, from happy land in a gumdrop house on Lollypop Laaaane!" - Homer

"You're my wife and I love you very much but, you're living in a land of make believe, with elves and fairies and little frogs with funny green hats!" - Homer

"This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit." - Homer

"My cat's breath smells like cat food." - Ralph

"Thank you for coming. I'll see you in hell." - Apu

"If elected mayor, my first act is to kill the whole lot of you, and burn your town to cinder!" - Willie

And of course my signature:D

"I bent my wookie."

That fat kid, forget his name. He is the coolest.

"Now I can't stand in line anymore."

Whoohoo! Wkd thread!!
Unfourtunately so pleased with it that have forgotten quote but i loved Mr. Burns' "See my Vest" Song.

Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something…
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!



When Cecil tries to blow up the dam that
Bart and Sideshow Bob are hanging from:
“And now, to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in
your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.”



Rev. Lovejoy: Or you could try a bowl of this Unitarian ice cream.
Bart: But there's nothing in it.
Rev. Lovejoy: Exactly!


Peace.

Doh!

in 'two bad neighbours', homer yells: so, anyone here from...Evergreen Terrance?,
then we see chief wiggum raise his thumb, with that expression...

:D LOL

Homer: To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Homer: And how is education suppose to make me feel smarter? Besides, everytime I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!

Homer: I am so smart. I am so smart. S. M. R. T. ... I mean S. M. A. R. T.

Ones I've nicked from websites over the years:

HOMER

"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We
could buy all kinds of useful things like...love!"

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me.
For the first time in my life, everything is
absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's
the deal: You freeze everything the way it is,
and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK,
please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In
gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies
and milk. If you want me to eat them for you,
give me no sign. Thy will be done."
"The strong must protect the sweet"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"God bless those pagans."

"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."

"Mmmm, free goo."

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming
glow."


BART

"Cool, I broke his brain!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."

"What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?"

"All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale."

"No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am.

"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."

"What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

"Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun."

"I am through with working. Working is for chumps."

MARGE

"Homer, you raided the college fund, the TV... Homer, you're driving a stake through the hearts of those who love you."

"Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?"

"Bart, stop pestering Satan!"

LISA SIMPSON QUOTES

"Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican."

"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

"Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!"

MMMMMMMMMMM Sacrilicious!:D :cool:

done to a conga line beat

"I am ev-il Ho-MER! I am ev-il Ho-MER! I am ev-il Ho-MER! I am ev-il Ho-MER!"

and

"I felt an incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun!"

also

"...with the wrath and the vengefulness and the blood rain and the hey hey hey it hurts!"

Homer-"The best way to get out of jury service is say your prejudice against all races"

Willy: Your dog? I 'ate him. And I 'ate what he left on me rug too......You heard me!

Fat store guy: *You will form a line, there will be no cutting, that goes for you too mr cutter.
* There will be only one autograph each. Please make these out to me and to my two friends who have the same name.

Nelson: Joy to the world, the teacher's dead...

Grandpa Simpson: Maaaaatlock!!! We want Maaaatlock!!!

Sideshow Bob: oh please, cousin Mearl...

Marge: sometimes I feel so smuthered by this family I can hardly bread......I'll go make dinner now.

Mr Burns: and who the devil are you?

Mo: I wasn't really gonna kill ya, just cut you up a little.

Bart: you snuff 'em we stuff 'em.

(of course these are only 'quoted' the way they are in my memory. I don't want to look them up in the script.)

"Yarrrrgggg" - The Captain

Grampa Simpson:"Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it."

“The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.”

"Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lam!"

"Let's see...I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist...for some reason I'm the head of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance..."

"You can’t get a good sarsaparilla like this back in Springfield—angries up the blood."
"You like it eh?"
"Up yours!"
Peace.

'And what is attempted murder anyway? I mean, do they give a nobel prize for [I]attempted[I] chemistry??'
- Sideshow Bob

Krusty: you call that a cartoon?? I can pull better cartoons out of my a... HEY HEY KIDS!! WOEHOEHOEHEHE!

Lovejoy: everybody helped to rebuild your house Ned, wether he's Catholic, Jew or miscellanious. Apu: Hindu! There are 1 billion of us! Lovejoy: that's super.

Grampa Simspon :
"My son maybe a cheat, a lier, a bad father and a communist but he is not a porn star."
well.....something to that effect anyways. :rolleyes:

Ralph: "Why do people run from me?"

Homer: "Mmmmm.. Forbidden Donut"

Dr. whats his name (I forgot): "By my calculations, the robots will turn into blood-thirsty killing machines in about 24 hours." (Robots jump up, start attacking people) "Whoops. Forgot to cary the one"

Captain - arrrrrr........i'm not attractive

-------------------------------------------------

Salesman - But surely you can't put a price on your families life?
Homer - I wouldnt have thought so either, but here we are.

-------------------------------------------------

Homer - So I said to him, "Look buddy your car was upside down when we got here, and as for your grandma, she shouldnt have mouthed off like that" (In Homer the detective - he is explaining his day as a vigilante)

-------------------------------------------------

Kent Brockman - Heavy sack beatings are up a shooking 900%.
Homer - People can come up with statistics to prove anything Kent, 40% of all people know that.

-------------------------------------------------

Grandpa - I couldnt quite put my finger on it, there was something strange about the way he walked, much more vertical than usual.

-------------------------------------------------

Homer - Marge, can I get a duck?
Marge - You all ready have a monkey!
Homer - Can he get a duck?

-------------------------------------------------

The Mattel and Mars quick energy choc-o-bot hour
Robot - You can count on us Mr. President. Major Nuggut, Gooey, Cocco, put down those entertaining Mattel products.
*zooms in on the mattel toys*
Cr. Cataffy is up to his old tricks
Robot 2 - Lets power up!
All - Choc away!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------


So many more, so little time

Man, I love this thread!!

Ralph: I eated the purple berries. It tastes like burning!

Homer: Hellllooo...My name is Mr. Burns...I believe you have a letter for me..
Dude at PostOffice: Ok, Mr. Burns, may I have your first name?
Homer: I don't knooow...

Alien: I bring you looooove!
Dr. Hibbert: Is that the love between a man and a woman, or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar? *Dr. Hibbert laugh*
Alien: *pauses* *looks confused* *searching expression* I bring you loooove!
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
(angry mob starts to shout and wave their torches and pitchforks)
Willie: KILLIT!
Lisa: Stop! It's Mr. Burns! *shines light on "alien"*
Willie: Aww...it's Mistarr Burns...KILL IT!

Homer: Why you little!!! *strangles Bart*

*when the Simpsons go to Japan and have to work at the gutting factory to pay off their debts
Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out...
Blue Fish: Please, spare my life and I will grant you-
Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out.
*fish gets gutted*

Comic Book Store Guy: All right Mr. Santos "even-though-that's-not-your-real-name Bart Simpson"!

Comic Book Store Guy: Worst Episode EV-ER!

*having heart attack*
Comic Book Store Guy: Left arm numb......pain in left side of chest...can't go on describing symptoms any longer....*collapses*

Homer: Say Daaaaddy...Daaaddy...
Bart (as little kid): D-d-d-Domer!
Homer: Why you little!! *strangles*

Apu: Howdy neighbour! May I spray you with this hose in a playful fashion?

Bart: Hmm...I'd give my soul for a convertible!
Devil/Flanders lookalike: *appears with a red convertible in a puff of smoke*
Bart: Nah, I take it back.
Devil/Flanders lookalike: *looks sad and disappears with another puff of smoke*
Marge: Bart! Stop playing with the devil!
(something like that, can't remember too well, *shrug*)

Homer: Mmmm...tomacco....

Willie: Now take the hoose..
Nelson: The what, the moose?
Willie: The Hoose, the HOOSE!
Nelson: Oh, you mean like this? *sprays Willie in the face with the hose*

Troy McClure: You may have seen me in such educational films as....

*at the bowling alley, and Homer, Moe, Otto, and Apu are watching the Stereotypes*
Apu: Oh, they begged me to join them, they just begged me!

Homer: *rolling on the sidewalk with a book trolley* *serious face* Must kill Moe. *happy face*Wheeeee! *serious face* Must kill Moe. *happy face*Wheeeee!

Mrs. Krapable: "Embiggens" is a perfectly cromulent word!

Homer: I've got my orders: one, where's the fife, two, give me the fife!

Homer: Stick this up your fife and smoke it!

*sign says Gone Baptizin'*
Homer: They've been taken away to be Flanders-is-sis-is!!

Homer: Why you little! *strangles*
(Sorry, I just love that one, hehehe!)

Aaaand that's about all I can think of for today. Be sure to tune in next week for more scintillating quotes! (just kiddin', keep up the good quoting) :p :)

Woops, nearly forgot this one:

Marge: No, I will not pay you $500 for sex!

Homer: The alien had a sweet heavenly voice...just like Urkel! And he appears every Friday night...just like Urkel!
P.C. Wiggum: Oh yeah, that's right. I'll just type that up on my imaginary typewriter. *lalalala*
Homer: *sighs* Fine, you don't have to humiliate me. *leaves*
Hobo: *walks in* I've just torched a building and I'm afraid I'll do it again!! *anxiously flicks a lighter*
P.C. Wiggum: Uh huh...I'll just type that up on my invisible typewriter..la la la...fruitcake!

Scully: All right Mr. Simpson, all you have to do is answer the questions truthfully. Do you understand?
Homer: Yes.
*lie detector machine explodes*

Guy: All right Mr. Simpson, when I say 'Hello Mr. Thompson' and stamp on your foot, I want you to say 'Hi'. You got that?
Homer: Yep, I got it.
Guy: Ok. Hello Mr. Thompson. *stamps foot*
Homer: I think he's talking to you...

auto: http://www.bookcase.com/library/icons/cartoons/simpsons/automan.gif
[walks out of 'Mary Janes Pot Palace]
"damn, thats false advertising"

(has this one been done before?)

Nope. But that's a good one Capt. Crunch! lol! :D

Isn't there also another one that goes like that? Bart, Nelson and Milhouse go into an R-rated movie after getting a fake ID, and Nelson says: I can think of 3 things wrong with that movie title. Problem is, I can't remember the movie title! :D

Homer: All normal people love meat. If I went to a barbeque and there was no meat, I would say 'Yo Goober! Where's the meat!?'. I'm trying to impress people here Lisa. You don't win friends with salad.

Marge : Homer, the Lord only asks for an hour a week.
Homer : Well in that case he should've made the week an hour longer. [mumbles] Lousy God ...

(PERSONAL FAV! LOL!)

Homer : I promise you kids lots of things. That's what makes me such a good father!
Lisa : Actually, keeping promises would make you a good father.
Homer : No, that would make me a great father.

Homer: Tubamaba? Saxomaphone?

Homer: There was this movie about a bus that had to drive at a very high speed, and it couldn't go under the speed of 50 miles per hour...I think the movie was called "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down".

Homer: People will think what I tell them to think, when you tell me what to tell them to think!

Bart: So we can swear now? Hell damn fart!

Homer: "So I said said "Kiss my Asphalt," heehee"

Homer: "Cartoons aren't supposed to be realistic"
*Another Homer walks by the window*

*Giant shoes fly through the Flander's window*
Ned: "Did anyone pray for giant shoes"
Rod: "I did"
Ned: "Okely Dokely"

*Homer is in the 3rd Dimension *
Homer: "Er...it's like...has anyone seen that film Tron"
Frink: "No"
Dr. Hibbert: "No"
Chief Wiggum: "No"
Rev. Lovejoy: "No"
Patty: "No"
Chief Wiggum: "No"
Frink: "No"
Marge: "No"
Chief Wiggum: "Yes...wait, I mean NO"

*Wiggum and two officers are in Krusty Burger*
Officer 1: "Hey, I went to a 'McDonalds' in Chelbyville the other day"
Wiggum: "A Mc-what?"
Officer 1: "A McDonalds"
Officer 2: "Never heard of it"
Officer 1: "Apparently they have 2000 locations in this state alone"
Officer 2: "Must of sprung up overnight"
Wiggum: "Do they have Krusty Burgers with Cheese"
Officer 1: "Yeah, but they call it a Quarter pounder with cheese"
Wiggum "I can picture the chesse...well, do they sell 'Krusty frosted partially-galatulated gum based beverages'?
Officer 1: "Yeah, they call them 'Shakes"
Officer 2: "Uh"

*The Simpsons are at the cinema, an advert comes on showing the D-Day landing, a US soldier 'kills' a German soldier then drinks some buzz cola*
US Soldier: "Ah, Buzz Cola, that refreshing taste"
Dead German Soldier: "Available in zee lobby"
Lisa: "Should they be allowed to exploit peoples sacrifices like this"
*Homer gets up*
Marge: "Homer, where are you going"
Homer: "I'm going to zee lobby"

Bart: "Ice Cream at church, I'm intriged, yet suspicious"

*In the episode where Milhouse's parents divorce. Homer is in the bath, Bart walks in with a chair in his hands*
Homer: "<Whistles>"
*Bart smashes the chair over Homer's back*
Homer: "Argh, umph, ahhhhhhhhhhh, argh, whydidyou, argh, fortheloveof, why did you do that?"
Bart: "It was a basic stunt, Homer"

Skinner: "Ralph Wiggum"
Ralph: "I won, I won"
Skinner: "No Ralph, your failing English"
Ralph: "Me fail English, thats unpossible"

I have loads more but I'm tired. No more.

The episode with Sherry Bobbins! :D

"That's the American waaay!"

And all the songs in the Simpsons!

"Simpsons Christmas Boogie!"

:)

The episode with Sherry Bobbins! :D

"That's the American waaay!"

And all the songs in the Simpsons!

"Simpsons Christmas Boogie!"

:)

Homer: "Fuel for me mule, gas for me ass!"

(I don't know why I have 2 posts of the same content!) :confused:

"This place smells like Otto's jacket"

"I will not make fun of Mrs. Dumbface."

:)

(Homer and Flanders are in the car going to rescue the children who are trapped in the School.)

(Homer and Flanders Run over a bump and hit something)

Flanders: Homer, i think we hit something....
Homer: I HOPE ITS FLANDERS!!!!!

" I think I wet my bed" -Ralph

"Please Pray for Mojo." -Mojo's Computer

"We would much rather you use the phrase, peepee soaked heck hole" -Chief Wiggum

"Just remember Ralphie, if your nose starts bleeding, it means your picking it too much, or not enough." -Chief Wiggum

Homer: "Thou shalt not let...moochers into thy...hut!"

Otto: "Alcohol increases your ability to drive."
*checks the answer*
"Aw man!"

Homer: "Trying is the first step to failure."

Homer: "My name is Luka, I live on the second floooor!"

Homer: "There was a little Spanish flea,
A recording star he'd be..."

(can't remember rest of the lyrics, hehe)

Ralph:
"That's where i saw the leprechaun. He told me to burn things."

"Lord help me. I'm just not that bright." - Homer

Originally posted by %BlueSoulRobot%
Guy: All right Mr. Simpson, when I say 'Hello Mr. Thompson' and stamp on your foot, I want you to say 'Hi'. You got that?
Homer: Yep, I got it.
Guy: Ok. Hello Mr. Thompson. *stamps foot*
Homer: I think he's talking to you...

One of my favorite scenes from one of my favorite episodes!!!

Episode where homer joins that baseball team with ken griffey and wade boggs

Ken Griffey Jr. " It's like there is a party in my mouth, and everyone is invited."

Kent Brockman on frank grimes:
"At a young age he was forced to get a job as a delivery boy... delivering toys to more fortunate children"

Soccer advertisement:
"Low scores and ties? YOU BET!"

Hank scorpio:
"hang my coat on the wall will ya"
Homer:
*holds coat looking in vain for walls*
Hank Scorpio:
"HA! Relax! There are no walls..... I DIDN'T EVEN GIVE YOU MY COAT!"
Homer:
"Huh?"
Hank Scorpio:
*wearing coat backwards and smiling*

Chinese restaurant waiter:
"Is there anyway we could improve your dining experience by hurting an animal?"
Lisa:
"What? NO!"

Homer at 'stonecutters' meeting:
*wipes mouth with sacred parchment*
Rest of stonecutters:
"oh my god no!" - "what is he doing!!"- "*gasp*the sacred parchment!!"
Homer:
"what is it?" *becomes self concious and assumes they are disgusted with something on his face or body. Starts blowing his nose and wiping his armpits with the parchment*
*Crowd stares angrily at homer*
Later after homer is punished...
Stonecutter leader:
"And now give us the sacred stonecutters robe homer"
Homer:
"NOOOO!!! I've learned my lesson! I've *punches parchment* Learned *tears parchment* My *punches parchment again* LESSON!!!*smashes wooden parchment holder and starts weeping*
Crowd rabble:
"Oh my god ..etc"
Carl:
"Homer you really are stupid"
Moe:
"How can we punish him further?"

I'll leave it at that.... for NOW :eek: So many memories... :)

"Im not normally a religious man. But if your up there, save me Superman!" - Homer J. Simpson

"Alcohol, the solution to, and cause of, all problems!" - Homer J. Simpson

"It's not whether you win or loose, it's how drunk you get." Homer J. Simpson

Bart and Lisa are being carried by Lucy Lawless who is flying

Lisa: I didn't know Xena could fly!

L.L: I'm not Xena, I'm Lucy Lawless.

Lisa: Oh

in one episode:--

''yea moe that team sure did suck last night. they just plain sucked. i've seen teams suck before but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked.--homer.
''homer watch your mouth!''--marge
''aww...gotta go..my damn weiner(?) kids are listening.

homers' dad-- aww bitch, bitch, bitch.

"We've gathered up two of every animal on our ark-- although only males. We don't want any hanky-panky on board." - Flanders, talking about the ark they build when springfield flooded.

"It's the cause of all my problems-- my constant over eating, my fear of corpses." - Homer, talking about the effects of finding that dead body.

"Wow, Greece really is the word." - Lenny, during the Ancient Greek episode (also when Disco Stu became Discus Stu :>).

A few extracts from Simpson's Quotes (http://www.floatingmonkeys.com/coolmandi/)

Bart: Milhouse, what happened?! You were supposed to be watching the factory!
Milhouse: I was watchin'. First it started to fall over, then it fell over.

Homer: Old people don't need companionship. They need to be isolated and studied so it can be determined what nutrients they have that might be extracted for our personal use.

Lou: I went to the McDonalds over in Shelbyville the other day.
Chief Wiggum: The Mc-what?
Lou: Yeah, I never heard of it either but they say they have over 2000 locations in this state alone.
Eddie: Hmm...Must've sprung up over night.
Lou: But you know, its the little differences.
Chief Wiggum: Example?
Lou: Well at a McDonalds you can get a Krusty Burger with cheese. But they don't call it a Krusty Burger with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Get out! What do they call it?
Lou: A quarter pounder with cheese.
Chief Wiggum: Quarter pounder with cheese...well I can see the cheese but? Hey, do they have Krusty's Partially Gelatinated Gum-Based beverages?
Lou: Yeah, they call them 'shakes.'
Eddie: *Pfft* 'Shakes.' You don't know what you're gettin'.
(parody of s scene in Pulp Fiction)

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

[After Homer runs over a deer]
Homer: D'oh!
Marge: A deer!
Lisa: A female deer!

Homer: I saw this in a movie about a bus that had to SPEED around a city, keeping its SPEED over fifty, and if its SPEED dropped, it would explode. I think it was called, "The Bus That Couldn't Slow Down."

Kang: Oh, you look lovely this evening. Have you decreased in mass?

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

Homer: Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car. You have 10 minutes. Your car has been impounded. Your car has been crushed into a cube. You have 30 minutes to move your cube.

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead.]
Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Milhouse: It started out like Romeo and Juliet, but it ended in tragedy.

Ranier Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Dialogue coach: No, "Up and atom".
Ranier Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Dialogue coach: Up and *atom*!
Ranier Wolfcastle: Up and at them.
Dialouge coach: [frustrated] Better.

[Bart has an earring]
Bart: Come on, Homer, didn't you ever do anything crazy when you were my age?
Homer: Well, yeah, when I was 10, I got my ear pierced. But this is completely different!

-------------------

I'm not even half-way thru the page yet :eek: . There are a LOT here!

Originally posted by shadowvale
Episode where homer joins that baseball team with ken griffey and wade boggs

Ken Griffey Jr. " It's like there is a party in my mouth, and everyone is invited."


I think that quote was said by Moe when Homer shows him his creation - The flaming Homer.....;)

One of my favorites is when Bart and Homer think they have Lepercy (sp) and they go to Flanders for help and he sends them to Hawaii and he tells the kids that they will have imagination Christmas and they respond:
Both-"Yeah! Imagination Christmas!"
Todd-"I got a pogo stick!" (jumping up and down)
Rod- "I got a hulahoop!" (swing hips in circular motion)
hehe, that's the best! ;)

:D

Principal Skinner: Order, order. Do you kids wanna be like the real UN or do you just wanna squabble and waste time?

Homer: Save me Jeebus!

Homer--"It's uterUS Marge, not uterYou !"

Pardon, but I can't remember the exact conversation...

Lisa: I'm a vegetarian. I don't eat meat.
Homer: Honey, we're on vacation. We can do things differently than we did at home. See? I'm not wearing my wedding ring!
Marge: Homer!

-----
Introduction to the "Simpson Family Variety Hour"
Announcer: And nooooowwwww... a family that doesn't know the meaning of cancelled.... THE SIMPSONS!

When cowboys laugh at him for not being able to get on a horse

Bart - "i'll show you how we do it where i come from.......daddy i need upsies"

Homer - "Coming sweety"

:D

Homer--"It's uterUS Marge, not uterYou !"
I forgot that one! That is my favorite!!

Aah, so many good ones...

The only one I can remember off-hand is:

Lisa: I'm a vegetarian!

Handsome Straight-edge dude: I'm a fourth-level vegetarian. I don't eat anything that casts a shadow.

Lisa: Ehh, I've been thinking about going vegan?

HSED: *sigh* well, that's a start.

this is my swing set... and this is my sand box... thats where i saw the leperachaun... he told me to burn things
~Ralf Wiggum

Chief Wiggim: Ahh, things like this always happen at night. Except for this time it was during the day.
(Chief Wiggim said this during the episode when Homer and Marge get caught "spicing up" their marriage in a minature golf winmill, and Homer and Marge are fleeing the scene nekked.)

this is my swing set... and this is my sand box... thats where i saw the leperachaun... he told me to burn things

and i thought he wasn't allowed in the deep end of the sand box...right?:bugeye:

"No one ever suspects the butterfly!"

"Ooh its the woman I married in Vegas..."

Willie-"No animal can outrun a greased scottsman"

(sorry if its been said) Best one.

Almost forgot this one


(after someone put somthing over duffmans face)
Duffman-"Duffman, Can't breath, ooohhh"

"Duffman is thrusting in the direction of the problem!"
*Thrusts in Homer's direction*

Barneys Japanese Girlfriend: "I would like a single plum, floating in perfume, served in a mans hat"

Homer: "Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."

Homer: "Kids, you tried your best, and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try"

Homer: "Son, when you participate in sporting events, it's not whether you win or lose; it's how drunk you get."

Homer: "Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like...love."

Homer: "Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me. For the first time in my life, everything is absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's the deal: You freeze everything the way it is, and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK, please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies and milk. If you want me to eat them for you, give me no sign. Thy will be done."

"Don't worry, son. I'm sure he's up in heaven right now laughing it up with all the other celebrities: John Dilinger, Ty Cobb, Joseph Stalin." (on death of cat).
"And how is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive?"
"I won't sleep in the same bed with a woman who thinks I'm lazy! I'm going right downstairs, unfold the couch, unroll the sleeping ba- uh, goodnight."
"It's like something out of that twilighty show about that zone."
"Yes, honey...Just squeeze your rage up into a bitter little ball and release it at an appropriate time, like that day I hit the referee with the whiskey bottle."
"OK, son. Just remember to have fun out there today, and if you lose, I'LL KILL YOU!"
"Me lose brain? Uh, oh! Ha ha ha! Why I laugh?"
"Kids, kids. As far as Daddy's concerned, you're both potential murderers."
"No! No no no no no no! Well, yes."
"Ah, beer, my one weakness. My achilles heel, if you will."
"Well, I'm tired of being a wannabe league bowler. I wanna be a league bowler!"
"They have the Internet on computers, now?"
"Facts are meaningless. You could use facts to prove anything that's even remotely true!"
"When I look at the smiles on all the children's faces,,...I just know they're about to jab me with something."
"Son, this is the only time I'm ever gonna say this. It is not okay to lose."
"Well you know boys, a nuclear reactor is a lot like women. You just have to read the manual and press the right button."
"If something is to hard to do, then it's not worth doing.
"Dear Baby, Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You"
"All right, let's not panic. I'll make the money by selling one of my livers. I can get by with one."
"Marge, you being a cop makes you the man! Which makes me the woman - and I have no interest in that, besides occasionally wearing the underwear, which as we discussed, is strictly a comfort thing."
"Operator! Give me the number for 911!"
"Kill my boss? Do I dare live out the American dream?"
"Lisa, if the Bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girls sports, such as hot oil wrestling and foxy boxing and such and such."
"Aw, Dad, you've done a lot of great things, but you're a very old man, and old people are useless."
"It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to squeeze in 8 hours of TV a day."
"Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races."
"Here's to alcohol: the source of, and answer to, all of life's problems."
"I'm having the best day of my life, and I owe it all to not going to Church!"
"If this were really a nuclear war we'd all be dead meat by now."

Simpsons season finale!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ralph Wiggim- My doctor said I would stop having so much nose bleeds if I just got my finger out of there.

Seymour: "I'm not principal of the line, mother!"
Agnes: "And you never will be..."
*
Agnes: "My name is Agnes. It means lamb- lamb of God!"
*
Seymour: "Laxative, ladies?"
All: "Oooh!"
*
Hibbard: "Whoa! Your spine's as twisted as Sinbad's take on marriage!"

Marge: "Homer! You'll kill us all!"
Homer: "Or i'll die trying"

(withour reading all the quotes previously posted)

Homer goes to buy a gun

Homer: just give me my gun!
Salesperson: Sorry, the law requires a 5 day waiting period, We've got to run a background check
Homer: 5 days?!.. But I'm mad now!!..... I'd kill you if I had my gun.
Salesperson: Yeah? well, you don't

The episode where homer and marge are in jail, can't remember why though. A priest or father, not sure of the proper title come to give them their last blessing or something. Can't really remember the actual lines...

Homer: But were not catholic!
Father: Oh, then burn in hell!

He walks out and passes Rev. Lovejoy as he walks in.
Rev. L: Nice dress.
Father: Hey! Why don't you go and have sex with your wife!
Rev. L: That's it!
*Start fighting*

HAHAHA!!!:D Class.

Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
Everybody: Hi Dr. Nick!

Detective: Beer Baron, I know you're out there, and I'm going to find you!
Homer: No you won't.
Detective: Yes I will!
Homer: aw...

Flanders (To the tune of Horse with no name):
I'm going on a date with a girl with no name
It feels good to be back in the game.

Sideshow Bob: No! It's German! It say The Bart, The.

Sideshow Bob: No! It's German! It say The Bart, The.

LOL!

Sideshow Bob: *racked leaves fly off in the wind* Arg! *throws racker* I renew my objection to this pointless endeavor!

Ralph Wiggum: Hi Lisa, hi Principal Skinner, hi SuperNintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: I'm learnding.

Ralph:My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Marge:Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down.
Homer:We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?
Marge:Homer, we have three kids.
Homer:Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid.
Marge:No, Maggie!
Homer:Oh, yeah.

Homer: Oh my god! Underage kids drinking without a permit!

(When Homer goes into space.)
Reporter: Uh, question for the barbeque chef: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in send underqualified civilians into space?
Homer: I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Panet of the Apes.
(Homer thinks for a moment and realizes something)
Homer: Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty- that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

NASA guy: (sighs) Well, Homer, I guess you're the winner by default.
Homer: (jubilant) De-fault! The two sweetest words in the English language

Me need go sleep now.

Gurglo

Professor Frink - No, Pops, it's too risky! For all we know, there could be cubes in there the size of gorillas!

Mr Burns - Oh Meltdown! It's one of those popular buzz-words. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus

Chief Wiggum - This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Chief Wiggum - I can't take more of this, we need action! Take that you lousy dimension! [goes berserk with his gun on a pink wall]

Homer - You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart - Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer - I like stories

Homer - Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes to move your car, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube.

Louie - Looks like an explosion at the Simpson house chief!
Chief Wiggum Awwh, that's two blocks away!
Louie - It looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney
Chief Wiggum - I'm proceeding on foot!
Louie - We need pretzels! I repeat, pretzels!

Marge: I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead.]
Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!

Im not sure which one, but this quote is from a halloween special and one of my favorites. All i remember is Homer died from eating broccoli.


Homer : Marge, ya gotta help me, I have to do 1 good deed to get into heaven!

Marge : well, i have a whole list of chores, clean the garage, paint the house ...

Homer : whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just trying to get in, Im not running for jesus!

I'm assuming that Simpsons 'moments' count too so...

123 Fake Street!

willie-"YA USED ME SKINNER YA USED ME!"

nazi-"avalible in ze lobby"

homer-"i must go to ze lobby"

homer-"mmmmmmmmm invisable cola"

homer-"mmmmmmmmm 64 slices of american cheese...63...62...61"

homer-"mmmmmmmmm something"

homer-"dohnuts is there anything they cant do"

homer-"let me get this srait, i thought the cop was a prostitute..."

Homer: If the bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girl sports, like foxy-boxing, and mud-wrestling, and such and such

Homer: But i don't even believe in Jebus!!

"Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!" - Homer Simpson to Sideshow Bob

"The South will come again!" - Apu, at the Civil War reenactment meeting

Originally posted by %BlueSoulRobot%
Nope. But that's a good one Capt. Crunch! lol! :D

Isn't there also another one that goes like that? Bart, Nelson and Milhouse go into an R-rated movie after getting a fake ID, and Nelson says: I can think of 3 things wrong with that movie title. Problem is, I can't remember the movie title! :D

A naked Lunch!:D

'' I guess there is only one way out of our problem, a murder suicide pact"-Homer
"Maybe Bob Dole should run, Bob Dole thinks Bob Dole should, actually Bob Dole like to hear about Bob Dole talk about Bob Dole...Bob Dole!"-Bob Dole:D

Originally posted by bonzi_monkey
'' I guess there is only one way out of our problem, a murder suicide pact"-Homer
"Maybe Bob Dole should run, Bob Dole thinks Bob Dole should, actually Bob Dole like to hear about Bob Dole talk about Bob Dole...Bob Dole!"-Bob Dole:D

LOL!

In the same episode:

" This is Kent Brockman with a special live report from the
headquarters of Krusty opponent John Armstrong. How can
I prove we're live? Penis!"

Does anyone have a clue as to were Springfield is? Every theory I have is eventually thrown out :bugeye:

i got the impression from a commentary on the second season dvd that they purposely make it impossible to figure out. They chose the name 'springfield' specifically because it is so common and vague (a city name thats found in most states). In other words even the creators dont know (by choice) where exactly it is.

buff

Sorry I'm so late on this thread, but I had to get in:

MR BURNS: "No, with my last breath I sucked out my gold fillings....those paramedics have sticky fingers!"

RALPH WIGGUM: "Teacher, I glued my head to my shoulder."

HOMER: "I hope you learned your lesson, Lisa. Never help anyone."

DR. NICK RIVIERA: "Hey look, it's Mr. McGreg, with a leg for an arm, and an arm for a leg!"

LIONEL HUTZ: "Care for a belt of Scotch?"
MARGE: "It's 8:30 in the morning!"
LIONEL HUTZ: "Yeah, but I haven't slept in days." *glug glug*

TROY McCLURE: "Hi, I'm Troy McClure, you may remember me from such self-help films as....Smoke Yourself Thin, and Get Confident, Stupid!"

MR. BURNS: "And think about it, Smithers, if I had her killed, I'd be the one to go to jail!"

JIMBO JONES: "Aw, I don't believe it...now my pants are chafing me too!"

MR. VAN HOUTEN: "Milhouse, give him back his soul, I've got work tomorrow!"

MR. BURNS: "Come on man, use an open-faced club...the sand wedge!"
HOMER: "Mmmm, open-faced club sandwich..."

MR. BURNS: "Homer, I would love to help, but you see, I'm uh...strapped for cash."

MR. BURNS (on the phone with Smithers, while Homer is standing right there): "This fellow seems to be getting dumber by the minute, I've never seen anything quite like it.....I'm not really free to talk right now."

MR. BURNS: "Ooops, I lost a fingernail...well, that's leprosy for you."



That's enough for now.

Brandon

I love the Simpsons!

My favourite Homerisms is from when Homer was looking for a new religion:

Homer is at the Qwikimart talking to Apu:

Homer is trying to feed Ganesh, the elephant head god, a peanut.
Apu: "Please do not feed my god peanuts."

Homer late says to Apu: "When they were passing out religions, you guys must have been out taking a whiz."
Apu:"Buy something and don't come back."

My mommy says Im not allowed in the deep end of the sand box, cause thats where the leprachaun is and he tells me to burn things.

i already posted here but i thought do it again
Mr.Burns: Stroke,Stroke,Stroke,Stroke.
Apu: but iam rowing as fast as i can, sir
Mr.Burns: No i am having one

Lisa IN this house we obey the laws of THERMODYNAMICS!

"It tastes like buuuuuurning"
"Ms. Hoover, I ate my red crayon"
"I choo-choo-cho-choooose you"
-Ralph

is the simpson's springfield in northern Kentucky?

it doesnt exist anywhere, too many contradictions in the show

i dunno what this epsiode is from
Homer: Hello operator what the number of 911

I can't believe no one posted this, it makes me laugh every time I hear it and want to actually be able to use it one day

Patterson: Sorry I'm late... SOMEONE cut my brakes.
Homer: Then shouldn't you have been early.

Bart: "I didn't know you could play the guitar, otto man!"
Otto: "I learned while I was in college, my dad thought it was a waste of time, but look at me now!"

.. A school bus-driver. =p

Bart: "I am él bartó!"
Homer: "Well, I am él hómó!"

Sideshow Bob: No! It's German! It says The Bart, The.
Parole board woman: No-one who speaks German could possibly be evil!

Agnes: Seymour, are you looking at naked ladies on the Internet?
Seymour: Of course not, mother!
Agnes: Sissy!

Willy: I cannot fit into a wee vent, you croquet-playing mitt-muncher!
Skinner: Grease your self up and go in, you... you guff-speaking work-slacker.
Willy: Ooh, good comeback.

Homer: It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Kinda sums up the modern way of life, for me... ;)

Kent Brockman " Some poeple are calling this a meltdown"

Mr Burns " I like to call it an unrequested, excessive fusion incident" :D

Mors is right.. Springfield is in northern Kentucky. the announcer said it in the VH1 "Behind the Laughter" episode back in the day.

and with that cleared up, my two favourite quotes are:

Sideshow Bob: "You want the truth?! You can't handle the truth! I deride your truth-handling ability! No truth-handler you!"

Lunch Lady Doris: "They even got Groundskeeper Willy to teach French.."
Grounds Keeper Willy: "Bonjouuurrrrrr, ya cheese-eatin' surrender monkeys!"

Commercial from Moe's Family Feed Bag: We can deep-fry an entire cow in 45 seconds.
Homer: Forty-five seconds? But I want it now!

I don't remember the whole quote, but I do recall Reverend Lovejoy inviting the congregation to enjoy "...the gospel sounds of Testament."

And as Ralph is being carried off by a wolf:
"Your breath smells like dead bunnies."

"ZOMBIEEEEEEEES!"
"Please, Lisa. They prefer to be called the Living Impaired."

Oh yeah...

"PINCHY! PI-I-I-INCHY! (Mmm, pass the butter...) PI-I-I-I-INCHY!"

sea captain: Call me back Ishmael -

homer : I know. And this perpetual motion machine she made
today is a joke! It just keeps going faster and faster.

... I'm with you, Marge. Lisa! Get in here.
[Lisa walks in, chuckling nervously]
In this house, we obey the laws of thermodynamics!

taken from a website:
"Springfield does not exist. Its location is a running gag,
no more.

There is enough evidence in the existing 335+ episodes of
The Simpsons to preclude Springfield's placement in ANY
American state. There are so many geographical
contradictions between episodes that it is impossible for
Springfield to actually exist.

This has now become a running gag among both the writers of
the show and its fans. In the show, references to
Springfield's precise location are always artfully
hidden, usually for comic effect:

This scene, from a preliminary script to "Brother, Can
You Spare Two Dimes" demonstrates the proper attitude to
have towards the issue.

Scene: A train station. Herbert Powell is at the
ticket booth.

Herb: I want a ticket to Springfield.
Ticket Agent: Springfield, Illinois?
Herb: No.
Ticket Agent: Springfield, Massachusetts?
Herb: No, Springfield...

As Herb says the name of the state, a train whistle
blows, preventing us from hearing the answer.

Springfield is "Anytown, USA". It's as if all of America was
compressed into a single town, or a single state."

One for the boys....
Smithers...
"I'm a firm believer that women and seamen don't mix"

Homer...
"DOH!"
Lisa...
"A deer!"
Marge
"A female deer!"
Two of my fave's
x x x

Ah, but as to the location of Springfield (aside from it abutting Shelbyville), we can discern that it's somewhere in the midwest to eastern portion of the US. Based on the "Simpsons Family Album, Springfield is the birthplace of Bart, Lisa, and Maggie. Thanks to various flashbacks, we can infer that they have spent their whole lives there. NOW, in one episode, Bart and Lisa are on the bus and begin playing "Punch Buggy". You know how it goes. You see a VW bug then punch your partner on the arm yelling "Punch buggy [color of car]!" My husband is from the east and avows that those are the "rules" back east, whereas out west (Colorado to California) the game is essentially the same except that we yell "Slug bug!" Calling out the color is optional depending on where you are. In Santa Cruz, they called out the color. In San Jose, Santa Clara, Palm Springs, Morgan Hill, Felton, etc. we didn't.

It's also in driving distance of New York City, or at least a reasonably affordable bus trip. If you've played "Simpsons: Hit and Run", you can see it's a coastal town. Whether it's an ocean or one of the Great Lakes I don't know.

HOWEVER- It doesn't seem to be too far from Arlen, Texas, as Hank, Peggy, Dale, Bill, and Boomhauer were all able to show up for a football game between Springfield Elementary and Tom Landry Middle School. (King of the Hill)


(You know, when you watch cartoons stoned, you reallllllllly notice a lot...)

Ah dude, this is the best! OK, lemme see.....

Homer: He'd better win, or we're taking a trip to the glue factory. And he won't get to come.

Homer: Hello, lollypop island? There's a girl here who's had too many sourballs.

Homer: Where's my burritos? Where's my burritos?

Homer: Phew! I hope that was just a wonderful dream.
Jockey: No dream! Lose the race, fat-boy!

Homer: One, where's the fife? And two, gimme the fife!

Homer: God, look at these refugees. How about a smile?

Homer: Oh God, please help me!
(phone rings)
Voice: Hello Homer, this is God....frey Jones from Hard Copy.

Homer: Weaseling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals... except the weasel.

Marge: Homer, the plant called. They said if you don't show up tomorrow don't bother showing up on Monday.
Homer: Woo-hoo! Four-day weekend!

Lisa: What's a muppet?
Homer: Well, it's not quite a mop, and it's not quite a puppet. But man! So in answer to your question, I don't know.

Titania: You said if I slept with you, I wouldn't have to touch the drunk.
Duff Man: Duff Man says a lot of things. Oh yeah!

Duff Man: Duff Man is thrusting in the direction of the problem.

Homer: How about if I sing to you. I gave my love a chicken, it had no bones...mmm, chicken.

Bart: Dad, what's the point to this story?
Homer: I like stories.

Mr Burns: Who the devil are you?

Marge: Homer, have you been up all night eating cheese?
Homer: I think I'm blind!

Jasper: Who shot who with a what now?

Homer: I am evil Homer!

Marge: Homer, is something wrong? I can hear you chewing on your pillow.

Homer: Oh Pinchy. He would've wanted it this way. Ooh, pass the butter!

I think that's all for now, but I'm sure I'll remember some more and post them later...tata x

"I thought I was a self-hating Jew but now it turns out I'm just a plain, old-fashioned antisemite"-- Hershel "Krusty the Clown" Krustofski.

"And that's how an heroic hippo became a deputy."

"And the elephant who couldn't stop laughing was put to death."

Here's an obscure one that I've often mumbled when traffic wasn't going my way:

"Ooh, Bob Dole doesn't need this..."
("Bob Dole" while being abducted by those two huge aliens in one of the Halloween specials)

I love what Homer said when he was trying to console Bart over Krusty's death:

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time. Just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow. Well, good night."

Hmm, I think I might tell that to my future kids if Rover happens to die. How comforting!

Either Rodd or Todd.. who can tell the difference anyways? haha

BART: Yeah! I got him! I got him!
RODD/TODD: Nah, you just clipped him. You made him a unitarian.

Bart:Im Bart Simpson who the hell are you?
Mayor Quimby: Um did I just hear a briefcase opening?

eat my shorts