I've got a question about all of your relationships, whether you're married or not, or in a committed relationship or not. In successful relationships you've had, how did they start? How was the relationship?

Was there that magical movie moment where it was fate and you knew it was right and this and that...all passionate and such?

Or was it more of a lukwarm coming together? Where it wasn't magic, but you guys "could" go together? I don't really know what I'm trying to say, but hopefully you all do.

Why I'm asking is because, well, lukewarm is all I seem to get. I'm a pretty agreeable person, really easy to get along with. Don't have any enemies and have never had any bad relationships with women. On the flip side, I've never really hit it off with anyone. All of my girlfriends have been so-so. We're not ideal, but the idea of us together isn't completely daft. We're simply OK--get along well and have fun and all that, but don't have the pure unbridled passion that you read about in books or see in those chick flicks.

So, my question is should I keep looking for this unicorn? Or do they really not exist? How are your relationships? Any of you have successful long-term (i.e. 5+years/marriage) relationships on lukewarm-ity or do you need the hotness to go the distance? I appreciate anyone's input, maybe more curiosity that anything...maybe.

Well, my relationships mostly start when I am drunk and end a few days later. Such a shame :D

I think none of them started lukewarm. All started quite hot and intense. Just go for it. You have to let go of all inhibitions and dooooo it.

That is how it gets hot. me thinks.

I had one succesful relationship (5 years - but is it really succesful if it still ends after 5 years?).

One I thought was THE one, but it ended anyway because of long distance.

My relationship started at college...and we all know how they start off ;) Boring as hell and as awkward as possible.

But keep looking for that unicorn, think about what you want in a person and go for it.Set some standards.

Try as many different dishes as you can, my friend, whether lukewarm, steaming hot or cold.

I agree with Thor that eventually you'll find that unicorn but my opinion would be set principles rather than standards. Principles are something you live up to, and can control, standards are something the other must live up to, which you cannot control.

I don't know how old you are but if you are over 35 then I'd say your "unicorn" isn't going to be found and you should set your sights on anyone willing and compatable to be your companion or mate. If you keep trying to find that perfect match it may not ever happen because you'll never find your mother out there. If you are under 35 then there's a chance you may find bliss and that someone special just like mom.

I was lucky to find my mate when I was only 24 and she was 20. We met at a rock concert and went out together alot afterwards. She and I liked the same things and had many same interests and we knew we loved each other from the start. It wasn't magic but good communication skills that we had because we enjoyed talking about many things. Either you hit it off or you don't and move on. Don't waste time if you really like her/him for they may not want to wait and see, get busy right away if you want to keep them close to you.

I don't believe in unicorns. You find someone who fits your personality and beliefs on most of the major points (religion, money, career, kids, marriage, etc.) and you improvise the rest. I am in a committed relationship (not married but close) with another poster on this forum. And despite what the author of the Love Connection thread might intimate, we did not meet here.

who is the lucky guy?

Percy Sledge Lyrics

When A Man Loves A Woman Lyrics

When a man loves a woman
Can't keep his mind on nothing else
He'll trade the world
For the good thing he's found
If she's bad he can't see it
She can do no wrong
Turn his back on his best friend
If he put her down

When a man loves a woman
Spend his very last dime
Tryin' to hold on to what he needs
He'd give up all his comfort
Sleep out in the rain
If she said that's the way it ought to be

Well, this man loves a woman
I gave you everything I had
Tryin' to hold on to your precious love
Baby, please don't treat me bad

When a man loves a woman
Down deep in his soul
She can bring him such misery
If she plays him for a fool
He's the last one to know
Lovin' eyes can't ever see

When a man loves a woman
He can do no wrong
He can never own some other girl
Yes when a man loves a woman
I know exactly how he feels
'Cause baby, baby, baby, you're my world

When a man loves a woman.....

hey, there's nothing wrong with comfort. i've had that unicorn, twice, and i couldn't WAIT to get past it to where we were comfortable together. in fact, the first time had so much passion that it was volatile and we eventually exploded (even being broken up for several years we still have occasional flare-ups and phone slamming). eventually you get too old for tumultuous relationships.

While I don't believe in the "One true love" notion, I do believe that there has to be some magic to keep the relationship alive. There has to be something that draws you together and keeps you there. And it's really important to be attracted to your mate, both physically and intellectually. It gets boring quickly, and the relationship stales if you don't have it. Relationships without it that do last are usually some pathetic symbiotic relationship of co-dependant and dependee, neither one wanting to leave because of what the other does for them.

I myself love waking up to my husband every morning even after 9 years of marriage. I like the way our feet rub together when we sleep, and I like the way he smiles when I kiss him half asleep when I'm off to work. We have two children now, and still occasionally sneak off for a quickie or sit on the couch together all wrapped up in each other. He makes me laugh, and he likes that I am smart. He's someone I can debate with that can keep up with me (and most often win) and we agree on things like movies and music. We disagree on a lot of things too, but none of them have to do with raising our family or the way we live our life. It's important to have similar values and goals, or too much gets in the way.

There still has to be that flutter in your heart. That excitement. That lust. Anything less is a farce, and will eventually fade or become stagnant and anyone who tells you that you don't need it is a fool who settled.

Either you hit it off or you don't and move on.

Good advice Cosmic. You either spark or you don't - it isn't something that grows over time.

Spurious, my beau is not well loved on this forum so I'm not inclined to give his monicker away. You are right, he is lucky. Then again so am I.

it's PM

101010

I'm laughing my ass off Swedish. :D

PM with a woman who referred to herself as 'Princess'? That's irony.

i kid. do tell though.

15ofthe19.

Don't hold it against me that he can be an asshat.

nothing against him. but then i don't pay attention much. who doesn't like him?

isn't he the one with the neice he's crazy about?

Why I'm asking is because, well, lukewarm is all I seem to get. I'm a pretty agreeable person, really easy to get along with
I know the feeling, at least i did until last year.

but don't have the pure unbridled passion that you read about in books or see in those chick flicks.
Thats called fantasy and its there because most people dream of that but wont ever get it.
I've been with someone for a year now and things are up and down, but thats love for you and it takes time to get everything right, when you meet the right person you'll know(i know it sounds cheesy), its just one of those things.
There really is someone for everyone you just may or may not find them, i got lucky, you might too or you may have to decide between being alone and having an average relationship, main thing is you enjoy yourself, things cant always be good or bad so just do your best to get what you want and remember nothing and nobody is perfect.

isn't he the one with the neice he's crazy about?

Two of them actually. And they are little darlings.

Blackmonkey:

In successful relationships you've had, how did they start? How was the relationship?
Started with gasoline and latex.
Ended with a love rash.

On the serious: only the normal happens to the normal.


Fireguy:

Try as many different dishes as you can, my friend, whether lukewarm, steaming hot or cold.
Yeah and get crabs with the fishsauce, stupid slut.

Mine was perfect. First time I met her, fireworks went off in the background and time slowed down.

Its our 2 year anniversery tommorrow and I am finally popping the question. Wish me luck.

Sarge:

Its our 2 year anniversery tommorrow and I am finally popping the question. Wish me luck.
Ick.

The only thing I'll wish you is herpes.
You're going to get married? What about Swedishfish, you stupid slut?

On the serious- think on it Sarge. Marriage.

Not married. I'll ask her if she wants to go out on a date. After 2 years of blissful love she'll finally find out she is in a relationship with me.

hahaha rofl gendy

I met my wife in a crowded bar on new years hehe. We can't remember who approached who. We were both lit of course. The next morning we decided to go have a brunch together. Surprisingly, it wasnt painful and we just seemed to click.

5 years or so later and we've never had a problem with conversation. We havent had many big fights. You could count them on one hand.

So...it wasn't magic. But we just sorta fit together. We have a similar general outlook on life but we are very different in what we are good at.

Hope that helps a little.

I met my wife when I was married to another woman (who was my 2nd wife). Third time was the charm for me - we've been together over 13 years and we're still like newlyweds. Everything about our relationship is great - we're deeply in love, have a very strong physical attraction, are the best of friends, and we basically enjoy every minute of the rollercoaster that is life - we help each other through the dips and exuberantly celebrate the peaks.

Could I have ever had this kind of relationship with another woman? I seriously doubt it. With two failed marriages and countless other relationships lasting from 2 weeks to 6 months, I feel pretty confident in saying that there is ONE right person for me... and I thank my lucky stars I found her.

Gendy...


Yeah and get crabs with the fishsauce, stupid slut.

My intention was not to imply he fuq every dish by using the word 'try'.

Sooooo, what does that say about YOU! :eek:

Fireboy:

Sooooo, what does that say about YOU!
That I find your dabbling type repulsive and AIDS worthy.

Don't mean a damn if you don't sleep with them, Oh my brother. You would if a thousand whores let you.

You would if a thousand whores let you.

Are you suggesting every girl that slept with me is a whore?

Gendy..., my dear 'bitter sweet', your bold statements reveal way tooooo much about your 'alter ego'.

"Are you suggesting every girl that slept with me is a whore?"

Look, fuckmook. I'm not suggesting anything, I said: If a thousand whores would let you, you'd sleep with them.

Its then up to you to decide whether my comment is true or true.

"Gendy..., my dear 'bitter sweet', your bold statements reveal way tooooo much about your 'alter ego'."

Actually, I'm a glutton for frankness- there are no reveletions or subtelties, my boy: I am a fat bitch with bad skin and I project my insecurities towards other humans by reinforcing my Will upon them. This keeps me sane for the moment and I cry at night when confronted with the truth of my secret.

Actually, I'm a glutton for frankness- there are no reveletions or subtelties, my boy: I am a fat bitch with bad skin and I project my insecurities towards other humans by reinforcing my Will upon them. This keeps me sane for the moment and I cry at night when confronted with the truth of my secret.

So you like living in this debacle you call your existence? That description does not seem becoming of you.

let you

Think about those two words, words you used, reverse as if it[those two words]were directed to you. ???????????????..............???????? Understand?

Sarge:

So you like living in this debacle you call your existence? That description does not seem becoming of you
Its...horrible.

Lying awake at night with Cheeto crumbs on my face, trembling in fear and disgusted that the chins jiggle with my tremors.
Don't tell me your miserable existence is any better, my fat brother.

Fireguy:

Think about those two words, words you used, reverse as if it[those two words]were directed to you. ???????????????..............???????? Understand?
No.

I don't know what it is, but your handle is perfectly fitted for this occasion considering I can picture you in a flithy brothel and crying the next day becuase your crotch is on fire. Slut.

your crotch is on fire. Slut.

*snif, snif*

EDIT: All I smell is gendy's... desire 'burning'.

Lying awake at night with Cheeto crumbs on my face, trembling in fear and disgusted that the chins jiggle with my tremors.
Don't tell me your miserable existence is any better, my fat brother.


:) Well if you must lie then ok but I won't. Yes I waste mucho time but I guess I don't wallow in the mistakes. Lately I have been on a surge of change.

My existence isn't miserable...just lacks direction.

Getting (ahem) back on topic...

do you need the hotness to go the distance?Passion won't guarantee a successful relationship - a fire will burn out if it's not tended to, and that takes some effort.

But hotness is, IMO, a prerequisite. I personally have never had the problem you're having; virtually every relationship I've ever been in was pretty hot from the start. As such, I took it pretty much for granted, and when the fire burned out, I moved on to the next one. But given your experience, my advice to you is that when at last you DO experience it, TREASURE IT - do what you have to do to keep the flames dancing. Put some effort into it and realize that men and women need different things to stoke the fire.

I always find it funny that I met my first boyfriend in a Sex Ed. class and I'd never so much as noticed him before... (I was 11)
The next day he moves next to me in class... after 3 months of getting little love notes in my pencilcase (isn't 11 years old so sweet???) we went out and it lasted 5 months.
It's so "American High School Teen Movie"-type-corny but it was fun :p and we're still great friends.