I do understand that.
I feel as if my core personhood was shattered; part of me seems to have died at 6...too, I lost my connection to reality for a while. I will never be what I could have been...and I'm not willing to undergo more damage.
My mindset: Consider all these possibilities, strongly desire to go into defense mode because I'm anxious by nature and have been fucked over a lot-but refuse to because I know that on the whole, the average enjoyment I derive out of life is a lot higher with the occasional clusterfuck than with constant vigilance.
Assume all people, especially the ones you love and trust, may start physically and psychologically torturing you without any warning whatsoever.