I'm stressing over teenage son....

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by shorty_37, Apr 2, 2009.

  1. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Neuter him, that way you need not ever worry to much about his doings!

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    Last edited: Apr 2, 2009
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  3. Liebling Doesn't Need to be Spoonfed. Valued Senior Member

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    Or buy a bowl full of condoms and leave it by the front door.

    That's what I plan to do.

    Better safe than expecting them to abstain.
     
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  5. Search & Destroy Take one bite at a time Moderator

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    If he's in the cool crowd he's gonna have to get laid by the end of middle-school or at least his freshman year of high-school to keep up his little reputation. In those critical years, dominance is fiercely defined by mating. Seriously. If he's already got a girlfriend he is well positioned to make his next move.

    If you don't want him to be cool, there are a few things you could do. (like cutting off his weiner) Otherwise just relax, and stop trying to control his puberty.

    And when it comes to sex talks, only another male will do. What does mom know about a boy's mind during puberty - it must be all speculation! If he is to believe anyone, make it believable.

    and take everything I say lightly. I don't have any kids
     
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  7. S.A.M. uniquely dreadful Valued Senior Member

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    shorty:

    Your son sounds pretty normal to me. I think you're overestimating the amount of information he will give you about his sex life [or his interest in it]. Don't worry about it. Just give him the sex education talk and a box of condoms. Better yet, let nietszche do it

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  8. fedr808 1100101 Valued Senior Member

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    Being part of the cool crowd is nothing to be ashamed with, it helps with moral, trust me, at this time of the year when i was in highschool i was terrible with my social life and i stressed out voer everything.
     
  9. joepistole Deacon Blues Valued Senior Member

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    Shorty, I think it is fine. It sounds like you have a fine lad. I would just be frank with him about the rules as I think you have been. But I think you have to allow him to have his friends and girlfriends. Girlfriends can be good at that age....as long as he knows the rules and follows the rules you both agree too. And part of the rules would be not allowing situations in which they could get into trouble.

    And it sounds like you are a good mom too. So everything I have heard about you and your son sounds normal and healthy to me. But it becomes a little painful when they leave home...little boys and girls do grow up. I think all parents are happy and at the same time saddened when their kids grow up.
     
  10. Challenger78 Valued Senior Member

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    I wouldn't say 13, but if he's already in one.. I would say 14 or 15 is good, and then from 16 onwards he's old enough to handle sex.

    There's nothing much you can do about it. At 13 thru to 16, Boys will think incessantly about girls. Unfortunately, I went to a boys school, so short of that, you can only tell him to be careful, and not lustful.

    Make that clear to him. By now, Sex ed lessons should be kicking in too.

    At 16. I noticed that most boys went, whoa, slow down. I have to stop switching girlfriends every 3 weeks.
     
  11. Anti-Flag Pun intended Registered Senior Member

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    Do you really think your kids will take them? The last thing teenagers want their parents to know about is how sexually active they are! They'd probably be paranoid that you've counted them and know exactly when they've taken just one.

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  12. shorty_37 Go! Canada Go! Registered Senior Member

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    He isn't a MAN yet. Well if you were my son Draqon I wouldn't have any worries about him going out and having sex or even talking to girls for that matter.

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  13. shorty_37 Go! Canada Go! Registered Senior Member

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    I know you have 2 boys around the same age as me too, so when do you plan on doing that? At what age do you think you would be comfortable with that?

    To be honest I can never see myself doing something like that. As Anti-flag mentioned, I doubt they would want us to know exactly what they were up to, and how many times for that matter.

    As for your earlier post, he is a pretty good kid and I know it is perfectly normal for his hormones to be raging. I think I am just going to have to find a way to deal with the fact that the time has come and I have to accept it and get through it the best way I can, but it is hard for me.

    Tonight again I stressed to him how I will not tolerate the lying. I told him he is only punishing himself because he is losing my trust and privileges along with it. I told him that if I can't trust him then even when he is telling the truth, I might not believe him.
    He apologized again.....and I said well you are only hurting yourself by lying, so you better think twice before doing it again.

    I grew up in a household where we didn't talk about that stuff. As I said earlier my talk from my mother was " I catch you having sex you are dead duck" I would never say that, but talking about it openly with him is really hard for me. The fact that he might be out fooling around with this girl is hard for me to face right now. Shit kids just grow up wayyyyyyyy too fast.

    I know he knows a lot because they have sex education for the past couple yrs at school. His father my EX has spoken with him, but he lives with me so I am the one who is in control of what he is doing and where he is going more then anybody else. I am going to have to bite the bullet and have a more in depth talk with him no matter how uncomfortable it is going to be for me and him.
     
    Last edited: Apr 3, 2009
  14. draqon Banned Banned

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    what does that mean? that my puritan nature or unsightly sight will shy away the girls? *very very very very very mad*

    kidding.
     
  15. draqon Banned Banned

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    shorty, seriously the boy needs guidance, you cannot stop him from wanting, you can however direct him so that it is safe.

    And yes giving him condoms is the right thing to do, yes I know he is 13, but if it goes that way and it does, do the right thing.
     
  16. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

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    Thats jus a "peeved" adult winnin an argument wit a 12 year old as the beginin of the punishment process... an also... it seems unreasonable to demand that he not "assume" (thank for hisself)... an it shuts off any hope of productive comunicaton when you cut him off at the knees like that.!!!

    Mos likely his nest lye will be mor carfully thout out to avoid such punishments.!!!

    I have no idea... but it coud be a wonderful opportunity to build on what ever level of trust an respect you 2 curently have for each other.!!!

    An i dont mean to do this as a "lecture"... but as casual conversaton ask him why he felt he needed to lye insted of discussin the mater wit you.!!!

    An peerty much what ever answr he gives... jus say hmmm... well thanks for tellin me you'r feelins on the mater an give him a quick hug an let the issue DROP an go on about you'r regular routine wit a pleasant atitude.!!!

    I thank workin at improvin the comunicaton will have much beter long term results than groundin or other punishments... because if hes treeted mor like an adult... he will learn from the good esample you'r settin an he will be mor likely to behave out of love an respect for you insted of fear of you'r punishments.!!!
     
  17. PieAreSquared Woo is resistant to reason Registered Senior Member

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    I have been getting somewhat stressed out lately.

    yeah .. those pre-grandmother jitters can really get to you
     
  18. chris4355 Registered Senior Member

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    Shorty, it really depends on who his friends are, especially if he's more of a follower.

    Asides from that, I am sorry to say that it would be very hard for you to talk him out into not doing whatever hes planning on doing, the best thing to do is give him a talk and just keep an eye out.

    Oh and one more thing, this is coming from personal experience since I was a teenager not too long ago... =D The more you try finding out things about his life, the more he will want to keep it to himself.

    There was one thing my sister told me when I was 15 and she was 21, and she said that when you turn 20+, you suddenly can talk to your parents again.

    I think theres a lot of truth to that as I started talking to them more after high school and on.

    Probably has to do with the fact that us guys especially have huge ego's when puberty starts, it sort of wears down past 18.
     
  19. Liebling Doesn't Need to be Spoonfed. Valued Senior Member

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    I don't think I'd ever be comfortable talking to him about sex at all, but I'd rather have the talk with him about sex than have a talk with him about what doctor he needs to see, or what he should do about his girlfriend being pregnant.

    I was a bit of a wild child myself, and started having sex with my long term boyfriend (3 1/2 years is long term for junior high/high school) at 14. But that's a different circumstance, and most of the kids who came from more stable homes where they got love and attention and "the talk" waited much longer to have sex. The parents who talked to their kids about it, had less problems with their kids because it was all out in the open. I want my kids (I have two boys, as Shorty pointed out) to be able to come to me and ask me to buy them condoms if they are afraid to do it themselves because I'd really rather have them safe.

    I was lucky and my health teacher had "the talk" with me, or I could have gotten pregnant very very early.
     
  20. clusteringflux Version 1. OH! Valued Senior Member

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    I have to wonder if the advice people are giving would be any different if shorty was describing the same set of circumstances but about a daughter rather than her son.
     
  21. Liebling Doesn't Need to be Spoonfed. Valued Senior Member

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    For me, no. I would talk the same to my daughter because I know what I was like at that age. I would want her to feel that she could talk to me about that stuff, and I would take her to the gynecologist as well if she let me know she was having sex to get her the pill in addition to educating her on the importance of condoms.

    What parents don't seem to understand is that once the child is 12, they kind of go off and become their own individuals with their own choices to make. The best you can do is give them the right tools and then let them go out amd make their own mistakes. But be there when they fall too, because they won't feel like they can get up from all the blows they'll take if you don't at least offer an open hand.

    But I'm really open minded.
     
  22. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    if he's a good kid and his gf and her family are nice, chances are they'll just kiss and hold hands n stuff. sex is so terrifying at that age cos school's telling you it'll give you aids and pregnancy, plus you're a virgin so you don't know how good it is. that was the experience of my friends at that age anyway. i think having a gf is really good for guys in highschool, its such an awkward stage and its nice to feel loved and attractive.

    also i'd give up trying to explain how friends won't be there for you in a crisis, he's unlikely to understand it til he experiences it, and you're vilifying yourself by saying that about his mates. i do agree with you, i don't think its something that can just be told.
     
  23. Varda The Bug Lady Valued Senior Member

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    I didn't read the thread but hahahahhahaha fuck
    What kind of a controlling bitch do you have to be to be so worried about a normal kid having normal behavior for his age. You might as well cut his dick off.
    Maybe it's just making you realize that you're a haggard old woman. Face it, your son is old enough to want to have sex.
     

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