What does it mean to be"treated like a lady"?

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If that's all you do, it is not.

However, if you do those things and couple them with other expectations (i.e. "she should behave like a lady if I'm going to go out of my way to XXX") then that is indeed controlling.

 

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I used to live in an area where the public architecture included two sets of heavy sprung doors about 20 feet apart. Having held the first one open one had the option of letting the second one slam in the face of the person behind. Naturally I and several of the people I knew became expert at letting the door go at just the right moment. The lack of any obligation to say "Thanks" at the first door was matched by the lack of any obligation to hold the second door open.

 

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Because you treated her the way you treat a semi-dependent, less capable person you regarded as physically inferior to yourself - assigned her that role, relative to you. You said so yourself, remember?

 

Or putting the toilet seat down?

 

Not the first time this has been raised in this forum. Was this a 'one-off'? Society changes very quickly. Just a few years ago it seemed every 16 year-old in town was wheeling a push-chair with a baby in it. Just twenty years later it is exceptional to see a teenage girl with a child.

 

I have never encountered (noticed?) rudeness in these situations ,from a man or a woman . Maybe it is important to take each situation on its own merits.

Anyway ,who does anything for nothing? An acknowledgement is a fine reward and if this is obtained 9 times out of ten you are "quids in".

Yesterday a woman let me ahead of her in the checkout as she had more to take through than I did. That is not unusual.(she actually had a ladder in her shopping trolley for J.H.Christ's sake)

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Lots of people do.

When I do kind things, it is often immaterial whether they're acknowledged - or even noticed.

I do them because I choose to promote the world I want - one in which gestures of kindness are virtually second nature, unconscious.

 

You don't ,mean you are uninterested in the effect your actions have ,surely? All the world is a stage.

If my actions are unacknowledged I lose interest.

Acknowledgement can be incremental . I don't expect people to "jump to attention".(or even to notice all the time)

 

I was born and raised in the US Deep South. I will continue to treat women with respect and deference, unless they are impolite or rude.

If I'm corrected on my behavior, I will defer and apologize.

I will still treat strangers like gentleman and ladies, unless they prove that they're not. That's just good manners.

 

Certainly, I don't mind the appreciation.

But not always. Sometimes I deliberately do things anonymously, so that its not about acknowledgement.