OKay, there is something that has been bothering me for quite some time and I just need to get it out and hear some insight to the other side. I know certain people (and not just 1 or 2) that will use other people to get what they want out of life. Now, Im not talking about using people for sex or anything, though I know people like that too. Im talking about people that will actually marry someone or stay in a relationship for financial support, to go to school while their spouse works, pays the bill, ya get the idea. And the thing is, these people are planning on leaving when they're done using the poor unknowing individuals. I understand part of it - selfishness, wanting to get further in life and not knowing how, etc. And these people are not BAD people, their nice, sweet, caring. Can anyone provide any insight on WHY people do this? Is it insecurity? Are they scared? Immaturity? Just downright meanness? And if theres anyone who has actually done this out there, why?Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Also, can anyone give any good reasons why to use people. Honesty would be highly appreciativePlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Groove on
I moved in with my first boyfriend just to get away from my horrible stepfather. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I guess these people are afraid to stand on their own and need a surrogat parent to care for them. They are big babies. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! But to do that for a long peroid of time seems utterly mean. Maybe you should talk with your friends and make them consider the feelings of the person they will eventually hurt. Otherwise it will come back to them, karma.
Using eachother is the foundation of human existence. The practice goes far beyond couples. Shoot, that's what we do all day...everyone.
Its because people are nieve and emotions cloud our judgement. Some people just exploit this. Just something we have to constantly be on the look out for as we live our lives. Its not really an ethics issue for the ones using others, its just the way they think life is. l
People rationalize for their behaviour. The best relationship is where emotions are shared equally. But if backgrounds are different, then each one sees the relationship according to their own understanding. The man who used the woman to get an education or become successful in life only to dump her for a mantle piece probably has his own reason. I am sure he thing he did not do any thing wrong or his actions are justified. It is human nature but can be modified with counselling and with people around them. As the saying goes...Life is not fair...it happens...and happens a lot in western culture.
Hey thanks guys for providing some insight and different views. Im starting to not think so lowly of these certain people. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Cynicism Living out the cynical ideal? I didn't know how impartial or objective I can be about this issue because I imagine it's different for men and women maybe not ideologically or ethically but in a practical, sociological and economical sense. I'm not suggesting women are of a lower order philosophically or intellectually etc. but that they sometimes have different considerations and concerns but more significantly they've been socialized differently and there are different expectations of them. I have a friend who is in a relationship in which she lives with her boyfriend. Things have been getting a little ugly between them and I think she would like to get out of it but I she's somewhat afraid of having to live on her own and support herself so she's giving the guy a lot of chances and leeway for being an asshole. I think she knows it's a losing battle but there are advantages to being with him, economic as well as plain old codependency. She does love the guy but she's subjecting herself to abuses she knows she should never abide. As far as going into a situation where the emotional involvement is minimal at best, for what it has to offer in terms of economic and physical security there are certainly different schools of thought. On one hand, the idealists and romantics would consider a shame and a sham to take advantage of another emotionally and deny oneself a relationship based on love for financial and material gain. The other school of thought tells a man never marry a woman you love because of the complications by way of pain, jealousy and passion that often causes irrational thought and behavior. To view marriage as a neccesary, functional bond. I suppose it depends on the individual's own ideals and principles. For some it's a matter of survival and from that perspective could be seen as perfectly justifiable. Also, people have different concepts of love. Some believe it's the essence and ultimate purpose of humanity. To find it, nuture it, give and receive it and without it no human being will ever be complete and fulfilled. Others find that it only brings trouble and pain and that life is much more manageable keeping such emotional attachments low key and to a minimum. Again, the individual can only know for themself what is important to them and for some love isn't a priority and security, comfort, wealth etc is. I suppose it's also true that some people don't mind being used, men and women alike. It may seem sad but to each his own as with the "user." This may have offered nothing that addressed the original question but I hope so.
Gabalawi I would of never even thought of that. Thanks a bunch, your post really made me think... its was very insightful. Thanks again.
disclaimer... Okay stRgrl, I must point out that the "school of thought" that would espouse such an approach to marriage is borne of bitterness and dissappointment. The outlook of the spurned lover who has chosen to despise rather than embrace any feelings resembling love of another. By far NOT the ideal that most would endeavor to attain for themselves. Though I'm sure many of us who have been "burned" by love can understand the rationale behind wanting a relationship where they're not so wrought with emotion that they lose their minds. Also bear in mind that the man who would avoid marrying a woman he loves intends to take care of his need for love, passion and such by way of extramarital affairs. Keep the volatile, tempestuous relationships outside of the healthy, happy family unit. I suppose it makes sense but this is an approach of another culture and another era and usually not applicable today.
Gabalawi So if he has affairs and falls in love with one of them, then what happens? Theres still emotions there and people still are going to get hurt. I just dont get it. How can some people live their life with no love in it??Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I would have to say if he was honest with his partner about what he wanted and she was fine with it then that ok, but if he made her think he was inlove with her then he is an ASHOLE
Seconded. I don't see why anyone would willingly live the life of a parasite. It would be one thing if he was in a love-less marriage and simply screwing around..... But to be using her! And since when was marriage necessary? What do we need marriage for, besides healthcare benefits?
Asguard He's an assholePlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Xev Here here! Well said Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Weakness... He's afraid. Afraid to abandon the security of the woman who seems to offer unconditional love to this phoney. Instead of being honest to her about the way he truly feels and let her go, he keeps her around for his convenience and seeks excitement, sensual pleasure and passion elsewhere. These guys are a dime a dozen and their world revolves around them and their selfish needs. Of course any woman who thinks she loves a guy like this is sadly deceived and actually only in love with the ideal she has created for him. An ideal he will only perpetually fall short but she will see only what she wants until eventually, after countless screwups on his part will she find the courage and self-esteem to leave him in the dust. Certainly it takes two to make this scenario work and she's his enabler and he's the user/abuser and in many cases it's a case of dysfunctional symbiosis. They need each other to live out their sick relationship needs until either they get out or drive each other completely nuts. Hopefully one or the other will eventually find the strength to face facts and leave but until they recognize the sickness in their twisted needs it'll go on and on no matter how much friends and family members plead them (mostly her) to leave. I hope your not involved in any of this and either way, good luck and happy weekend.
i sertenly hope they dont bring kids into this i don't think you can blame the other partner in this, be them girl OR a guy they could just be totaly decived to the basteds nature, hopfully she will learn the truth before its to late B/W HEY marriage is good, i want to get married one day
Hi, all ... Considering that marriage in most cultures, and over the ages, has been for reasons other than 'love', why is there even a discussion re. 'who uses who' in progress? Anyone care to explain? Take care, y'all Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
