Thank you Ron. =) It seems she decided on her own to take a plane ticket to me and go visit me even if it's against her parents' choice. Well she surprised the hell out of me. I really hope she keeps this promise. So that's good.. There is one thing though, after a short while of talking when we had a little conversation, she told me: "let's not get too close to me yet", "let's just talk". I did and shortly after I began to be teasing and sweet to her. But, she blocked this off by abruptly saying: "don't get too close to me", "don't get too close to me before I might hurt you again". Ok. Why the hell does she react like this? Maybe because she isn't accustomed that we're fine again? I don't know. I asked her and she told me: "Right now I'm doubting if I should get involved with you, because I already spent so much trouble trying to choose between the two of you.", and combined this with defense mechanisms such as "I'm unexperienced", "why would you want to see me", etc. So my questions are: Why did she react so abrupt when I tried to get close to her? First she says she chose American guy because she was in love with him. Now she says she thinks she had chosen him out of empathy for his bad life (apparently caring about him and wanting to give him a relationship to make his life better), she said she had the same reason for her ex (also online bf). Do you think she's really sure of what she's doing? Or is she going to stab me in the back again? I can't trust her teen mind on f*cking around with me. Heh. Teens.. Thanks for your attention, Treval
Nobody is sure. It is not possible to be sure. Love is a risky, vulnerable business, scary at times, if you have an ambition to be close to a soul, not just the flesh. Fools get laid every day. To get further than that it needs trust and faith. That then is the worry. What do your questions here tell us about your trust, your faith, your need to be sure? You ask here because you know that it is no good to go to her to hope to fill your gap. She's going to have her own gap to fill. So Most likely because she already saw the gap. You have got to place a bet on your own instinct, at your own risk. Otherwise, at a crucial moment, the slightest sign of an if or a but may spoil it all. --- Ron.
wise words... as for the diary, I know a girl who's in the same situation, I think i know how she feels, she just likes tho both of you, and she'll keep swinging between decicions (like a civil war in your own head, with two parties fighting over control) so mayabe some subtle push in the right direction (like seeing her Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!) might turn her mind, and at the same time release her from her struggle. who knows... Allso, whach out for MSN, you're never the person you would be in the flesh, but i guess i allready said that (and a kiss or a hugg would in such times, where wors fail, really bring comfort) ~Iristas~ ok, this wa ment befor these two posts, right after the first one from Ron, i dind't see the other two :s
jep, you can see perplexity has more years behind his back than we do (this promises for what is to come ...) so, you will see her then, take it easy, and keep your distance when talking, find a nice place to talk, where it's not to busy, something like a park or any place that looks nice and has little people in it. from what you say, she feels very uncertain, so you will need to COMFORT HER, dont make any "get close moves" to fast, so she does'nt goes thinking all you want is to get laid, but keep talking, having a nice conversation, and watch her for signs (like, are you cold ? i have a blacet here ... if she says such things, you migt go sit next to her eh Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ) but, i'm like more inexperienced tahn any of you, so i'm not helping really... oh, and mayabe , if you're a good in coocking, a nice meal helps to soften up the whatever, I cant translate this one (it worked for me)
What makes people fall in love? A lot of different things, for different people. But one thing that is common to almost all loving relationships is physical intimacy. Not necessarily sex, but touching, simply being in the same room in real time, feeling each other's breath, smelling each other's bodies, picking up on all the unconscious stuff like body language and pheromones. Falling in love with someone you only know over the internet is just one step beyond falling in love with someone you only know from having seen them in a movie or heard them sing. Sure it's "love," the word is rich with definitions. But it's not the kind of love that a man and a woman build a life on. At least, unlike the TV star or the singer, you actually have a relationship with this person. She knows who you are, you talk, you've become part of each other's lives. That makes it qualitatively different from an infatuation with an entertainer. But it's still got a long way to go before it's in the same class with the emotion we call "love" between a man and a woman who have a live relationship. Enjoy this. Get whatever you can out of it. Have your sexual fantasies, have your intimate conversations, have your dreams, spend your time doing something that makes you happy. But don't let this occupy the place in your heart that a real love with a flesh-and-blood woman would occupy. That is not healthy. You'll end up denying yourself something that almost every human being who ever lived needs. Don't shut yourself away with this cyber-date to the extent that you close yourself off to the opportunity to meet "real" women. You don't say whether there's a chance that eventually you will arrange to meet in person. If that's the case, then this is different. Many people have met online and found that they still like each other in real life. But it doesn't sound like that's going to happen. At least not in the near future, and she's only 17 so the near future is not a very long time span for her. My advice is to do what makes you feel good but keep it in perspective. If this relationship becomes difficult to handle, that's no surprise because the only connection you have is typing and that's not substantial enough to work through a problem. If it doesn't work out, just remember it as a really sweet time and get back out in the real world looking for real women.
Occasionaly the wind blows the right way and someone special comes smack down upon your lap, you are not even prepared for it and have no idea what to do. I think falling in love is very hard to explain, no one really knows what happend but they do know they are seeing something others don't see. You can't expalin why people fall in love but my guess is that it has a lot to do with the right time and mood.
Yeah it does have to do with special moments... So we are going to meet. How should I behave towards her for the first time? Be distant or..? I have heard that whoever it is who is distant first, will get the higher respect. That she'll come clinging to me if I react aloof. Any ideas are nicely appreciated. Treval, on a mission. =O
It is obvious that Perplexity has more wisdom than can be derived merely by living a certain number of years. Treval: Try chivalry instead of the modern pseudo-charm of sulking. Flowers and poetry - perhaps she likes chocolate? Discard the psychological games. Lure beauty with beauty.
It has got more to do with dying for a certain number years, not so many ways to try and fail that I have not yet tried and failed at, no humility quite like that of total defeat, no knowing of the weight of the ego quite that that of falling all the way beneath it. The other thing about falling in love is the sense of something special, an opportunity not to be missed, a chance not so likely to come again. When that comes along the thing to beware of above all else is that you may be right, the chances are indeed few and far between, so go about it like it matters, like the matter of life death that it is. Think twice, think your self above it, or turn your back at your peril. --- Ron.
People.. It's getting hot. And I mean hot. I'm so nervous I'm about to f*ck everything up with her lol. Maybe I'm just panicking cause she's coming here. Anyway I have shown her insecurity when she asked: "how long do you want me to come?", I said "we'll see", then I said "how about two weeks", then I said "we'll see, like you said". lol I hope I didn't screw it up. -nods- -is nervous- Anyway I'll see how it goes...
Ron? Come on man do you know how needy I would come over? A man can't be needy towards a woman. It's unattractive. At least I heard.
So there was no need for this thread then? What is it all about otherwise? Last I heard it needed a woman to give birth to me. Beware that if you try to fool about it'll end up fooling about with you. --- Ron.
And beware of what you wish for. You said "we'll see". Now do you see? At a crucial moment, the slightest sign of an if or a but may spoil it all. --- Ron.
I didn't immediately see the doubt in "we'll see", but I see it now yes. Seems the reason she hung up was because she was celebrating her birthday at large. But, if it were me I wouldn't hang up in any situation. Heck, I even pick up the phone during a lecture at college and leave the aula (if it would be her). But that's just me I guess. Not many people are like me. -hehs- So she called me all happy and joyful, I haven't heard anyone so happy before. I could hear the happiness in her voice. =) She was telling me "you didn't creep me out", does that mean I did? Anyway, everything's fine. (at least from what I see and hear) Any ideas on what I should go do with her while she's here for say, two weeks? A party with my friends? Thoughts are nicely appreciated. Treval
