If You're Non-Religious...Fun things for Non-Christians to do in church... Pull aside an unruly child in a preschool Sunday School class and say: "If you're bad in here, you'll go to Hell." Put stray dogs in coat closets. Un-tune the piano. Replace the pianist's sheet music with "Stairway to Heaven". Going through all the hymnals, mark song 666. Find an empty seat, and ask the person next to it: "Is this seat SAVED?" Toss around a giant beach ball before service, like at Grateful Dead concerts. Ten minutes before it starts, find a kid in the front rows, hand him a dollar, and tell him to ask the preacher:"Would you rather be stoned or crucified?" Hide copies of Hustler inside the pulpit. Point them out. Start a wave. Do cool things with the lighting. When attendance is taken, sign on fake names like "Hugh G. Rection" and "Oliver Klozoff". Wear an ankh or a new-age crystal pendant. When the choir sings, roll your eyes and grumble: "Oh, Christ! Are they gonna do another SONG?" Make up your own words to the songs. Twenty minutes into the service, look at your watch, stand up, and say: "Oh shit. This isn't the wedding!" Run out quickly. Eat dry Cap'n Crunch through the entire service. If there is a crying baby, go over and tell the mother: "IF YOU DON'T SHUT THAT FUCKING THING UP SO HELP ME GOD I'LL KILL IT!!!" Dress all in black, or in camo. Pierce the body of a tiny animal with stainless-steel wire. Wear it in your ear as jewelry. If you are male, wear two. Change sets for the evening service. If it is an Easter service, wear a pastel jacket, tie, and matching shorts. If you are male, wear a floral-print dress instead. At a church dinner, scoop up a forkful of mashed potatoes. Announce that you can see an image of Jesus. Place blocks of dry ice near the air ducts. Take off your shoes and socks. Hide near the baptismal pool with a block of sodium. At the first mention of "fire and brimstone", throw it in. Inflate balloons, then send them off. Mark places in the Bible or hymnal with religious-themed Far Side cartoons. Turn in the Bible to the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20: 3-17). Draw in asterisks and write exceptions at the bottom of the page. Make the sun reflect off your watch into the preacher's face. Make calls to 900 numbers on the phone in the kitchen. During the service, play with plastic dinosaurs. If someone asks what you're doing, tell them: "These are dinosaurs. They ruled the earth over 65 million years ago." Discreetly position a number of bottle rockets on the floor. Discreetly light them. Snicker every time the preacher talks about someone being stoned, especially Stephen. Dip communion wafers in communion wine. Eat it and exaggerate on how good it is. When they pass around the collection plate, drop in a piece of paper with Pat Robertson's MasterCard number. Turn to your neighbor, whisper: "This do in remembrance of me" and lick them. Fart, and have a friend shout: "Hark! An angel has spoken!" Blow bubbles. Fake a possession. Distribute condoms. Speak in tongues. Ask where the nearest ashtray is. Drool in the collection plate. Ask someone what they think about the Book of Peleponnesians. After they tell you, inform them that there is no Book of Peleponnesians. After a Catholic service, stand outside and tell Polish jokes. When someone points out that Pope John Paul II came from Poland, act embarrassed. Show unusual interest in any reference to the word "Ministry". At a church supper, bring a casserole with a ring or piece of a wristwatch embedded inside. Overnight, have the stained-glass windows replaced with new ones depicting comical, erotic, or death-related imagery. Send the bill to the pastor. Write on the bathroom wall: "The eyes of the LORD are upon you!!!" Spread the word that there'll be a rave party at the address of the church next Saturday at mignight.
One of my plans for the summer with some of my friends is to go to mass and when the priest or whomever important first walks by to roll my eyes back into my head and begin speaking latin while I raise my arms into a cross-like position. I'll get louder and louder until finally my body falls limp on the floor. Then I'll rest a minute and pick myself up and go 'So, what's for dinner?'
Tyler And then get kicked out or arrested for desturbing the peace!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Boy oh Boy! If you go to church, please behaive ye self! And learn something good for your imortal soul!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Woh woh woh, and how will they know I'm not actually Satan himself? See, when they through holy water on me I'll hiss and yell 'IT BURNS!!!!!' Hehe, oh yeah, there'll be my friend laughing in the background.
I know what I would/ could doPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I'll put on a big black robe with a big black hood . Put it over my head and with a bowed head slowly walk in the church (oh and with the thundercross pendant- I have one) and sit on the ground in lotos position. say nothing , just read from some book in black cover (I'll put in some good sci/fi or science book really in) and swing back and forth. People are really afraid of unknown and christians are especially good in tht. You'll see tht in about a week I'll have much more free space around me. What good is tht you tell funny jokes about them or walk in with a "Darvin T-shirt". They'll think of you as a poser and a non-respectful person, nthing more. I'll cause fearPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Dress up as a monk and sing one of those crazy monk songs while bashing your head with a wooden plate (Monty Python and the Holy Grail). That would really piss em off and double as maybe a demonic possession thingy...:bugeye:
How about just sitting up front and asking "why" to every declaration the priest makes. When he gets really angry just get up and walk out quietly. ~Raithere
...or acting like you're trying to contain laughter every time he finishes speaking (unsuccesfuly so everyone notices). Go in and wear a shirt with a pentagram (like my buddy aragorn heheh). I'm out of ideas, so crucify mePlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! !
Haha it was a pun.....Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Glad you approvePlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I avoid the disrespectful stuff, just 'cause Mommy always taught me to be nice to dumb people. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Okay, just kiddin...they're not ALL dumb... I'd just walk up to the pastor and say I have a few questions. Then I'll flip to the first few chapters of Genesis and ask a few questions, as polite as can be. Like...who are these other Gods "Lord God" is talking to? Who are the "people of Nod" that Cain goes off and marries into? And so, so many others... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I save the really wacky stuff for the folk that like to ring my doorbell and ask if I've heard the Good News(tm). I have yet to do it, mainly out of laziness, but I keep telling myself that some day, after they ring the bell, I'm gonna strip naked, drape my 7-foot boa around my shoulders and grab a big knife. Then I'm gonna open the door and exclaim with glee..."Praise the Lord, you're just in time!! I'm recreating the Garden of Eden and I really need a rib..." while poking at their ribcages with my free hand... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! LMAO Betcha they don't visit MY house for awhile after that!!
