The Most Destructive Attitude in Romance

"He's a really nice person that really cares alot, but there's just no chemistry."

What a crock! This is the most screwed up and pathetic attitude anybody could have. It has destroyed mindboggingly countless potentially great relationships. I keep reading this shit in the bookstore. Mr. Right is devoted and right under Ms. Idiot's nose, but she immediately disqualifies him as a romantic interest without any actual thought or consideration. All because "He's a really nice person that really cares alot, but there's just no chemistry."

Meanwhile, she goes through one crappy relationship experience after another wondering what's wrong. Then when Mr. Right gets tired of the bullshit, he ejects to find somebody better. And Ms. Idiot wishes she would have hooked up with Mr. Right in the first place. It ALWAYS happens everywhere all the time.

Chemistry is nothing but rationalization. It's a set presumed characteristics imposed upon an individual to justify interest/disinterest. It is based completely on cheap surface assessment. She may know full well what a perfect, devoted, caring, wondeful person he is. But she comes up with various rationalizations to immediately disqualify him. It's all a selfdelusion to blind herself from the truth. She then calls it "chemistry".

 

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I voted yes.!!!

Yes... i can see how a atitude like you'rs coud be destructive in romance an prolly other areas also.!!!

 

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Can this relate to your relationships at all?

I do agree in some cases that is very true but personally I don't have any desire to devote my time and energy to someone I don't want to be with.

 

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The most destructive attitude is anxiety and over need.

 

I've noticed this trend alot, and how rampant it seems to be. But nobody ever addresses it. A girl would totally refuse to have sex to the one who is devoted and caring. Then justifies it as lack of "chemistry" while she goes around banging all kinds of weirdos. The first and foremost one she should be all over is Mr. Right, and yet she completely disregards him.

 

Shes jus bein nice by givin the "chemestry" escuse... she actualy thanks its "Mr. Right" whos the weirdo.!!!

 

I voted Otter because they're sooooo cute! I want one.

 

That's the whole problem. Mr. Right is caring and devoted, yet he is considered the weirdo. This is the exact attitude that destroys potentially great relationships. Thanks for clearing that up.

 

Same here.

Matter of fact, I wish I was one - instead of a lunatic Rebel Ape with delusions of grandeur.

 

So are you as likely to ask a weirdo for a date as somone you dont consider to be a weirdo.???

 

If there is no chemistry between two people, why spend time forcing an intimate relationship. I once went out with a guy who was the perfect boyfriend in every way except physically there was nothing there for me. No matter what I told myself to try and get over it, I couldn't. It's like my body over ruled my mind. I would always automatically stiffen up whenever he touched me, I awaited his kisses with anxiety. Even talking about any type of sexual contact made my stomach curl up in knots. So I broke up with him even though I really liked him because I knew I wouldn't be able to get over my revulsion and our relationship would never get any further than that because I didn't enjoy being touched by him.

 

Lesbo? Outside of that, it sounds really abnormal. Maybe he was ugly?

 

He was a troll. Had his own bridge and everything.

 

Shouldn't matter what he looks like right? As long as he's a great guy. Sorry if it's abnormal, but it's true. There was no physical chemistry for me. If sex isn't fun, why bother? Sex was never going to happen with us. So why pursue a romantic relationship? He was a great friend to me, but there was nothing there for me at least. Waiting for something that might or might not have developed was hurting both of us. So I believe in the lack of chemistry thing. Just like you can have great sex with someone, but on a date have nothing to talk about or don't really enjoy each others company, again lack of chemistry. Why would you want a relationship like that? When you can be with someone that you have chemistry with in all the areas that really matter to you? And they're worth shopping around for.

 

I think what was hurting both of you was whatever was going on with you. I'm not saying that you weren't doing the right thing. But in the end, what you were supposed to do before you broke up was ride him silly despite how you were feeling. Then after that, make your decision. In fact, I think this would make for a great experiment. Call him up. Ask him if he would be interested in coming over, and getting laid. If so, great! Ride him silly, and please come back here with the results.


I think the bottom line is the trend that girls way too often ride guys who totally don't deserve it, and shamelessly trash the devoted caring ones that do. I see it all the time. I'm heading to Border's now to read more tragic stories. They're in about every book in the relationships section.

 

How bout you... surly you have preformed this esperiment... so how did you like havin sesual relatons wit somone you consider weird... somone whose touch you are repulsed by.???

 

Romance is not based simply on another person being nice. If it was we could choose our mates with a checklist. There is a great deal of intuition involved and being a good person should be a factor but its not enough. And men are just as likely to dismiss a woman on similar grounds.

I know plenty of nice, good people who do not interest me, do not turn me on, I would not want to get stuck in a broken down elevator with for an hour, let alone spend some big chunk of my life coming home to them.

I find the chemistry metaphor offensive, but the essential idea I agree with completely. There are very hard to categorize reasons why we are drawn to certain people

and probably the nice, good men complaining about women who reject them on chemisty grounds were not attracted to these women simply because they were nice good people, but rather because of intangible, intuitive reasons.

 

yes, and so all the mr. rights end up being taken for a ride by manipulative gold-digging bitches for being the desperate, ball-less, whiners that they are. now who's the idiot?

 

Chemistry is everything as you are either attracted to the person or not at all . You can be nice but no sex appeal whatsoever . I abstain for the sake of romance and chemistry.......

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some things you cant explain. it is hard dealing with someone not liking you in a romantic way when you desire such. harder still is having them like you then no longer like you. BUT what can you do? nothing.