I need some help ... I have been with someone and we recently got engaged; My love for her grows everyday, She feels the same way, both of us go out on a limb explaining this to each other, sending flowers, everyday presents etc. My problem is I am becoming too possessive of her, I feel jealous a lot of times, unreasonably, for example if she'd have male friends on facebook i'd be jealous ... How can I stop being irrational? I was never like this, I used to think that I was always able to give people their space and room to breath, Its just her, I love her so badly that I cannot imagine thought of sharing her with anybody ... I haven't told her about this yet, because I am afraid of hurting her feelings; Plus I know that I am being unreasonable Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Any suggestions?
If you already know you are being unreasonable, there isn't much more I can say than, enjoy it!!! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Accept that some things are going to be beyond your control, and must be. Realize that you cannot be everywhere, and that in some things you must trust. If you know you're being unreasonable, then you are. Let go a little. And don't worry. ...And, count your chickens once in a while. Not obsessively, but very occasionally, just in case.
If you love her, surely you trust her. So live this, not some fictional possible situation, that your gender is successful coming up with. An irrationally jealous guy is the greatest turn off, Rick. Don't do that. Don't worry.
@ejderha, What can I say? Men are pigs Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Yes, you're right ... the weird part is, when I talk to her she just makes of think of love and nothing else ... Its only when she teases me about "list of guys" who tried to get her and how lucky i was to get her, that i get annoyed, I dont say anything off course, I don't know how to tell her this but i dont like that kinda teasing, I take relationships pretty seriously, i know she's trying to have some fun, but its just not my kinda fun ... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Rick
Nice to see you agree with what I say all the time. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
People usually are possessive and jealous about people they care about and value . It is normal for amn to get jealous and even threatened to lose a lady when she has male friends . Men usually cheat, lie, .....etc and the same for women as well . Jealousy and possessiveness are signs of love and love is damn CRAZY .
Basically the problem is that you are investing a lot of effort and time into the relationship and don't want to be made a fool by her using you. You can let you mind go wild and imagine all sorts of things because of this fear. It is common. Two things. The first one is extreme but just a way of looking at it that is more evolved. If you truly love her, and she did cheat on you, then you should want her to be happy and say if that is what makes you happy then I wish you the best. Of course followed by kicking her out. However, that is asking a lot of us. This is how you should look at it IMO. Stop thinking and worrying about her cheating and consider that if she does then it's her loss, having that attitude will not only relieve you of your anxiety but also makes you more desirable because women want someone who is confident. Acting like a scared, jealous guy is going to drive her away. When she teases you about guys that are after her, respond with the same treatment, the point should be pretty clear that you don't appreciate it.
Hopfuly you care enuff about her... to be honest wit her about you'r irratonal feelins an get this issue resolved befor she says "i do".!!!
Rick are you a scorpio by any chance? Those dam scorpios tend to be jealous possessive creatures. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
first thing is honesty and no games. it is true that women generally dont like possessive men but it is a tough call. one thing i think is true is that once a woman senses you are possessive then she knows she has you over a barrel. and you cannot go accusing if nothing is happening because you look sad. she could just be outgoing too but i do sense some immaturity here.
I must be serious here, the moment this happened was the moment you were doomed. Luckily we can begin to say a few things 1. women run from needy men 2. women want men that don't care whether they leave or not Yep, god help me I'm still thinking about women Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I love her more than anything else in this world, I worry unnecessarily at times, I took a vow (I am religious person), I will have blind faith in her, give her my love unconditionally ... Be her Loverman forever Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Anyways, @Shorty I am a Virgo; I overdo things for a living Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! . I have read that Virgos are perfectionists (Which I am ... my profession demands such a thing, i am a software architect), and once they commit they are in for long haul. I won't disclose her type, but she and I are made for each other in all horoscopes, but anyways We had that fire the first time we met ... love at first sight that i experienced and she did too. Anyways, John, you're right, Its mostly immaturity, on my part and hers ... but hey we have both never been married before Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Thanks guys for helping me see things through ... you helped me get through a stupid, unnecessary rough patch of a day; Rick
that is mostly true but all people are different and it depends because the same can be said for males.
"Limerence refers to an involuntary cognitive and emotional state of intense romantic desire for another person. The term was coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov to describe the ultimate, near-obsessional form of romantic love." ~ Wikipedia Limerence and a small article about subject can be found on Wikipedia. I've been experiencing this anytime I really like a girl, they're usually married and later divorce (but instead go off with other random men, guess I'm not good enough after 6 months of friendship?) Anyone with thoughts on this matter and how they overcame it let me know. Sadly I've never had a relationship with anyone except the kind of silly, romantic/compassion for these married women. They enjoy using me for venting but once they do divorce never wanna date me, it's rather stupid. I'd say they were more of acquaintances up until that point anyway! Well what are your experiences married people? People out of relationships that won't find that every lasting love again? I need some people that have things to say Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Yea you are right, my experience has taught me anyone not in this category will already be married by the time they are 28, thus disqualifying me from ever finding someone I can be comfortable won't cheat, lul
Make no mistake. Women love attention. Many of them thrive on it. They know that other guys are interested in them and although they might set limits when they are with someone else, they do encourage it a little. But to be fair, a lot of guys are exactly the same. For your relationship to remain healthy, two things absolutely have to happen. First, you need to make a promise to yourself that no matter how you're feeling, you'll give her room to be herself. You need to do this even if it kills you sometimes. Jealousy has a nasty habit of taking control of a person and if you let that happen your relationship is over. Maybe not right away, but it will only be a matter of time. Second, you need to talk to her about this, but you have to do it carefully. Explain to her that part of loving her so much means that you want to give her the freedom to be happy in all the ways that she wants to be, but also tell her that when she teases you about how other guys are interested in her it is not conducive to you being comfortable with her doing that. Really, although she probably thinks it's a bit of fun, it's not a good thing for her to be doing if it bothers you. She's lucky to have you as well. Remember that. You can joke with her about the fact that because she's clearly awesome, so are you. She wouldn't have chosen you otherwise. And if she's half the chick you say she is, that should make you feel quite special. Then you can devote yourself to demonstrating this fact throughout the course of your relationship. You should however keep a few aces up your sleeve so you can still surprise her occasionally. I'm not advocating that treat her mean keep her keen bullshit. That is just retarded. Treat her nice, always. But if you push the boundaries of intense romance too far in the beginning, there isn't much left to keep things exciting later on. If there's one thing you need to walk away from this thread remembering, it is this. Jealously will positively destroy your relationship. You seem self-aware and balanced enough to stay on top of it, but please don't drop the ball. Be awesome.
Rick; I believe that the most important thing you can do is listen to her. If she expresses discomfort in your level of control, then do what you can to alter your actions and ease her mind. And for the love of Buddha, don't be afraid to tell each other how you both feel. Communication is the most important part of any bond.
BTW Jealousy is natural. But if it bothers you, then just train your mind to not be so jealous. It takes time and work, but it is possible.
