I believe that I'm getting older. It's true. First, let me start by saying this. I'm a swinger. Bisexual. Variety is the spice of life, in many ways. I've been in my share of relationships. I'm 24. Second, I've never wanted to marry. The way I saw it, I couldn't guarantee that I will keep loving you after you change, if you do, and I couldn't guarantee that I won't change into something you won't love. Seeing as how marriage is the biggest promise you can make to another human being, it could turn out to either be the biggest lie you've ever told, or years of complete unhappiness. I, to my core, despise lies. And I know that people change (and don't say it's my age talking. I know fifty year olds that are changing, and are different people than they were ten years ago). So I never wanted to marry. And, I've never had that deep desire all my friends had, desires to get married right out of high school, or as soon as possible...desires I believed to be rooted from deep insecurities. But what do I know? I could be happy with myself in between relationships. Or, if no more come, that's okay, too. Now, on with the actual story. I ended a relationship of two and a half years, just two months ago. She and I built a home together, built a life together. And now it's gone, and I'm very....I don't know. I used to be confident. I used to be my own rock. But here I am, crashing on a friend's couch outside of Nashville, and feeling very, very lost in life. I don't know what's changed in me. I got so, so comfortable, though, with this girl. And it felt good. Since we split, it feels as though my core has been confused, in chaos. It's not even missing her (though I do). It's knowing that my core family will never be the same. Friends, roommates, sexual partners may come and go, but I have no Family. My parents have released me into the world years ago. My brother is living with the family he built. Who will I greet the day with in five years? Who will I cuddle to sleep in ten? I find myself not wanting to wonder, anymore. But what about the lie or unhappiness that marriage can turn into? And, am I becoming insecure with myself? No. Have I become unhappy with being myself? No. But maybe, and who would have thought this, humans were meant to link up in pairs for life, and this instinct is just now kicking in for me. I don't know. But I know that I need a mate. And I need to believe that she's in the long-term, and I need to devote myself to her, for the long-term. I wouldn't be able to promise that I would never leave her. But if they know me, they know the weight of my word. And if I promise you that I'll try my best, you know that's what you'll get. So, after a break from emotional relationships (necessary after every relationship, I believe, for reflection, mostly), when I start dating again, I think I'm going to look for others that are also looking for a life-long mate. I'm pretty much done with passing the time. This is so weird to me. But I just thought I would share. Oh, shit. I typed more than I thought I would. So...if you read this far, I'm sorry for wasting your time. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Well, now I'm going to get drunk, so take it easy, SciForums.
Are you aware that this is a science forum? Talk to your therapist, write a blog or something, or at least take this stuff to "about the members". Who's going to give a shit? I know I don't.
A basket case at 24... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Take the gas pipe, baby. Oh, puh-leeeeze... :blbl:
You say that you don't miss her, but then you say you do, how can that be? I would suggest that, you quit swinging, (it's not a very good past time), perhapa then you would find a woman who is serious about you and vise versa. When you split from a long term partner then it feels like you've lost a friend. And may I suggest that getting drunk won't help too much either
you're afraid of the future. and you think people change when they grow up, from one state to another, for two people to like each other they can do so in only one state; like if you go change through 100 phases while growing, and your "wife" changes into a 100 in her life, only one of your hundred matches one of her hundred, the other matchs would not foster or accommodate love. you're too dark in your outlook about relationships.
"You say that you don't miss her, but then you say you do, how can that be?" No, I said that it's not that I miss her, meaning, the turmoil in my life isn't caused by the lack of her. I do miss her, but that's not what's making me feel so lost. "I would suggest that, you quit swinging, (it's not a very good past time), perhapa then you would find a woman who is serious about you and vise versa." Actually, most married couples I know that swing are quite serious about each other. To some people, sex is fun. It's not something limited to only to people that love each other. I like the quote "Some people mistakingly think that the amount of love and the amount of jealous go hand in hand." Or some shit. I don't remember that quote that well. But still. "When you split from a long term partner then it feels like you've lost a friend.r" Eh, I never like losing a friend. I'm on talking terms with every one of my exes, and most of them, I still talk to at least once a week. Some are still ranked as my best friends. "And may I suggest that getting drunk won't help too much either" Oh, but it does. I mean, these days, I'm not getting drunk to escape anything. But right after a messy breakup, when I'm hardcore f'ed up, getting drunk does wonders for me. Though, once, it started turning into a monster (lasted months, got drunk as soon as I woke up, mixed pills in the mix), and I had to put that beast down for a while. I'm determined, I'm not going to go down that path. I never let it get that bad again. "you're too dark in your outlook about relationships. " I'm logical in my outlook on relationships. I could state that 50% of all marriages fail, but instead, I'll just look at most of my friends that got married. Or most of my friends' parents. Unhappy, or divorced. There are a few though, that shine. My parents, for example, have been married for...hm, coming up on 30ish years now and they're like newly weds. Not all the time, and not to say that there marriage has been easy. In fact, they've been in deep shit before, but they worked and worked....and they're still madly in love. My parents are the shit. " I love Sarcasm!" Heh, I know. The top posts at the time of me typing were "Hey, deer season's open. I'm going hunting. Anyone else going hunting?" and "Hey, here's a weird picture of something up close. Guess what it is." But yeah, in hindsight, maybe the About the Members might have been a better place for this thread.
