Girls Vs Mariage

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by Sky, Dec 14, 2004.

  1. Sky Registered Senior Member

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    Why all the girls wantto get married , can't they find something more interesting to do ?

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  3. spuriousmonkey Banned Banned

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    Because they want security when raising a child. It is much more of an investment for a woman then a man who can just walk off and go impregnate someone else. So they seek reassurance of commitment.
     
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  5. isis25 Registered Senior Member

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    women are wired very differently than men. not all women want to get married but all women have certain maternal instincts and get caught up in the fantasy of marriage and a family. sometimes i think that the media is to blame because they press roles on females but im not sure where the "happily ever after" syndrome originated from.
     
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  7. beenjammin2lp Registered Member

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    from the great depression, when everything wasent happily ever after...it was and the soil eroded away, and no food...and piles of writhing starving childern...and other nonsense
     
  8. Vortexx Skull & Bones Spokesman Registered Senior Member

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    Because of the kids thing....While many females pursue a decent working career nowadays, sooner or later most of them want to, no, Neeed , to have children.

    Darwin tells us that bringing up children is often more succesfull if there is a coparent at hand to assist with guidance and re$ources for especially the first 4 vulnerable years of the child, often we see divorces exactly after the fourth year, because the child can do with less care (school will take care), obsoluting the physical need for a coparent.

    That's one reason, there are many others....
     
  9. StepOnMe Registered Senior Member

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    66
    Well, first of all not ALL girls want to get married, thats a HUGE generalization. Second, obviously, many girls want to get married because it is co-opted during childhood and expected by society. BUT while boys dream of eroticism, girls think of their future and LOVE (something that guys aren't expected to think about, sometimes, unless they are gay).

    I personally believe that males are just scared of committment and females are more secure with their feelings and emotions but I guess thats a cliche.
     
  10. Lemming3k Insanity Gone Mad Registered Senior Member

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    To be honest its a modern world, and many women dont want kids or a family anymore, everyone just wants to have fun without being tied down to anything and have a career, they are turning into men and i meet less women every year that want a family and arnt just like most men are.
     
  11. sargentlard Save the whales motherfucker Valued Senior Member

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    *ahem*

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  12. StepOnMe Registered Senior Member

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    yeah yeah i know, hypocritical... but overall marriage is hypocritical.
     
  13. sargentlard Save the whales motherfucker Valued Senior Member

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    How so?
     
  14. StepOnMe Registered Senior Member

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    66
    Oh come on... do we really need to commit to one person for our whole lives. Seeking commitment doesn't always have to do with others helping you - half the women out there can't even help themselves. Plus, it just gets women in even more of a mess than they are already in. It's like when a woman is single and she feels it will be better once she marries it doesn't, it only gets worse (for most). But we already knew that.... The thing a lot of women fail to realize is that it's just expected and many say they marry for closure, instead, they just get married to conform to the norm.
     
  15. whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

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    Ah, finally, someone who understands!!! Perhaps, by your age, all males finally get it.

    For less mature girls, it mostly has to do with fairy tales and the way they were brought up when they were very, very little. Remember Prince Charming, etc? A girl daydreams of getting married with a pretty ceremony, and so on. Unfortunately, many women still hang on to such daydreams; that's one of the reasons why many marriages are unsuccessful.

    But most mature women really want security when raising kids. Does any one of you picture yourself as a single parent with a happy life? I think not.... It's a terribly hard task to carry out, not only financially. Parenthood with both parents present is hard enough.
     
  16. StepOnMe Registered Senior Member

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    66
    There are many single parents who live incredibly happy lives. To say that without spousal support there is no stability is false. Just because the parents lacks another parent doesn't mean there aren't other family members that can assist. Some don't even need assistance. Sure it's difficult but life is difficult, even WITH both parents.
     
  17. sargentlard Save the whales motherfucker Valued Senior Member

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    But do you realize that may be Personal choice is also a factor in getting married for women?

    ok

    ok

    How do you come to this conclusion?

    Which society are you talking about now? Western? Middle Eastern? Indian? etc etc

    No, you already assumed that.

    The thing you fail to realize is that marriage is a concept, nothing more. It is yet another practice in human relations whose success rate depends on the practicioners. You view of marriage is higly eskewed because you seem to think the happy marriages do not exist...here comes a shocker; they do. Here is another big revelation; a lot of women, educated women, marry not to conform but because they have actually found someone who they can have a mutual relationship with. Love and all of it's shiny luster may fade but for those who do survive marriage (and there are a lot) for them "love" takes a different form. Just because you do not see happiness pouring out of married couples's asses doesn't mean they are stuck in a hopeless tomb of demise.

    Most women who look misreable in marriage would opt to stay in their marriage because over time they have invested a lot of themselves into their partner and their life...and they aren't as miserable as they look on the off day you catch them. It isn't as big of prison sentence as people make out to be and anyone who is really, truly miserable in marriage is because they haven't learned to adapt and let go of their own personal desires and biases in how a relationship should work. Ofcourse that is overly simplifying the matter.

    Don't let high divorce rate numbers fool you.

    ..and you still failed to mention how marriage is hypocritical...
     
  18. StepOnMe Registered Senior Member

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    The reason why I say we don't NEED to commit to anyone is because the above posts mentioned that women "seek reasurance for commitment" and so I refuted by saying that really no one needs to commit to someone for their entire lives. Even when it is a personal choice (which half the time it isn't) there are still women committing because they believe they NEED another person in their lives. The majority of us have friends and family who can commit to helping in times of need but I see personal choice as getting married to a brown haired man or blonde, an accountant or a bum on the street; deciding who I really love - but committing myself to someone isn't really a personal choice it's more so a requirement for marriage. Understandable, even marriage has requirements. Why should it? If it is so wonderful and structureless then why does it have certain requirements? Because it does, because its reasurrance that people really don't need but that they seek to be like all the others.

    By more of a mess i mean more responsibilities, heartache (for both spouses) and more financial problems. I personally find that females can be stable on their own and they can afford to be single... minus the huge responsibilities - like faithfulness and sincerity, which lead to problems and emotional distraught. Especially if women (or even men)are insecure they will take it out on their spouse, maybe one month after marriage, maybe 5 years or 25. Sooner or later shit is bound to hit the fan. If it doesn't, well, they lucked out.

    It doesn't matter which society, 90% of them just get worse... especially in societies with arranged marriage where there is almost nothing BUT concept. I agree that it is a concept but one that has very little sincere practitioners.

    It is not that I believe happy marriages do not exist. I am being very realistic. Many of the posts above indicated that from birth females were conditioned to believe that they live in a fairy tale world. Well, I have grown realizing that this is untrue. Good for the happy married couples but if they were really happy, like in the fairy tales, i'd damn want to see it pouring from their asses. I'd love to, just once!

    Most women who look miserable in marriage really ARE miserable and opt to stay in because they cannot think for themselves. Sure, you invest everything into your partner to help them change but you can't. Sure, you invest time and energy into spending time with the person... I agree that's necessary, but then when you don't have the courage to leave because you have already committed yourself to them and would look like an ass if you left them and you were 75 with no on. Poor you.

    Why should you have to "adapt" if you love the person so much and they love you too?.. Why aren't you content - or is it the nasty "trying to change the other person" phase? Why let go of your own personal desires on relationships? Should your spouse fail to understand your desires and biases then why the hell are you with them in the first place?

    Sounds hypocritical to me.
     
  19. whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

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    What La-La land do you live in? Of course, absolutely no support for a single parent is a phenomenon that modern America avoids now. Is that true for all other countries? Even here, can you say that support provided is enough? Many single mothers live in poverty. Many single parents' children get into crime. Keep in mind that here, women still get paid less than men. Add Freudian concepts of family, and figure out how a child may develop without a male figure in the family. And, when the child asks his mom how come all other kids live with dads and he doesn't, what can mom say? That dad saw mommy getting pregnant, got scared, and ran off? Keep in mind that most kids see themselves guilty for their parents' divorce and it has a great impact on their adult life. Studies show that the impact may last through the person's life.
    There are many other factors. When a child is born, the woman can't leave him for a few months at all, even if grandparents and the husband offer assistance. What is she supposed to eat, if she's a single parent?
    A child is very demanding, financially and emotionally. Have you seen small kids raised in your family? Two parents together have many problems to overcome.

    I personally don't see myself doing it alone. Knowing that I chose the life of the poor artist, freelancing without health insurance.... I am so not going to be a single parent!
     
  20. StepOnMe Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    66
    Many married mothers live in poverty.
    Many married parents' children get into crimes.
    Your point?

    Your scenario was weak. You are stating that it is absolutely crucial to have a male figure in the family. What about children whose fathers have died. Are you saying they can't develop right either? And what really IS the difference between a grandfather, uncle or father? They are all male figures, I do not see a difference.

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    Does it really matter? Even so, why do you assume that I was raised by both parents together?..

    and marriage is supposed to be for LOVE?... I think I proved my point.
     
  21. prakrutis Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    15
    Men and women compliment each other in every way. What a woman lacks, the man has and vice versa... its to achieve the completeness that we seek a spouse/ a partner. Nither kids, nor love, nor security plays any role in wanting someone. But these are the pheripheries. If the institution of marraige did not exist.. it would be a mad mad world... everyone fighting everyone for that one perfect partner....people chaning partners at mere whims etc... Most of you over here have a very narrow view.
     
  22. Lemming3k Insanity Gone Mad Registered Senior Member

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    1,180
    The world is like that anyway, if someone better comes along you leave, many people fight over the same person in some way, though never everyone, perfection is perspective, what one person believes to be perfect is the opposite to someone else, so they will never fight, but then some people agree on whats perfect and so will compete for it, male or female, married or not, it doesnt matter.
     
  23. NightFall Lazy Hedonist Valued Senior Member

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    3,069
    Marriage isnt always about raising children. some people want marriage but dont want children at all. I never plan to have kids, i dont like them and dont want them. But i someday would like to get married.. atleast once or twice.

    and thank god for it. if we (women especially) werent so driven to compete for that perfect person we'd save alot of time if we settled for anything. Without wasting time, population control would be a much bigger issue than it is today.
     

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