Thed, That's a pretty simple theory. Love comes in all shapes and sizes. One girl I really liked all through college was actually dissapointed I never made a move. Apparently she liked me more than her boyfriend of the time. They now live together. She cheated on him with someone else anyway too. I found out after she moved to California. They just bought a house. Maybe she's better off, who knows? Many girls I have known are essentially always in a relationship for security reasons. I don't know if they always love their boyfriend. Even if they do maybe they would love someone else more and be better off. Personally if I was dating a girl and really liked her and she met someone she liked more, I would not be upset if she left me for them. Anyone I care about I only want the best for and I would never want to accept someone staying with me if I was the second choice out of loyalty. I wouldn't even be upset if she spent time with them to be sure. I think that social conventions should promote people finding someone who is a really good match for them. If social customs were better maybe there would be less divorce. When children and marriage are involved the situation is different. I was not talking about this (though saying love is a given in marriage/relationships is totally idealistic). Maybe my main problem is that love isn't my main priority. My main priority is being the type of person I feel is worthy of love. If love was my main priority I would have already broken a number of relationships up. Bebelina, Do you think it's more wrong to break up a relationship (again not married/kids type) or allow someone to possibly marry someone they would be less happy with than you? Believe me I would never do it for selfish reasons (though I admit that may be hard to judge impartially). I have basically not dated for a few years because I rarely meet girls I really like who aren't in relationships. I also don't want to spend all my time looking. I admit I have high standards, but I think I'm worth it. What would you have me do? Just date girls I don't really like in hopes I change my mind? Or just as a temporary fill in? It isn't a problem to find girls that like me, it's just that the ones I like back are in relationships. I have solid evidence that many of them like me more, but aren't going to break up without knowing I like them back. Maybe I have bad taste in women that this is the situation, but what would you say is the appropriate way to handle it.
THE ADHD THANG... Okay, I've been teaching for a few years now and have had MANY students who have ADD/ADHD and are either on medication or not on medication. I am not a doctor so all I say is from what I've experienced.... While there are MANY children who suffer from ADD/ADHD and are legitimately diagnosed with it....SOME children are WRONGLY medicated. I see it all the time....it stupifies them to the point that they cannot function in class or simply act like a normal kid. Kids will be kids....they have to run around and play -- that's why they are kids, damnit! Also, some people who lead busy lives or have poor parenting skills and have kids that are "not sympathetic" to their lifestyle (a.k.a. the kid drives them up the wall) will take their NORMAL energetic kid to the doctor and complain and complain until they get their kid medicated. I firmly believe that if parents were stricter or perhaps gave the kids a more regimented routine to follow....from the time that they are very young, these "problems" would be less prominent. Granted, parents work and I understand that but being too tired to discipline is a poor excuse to give a kid medication. I'm not saying ALL kids are wrongly medicated but kids who don't respond to medication or OVERLY respond to medication...well, maybe those kids need a little more attention on the discipline department--and also given a time when they can just plain go "nuts" as long as they don't hurt themselves or any one else (just to be a kid....go ahead and make the mess and then pick up your toys). Or, maybe it's their diet. Which brings me to another point. Food in the U.S. has a lot of additives and alot of unecessary "junk"....I mean, whoever heard of yogurt having CAFFEINE??? You'd think yogurt was a good snack for kids....but you give a kid Dannon at night and the kid won't go to sleep because he's got the equivalent of 4 cups of coffee (when compared to an adult) in his little system. Sugar (and I LOVE SUGAR) is another culprit. Parents give in and tell the kid, "you behave and I'll give you candy...or hot chocolate...yadda yadda" and then they wonder why the kid climbs the walls. You see it in doctor's offices..."here Billy, here's some candy" (a.k.a. shove this candy in your mouth so you can shut up and stop embarrasing me) and then the kid STILL runs around like a mad-puppy! Poor kid--he can't help it! Kids like to be disciplined. When you don't discipline them or guide them when they are young, they feel lost and wonder if you even care. I have kids tell me, "my dad don't care, he's always at work" when I ask them what they thought about their project. Kids perceive that parents don't care when they don't get the attention they need, want and rightly deserve. Anyway, I'm off my soap box. Thank you very much for listening. Whew!
Scilo, I´m sorry if I sounded judgemental. But I think it´s possible that you subconsciously see the women already involved in a relationship as some sort of guarantee that they are good. And maybe you can get closer to them faster than the single ones, because they open up more easily feeling falsly secure from passion outside of their current relationship. So it´s like the safe option for you, and maybe you enjoy the competition. There´s nothing wrong with showing your interest however, but remember that it´s totally up to the woman to decide who she will be happy with. But I do think you should restrain your feelings in respect of their relationship. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Bebelina, I just wanted to hear your thoughts. I wasn't upset with you. I certainly might be drawn to them as a safe option. I would never pursue a girl who said she wasn't interested though. The main question is whether it is ok to even try and get them to like you and make your feelings known.
