Mods are too lax

go on, you filthy frikkin n00bs
catch up on old times
its gonna be like shooting monkeys in a barrel
pardon
it is shooting monkeys in a barrel

 

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Dr. Lou Natic:

I myself am biting my nails to the quick wondering if Mephura is indeed the sender of the purloined letter.

There need to be some chicks running around in those 18th century dresses, and horses and rouges too.

Mephura:

Why so damned interested in it?

Posting is one thing.
Using it to find a girlfriend is another.

Posting is one thing.
Taking it so seriously that you'd think your "you're not interesting!" tantrum would matter to me is another.

Posting is one thing.
Getting jealous of your internet girlfriend for posting here is another.

I can't see myself doing any of those things, ergo I haven't got ego, just time, invested.

No, you started that track by asserting that I was desperate to be involved in your sick little affair.

Since when have the actions of crazy losers made sense?
Are you saying that you're not Mephura there? Then some other Mephura is wandering around. Okay? Good, now this exhausts my interest.

That you, under the Mephura aegis, messaged me to fill me in on some three or so months of backstory.
So deny it, I'll take your word. Say "no, Xev, I'm not trying to pursue a real-life relationship with Gendanken."
Say "no, Xev, I never tried to look up her number and address on the internet, causing her to freak out and temporarily realize that I was batshit"
Say "no, Xev, I didn't forbid her to send private messages to other people here. That's crazy. What sort of loser not only needs to find girls on the internet, but also gets jealous of their online talk?"
Say "no, Xev, I certainly did not send you anything when you posted the Harlequin picture, nothing purporting to explain why Harlequin doesn't like me and then explaining that he was jealous of my relationship with Gendanken"

Just say that none of that is true and I'll accept it.

 

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I'll only give one hint: He isn't greek.

Glad you are enjoying the show. We do aim to please.

So glad you asked, Lou.
Here is the run down.
I (mephura) am an uneducated pseudo-intellectual with a slight wieght problem and a face that closer resembles something you would get from pizza hut than anything human.
Due to my horrible appearance and my utter lack of social graces, I turned to the internet in a weak attempt to deny my fate of dying alone.
In between getting my hopes crushed at various internet dating sites and chatrooms, and frequent masturbation to anime porn, I wander forums in a hopeless quest to find someone more stupid than I am to mock with the goal of stroking my own ego, which needs it so desperately. (This is a most difficult goal for a 47 year old bagger at K-mart, but I get lucky every once in a while.)
Here is where the story really begins. I find sciforums. I stay quiet for quite some time watching from the shadows, hoping to find a victim.

Then it happens. I see the most marvelous, wonderful, intelligent, amazing woman. Her words fill me will awe and wonder. Her flames ignite the fires of passion.
She is, to put it simply, perfect.
But as I watched, it slowly dawned on me;
"Xev is far to perfect and smart for a lowly creature such as me."

So, with a sigh I set my sights a bit lower. And lower. And lower.
Waaay lower....

Then I saw her! Gendanken!! Almost Xev, but not quite.(The added bonus being that gendanken was sure to have low self esteem. Every one knew about Xev. Gendanken was a newbie. That made her weak prey for my clumsy manipulations...)

So I began my courtship. I sent her poems, and pictures I had drawn with my crayons. I even tore some pics out of a magazine add and said it was me. Soon, she was swooning.

After a while, things started getting more and more serious. We would cyber all the time. I would imagine her looking like Angelina Jolie and she would think me to be some guy in a Calvin Klein add. It was great.

After some time, she started feeling guilty. You see, she really didn't look like Angelina, and eventually, she told me the truth. I was much relieved and leveled with her too. It didn't matter though. We were in love...

She sent me her real picture a few days later, after they came back from glamour shots. There she was in all her beauty: my trailor park princess. With her dirty bleach blonde locks, trimmed ever so stylishly in a she mullet, her gut hanging ever so daintily over her sweatpants. What a vision....

All was not good in the forums though. You see, Xev had cast off another admirer. He soon turned his eyes to my queen! I was no match. His cutting wit and dizzying intellect soon won her heart, and I was left out in the cold cruel emptiness of cyberspace.

I quit the net and concentrated on my work. Soon I had won three consecutive employee of the month awards. Some said I was the best bagboy they had ever seen. Weeks passed. Then months. I turned to binge drinking and asian prostitutes. I even briefly joined a cult. But it was no use. I was drawn like a moth to a flame... I came back in february of this year. It ws then that she revealed just how much of a fool I had been. She never stopped loving her "bag daddy" (that was her name for me).
Soon, we were back together, and more in love than ever.

There were other problems, of course. But those were minor things to what we had been through already. Soon we planned to meet. I saved up my paychecks for a couple weeks and got me a bus ticket. My mother drove me to the station ( I still live in the basement and don't have a car, so...) and I boarded the bus. 23 hours later, I was there. I met her three kids, Sydney May, Lou Ellen, and Larry Jr.


We went out on the town. White Castle and a movie. ( maybe I shouldn't have been such a big spender, but I was in love...) Afterwards, we went back to her trailor and game all the kids a shot of moonshine to knock them out. We started getting intimate, but being my first time and all I was nervous and shot my load before anything happened.
Damnit all....

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The next morning, I went back to the bus station. (I had to get back to work. Plus, my pet turtle needed cleaning!!) It was a long weary depressing ride home.

But since that time, I've again been working hard, saving money. I'm going to move down there to be with her. We're planning on getting married on May 14th (george lucas's b-day) in a starwars themed wedding. She's going to be Padme and I'm going to be Anakin. It'll be sweet!!

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So there you have it.
The story of meph and gendanken

 

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Very good, Meph. Whether I believe any of it or not, very nice. You should write a novel.

Xev, you gonna be my bitch? Looks like gendanken is taken. Too bad, I was hoping for the two of you to join my harem.

 

There is no member by that name there, Xev.

Check for yourself.

Thank you for playing.
you lose.

 

Thank you...
I've considered it. But that would be far too lofty an aspiration for an old K-Mart bag boy.

 

Ah, those bag boys. Up to no good I tell you. NO Good.

 

You know what this is? A version of Dangerous liaisons.

Who is the real Mme de Merteuil?

 

Mmmm, one of my favs of all time. I don't really know yet. Hey, have you completed your move?

 

this video arcade was built by me. i own the fucking place. you would not exist here if not for me. you are just a loser that threw in your 2 cents in a desperate bid for attention. how needy you must be to inflate your standing in this flame. you seek to be a player of some significance. understand this maggot, you are nothing but a blowhard

"everyone else has gone home". lemme show you why you have no clue or consistency

a scenario conjured up to denigrate should, at the very least, have a few parallels to reality. to what is actually going on

it is your responsibilty. allow me to teach you how to conduct yourself on this board

harlot: "bush never said there was a connection b/w al-qaeda and saddam"
President George W. Bush, Oct. 7, 2002.: "We know that Iraq and al Qaeda have had high level contacts that go back a decade,"

do you really think i have to make additional comments when it is evident that that you are talking out of your ass? the quote directly rebuts your shit. it requires no further qualification. it is disingenuity and fear that demands more. funny thing is, it really is not that hard to rebut the quotes.

mmm
the qualifiers. amateur.
unforunately for you, i accord you with absolutely no redeeming qualities
allusion? funny how some are now running around with this term
go on, back it up. show me my alleged allusion (and why would it make me bearable? should it not indicate a gasbag?)

bewilderment is for retards. as is misinterpretation.
funny that you think i am wagging my finger at you, exhorting you to change your ways
on the contrary maggot....

can you not fucking read? get in touch with your inner fucking child.

mmm
a cheap backroom shrink analysis
disliking fags means you are one
disliking you fucks means i want to be part of........

the palace intrigue.
the secret coded messages
the grudges
the affairs
the stab in the back
the sniping
the gossip

lamer n00b
think you got it made here, eh?
annoyed that anyone could have the temerity to slam your retarted conduct here eh?

clueless prat.you lack comprehension

so? you have been acknowledged as a player. i rather not exclude you. you claim to know me.
welcome.

understand this. your offended sensibilities are yours to deal with. i do not give a rat's ass about them. besides, if you think being 'pithy' is effective, by all means, conduct yourself in that manner. you obviously think talking nonsense "pithily" somehow makes it less crapulous.

stick yer frikkin shakespeare up yer ass, boy!

uhh, good for you? mr unique/one of a kind/epitome of humankind.
naturally you would not want understanding because that would make you just run of the mill.
you prefer to claim that you are misunderstood. it only then you can justify your delusions by exclaiming..."humanity, at its current stage of evolution cannot possibly understand an advanced being such as me"

strawman and a circular argument
clueless prat.you lack comprehension
you still end up with a self opinion and i am still spitting on it
lemme make this easy. think of a job interview. what would be the state of the company if the only qualification required of a new hire was...."i can do it?"

mmmph
the contradiction and hypocrisy. should i take a leaf outta yer book, maggot?

too frikkin late
you allowed it to stand and i bet a self important prat such as you would have even more fanatically held convictions littering the garbage you call posts

gimme your handles. let me prove it to you

ummm ok?

no, i will still do ya
all you gotta do is bend over and shut the fuck up

my my
you got me good

why thank you., i shall endeavour to keep doing so

 

My bad.

 

Vie!!!!! Damn this thread rules...

Invert:

Gaagggh...nevermind...

And sorry, but its kinda hard being mean to you when when I'm all drooling and stuff-- cuase who sent the message? and is wofly back with his netwench?
And...and....and......is marquis/fenris/boogoaboogaboo their adopted retard? Anyway, none of this Three's Company rot is new to you and all these idiots are fucking hillarious so-

Harlequin:

See its kinda hard trying to affect ~malevolent amusement~ with a diaper on.
You said nothing of particular interest- all you said is "Hey! they agree with Chachi 'cuase they like Chachi, there's no reason behind it" in veiled prose and innuendo.

Worked for Warhol cause the whore had money, but you?
'course you're always diasapponted no one understands you

See, if you slowed down a bit you'd realize why I quoted that little climax of yours asking me about my 'sibling' and mentioned acting being dishonesty squared- ever stop to wonder if I even have one?

And no one tells me with whom to speak or fuck or suck and why so try this one- you were fucking boring.

So since you missed it here goes: your little cloak and noodle routines are shit and going to always be shit beucase you got played, you were made to get played and you're still going to be sending my wittle fwend Xev presents for her birthday.
Men....*grin*

That's why none of this matters
/cackle

Mepura:
No, that's not how it went. I saw you first and then put up a Matrix thread so you'd like me, but you never pmed me til Tessie.
So I liked you first and not you me first, but anyways doesn't matter cause Neitzsche would have it thus and I’m pregnant.

The only reason, my boobookittyfuck, why any of this matters is ‘cause I hate being lied about- trailer???!!!!!! Mobile home, assface.
anyway, i've got poeople here left and right asking me to fix things, i'm getting all distracted and just finishing this post is annyoying without losing track

Water:

My mother.

(does Gustav ever tire?)

 

I did pm you. It was from one of my 13 other accounts. I forget which one though. Doesn't matter much. You didn't like me when I was WildCard, so I tried being some one else.

LIEK OMG!!! REALLY!!
So that test tube thingy worked??
I going to be a daddy!!
Unless....

I'm sorry pumpkin butt. I forgot you hate it when I call it that.
I know, I know... A trailer is something you haul stuff in.

You mean you haven't fed the kids yet?

 

Perfect place for it, here nobody is everybody in particular.

Ain't that right, Lola, you of the goths/xev's-wanna-be-like-me-on-da-inside spiel?

And I get to be your Angelina Jolie.

You're supposed to sound smart, sophistacted, aloof, and disinterested, Mephurio. Wax fag.

 

evolution, a mindless and purely mechanical process, cares

why you ret..........perhaps i am being too hard on the harlot. he could after all be like...15 and stuffl

 

indeed
self fullfilling prophesy, ja?

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That you do, sweetums.
And I your brad pitt.

Oh..
my bad.
*clears throat*

Progeny?
Splended.

You know, it's often on occasions such as this that I am reminded of the words of Plato:

"Do not train a child to learn by force or harshness but direct them to it by what amuses their minds, so that you may be better able to discover with accuracy the peculiar bent of the genius of each."

Yet there are other lines of thought to be pondered.
While childbirth itself is one of the miracles of god, The patience, love, and wisdom that is required of a parent, and that they are able to summon it up at will: To show courage when fearful, mercy when enraged: This is the true miracle.

Perhaps we should find more quotes from works we don't comprehend to dictate to them when their eager minds come to close to seeing just how limited we really are?

 

Meph:
" There is no member by that name there, Xev."

By what name, cunt? Did I give a name?
Toldya - I ain't sure it's you. I'm fairly positive because Fenriz mentioned you by (so and so's) name there, but fuck if I remember these things.

I note the absence of denial.
Deny it, motherfucker.

Say "I am not a scheming loser."

Say "I can get laid off the internet"

Say "I could care less about Harlequin because he is just an arrangement of ASCII to me"

Say it.

C'mon, when Satyr/Wanderer was claiming an e-kinship to me I was quick to deny it. Why shouldn't you stand up and proudly proclaim that you're not trying for some hot and slimy action of the internet variety?

I lose?

OH NOES, I LOSE AT TEH INTRANETS!

However will I have a social life? Or a girlfriend? Or a sense of belonging, or accomplishment?

Normally when I type out these messages I get this warm and tingly feeling in my private place. I don't feel that now. I think that's because I lost.

Excuse me, I have to go listen to Bauhaus and cut myself.

Stupid egomaniac.

What's worse, to be an egomaniac or to be an egomaniac and realize, deep down, that you're shit and not even your internet girlfriend would be faithful to you?

She'll probably dump you for some hot Aussie cock the moment your tounge knots up and she finds the "Sartre in 90 minutes" books.

Nice history, you were almost funny there.
Although you forgot the part where Gendanken was about to be married to the resurrected corpse of Ludvig Feurbach and you ended up pounding on the chapel windows screaming her name.

 

water darling
wasnt i kinda nice and compassionate? given the circumstances, that is

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yup.

If that is really what it's going to take to shut you up, fine.

I'm not a scheming loser.
I can, have and do get laid off the internet.
I couldn't care less about harlequin, or fenris, or the marquis, or whatever other personas gary is posting under, or about gary himself.
I can't say he/it, whatever, just an arrangement of ASCII though. That would be a bit incorrect.

Alright. done.

*STANDS UP*
I PROUDLY PROCLAIM I'M NOT TRYING FOR SOME HOT SLIMEY ACTION OF THE INTERNET VARIETY!


There now.
What is your next course of action in this idiocy, Xev?
Proclaiming that I was lying? I didn't mean it?
Christ, you're sad.

I wasn't refering to "TEH INTRANETS" Xev.
Cute of you to think so though.

I'm sure in much the same manner that you have in the past.

Maybe your batteries are low?

Whatever it takes to get you through the night.

I wouldn't know. Why don't you tell me?

"Sartre in 90 minutes"? Is that from your personal library, or just a old favorite?
I've never claimed to read Sartre. Or much of anything else for that matter.
Do try a bit harder, won't you Xev?

When all else fails refer to some esotaric trivia, eh?

Come on Xev.
You can do better.
What else you got?