POLITICALLY CORRECT CHRISTMAS (Author Unknown). 'Twas the night before Christmas and Santa's workshop was wrecked. This is how he lives, in a world that's "Politically Correct"? His workers no longer would answer to "Elves". "Vertically Challenged" they were calling themselves. And labor conditions at the north pole Were alleged by the unions to stifle the soul. Four reindeer had vanished, without much propriety, Released to the wilds by the Humane Society. And equal employment had made it quite clear That Santa had better not use just reindeer. So Dancer and Donner, Comet and Cupid, Were replaced with 4 pigs, and you know that looked stupid! The runners had been removed from his sleigh; The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A. And people had started to call for the cops When they heard sled noises on their roof-tops. Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened, And his fur trimmed red suit, was called, "Unenlightened." And to show you the strangeness of life's ebbs and flows, Rudolf was suing over unauthorized use of his nose And had gone on Geraldo, in front of the nation, Demanding millions in over-due compensation. So, half of the reindeer were gone; and his wife, Who suddenly said she'd had enough of this life, Joined a self-help group, packed, and left in a whiz, Demanding from now on, that her title was Ms. And as for the gifts, why, he'd ne'er had a notion, That making a choice could cause such commotion. Nothing of leather, and nothing of fur, Which meant nothing for him. And, nothing for her! Nothing that might be construed to pollute. Nothing to aim, and nothing to shoot. Nothing that clamored or made lots of noise. Nothing for just girls. Or, just for the boys! Nothing that claimed to be gender specific. Nothing that's warlike or non-pacific. No candy or sweets...they're all bad for the tooth. Nothing that seemed to embellish a truth. And fairy tales, while not yet forbidden, Were like Ken and Barbie, better off hidden! For they raised the hackles of those psychological, Who claimed the only good gift, was one ecological. No baseball, no football...someone could get hurt; Besides, playing sports, exposed kids to dirt! Dolls were said to be sexist, and should be passé; And Nintendo would rot your entire brain away. So Santa just stood there, disheveled, and perplexed; He just could not figure out, what to do next. He tried to be merry, tried to be gay, But, you've got to be careful, with that word today! His sack was quite empty, and limp to the ground; Nothing fully acceptable, was to be found. Something special was needed, a gift that he might, Give to all without angering, the left or the right. A gift that would satisfy, with no indecision, Each group of people, and every religion; Every ethnicity, and every hue, Everyone, everywhere...and yes, "even you"! So here is that gift, it's price beyond worth... "May you and your loved ones, enjoy peace on earth".
