Cheater!!!

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by R1D2, Apr 20, 2013.

  1. R1D2 many leagues under the sea. Valued Senior Member

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    Why do some think its a "BRIGHT":idea: idea to cheat a spouse?
    What "advantage" is there to being a CHEATER!
    How devastated would you be, if for instance, if you were cheated on? What limit would you go to? Would you "beat them up"?
    How far is toooo far? Porno, a secret kiss, Strippers?
    Why do you reckon some think if I am cheated on I will do the same? Two wrongs don't make it right.
     
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  3. youreyes amorphous ocean Valued Senior Member

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    i think relationships are just so different, everyone has different limits to which they would let their loved ones go to. Real love would be very forgiving, that said, but would hurt you the most too. I think it is important that you realize that noone is perfect and give time and space for others to understand that what they are doing hurts you too...if they really do love, they will change.
     
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  5. Bebelina kospla.com Valued Senior Member

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    I think there are situations in relationships when "cheating" is allowed. For example, if your boyfriend is in jail or living on the other side of the planet, or both.

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  7. Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    I think that once you are MARRIED you should not cheat on your spouse for you can pick up diseases and pass them on to them. Then there's trust, if you cheat you'll have lost trust that your spouse has in you.

    If you are not married then that's another story but discussing your intentions with your GF/BF is the best thing to do in any circumstance for it is only fair that they be asked what they think of you "cheating" on them. Again the diseases can be spread if you get any STD's.
     
  8. Bebelina kospla.com Valued Senior Member

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    Yes, that's only fair. How would you interpret the silent response to that?

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    No ring on my finger yet.
     
  9. Balerion Banned Banned

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    Monogamy is a social construct that contradicts our natural impulses, so it's frustrating regardless of how dedicated one is to their better half. Some people reason that getting some "strange" relieves that frustration, making them happier, and therefore better spouses. If they can keep their indiscretions quiet and keep their spouse out of harm's way, the issue is not so morally black-and-white.

    I've been on both ends of this. To be cheated on was crushing, especially at such a young age (I was 14) when literally nothing else in the world matters besides your girlfriend. I was cheated on in my 20s as well, and found it easier to deal with. Neither relationship was in danger of becoming permanent, so I could rationalize that it was really no big deal. In that second one, I also strayed, which softened the blow a bit. I've never experienced infidelity in a serious relationship, so I couldn't say how it felt when someone you really care about cheats. It probably sucks.

    Anyone who counts going to the strip club as cheating is a douchebag. I mean, obviously if your significant other is spending all of their time and money on rented boobies or bulges, that's a different story, but I don't think that's what we're talking about.

    I guess, as with anything else, intent is probably the determining factor. A kiss on the lips is nothing if its platonic. I once had a female friend show me her breasts in a non-sexual manner; she had just gotten pierced, and wanted to show it off. A spouse or partner might be uncomfortable with some of those things, but I wouldn't call it cheating.

    Then again, cheating isn't always physical. People can cheat emotionally, as well.

    The same reason people reckon they should hurt someone who has hurted them. Revenge.
     
  10. vulcan947 Registered Member

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    you could be right about revenge, yet this to is a human trait and therefore i would understand a persons desire to get even, trust should not be betrayed, yet then again this is life and life only
     
  11. Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    A silent response would be a negative response, to me , for when a spouse is upset they many times never come out and say anything because they already think that you should know how they feel about it. Sometimes silence is the best way to get a point of view across without upsetting the other person or starting an argument.

    No ring, well you better get a move on...LOL! I'm sure there's someone just waiting for you out there somewhere, it just takes time is all because you do not want to get stuck with the wrong spouse for it is better to have no spouse than a louse for a spouse!
     
  12. Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    Then don't get married and have as many GF/ BF as you'd want.
     
  13. Gorlitz Iron Man Registered Senior Member

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    I think if you're gonna cheat then it is pretty significant of a problem really, either you are with the wrong partner and don't respect or care about them enough to consider how your actions will affect them, they arn't doing the right things anymore, this is usually more commonly a female reason sighting their partners have let themselves go or just not paying them the correct attention but it can also be a reason for some men but far less often, but there is also the issue that the person considering doing the cheating just really has the problem themselves which really has very little to do with their partners. It would seem that quite often men have worse impulse control than women, possibly because they are not biologically programmed to be monogamous and can be tempted into promiscuity. In this type of situation it's down to a failure of interlect over biology, on the one hand the thinking person knows it to be wrong on the other hand the biological brain chemistry is pushing towards cheating, so a battle of control is taking place with the interlect loosing when such motivated cheating occurs. Such biological urges of course also occur for woman but this is far rarer, and rarely the real motivation behind female cheating which is often more psychologically motivated than having the biological cause. As such the most common reason for female cheating is insecurity, quite often they are just seeking a way of feeling wanted or desirable and are willing to do almost anything to achieve it including cheating or behaving like a slut.
     
  14. Buddha12 Valued Senior Member

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    Then I'd think men should be able to control their desires better for if they can't it only shows that women can keep themselves away from temptations much better than men can and that shows their superiority over men in the area of being trustworthy and honest.
     
  15. youreyes amorphous ocean Valued Senior Member

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    Does not mean there will be.
     
  16. Bebelina kospla.com Valued Senior Member

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    Why you hate me? Me so sad.


    Gorlitz, so when a man cheats he's just a victim of biology and when a woman does it she's just a plain slut? Haha, what is the "interlect"?
     
  17. Carcano Valued Senior Member

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    Its important to remember that men and women enter into long time commitments for different reasons...most of the time.

    Women traditionally turn a blind eye to cheating unless it threatens to affect their income stream, and thus their children.

    Men are more concerned about cheating when it threatens their certainty of paternity, or bloodline. No man wants to raise children that are not his own.
     
  18. vulcan947 Registered Member

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    er i am a bachelor,if my bloodline dies . so be it
     
  19. Gorlitz Iron Man Registered Senior Member

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    Hey well if that's how my comments are being interpreted perhaps I didn't express them quite as well as I had intended. What I was trying to do was examine the causation behind cheating, look at the motivations rather than just the idea of discussing responding to the initial emotional shock, and as such I was tying to explain the reasoning that can lead to cheating and how it is usually different in male and females. This wasn't about blame or passing judgement and the motivations behind it don't offer justification or excuse for either sex, but understanding and dealing with the real problems going on is often far more important than any particular initial emotional response. What I was trying to say in the case of women is they can start to behave as a slut such as sleeping around with many different people, this was an explanation of a resultant type of behaviour not a particular criticism or label. Also please bare in mind it was not me personally that has given the word slut any percieved negative connotation, that is society in general that is responsible for that particular perception.

    Also that should read intellect, just a typo, my bad.
     
  20. R1D2 many leagues under the sea. Valued Senior Member

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    Blood lines don't really die out all the way most of the time.
    You would still be cheating. Unless you are a "swinger"

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    me so sad you dont. You still have time though.
     
  21. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    More fun, meeting new people, doing things the spouse doesn't want to do . . .

    See above!

    Not at all if she talked to me about it beforehand.

    Heck no. Assault is a lot worse than being unfaithful to someone.
     
  22. Bebelina kospla.com Valued Senior Member

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    I think you are very good at expressing your intentions, but they are however not as subtle as you may have intended, if that's what you are referring to.

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  23. Gorlitz Iron Man Registered Senior Member

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    Yeah again I was just suggesting what the reasoning that can lead to such types of behaviour is, and it was not a judgement and there was no subtley intended or necessary.

    As for the orignal question of would you beat some one up who cheated, well the obvious answer is no. It doesn't solve anything and makes you look the bad guy, no the real issues need to be delt with. But emotion is there is many cases that can lead to violence occuring, especially violence against the person your partner has been cheating with is certainly not unheard of. People in a highly emotional state don't often act rationally, also many people need or try to seek balance, thus the two wrongs scenario. But regardless of the of any emotional outburst there is still the issue that has to be resolved one way or another. Sometimes this may mean splitting up, other times counselling or reconciliation, but for relationships to succeed then the problems have to be sorted out and they don't usually come too much bigger then cheating. Often the reason behind the cheating can have far more bearing on the state of a relationship than the actual cheating. For example a one off shag because someone is feeling extremely horny and had too much to drink is probarbly going to be far less of a long term problem than say someone getting in touch on facebook with their childhood sweetheart and having a 6 month affair.
     

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