Crazy things famous Christians say

Discussion in 'Religion' started by Magical Realist, May 31, 2014.

  1. Balerion Banned Banned

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    Ignors it. Its role here Is to silence dissenting opinion. It styles itself a holy crusader.

    There are no appriopriate people. I think we know this now.
     
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  3. Yazata Valued Senior Member

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    I think that MR might have had some very unpleasant experiences at the hands of some of his fellows when he was an evangelical Christian youth. He still seems to be bitter and he still lashes out occasionally at those he thinks of as his tormenters.
     
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  5. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    time for a joke?

    So;
    Mister Perfect comes to town, and one of the locals says: "Gee dude, I hate to bother you at a time like this, but, would you mind crossing yer laigs? I only brought three nails".
    Whereupon my catholic sister in law said: "You're going to hell".

    ......................

    tongue twister for Catholics:
    How many monks would a chipmunk chip if a chipmunk could chip monks?

    ........
    When reading the book always look for parable and metaphor.
     
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  7. Yazata Valued Senior Member

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    That depends on what the criticisms are, whether they are justifiable, and on whether they can be applied to those who the critic wants to criticize.

    (The same thing applies to blacks, gays or women. Nobody is immune from criticism.)

    In this thread, I'm skeptical about whether some of the quotes are accurate. Others are ostensibly things written on unknown discussion boards by anonymous individuals. So the whole thing is iffy by its nature.

    Using that kind of material in an attempt to discredit not only all of Christianity but religion in general, seems like a non-sequitur to me.
     
  8. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    One day Jesus is waling making his daily rounds of heaven glad-handing the righteous, who are always happy to see Him, of course, and He comes to an old man down in the dumps sitting on an onyx curb, and He says, 'Sir, what's the trouble? Would you like to talk?

    The old man says, 'Oh, I know I'm supposed to be happy, young man, but, well, it's just that I thought I'd find my son here.

    Ever the kind one, Jesus sits down next to him, and says, "Tell me about your son, sir.'

    'You see, I was a woodworker down on Earth, in a beautiful Mediterranean land, and my boy! Oh, there was no one else like him. He was such a good boy. He never told a lie! Everyone used to make fun of him for being so special and different, for speaking his mind! And one day they just drove him away completely, and I never saw him again. I even heard that he he had died. I was heartbroken, but soon everyone was saying he was alive again and, and...' The old man began weeping.

    Coming to a realization, Jesus asks the old woodworker his name.

    'I was called Joseph.'

    'My father, Joseph! Father! Is it realty you!?

    Now weeping for joy, the old man flings his arms open, and cries, 'Pinocchio!'

    (We Catholics somehow feel we can tell jokes like that. No hell for us, please and thank you)
     
  9. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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    I suffered delusion and injustice at the hands of religion period. That's why I have a burden to expose it as the soul-killing mind-warping emotionally-manipulating system it is. To help others see the wild goose chase it really is. If that bothers anyone, oh fuck'n well. People have a right to know the truth.
     
  10. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    local joke:

    Our local meteorologist, when he was much younger, was responding to:

    "What do I do if caught out on the golf course during a thunderstorm?"
    So, our young meteorologists said: "Hold a one iron aloft. Because, even GOD cannot hit a one iron."
    and here's the funny part
    Two days later, he's standing in front of the camera, looking all repentant, and, he said: "I would like to apologize if that joke offended anyone".

    Years later, he's now the senior meteorologist, and doesn't share jokes anymore. (poor damned castrated fool)

    If your faith doesn't supersede lame jokes, then you ain't got none.

    ..................
    what is a one iron?
     
  11. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    Long ago and far away:
    I was being harassed by an army officer who was demanding that I show him the proper respect. As i began to salute the jerk, I paused and said, while demonstrating: "Cub scouts salute with two fingers, boy scouts salute with three fingers, explorer scouts with four, and the army with five--------------------------Oh my god, I've been programmed!"
    Seemingly confused, the major turned on his feet and wandered away.

    If I remembered his name, and could find him, I'd thank him for offering me that insight into freeing myself from the societal programming that would have trapped me into a life of blind mediocrity.
     
  12. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    I wouldn't join the scouts; said I was a conscientious objector. I've never been a joiner, except for The Catholic Church which was thrust upon me in my infancy. For many years (12 of them at Saint Mary's School) I bucked and struggled against it. And the only teacher that hit me was Mrs. Murray in fourth grade who whapped me across the back once with a spelling book. I thought it was funny then; think it's funny now. When I was 30, after years of intemperance, meditation, rock and roll, Buddhist thought and more meditation I read C.S. Lewis and came back to Christianity on my own volition. I could have joined another church, but I've never been a joiner, and I was already a soul-carrying member of the 'New York Yankee Team of Christian Churches' (The Roman Catholic one), so I decided to be 'true to my old school'. It was the liberal nuns of my era. after all, who had taught me all about social justice for the poor, environmentalism, gender equality, Islam, Judaism, Buddhism, meditation and compassion (we had tests!) so why turn my backs on them when I finally saw they were right all along? (They never mentioned homosexuality - but the other kids sure did!)

    So I go to mass, off and on, when it suits me. I pay my nickel, offer the sign of peace to the brethren (and sistern?) recieve the Eucharist, light a candle, and shake the priest's hand when I leave, but my mind and my soul are my own. I am there when I want to be, and not when I don't. No one has ever stopped me from coming or going, and everyone is always welcome in my church. I always zone out during the sermon (the 'homily' we call it) which is mercifully short with my champion ball club. I cannot listen to the religion lesson for seven-year olds that is the homily. I want to misquote Saint Paul and tell the holy father he's feeding us bread and milk, and we're all adults in the faith here, but do you think he would listen?

    The Catholic Church, my church is the universal church and it is as wide as the seven seas. I've been called a 'cafeteria catholic' who picks and chooses the doctrines I like, but who ever called me that but morbidly obese, stoned atheists? So I don't care! We're like the Democratic Party with rich men, poor men, beggarmen, thieves (streetcar conductors and Indian chiefs) - all are welcome. I know cool punk rockers and flamboyant homosexuals who are seriously devout. Ask them what God thinks of them. I judge no one (except morbidly obese, stoned atheists - those fat fucks need to get their stomachs stapled, exercise, switch to coffee and cigarettes and turn to Jesus!)

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    All that I am trying to tell Magical Realist is that becoming a bigot in your own right is no way to fight bigotry and intolerance. When you do so the bigots and intolerant win. There are a lot (a lot!) of idiots who call themselves Christians, and there are quite a few other idiots who say that they decidedly aren't. So find your own way, Be yourself. Be the best yourself you can be and don't stoop to the level of those who imagine they are superior to you.

    Thomas à Kempis (an early 14th century non-denominational man) said, 'the moment you suppose you are superior to any man, know that you have made no spiritual progress whatsoever'. Quote that back at them, MR.

    (Oh, and that quotation above is my contribution to 'crazy things famous Christians say') Thank you.
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2014
  13. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    God bless Allah!!!
     
  14. Balerion Banned Banned

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    Take "criticism" to mean valid and accurate. No one would ever say that calling blacks savage criminals amounts to criticism.

    I'm not surprised you take a dim view of such criticsms. You're something of an apologist, so...

    To you, sure.
     
  15. Balerion Banned Banned

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    Speaking if non-sequiturs...
     
  16. Magical Realist Valued Senior Member

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    It isn't bigotry to speak out against bigoted views. It's the precise opposite of bigotry. It's standing up for those Christianity condemns as sodomites, heretics, witches, pagans, whores, demon-possessed, idolaters, drunkards, heathens, satan-worshippers, infidels, and sinners and declaring them equal human beings deserving of tolerance and respect. It's exposing that bigotry for what it is, in a world that is increasingly about unity and diversity of lifestyles. I'd expect you to know this, but then it's not really something they go over with you in catechism now is it?
     
    Last edited: Jun 2, 2014
  17. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  18. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    This is clearly cribbed from Thomas Aquinas’ little known treatise “On the Nature of God’s Wang.”




    “God’s penis is uncaused, beginningless, changeless, immaterial, timeless, spaceless, and enormously powerful. Run and hide!” – William Lane Craig
     
  19. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    Oh did you speak out? I thought you had just cut and paste a bunch of silly quotes made back in the 1980's, most of which never mentioned sodomy, witches, pagans or whores. What is bigoted is when someone who assumes they know what's in the Catholic catechism gets it all wrong. As a matter of fact they are rather exhaustive about individualism and diversity, and unity as well. Nice of you to ask. If I may make an assumption of my own James Watts, Jerry Falwell and your evangelical 'friends' may not have gotten this aspect of Catholic thought. Like many assumptions, mine may very well be wrong too; so I'll just go ahead and make another assumption, those guys probably do know, but just don't care.

    I am deeply sorry if you were ever mistreated by people who suppose they are good Christians. I would apologize, I do apologize on their behalf, if that makes you feel any better. I wanted to say, 'but' here, (but) I think I'll quit while I'm ahead.
     
  20. exchemist Valued Senior Member

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    Spot on.
     
  21. gmilam Valued Senior Member

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    Just FYI (as apparently a lot of Catholics don't realize this) - there are many protestant sects that believe the Catholic church is the Anti-Christ. The Great Whore of Babylon.

    I'm not telling you this to put you on the defensive, I'm telling you this so that you realize the mindset of the people MR is talking about. Their hatred and bigotry runs deep. (i.e Westboro Baptist Church).
     
  22. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    Well, if our guy, Jesus, and their guy, Superman(?), got in a fight who do you think would win?

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  23. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    Can one fight bigots and hope to win?
    Aside from the best weapon in the arsenal against bigotry = LAUGHTER: can one fight bigotry without fighting bigots?
    Is the game really worth the candle?
     

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