Free at Last, Free at Last, Thank God Almighty...

That's what I'm told by my gf. So I can honestly say, "That's what SHE said". They've [she and her gf] even had situations where they were both at a party with different dates. The key she says is lots of communication.

Have both of my two new friends coming over for Margaritas! Hola!!!! I guess I had better learn how to make margaritas! LOL!!!

The life of a bachelor: I have more Champaign glasses than I do coffee cups. I have decorated in part using spent Dom Perignon bottles. And I bought an ice bucket before silverware.

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And I have learned the key is to not say about 90% of what comes to mind!

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Last night my sister was working me again. "Don't you want to settle down and grow old with someone?", she asked. I find it interesting that "growing old together" is always a featured argument. How about living now and not settling just for the sake of a Hallmark commercial.

"So you are saying to not do what I really want to do while I still have life in me, so that I have a rocking chair buddy twenty years from now?", I responded. "You don't see the problem with that logic?" No response.

Beyond that, one thing that became abundantly clear is that marriage doesn't guarantee that anyone will be there for you when you need them. Worse than being completely alone is being with someone and still being completely alone; or being with someone who makes things worse.

Sometimes it all seems like one big con job.

 

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Thinking about all of this has brought back a lot of feelings. It has been a whirlwind ride from the moment my ex and I ended things and I started to move on. But the thing I wanted to mention most was how this all came down to one moment. When you are approaching and hit bottom, you find yourself asking why you would want to live any more, over and over again. But I was so deeply brainwashed that I had to be willing to pull trigger before I could really be honest with myself. Why would I want to go on another day. What do I REALLY want to do. Only when I was a breath from ending it all was I able to admit the truth. Forget everything else. Forget all of the guilt and expectations and religion and judgments. Forget everything I've ever been told and believed. Is there ANYTHING that makes it worth getting up tomorrow. In a moment the answer came to me like a bolt out of the blue and my life would never be the same - Beautiful women and sex. I never imagined that when everything was else stripped away, that would still true. When you have been reduced to your core, that drive seems to be almost as strong as the will to live itself. In fact, given the things men will do for sex, it may be stronger than the will to live for some of us.

 

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Haha, so my gf was here tonight and we started planning our special date with her gf. She has said all along that they want me to take them out to dinner at a special restaurant they've both been wanting to try. I was just checking online and it's $300 a person! No wonder she said they would be very grateful. LOL!!! They say to allow 4 to 5 hours for dinner. Sounds like quite the deal.

I can tell that these two get off seducing a man together. She gets all giggly whenever we talk about it. It seems to be a power thing. I like it! I think they're more excited than I am. Also, her gf is a librarian! Classic.

 

Here is another popular contradiction or bit of hypocrisy.

For years I have listened to parents talk about how nice it is when they're children are adults; how great it is when they can enjoy each other as adults. Many parents consider an adult child to be their best friend. But when an older man dates a young woman, everyone says, "How can you enjoy being with someone so young?!?!"

 

It might seem cheesy or cliché looking from the outside in, but this was my guiding light in the very beginning. It is about male empowerment and taking control of your life. It addresses the base instincts we all have. It addresses the newfound honesty I was feeling. And in some ways it is a pretty good metaphor for what my life was like at first, right down to the strip clubs. The first thing I did was surround myself with beautiful naked women. I figured I had better get used to it. I had never even gone to strip club before.

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I then struck up a friendship with the hottest stripper there, went out a few times, and she became my barber, confidant, and advisor, for the next couple of years. Life was suddenly sooooooo strange!

But this definitely helped me crawl out of the hole.