Have you ever broken up with someone over religion?

Discussion in 'Religion' started by Seattle, May 11, 2019.

  1. Seattle Valued Senior Member

    I'm wondering if any of you have ever broken up with someone over religion. Maybe you are religious and they aren't or maybe it was the other way around.

    Have you ever been in a relationship where religion hadn't been a big deal and then later it became a big deal for only one party to the relationship.

    I've had a girlfriend who was religious (sort of ) and went to church every week. It started just to take her elderly mother but then she realized that she didn't know whether she was doing her mother a favor or whether her mother was doing her a favor.

    She rarely mentioned religion around me. Occasionally it would come up and I noticed that the church was extreme in some areas, she wasn't extreme but just said "Maybe it would be better if everyone did as the church suggested but that it was a hard life and we weren't perfect.".

    In other words, she wasn't acting any differently than I was but just considered that maybe she should be but that it was too hard?

    Fast forward and I have a friend who just got remarried (2nd wife) a couple of years ago. This new wife is religious. I don't know how religious he was before her. She mentions God in every other sentence, volunteers with youth groups and now posts on Facebook asking for prayers for minor nonsense.

    It just occurred to me that this could be very tiring for the other person (him). I have another friend who is just getting involved with a seemingly great person but she used to be a youth pastor, doesn't believe in Evolution and mentions God a fair amount as well.

    I live in a part of the country where religion isn't as common as in the part of the country that I grew up in. Until recently, I've rarely heard religion come up in conversation for a long, long time.

    I always thought that if I started to date someone that I liked and then found out that they were religious but not too overtly so, that it might be OK. It was OK that one time. Now I"m not so sure. I can't think of anything more emotionally tiring than to fall in love with someone, be together and then all of a sudden have them get too into religion.

    I'm just curious as to where this has ever been a problem for any of you. I haven't heard too much about this problem even though it must come up all the time.
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  3. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

    I started datin this religious girl because of her looks... soon fell in love an was thankin marriage... started goin to church wit her... coudnt emagine a life time of goin even once a week to listen to such Bull-Sht as was comin from that preecher... broke off our relationship because of it... she said she didnt want to go to church ether so it wasnt a prollem... got married an that was nearly 50 years ago.!!!

    She did have a big regret tho about leavin the church... that she hadnt left it even sooner

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  5. spidergoat pubic diorama Valued Senior Member

    No, I wouldn't date a religious person (more than once).
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  7. RainbowSingularity Valued Senior Member


    however i have been on close personal terms with people whom have at varying age and attachment/family levels.

    sounds a bit mid life crisis-eee

    people seeking to live the life they want rather than the life they have had to is a big thing.
    being able to manage that change is important

    often sexualised relationships take on a sense of self that is soo external that it must be deemed to be shed to reevaluate the self or create a new personal direction.
    unfortunately that is just part of the human psyche.
    some it is the only way
    others it is simply a side-car like attribute they manage and adapt with as life continues.

    = fear
    this is a tricky one
    takes a very good therapist to unwind such things and takes several years.

    i have heard of it first hand and second hand, from different sides of the isle.

    evangelism is a form of escapism
    much like drug addiction
    the human psyche is pre-disposed to seek escapism
    unfortunately some forms or worse than others.
    drugs are easy because they are always maintained as an external 3rd person and can be hated against
    people and their ideas however, when wound in emotionally over time, become a whole different issue.
    most evangelism exploits those long term co-dependency issues.

    mentioning god in every other sentence is a clear sign there is a lot missing in the persons life.
    you have to take that into consideration if you are going to take on a personal relationship with them.
    baggage, be that violent abusive toward you or your children.... et-all

    emotional abuse by bible bashers upon their own and other peoples children is very bad
    insidious and mostly goes ignored and explained away with excuses.
    Last edited: May 12, 2019
  8. wegs Matter and Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

    Yes. It would seem that way, anyway.

    Ironically, when I identified as an atheist, I dated a guy who claimed to be a devout Christian. I didn't think much of it, but at that time a few years ago, since I had left faith, I didn't realize how difficult it might be to date someone who was so involved with his faith. He didn't seem to respect my views and it just ruined everything. Not like I tried to sway his opinion, but he definitely felt like he was on a ''mission'' with me. Then, coming back to faith recently, I've dated atheists, who don't seem to care at all. lol So, the moral of the story might be that spiritual/religious people might care more about dating a non-believer, than a non-believer cares about dating a religious/spiritual person.

    I tend to date atheists though who haven't "deconverted"; they have always been atheists, and so that might be why it works out better.

    Curious to hear the experiences of others, here.

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    Last edited: Jul 12, 2019
  9. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

    Indeed. Something that is tolerable in good times can become a source of conflict in stressful times.

    eg.: When things start going pear-shaped - illness or poverty or somesuch - and her mantra is "God will provide", your friend may find that enraging.

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