Remember, no one is ever truly alone, uh even if they would like to be. funny comments, but i'm still going to find a way to kill god or whatever it is and be my everlasting mission.
How exactly do you assess whether a person is more or less attractive than you? I mean, it's all kind of relative and personal, isn't it? For instance, I personally think Nicole Kidman looks like a freak--it's not that I think that she is ugly necessarily, but she looks weird--to me--and not in a good way. Yet, I suspect a large number of people would disagree with me here.
Yes, there's that too. I would have serious reservations about anyone who would marry Tom Cruise. But back to birch's criteria: what about the somewhat more objective ones? Educational attainment. Socioeconomic status. Socioeconomic background. Height-weight ratio. Just how far does one go? Sure, a PhD isn't likely to find much in common with a high school dropout, but that's a pretty dramatic distinction--what about a PhD and someone with a Master's?
??? You really define who you want to "hit on" by their attractiveness? I don't think most people are that shallow. Agreed. But it is not unfair to think that someone might be attracted to you because of your shared interests, or because of how you think, or they like your sense of humor, or they share your values, or you just make them happy. ?? No reason they should. But "being equal" is not the same as "being attracted to." I've dated MIT PhD candidates, Shiatsu instructors, skydivers, waitresses, surgeons, saleswomen and chemical engineers. Some were conventionally beautiful, some weren't (although I thought they were attractive as a whole.) No one has to do anything they don't want to. Why should someone who is conventionally attractive reject uglier people who might be a good match just because you think they should reject them?
Well, probably the easiest way to meet people via internet is post a p0hoto on a dating service. Proclaim that all you're interested in is sex and start from there.
Remember your only looking at Botox not the real Nicole Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Ya I agree Botox IS freaky Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Let me ask you something.. If someone you think is less attractive than you asks you out, would you think that they were rude to do so, because they are less attractive to you personally? See, I don't understand the whole notion of ranking people to begin with. For example: When you go out with someone, or when you decide whether to say yes to a date with someone, is the first thing that comes to your mind how others will view the two of you together? Your criteria appears to be very shallow. Have you considered that a man may ask you out because he thinks you seem like a nice person? Have you considered that a couple where the woman is more attractive than the man, that she asked him out because she was attracted to him? A friend of mine at uni who used to model fell madly in love with a guy who was going bald in his early 20's. was 2 foot shorter than she was. She had a crush on him for months, before she approached him and asked him out for coffee. We used to be in the same statistics class and she literally used to stare at him like a love struck loon, and he was very shy, unassuming, funny and smart and sarcastic as hell. For her, it was love at first sight. The moment she saw him, she was smitten and when she got to know him, she thought he was the best thing since sliced bread. I had never really believed in love at first sight until I met her and watched it happen in front of me. We used to joke that she should be careful as she was about to drool on the top of his head, because she literally used to get to lectures early, just to appear as though she also got to class early as he was always early as he liked to study outside the hall before class with coffee and she would turn up early, just to sit next to him and speak to him.. and then try and bag a seat next to him just to be able to speak to him. They have been married over 20 years now and still as strong as ever. He teaches and she continued with her legal career. To hear you speak, you would see them and assume that he married up, when in reality, both are equal and she says she married up, because he is such a lovely and smart guy. He is the love of her life and frankly, I have never met anyone more compatible. They look like an odd couple, but when you see them together, you see how they interact with each other, how they look at each other, I only wish my marriage had been as good. The point is that looks aren't everything and judging people because of how they look, or couples, as you appear to be, is very, very shallow.
Well, you are incorrect on 'most' people in society. Many people are that shallow, otherwise a physically attractive person wouldn't have more people approaching them based on just that single criteria alone. Just as when a woman who takes some care of appearance, she tends to get more attention just as a man who takes care of their appearance and physical health. These are generalities. The rest of it is true, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, attraction is also more subjective than objective, people don't have to reject anyone they don't want to because when they don't, there is some reason they feel mutual or learn so after they get to know eachother etc. My point had nothing to do with this. It has to do with the fact there are people, especially males because of a unconscious patriarchal entitlement or social conditioning, tent to objectify women more easily. If such a person is going to commodify and judge the opposite gender when attraction is 'personal', then there is nothing wrong with that in the reverse. it's not just one-way as if the other is a fruit/object on a vine. It is suspect when there is nothing in common or points of personal interest, values etc and yet a person still feigns as if there is. That's a predatorial or co-dependent mode, not a 'relational' mode, whether it's realized or not. And yes, there are people who think and operate this way. They don't care anything about who you are really. I already gave an example of people who ignore or trample on all cues or even outright incompatibility just because the other person is single or generally physically attractive, nevermind what they personally actually like or prefer. Initially one may not know but NO, it is stupid and suspect when a person goes after someone who has completely different values, political views, tastes and interests just because of physical looks or sometimes they are younger. get it? yes, there are men like that because they are predatorial in thinking which is simply about sex or physical attraction, nothing else, but feign it's not. and that attraction is just one-way and there isn't even any chemistry. who is attracted to people when there isn't even any mutual chemistry? that's right, predators. that is contemptible when the other is clearly not interested and then have the nerve to criticize another person just because they are not interested based on some seemingly objective criteria because they don't respect other's free will, their own values or who they are just as they exercise their free will and choice. then they deserve judgement back! So don't tell me that there aren't shallow people but it's their perogative and i don't judge them for what they want or even do, but i sure as hell do when they turn that shit on me and rightfully so. People should move on to those who want their attention, not demand it from others as if it's their right. Personal attention is not an entitlement like customer service at mcdonalds.
I reject the notion the unspoken meme that it's okay for men to judge women superificially or objectively like they are gods who have a right to decide who or what belongs where and to whom or should, including to what they are entitled to. I have had men even show me pictures of younger women on their phone bragging and outright told me they don't like 'older' women as in women in their age group simply because they are not as physically attractive anymore, nevermind what they look like. i've even heard men as a group criticize women based on their looks when they don't even consider looking in the mirror that they are even oftentimes less attractive than the ones they are judging! If men can be shallow, women have a right to be shallow too. as if just being a male is good and entitlement enough.
it is subjective to some extent. if you actually pay attention to people and read them besides just focused on yourself, you can decipher some basic things without it escalating to the point of harassment. if you even listen to what they are telling you, you can also tell. the ones that keep getting turned down are not paying attention to the other person but only on what they want! it's not just about the physical looks, it's also a type. the better you know learn yourself, the better you can read others as for compatibility. unless, you are just a predator, then compatibility is not important. there are people i find attractive that others don't and vice versa. that's why there is all that diversity. there is no reason to be upset someone rejected your advances, they don't owe you anything. besides, there are people who will like you if you learn to read people besides just focused on them as a piece of meat because looks are their only criteria and there is nothing there between you or have anything in common! why would you keep at that if they are not interested? that was the whole point.
First of all, you don't know me. I have dated people who were less attractive than me and even those my friends have wondered what i ever saw in that person. well, from experience and come to find out, being less physically attractive doesn't mean they are even better people. have you even considered that? Have you considered I don't judge people on what their relationship is or what they want? It has nothing to do with me and what they want is their business. I don't find it rude when someone asks me out, i find it rude when someone harasses or attacks me when i am not interested and especially when there is nothing there after conversing with them. Who I am attracted to is my business just as what others are attracted to is their business. I bet that i talk to people you would hardly spend any time with because they are not even just physically less attractive but lower on the socioeconomic ladder. I will talk to just about anyone which has unfortunately been often times a problem for me because men tend to see that as more interest than there is. NO duh looks are not everything. Who can have a relationship just based on looks as per my original point, which you refused to acknowledge. if someone is going to ridiculously criticize looks as a justification as not to be turned down and yet they are even more unattractive, to anyone honest and lucid, that is not only insulting but rude as hell. who are they to decide who anyone should be attracted to? if i don't find another attractive that's my right just as it's their right for their individual tastes and standards. who i also like or find attractive and my criteria is also by business. the only time i have a problem with others is when they don't respect my boundaries or that i owe them when i don't. do you not get that? you are more concerned with the notion of some person being less physically attractive as having a moral upper hand or a victim which is untrue and unrealistic. And the clincher, how could it possibly be that i care what other people think when i have had sentiments that my soulmate maybe homeless right now and in very bad shape and went through very bad things because i consider i was in that situation at one time, so maybe he is too. i don't even care what he looks like but i care who he is. i could have married a captain in the army who was considered good-looking by everyone me but what does that matter if i don't feel the same way? as well as a nasa employee, even a doctor at one time and various people who had money, looks, and status. but i did not love them and those things do not matter if you do not love them period. often, when people are rejecting someone, even for so-called looks, it's not that usually, you don't like them as a person or there is not a connection.
Birch, no, I do not know you and all I can know of you is what you write here on this site. Have you considered if you are in a relationship with someone, that what they want kind of becomes your business, because you are together and what they want or what you want may affect the other in some way? There is also the fact that one's looks does not determine if they are better people and it isn't until you get to know them that you can gauge what kind of person they are. Sometimes you can tell right away that someone is not for you and other times, as you get to know them over a period of time, it becomes clear that the two of you are not right for each other. You say that you do not judge people on what their relationship is or what it is they want, but you also said this, which is you judging people on what their relationship is or what either party wants from said relationsip: It could very well be a case of you not making yourself clear in how you communicate. As we have established, we do not know you. We can only go by what you write and how you communicate and make yourself known or heard here. I doubt anyone would disagree with you there! But you did also say that you would not ask someone who you deem to be more attractive than you, out, because that would be rude and you also inferred that you consider it rude for someone you think is less attractive than you to ask you out, because you feel as though they are somehow trying to move up some sort of looks or social ladder by doing so. What I am saying is that is not always the case. More often than not, if someone asks you out, they just think you seem like a nice person, they think you are attractive and I don't really think they are telling themselves that you are their ticket to something greater in regards to their looks. Well firstly, you do not know me and this is not a competition. Secondly, you are clearly a very friendly person and some people, men and women, see friendliness as being a show of interest in them sexually. Some people can get pushy as a result. In my experience, some people who are like that are often lonely and are desperate for companionship. And sometimes some people who are like that are just pushy and abusive. Quite an overblown reaction to my and everyone saying that looks are not everything in response to your comments about how it is rude to approach people who are more attractive, don't you think? Why are you so defensive?
I don't think that defines someone as shallow. When you first meet someone in a 'typical' social scene, all you can judge them on are their looks - because that's all that's available. If the approach works, and the person is willing to talk to you, then you can also judge them on what they say, how they act towards yourself and others, how intelligent they are, how funny they are etc. But often, none of that is available until you approach them. So your choices in such situations (whether you are shallow are not) are to approach them or approach no one. (And I assume you would not argue that someone should AVOID people who are attractive!) So even if only 30% of the people in society are that shallow you are going to have more people approaching the more attractive woman. In my experience about 30% of society is like that. If you claim it's over 50% I won't argue, because there are a lot of different circles of people out there; you are going to meet very different people in downtown Hollywood than in Kendall Square. [quoteMy point had nothing to do with this. It has to do with the fact there are people, especially males because of a unconscious patriarchal entitlement or social conditioning, tent to objectify women more easily. If such a person is going to commodify and judge the opposite gender when attraction is 'personal', then there is nothing wrong with that in the reverse. [/quote] That's like saying since there are men who assault women, there is nothing wrong with women who assault men. One does not justify the other. Or they care about different parts of you that you care about. (Nothing wrong with that - as long as they take no for a answer.) Agreed there. But again, as long as they take no for an answer, that's not your problem. No, a predator is someone who attacks people. If someone is attracted to you that's not predatorial. Then you should tell them "no." If they continue - THEN you have cause to be affronted.
It's easy to spot a bastard. He's in the White House--although he doesn't spend as much time there as he should!
