Is it ok to hate your parents if they did wrong to you?

Discussion in 'Ethics, Morality, & Justice' started by Saint, Feb 11, 2015.

  1. Saturnine Pariah Hell is other people Valued Senior Member

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    All i can profess is that for the girl, the victim in this scenario, for her, maybe not for you..it is emotionally or even logically justifiable to murder her father, within the context of her paradigm or experiences. I could also extended this to the mother/wife who was also facing abuse.
     
    Last edited: Feb 13, 2015
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  3. cluelusshusbund + Public Dilemma + Valued Senior Member

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    O... if i had been the victim... i may very well have considered "murder" an follered thru wit it.!!!
     
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  5. dumbest man on earth Real Eyes Realize Real Lies Valued Senior Member

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    Hate is not an emotion that anyone should harbor.
    Once you allow your self to hate...anyone or anything...the list of what you hate will only grow.
     
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  7. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    If we dwell on the negatives we encountered in our past we won't ever be able to move along into our future and forever be burdened with torment and hate.
     
  8. C C Consular Corps - "the backbone of diplomacy" Valued Senior Member

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    Hate is like other generalizations (except in this case pre-lingually signified by feelings) that sum-up a person, group, movement, situation, etc under a compact conception that obscures the actual complicated details, contexts, and interactive relationships of its target. Such synoptic ideation [even as emotion] makes life a simpler realm to deal with. Still, many a disastrous consequence has resulted from the limited human organism being thus so incapable of perceptually apprehending, understanding, and holding in memory the complexity subsumed in the superficial appearances of an environment's objects and conditions (the overwhelming totality of that). Nevertheless, until cyborgs are augmented by wireless connection to far grander processing and storage powers, which can constantly grasp and study the world with less need of our mediating abstractions, the finite person must rely upon the practicality of both its innate and acquired concepts / summaries / strategies.

    Sometimes the child who just privately "hates" an abusive parent, and also feels compelled to grow-up to be the opposite of that parent, goes down a better path than the one who gets mentally zonked into indecisiveness and confusion and continued victimhood by engaging in a futile quest (at that age) of trying to omnisciently "understand" all that has produced and underlies the mechanics of their abusive begetter. As long as that primeval, unthinking interpretation / response (i.e., "hate") is eventually set aside for a more enlightened or intellectually applicable construct / theory of "what retrospectively went on back then or what the hell was my father/mother, really" in the future.
     
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  9. Saint Valued Senior Member

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    Can I revenge my parents if they did wrong to me?
     
  10. Ophiolite Valued Senior Member

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    Of course you can, but should you?

    Can you be sure that the wrong they did was intentional?

    Can you be sure that what they did was actually wrong?

    What will be achieved by revenging yourself?

    Will acting out the revenge not be much the same as the original wrong they did?

    Might there not be alternatives that are better for all?
     
  11. Bells Staff Member

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    I think you are disregarding what sustained abuse, pain and suffering can do to a person over the long term. Sometimes they strike back and wish to ensure their abuser never harms another person again, other times they are so desperate and feel they cannot live with the fear, shame and horror they have experienced that they kill themselves. And then you get the lucky ones who are able to see their abuser carted off to prison and somehow or other, with a lot of help, be able to gain that sense of closure.

    It is easy to speak from a position that is so black and white if you have never experienced that level of harm or seen loved ones be completely destroyed by what was done to them.
     
  12. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    Yes. And those are all excellent reasons to feel pity on someone, or (more importantly) get someone the help they need. They are not reasons to condone cold-blooded calculated murder.
     
  13. Ophiolite Valued Senior Member

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    I can certainly envisage situations in which I could commit murder and feel personally justified. I would equally feel it would be perfectly right for society to impose appropriate punishment/constraint on me.
     
  14. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    If you hate your parents, either you, or they, or all of you, are screwed up people.
    Best to drop the hate and get on with sorting yourself out.
     
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  15. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    Show them that you are better than they are by doing the right thing with your family to show them how it should be done.
     
  16. billvon Valued Senior Member

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    Agreed.
     
  17. C C Consular Corps - "the backbone of diplomacy" Valued Senior Member

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    If [recently] they deliberately damaged your property, reneged on a legally valid contract, etc, then litigation is as much an option as it is for anyone else doing such against you. If they molested you as a child or physically injured you in severe manner as a child, then there's the question after so many years as to whether they could still be prosecuted under local laws even if enough evidence for validating such had survived. (Though there might still be good reason to announce it to the public if they're yet capable of such violence while caring for other children / grandchildren. Otherwise, if they've fully "lost their teeth" in regard to cruelty, maybe best to let sleeping dogs lie rather than setting-off a sequence of volatile, unpredictable after-effects.)

    Directly taking revenge on one's parents without mediation of a justice system is out of the question (especially if of an illegal magnitude). As this would mean that they still "own you", you're being manipulated by the worst of their "mental memes" that they tried to pass onto you, you would be declaring via such actions to be a continuing consequence or product of their past handiwork. Sometimes an offspring just needs to nobly stand-up like a stoic rock and pledge that any past tradition of "family craziness" ends here.
     
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  18. Saint Valued Senior Member

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    If I do not want to attend the funeral of my parents as an act of revenge, is it ok?
     
  19. Kittamaru Ashes to ashes, dust to dust. Adieu, Sciforums. Valued Senior Member

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    I would advise against it... mostly because it would make you look vain and/or petty to your peers.

    Not attending because you feel no love/connection for/to them, however, is another matter. While it may be expected that you would come to pay respects, if you feel no attachment to them, then it can be explained as to why you did not show up.
     
  20. Ophiolite Valued Senior Member

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    This will cause them no harm.
    It will, in the longer term, cause you regrets - possibly very deep regrets.
    What do you think the smart move is?
     

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