It's very easy to get away with murder...

Erm...so, you haven't done this before, have you?

 

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disclaimers aside, this thread has serious legal issues

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I didn't read your whole thread, so maybe this was mentioned...
Try writing about rodents - they love to chew on wiring, especially "old" wiring...

Might cause a short, leading to ???

 

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Damn Doreen!
How long did it take you to get your money?

 

Ooh, what creepy responses, but actually....

I write thrillers.

 

did I ever tell you about my husband setting the yard on fire?

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I read once about a clear glass dog dish full of water setting a porch on fire. Easily burned the house as well.

Could a person work on wires, making them look like a rodent chewed through it, and create a short?

 

Excellent! Any advice on getting an agent?

 

1) you have to read people publishing the genre you have written in 2) find out who their agents are 3) get one of the guides on how to write cover letters and do nice little submissions packages 4) mention books the agent has represented that you liked 5) compare and contrast with your book 6) show that you know the market 7) follow most of the advice in the how to get an agent guide books, but, you know, if your intuition is strong, play with the form a little 8) spell and grammar check a million times - it's sad but a clean manuscript radically increases your chances from infinitesmal to very small and the latter category can be attacked over time, whereas the former cannot. 8) there is a book out there that actually describes the hobbies and interests of a boatload of agents. I can't for the life of me remember the name of it. But this could help also. If you have a thriller about a tennis player who does investigations on the side, sending it to an agent who loves tennis cannot be a bad idea - unless your idea of tennis is primarily hallucinated. Agents love to feel like they are creative and interesting people doing important work. The more you know about them and their work, the greater your chances of getting a warm reception.

Or.....

you could kidnap an agent, with your identity hidden, and while they are in your 'custody' you.......

 

gee. never came across that advice before. /sarcasm

 

doesnt sound very believable.

 

Parmalee, John,
nice charitable comments....
I await your better advice with baited breath.

 

But Geoff was probably just being wry....

 

The glass & water...last Christmas a snow globe was recalled because of the fires it started. It was simply a large snowman with the globe for the stomach. There was nothing else in it except the "snow".
http://www.cpsc.gov/cpscpub/prerel/prhtml09/09073.html

Another path to "accidentally" burn your house down is the clothes dryer. It works best if it is several years old. You simply collect the lint from the trap and save it. Then you can dump it at a later time under the trap. If you want, you can even open the dryer up and spread lint around near the heat source. It has to be an "old" dryer because that kind of lint build up takes years to accumulate.

That's why I have a dryer cleaning kit. A tube goes down the trap, and a brush goes through the vent. Once a quarter, the dryer comes out and all lint is cleaned, inside & out.

 

Nope - always looking for publishing advice. Just about ready to go, I think.

 

leave your teddy bear resting against a floor-lamp (I actually saved my friend from burning her house down because I discovered said teddy bear smoldering like a cig in her bedroom), faulty wiring like too many plugs in a bad socket, hire someone to burn it down (though this could leave a trail back to you), Bar-B-Q on a covered front porch and use too much lighter fluid, spill hot oil on a gas stove and then try and put it out with water, have someone rig a carbomb that explodes and sets the house on fire (collect insurance on both and have a good reason for the car bomb

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, store flammable chemicles together in a small, hot, shed, fall asleep with a cig in your hand, stick a fork in a light socket...

I'm running out of ideas.

 

you're welcome.

can't have that. my priceless gem of wisdom--and this applies both to publishing and finding a record label: you've got to know the "right" person. don't know the "right" person? no problem. the "right" person will come along in due time if you continue about your business and do not actively, and self-consciously, seek the "right" person.

consider the tom baker doctor who seasons--specifically that one in which the late, great douglas adams was involved in the production. the doctor just stumbled about, spewing non sequiturs and occasionally whipping out his sonic screwdriver, and things just sort of fell into place.

after you've got one or two things published/released, folks will come knocking on your door begging for more. and if you're like me, they will likely be foreigners whose native tongue is other than your own. this can work to your advantage: you've got a ready made excuse for not being terribly easy to understand.

note: none of this applies to getting grants.

------------------

back to the OP:

several years ago i had a seizure while roasting coffee. had no one else been around, the consequences would likely have been catastrophic. and so my suggestion is to hire an epileptic to do some major electrical work on the house, and make certain that there is a faulty fluorescent light in the area in which he/she is to work.

 

so your advice is to know the right person but to not seek this person out. Perhaps not even to think about it. It's a solid piece of advice because it even works if you never hear it.

I will add that to my list, so it is more complete and seems new to you and believable to John.

Thank you.

 

Wonderful!

 

i realize the above may sound glib, but my main point was that one should focus primarily upon the work itself and take bits of advice, such as the following, with a grain of salt:

i certainly don't consider this bad advice, but one should also remain open and acknowledge that agents (label folk, etc.) often have diverse interests, many of which very few people know about. in other words, don't discount those whose interests and preferences may seem worlds apart from that which you are doing: submit--or contact--those for whom you may feel that you don't have a chance in hell with. because one never knows.

and frankly, for me at least, not making much of a concerted effort in this specific respect has always proved more fruitful.

 

We'll just have to WAIT for the first draft.
:facepalm: