Jokes and Funny Stories II

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Billy T, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  7. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  10. Michael 345 In China - finding my way :) Valued Senior Member

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    Email from a friend

    A retired older couple returned to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they had been interested in buying to a beautiful, leggy, busty blonde in a mini skirt and a halter top.

    The old man was visibly upset.

    He spoke to the salesman sharply, "Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price.

    Yet I just overheard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there.

    And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model."

    The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

    "Well, what can I tell you?

    She had the cash ready, didn't need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?", replied the grinning salesman sheepishly.

    Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

    "There you go," she said. "I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price.

    See you later Dad, Happy Father's day."

    Once again.... don't mess with us seniors.

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  11. Michael 345 In China - finding my way :) Valued Senior Member

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    Tourist region Australia

    The meaning is thought to be "Don't spit out hate, swallow your words"

    What a sheltered life some people live

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  12. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  19. Write4U Valued Senior Member

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    Jesus and Moses on the golf course come to a water hazard.

    Jesus takes out a nine iron and prepares to swing, but Moses objects and tells Jesus "You can't make that shot, only Arnold Palmer could"
    Jesus ignores the advise and hits the ball which promptly falls into the water hazard.
    Jesus asks Moses to retrieve the ball and Moses parts the water to retrieve the errand ball.

    Again Jesus selects the nine iron and Moses warns Jesus that only Arnold Palmer could make such a shot.
    Undaunted, Jesus hits the ball and again it plops in the middle of the water hazard. Jesus asks Moses to retrieve the the ball once again and an annoyed Moses again parts the water to retrieve the ball.

    For a third time Jesus takes the nine iron and addresses the ball, wherupon Moses bursts out in exasperation " You cannot make that shot. Only Arnold Palmer could make such a shot!"
    Stubbornly, Jesus hits the ball and predictably it does not clear the hazard. Again Jesus asks Moses to retrieve the ball, but this time Moses refuses and tells Jesus to retrieve his own ball.
    Jesus proceeds to walk the surface of the water towards the spot where the ball disappeared.

    Another foursome approaches the tee area and see this person walk on the water and with astonishment one asks "Who does he think he is, Jesus Christ?"

    Moses turns to the group and replies " Yes that is Jesus, he just thinks he is Arnold Palmer"
     
  20. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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  23. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    Last edited: Jun 9, 2018

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