Irish Wisdom... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Email from friend Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
At the end of a premium horse race the winner was auctioned When Paddy found out he had won he drove out to the stud farm to pick up his horse The old owner took Paddy to the stall where the horse lay dead Paddy said he wanted his money back but was told it had been spent So the horse was loaded up and Paddy drove home. On the way he was thinking about what he could do Next day he placed a ad for a new raffle this time horse plus trailer Raffle drawn and winner turned up to Paddy and Paddy took him to the dead horse in the trailer Seeing the dead horse winner demanded his money back Paddy a true gentleman gave the winner his money back and then showed real heart by saying the winner could take the trailer for the small task of disposing of the horse Paddy shouted drinks all-round that evening Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
In Praise of Universal Medicare (?) "When I came to this country, I was so weak I couldn't even sit up. I couldn't feed myself; I couldn't eat solid food at all. I couldn't speak a word." "How long have you been here?" "I was born here."
ALABAMA LITERARY TEST By Art Buchwald Getting to vote in Bull Whip, Alabama, isn’t as easy as one would think. First, you have to sneak around a mounted sheriff’s posse, then fight your way through a cloud of state police tear gas, and then you have to leap over a hundred cattle prods. And finally, if you still want to vote in Bull Whip, you have to register, and the registration office in the courthouse is open only from 11:55 p.m to midnight on every sixth Saturday of the month. The problem is that, although the registration office is open, the courthouse is closed, and it’s kind of hard to get into the building. Even so, Mr. George Abernathy, an [African-American], manages, much to the surprise of the registrar, to get in and asks to register to vote. “Fine, George, fine. Ah’d be glad to register you as soon as you answer a few of these here questions,” the registrar says. “Now, first off, what is your educational background?” “I was a Rhodes scholar, I received a B.A. from Columbia, a masters from Harvard, and a Ph.D. from MIT.” “That’s just fine, George. Now let me ask you this. Can you read an’ write?” “I’ve written three books, on cybernetics, Christian philosophy, and advanced political theory.” “Ah’d appreciate it if you didn’t use such big words, George. If there’s anything Ah hate it’s an uppity voter.” Abernathy says, “I believe I have a right to register.” “Yes, you do, George, but I have to give you this here literacy test ‘cause we cain’t have ignoramuses voting for our great Governor, George Wallace, if you know what Ah mean. Now, first off, would you please read somethin’ from this here newspaper?” “It’s in Chinese.” “That’s right.” Abernathy reads three stories from the Chinese paper. The registrar is thrown, but he doesn’t want to show it. “All right, now will you read the hieroglyphics off this here Rosetta Stone?” he says. Mr. Abernathy reads the hieroglyphics and the registrar begins to get nervous. “George, here is the constitution of Finland, in Finnish. Would you please interpret the first 14 articles for me?” “What has that got to do with voting in Alabama?” “We got to keep out agitators and the like. Now, you going to take the test or not?” Mr. Abernathy interprets the 14 articles and the registrar becomes truly frightened. He telephones the Governor’s office and reports what is happening. An aide comes back in a few minutes and says, “The Governor says to give him Part 4 of the test.” The registrar goes to his safe and takes out a clay jar. “George, there’s only one more thing you’re obligated to do for this here literacy test. Would you be so kind to read for me any two of these Dead Sea Scrolls?” Mr. Abernathy reads the first one but stumbles on a word in the second one. “Ah’m sorry, George. You’ve failed the literacy test, but you can come back next year and try again.” As Abernathy leaves the office, a white Alabaman comes in to register to vote. The registrar says to him, “Would you please spell cat for me?” The white voter says, “K-A-T.” “Try it again. You’re getting warm.” Bob Metcalfe https://www.quora.com/How-could-Jim...iterate-whites-who-had-no-trouble-registering 100% cut / paste Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I'm upset. I've just found out my wife's been lying to me. Every morning when I wake, she says she's going to leave me, and when I come home in the evening she's still there.
The Doctor told me the other day that I have a drink problem. I said, "I ain't got a problem, I likes it!"
Have nice camping areas around Darwin. Nice swimming spots close. Unfortunately some of the swimming spots off limits because of crocodiles A young couple from Prague came to the Darwin and went to the tourist shop asking about camping areas Neither could speak good English but the staff managed to direct them to a suitable place After they left the manager called up the ranger to look after them when they arrived. When they came to scenic spot the ranger showed them where to set up camp After a few days the ranger went back and found the tent all messed up and the couple nowhere around Getting his rifle went down to the creek and saw the well known pair of crocodiles. He shot the female and the male swam off Checking the contents of the female he found items the girl had been wearing but nothing from boyfriend He radioed his boss for advice Boss said no problem come back to Darwin to write your report What will I say about boyfriend Simple put on the report The Czechs in the male Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Suggested tweak: The punchline doesn't make sense if they're both Czech. The girl should something other than Czech. Slovak would be good.
Strange I agree and thought of the same thing but to late to edit. Was going to make girlfriend French Cheers Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Czech Republic and Slovakia used to be part of the same country, so you could add some element of artistic unity to the opening of the story.
