Pathetic Pathos: The Incel Hour

Of course you can. The more you use your brain the better it works. You may have Down Syndrome - but you can improve what you have by working at it. Do you have Down syndrome?

Bullshit. It takes no money to exercise. It takes no money to go to a library and learn about electrical engineering (or car maintenance, or bookkeeping.) It takes no money to be courteous to people. It takes no money to volunteer for trail cleanup, or for a homeless shelter, or for a school. It takes no money to take public educational classes. In fact, you can MAKE money by learning algebra (for example) and then tutoring people - which, BTW, is one of the best ways to learn something.

I can think of many women who prove that wrong. An Iranian postdoc at Brown who gets quite a lot of male attention despite her size. An Indian woman who is a professor at the University of Texas who is obese and has a facial deformity (vitiligo) and is happily married. A woman at a Connecticut university who is also happily married with three kids.

What's the common theme there? They spent their lives doing stuff, not complaining on the Internet that they were fat.

 

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Pluto, there's two common mistakes that some guys make in this regard. Being unrealistic and continuing to go after women that just aren't interested and putting too much pressure on the "asking out" moment.

If you aren't good looking and are older (just as an example) you shouldn't assume that younger good looking girls are interested in you. One of them may be but it's unrealistic to assume that.

If you are Prince Charming, yes, you can just go up to someone and ask them out even if you just met them. Otherwise, do something in a group setting where there are single women around and get to know a few.

If one seems to like chatting with you then suggest that you do something together that has to do with that group. Maybe it's hiking or skiing or whatever. Be a friend first.

 

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I'm going to disagree.

Being a loser has nothing to do with looks (as some serial felons can demonstrably prove). There are plenty of good-looking losers out there.

neither does it have to do with economic/financial situations (as demonstrated by some of the richest people on the planet). Plenty of rich losers and poor folk that are highly regarded and getting sex regularly.

the definition of loser depends on your personal perspective in a lot of cases, especially when applying the term to yourself. if you lose in competitions regularly but you continue to get back up and fight to win again, are you a loser or are you something else? this is important because a large number of athletes go through the period of continual loss only to end up "winners" because they didn't quit.

genetics may well play a role in certain areas, but this would typically be some area that allows the "loser" to simply quit trying and seek to blame others for the self-induced situation rather than continue to fight to be [x], but, is there really any scientific evidence of a link between genetics etc?

have you ever heard of the Special Olympics? Check it out one day.

point being: even severely autistic kids benefit from pushing themselves and not giving up. They may never become the pilot or navigator of the next-gen spacecraft but that has nothing to do with being a "loser" or incel.

Perspective has a lot to do with it: how do you see things around you?
focus has a lot of impact on this too: are you too focused on rejection?

I can probably say that I've been rejected a whole lot more than you given my years of experience, but I don't take it as a personal attack. I learned long ago that if you don't ask, you won't know. It's more about exploration than a personal attack to me, therefore I learn from every encounter.

SShhhhh! Don't tell my wife this! I've got her fooled...

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What is really going on here? (With incels, that is.) Our resident creepy, racist incel "argues" that "fat, ugly, poor" people can't "get sex." Right. As if anyone buys that "fat, ugly, poor" people aren't having sex. It's hardly as though we're talking about some exceptionally difficult, and largely, unattainable feat here. Personally--and as a person who, in all honesty, is about as uninterested in the activity as a person can be--I would argue that, barring certain highly unusual and exceptional circumstances, finding a Herb Albert and the Tijuana Brass record in a thrift stores actually presents more of a challenge than "get(ting) sex." It's almost unavoidable. So what is it that these people are really whining about?

 

Possible / probable "play the victim - gain sympathy"

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They are self-fulfilling a prophecy they are making. They are so busy complaining that they can't get beautiful women that they have no time to get any women at all. Dating, or volunteering, or going out with friends, or playing on a coed sports team would get in the way of their pity party.

 

Well, they don't see it that way. They see it as telling the world how the mean women are unfairly avoiding them. But even that makes that state of affairs permanent. Like a guy who spends his entire day, every day complaining on Facebook about how everyone else has more money than he does. And as long as he does that - it will be true.

It's a start. One of the problems of social media is the ability to surround oneself with an echo chamber that reinforces one's every belief, no matter how absurd or how fringe. It's a lot more difficult to do that IRL (although as Charlottesville demonstrated, it's still possible if you try really hard.)

 

Interesting who pushes positive rights the most.

 

That's true of many of them. Many others are just blind followers. Something about being an incel strikes a chord in them, and they follow all those pathological cases. It's why the incel movement has been growing - social media makes it very, very easy to be a follower, and makes it hard to be exposed to a lot of normalcy.

 

The connections to white supremacism are strong, right down to copying their guidelines for writing missives and such, but where I struggle to comprehend--

and here, I should note, by "comprehend," I mean something along these lines. I know a couple of professional antiquarians--they're English, of course. Now, I know what an antiquarian is, and yet, at the same time, I'm not entirely sure that I know what an antiquarian is--especially, a professional one.

--is with respect to the significant departures. Incels are all about extreme self-deprecation--they're ugly, poor, inadequate, etc. Somehow, this entitles them to what they perceive as "the best," i.e., "beautiful women." That strikes me as incompatible with supremacist thought: they are, in fact, the best, but they've been disenfranchised by all these outsiders, women, queers, etc.

A line that really stands out from that New Yorker piece:

The idea that by according others rights, personhood, etc., the already privileged are somehow disenfranchised.

With some effort I can follow the "logic," but... Well, taking something seriously that is so preposterous is always a challenge, even when they make it abundantly clear that they intend to be taken seriously.

 

The "self-pity" aspect strikes me more as a strategy to downplay how dangerous and hateful they really are.

 

Might be another true aspect

Not thought of that angle

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IMHO, I don't think it's about women at all. It's about manipulation, domination and control, the keywords defining most serial offenders (especially in sexually related crimes), sociopaths, narcissists and some people with a borderline personality disorder. It's almost if they read "Control by false authority, manipulation, intimidation" by Steve Morris (angelfire) and decided to use it as a playbook.

so it's not about women in any way, shape or form. they chose women because they found it allows them the most attention and they've learned it's a useful tactic for manipulating (etc) others

and again, IMHO, this is a symptom, or rather, an excuse allowing them to focus on a point that enables them to play the martyr/victim card. I think a good example of this from this forum would be the former "realitycheck", who used the same incel tactics: it's not about the chosen target at all

modern first world, and especially the internet, societies promote narcissistic behaviour and allow for the propagation of ideological beliefs while providing a means for contact, research and social gathering of the like-minded where it would be discouraged in real life.

 

I think it's both, but I agree that entitlement is foremost. I mean, there's this:

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And, unfortunately:

Exit polls and other research shows that not only were the overwhelming majority of the sixty-odd million who voted for that piece of shit familiar with the dozens of allegations against him, they also believed that at least some of them were true. Yet, somehow, this did not impact their decision to vote for him.

Within this thread, some adopt a somewhat compassionate tone when addressing pluto2. I'm certainly not faulting anyone for this--and I am in no way suggesting that posters here do not take the matter seriously, but I honestly don't know how one should address a guy like that.

 

The thing that is worth noting about incels (from what I've read of this self-identifying, online ''culture") is that their main problem doesn't seem to stem from being merely ''dateless,'' rather they are jealous of good looking ''bad guy'' types who seem to have an endless line of beautiful women waiting to climb onto them. Emphasis on the ''bad guy/player'' persona. Incels want to remain angry, embittered men and perceive their lack of luck with women, strictly due to their looks and financial status.

If only they could be effortlessly good looking, women wouldn't care if they were mean, and misogynistic.

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From what I've read, this partially fuels their rage.

 

IMHO - it's entirely possible that the best choice is to ingore him.
if he's an incel, or he identifies as one, and he's promoting their beliefs, then it's about attention (Martyr/victim). Like a troll, he feeds off of the attention regardless.

That doesn't mean the thread doesn't have some useful information in it though

well hell! that's where I've been going wrong all these years! Do good looks have a height requirement? I'm a little short in that department...

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