Royal Brittainia!

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Lil Light Foot, Apr 2, 2006.

  1. Lil Light Foot Just a fuzzy lil Fyre ball. Registered Senior Member


    You have to be very proud to be British because........

    Only in Britain... can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.

    Only in Britain... do supermarkets make sick people walk all the way to the back of the shop to get their prescriptions while healthy people can buy cigarettes at the front entrance.

    Only in Britain... do banks leave both doors open and chain the pens to the counters.

    Only in we leave cars worth thousands of pounds on the drive and lock our junk and cheap lawn mower in the garage.

    Only in Britain... do we use answering machines to screen calls and then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

    Only in Britain... are there disabled parking places in front of a skating rink.


    3 Brits die each year testing if a 9v battery works on their tongue.

    142 Brits were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from new shirts.

    58 Brits are injured each year by using sharp knives instead of screwdrivers.

    31 Brits have died since 1996 by watering their Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

    19 Brits have died in the last 3 years believing that Christmas decorations were chocolate.

    British Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling accidents.

    101 people since 1999 have had broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

    18 Brits had serious burns in 2000 trying on a jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

    A massive 543 Brits were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

    An impressive 2345 Brits a year are admitted to A&E having impaled themselves whilst sitting on their remote controls.
    Brits were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.
    and finally.........

    In 2000 eight Brits cracked their skull whilst throwing up into the toilet.


    As an English person I just found this really funny.
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  3. invert_nexus Ze do caixao Valued Senior Member

    Your statement "Only in Britain" is erroneous. Should have said something about fish for breakfast or gravy on your 'chips' (or is that Canadian only?) And, of course, even then it'd be wrong, but at least it wouldn't be so American...

    By the way. How the hell do you die testing a 9-volt battery on the tongue?
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  5. Lil Light Foot Just a fuzzy lil Fyre ball. Registered Senior Member

    We're known for a full fry up for breakfast, unless you're thinking of jellied eels.

    Gods knows how you die from testing a battery on your tongue.
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  7. Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member


    p.s. I don't think it's only in the UK, but the same can be said about any other modern country.
  8. Communist Hamster Cricetulus griseus leninus Valued Senior Member

    Another multi-purpose list.
  9. Jaybee from his cast Banned Banned

    Ah yes, Britain...

    A hard land of land of ugly women and drunken sots who imbibe to block out the pain of their loveless lives...

    Where any cuisine other than their own is latched onto desperately to remove the horrible mundanity of their own national dishes...

    Where every other guy is a sonofabitch until proven otherwise.

    Where the empire is seen as a refuge for the hopeless to yearn for the patriotic achievements of yesteryear;

    I can see why the british binge-drink; with women like that for wife-stock, and likewise for men, woman or man, I'd be boozing myself to an early grave by now.


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