Science jokes

Discussion in 'Pseudoscience' started by Secret, May 23, 2014.

  1. Secret Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    299
    To start with
    Thermodynamics and statistical mechanics:

    Why is Bangkok University so popular?
    Because of its myriad career options

    Quantum mechanics (adapted from a friend)
    Planck got murdered at the bar table sitting on a stool. The cause of death is a headstab

    General relativity x Maths
    What is the ultimate fate of the real number line in a closed universe?
    It turns into Albert Einstein
     
    Last edited: May 23, 2014
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  3. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    Heisenberg and Schrodinger's are in a car going over the speed limit.

    A cop stops them and asks, 'Do you know how fast you were going?'

    Heisenberg says, 'No, but I can tell you exactly where we are'. The cop dislikes his tone and has them open the trunk.

    'Do you know there's a dead cat in your trunk?' the cop asks.

    Schrodinger says, 'Well, I do NOW !'
     
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  5. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    Time flies like an arrow... fruit flies like a banana

    -Groucho Marx
     
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  7. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    Some ancient Romans walk into a bar. One of them holds up two fingers and says to the bartender, "Five beers, please." (math joke)
     
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  8. btr Registered Member

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    93
    I'd make a chemistry pun, but all the good ones argon.
     
  9. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

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    I made a chemistry joke. There was no reaction.
     
  10. btr Registered Member

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    There are 10 types of people in the world. Those who understand ternary, those who don't, and those who thought this would be a binary joke.
     
  11. Israel.Goldstein Registered Member

    Messages:
    35
    Yeah, I saw the online chart which has that joke: jokes for smart people.
     
  12. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    8,459
    Long ago, I met a pretty young woman, and we hit it off, soon ending up in the bedroom.
    To this day:
    I wonder if, when she said "eat me", she was aware that i was a cannibal
     
  13. danshawen Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,951
    How many Higgs bosons does it take to change the speed of light?
    None -- the speed of light is a constant.

    How many Higgs bosons can fit on the head of a pin?
    It depends. How long does the pin exist?

    Fabiola Gianotti, Francois Englert, and a Higgs boson pop into a bar. The
    bartender can serve only two. Why? A zeptosecond every 13.7 billion
    years isn't long enough to get a driver's license or a drink.

    A group of of strong, sticky gluons are shooting craps and taunt a Higgs boson who just popped into the proton casino, taunting: "doublet or nothing!"
    What does the Higgs say?

    " Do I look like an easy quark? God particles do not play dice."
     
  14. danshawen Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,951
    hmmmm… no krash661 anywhere to be found in 'science jokes'. Interesting. Perhaps the joke is on us; he's usually such a funny guy.
     
  15. krash661 [MK6] transitioning scifi to reality Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,973
    more obvious jealous post about me.
    amusing

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    the actual joke , for me is,
    you do not even realize that you are promoting me,
    just by spreading my name all over this site.
     
  16. danshawen Valued Senior Member

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    3,951
    Pleased to be of service, krash661. Take care.
     
  17. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,057
    My favorite science cartoon: A scientist with a beaker labelled "Atoms" says to another scientist with tweezers, "Take two. They're small."

    Sign on the door of the Nuclear Physics Lab: "Gone Fission".
     

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