Discussion in 'Human Science' started by sculptor, Oct 30, 2016.
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If that's all you do, it is not.
However, if you do those things and couple them with other expectations (i.e. "she should behave like a lady if I'm going to go out of my way to XXX") then that is indeed controlling.
I used to live in an area where the public architecture included two sets of heavy sprung doors about 20 feet apart. Having held the first one open one had the option of letting the second one slam in the face of the person behind. Naturally I and several of the people I knew became expert at letting the door go at just the right moment. The lack of any obligation to say "Thanks" at the first door was matched by the lack of any obligation to hold the second door open.
Because you treated her the way you treat a semi-dependent, less capable person you regarded as physically inferior to yourself - assigned her that role, relative to you. You said so yourself, remember?
Or putting the toilet seat down?
Not the first time this has been raised in this forum. Was this a 'one-off'? Society changes very quickly. Just a few years ago it seemed every 16 year-old in town was wheeling a push-chair with a baby in it. Just twenty years later it is exceptional to see a teenage girl with a child.
I have never encountered (noticed?) rudeness in these situations ,from a man or a woman . Maybe it is important to take each situation on its own merits.
Anyway ,who does anything for nothing? An acknowledgement is a fine reward and if this is obtained 9 times out of ten you are "quids in".
Yesterday a woman let me ahead of her in the checkout as she had more to take through than I did. That is not unusual.(she actually had a ladder in her shopping trolley for J.H.Christ's sake)Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
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Lots of people do.
When I do kind things, it is often immaterial whether they're acknowledged - or even noticed.
I do them because I choose to promote the world I want - one in which gestures of kindness are virtually second nature, unconscious.
You don't ,mean you are uninterested in the effect your actions have ,surely? All the world is a stage.
If my actions are unacknowledged I lose interest.
Acknowledgement can be incremental . I don't expect people to "jump to attention".(or even to notice all the time)
I was born and raised in the US Deep South. I will continue to treat women with respect and deference, unless they are impolite or rude.
If I'm corrected on my behavior, I will defer and apologize.
I will still treat strangers like gentleman and ladies, unless they prove that they're not. That's just good manners.
Certainly, I don't mind the appreciation.
But not always. Sometimes I deliberately do things anonymously, so that its not about acknowledgement.
For a variety of reasons, the main one being that this thread is flame and troll bait. It is sexist and condescending and frankly, no good was ever going to come of this thread. It was never going to end well.
Secondly, having been accused of apparently inviting disgruntled members of rising up in protest because we impose rules of behaviour when posting on this site and issuing infractions according to breaches of those rules, I do not feel inclined to allow the thread to continue.
While that was clearly not my intention, people will obviously have varying interpretations of others of my words and response to my words from senior staff and take what I had not said and what others have said as an invitation to complain about their right to "be a dick" being infringed upon by staff on this site. To reiterate in case there is any confusion. No, members do not have the right to be "a dick" or behave like "a dick" or a jerk or whatever term people wish to apply. We are all governed by rules and expectations as well as laws, as human beings. My point was that having different sets of rules of behaviour between sexes and treating a particular sex based on those different sets of personal rules or opinions, because of their sex, is sexist. It seems my point was not clear enough.
And I know, I responded to several people before this closure. So in case people are offended or believe that I am trying to get the last word in, I will be deleting my replies as soon as I post this mod note.
So thread closed. Lest I, you know, am encouraging people to gather their pitchforks and torches and smash the gates of Modheim..
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