I want her to stop pretending like she cares when she doesn’t. I think calling people out in their bs is better than enabling them by “liking” fake posts. Aren’t you the one who is always talking about not accepting narcissistic behavior from others? Do you make exceptions for family?
We're making progress. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Did she stop contacting you as often after she got married and had kids? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
No, she’s always been this way. It’s sad in a way - how we all want so desperately to find valid excuses for family’s behavior but in the end, there aren’t any.
you do not need to like the post you do not need to be friends with her on face book you are obeying rules that you don't agree with with people you don't like then telling them to change how they act that sounds like your trying to fight a battle you know you cant win just so you can have something miserable in your life unfriend her and move on WRONG ! you are validating her behaviour that you complain about by antagonizing her in front of her friends walk away as i said before attachment you are competing for the same result by holding on to attachment and by holding on to the desire to have companion ship you seem to expect her to follow your rules even though you say she only follows her own. you want her to obey you and be your emotional support person ... doesnt work you want her to comply with your version of how a family should interact doesnt work ask yourself this are you strong enough to walk away ? do you have the psychological and emotional skills and coping mechanism to just be able to walk away from her ? doesnt sound like it love is freedom and giving & service it is not hanging on to something and sinking it because it wont let you cry in its ear when your feeling sad. how many different ways will you say you cant get WHAT YOU WANT from her and label her bad ? this is a very common aspect of atleast 50% of all relationships fyi "you cant just walk away from" what ? an abusive toxic relationship which has only negativity ? what are you feeding with it ? evil ? if thats your intention then all good if its not then why ?
letting go is fucked up it kills many people and destroys many lifes but thats the nature of humans emotional psychological behavioural social ... attachment you must learn to let go of those things that you do not desire sometimes they are an emotion sometimes they are a person sometimes they are just a thought or feeling it sounds easy its easy to type but its probably one of the hardest things to do in life ethics morality and revenge ... how much revenge do you want in your morality ?
It’s not revenge. Lol You don’t know me at all, Rainbow. Please don’t put words in my mouth that I never posted. But, I’m past it now, though. I’ve thought of unfriending her, but she texted me today - first time she has reached out in forever - to “talk.” We’ll see what happens and I’m a believer in second chances, but not a second chance to hurt me.
It sounds like you are hurting yourself though. What if she doesn't completely change (not likely). Does that mean you will be hurt? You shouldn't let yourself be hurt by her not changing. She isn't trying to hurt you, even if she is too self-absorbed for your liking. I have to agree with Rainbow that you attacking her on her Facebook page probably isn't the best way to go. If someone attacked you on your Facebook page how do you think you would react? Probably not in a positive manner. That's cool that you two are going to talk but if your feeling is that your entire family is non-loving and that your sister has always treated you in a way that you don't like...that's not likely to change substantially after a talk. Good luck. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Haha...I know on the one hand that you don't want any advice and on the other hand you must want some other viewpoints or you wouldn't have posted. I also know (I'm this way too) that it's hard to consider advice that you don't really want to hear at the moment. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I don’t want to hear things I’m not thinking like I want to hurt her etc. That’s not the case. I’m open to hearing how I can work on letting go because like I posted above, that’s likely where the issue lies. (at this point)
you dont need me to quote you but i will note a couple of things you have control over who you friend on facebook you have control over what you respond to on facebook stating your opinion AT someone is applying force force that you generate you did not offer an opinion you used snide language to insinuate to her friends that she is a lier. and not really a family type person you didnt NEED to do that you said you felt better after doing it can you comprehend that no matter if she is good or bad at being a "family person" that saying such a thing to her in such a way would hurt and/or embarrass her ? but the hitting someone and inflicting pain felt good yes ? it does to a majority of people that doesnt mean it makes your life any better in fact you have simply attached yourself emotionally more deeply to the hurt and pain that you discribe hows that working if you feel about it for a moment ? that there is where all the money is "i am open to getting free money if people want to throw it at me" different people value different things take the self help wellness industry pyramid system they seek to find new mind technology to have people give them for free so they can then sell it to people at their seminars where people pay thousands of dollars to the top of the pyramid while the person whos new technology ideas are given to them for free. more the case mostly that person giving the new technology ideas is actually paying many thousands of dollars and being told they are buying into a system of wealth while i have and do freely give away small change to people i simply am not financial rich enough to afford to give away money to the rich in exchange for nothing as i was dying in a hospital emergency room one day listening to someone elses conversation "it is what it is" p.s if you were a friend(a real one not a pretend fake work colleague or person attempting to create a position of power over me) i would freely give up my time to psychoanalyze you for free, custom suited to you so you could take what you needed and move forward, be it in snack box lunch sizes, hampers or stuff to put in the freezer and get out further down the track. lol but im not quite so stupid to give away something so valuable for free. if only we lived in a sci-fi world where we all had universal wages and free accommodation and free food.
I wouldn’t say what I did on FB felt “good,” but it felt empowering. It’s out of my character to “be” that way, definitely out of my comfort zone. So my intent wasn’t to hurt her but to feel ...a sense of taking back power that she had over me? But I know it doesn’t really work that way.
keeping in mind i have made more mistakes than i could possibly count and lost hundreds OF thousands of dollars because of those poor/wrong/bad choices/decisions/misunderstandings & ignorance. friends, partners, family members, large sums of cash the knowledge i have learnt, i have earnt lol dont feel lonely, your boat is quite crowded im waiving hi from one of the corners Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
It costs nothing to talk long-distance. You receive an email, do not respond instantly off the top of your head. Read it, think about it, reflect on it for a while. Remember what this woman was like as a five-year-old, as a middle-schooler, as a teenager. Think about the circumstances in which she grew up and formed her present attitudes. Nobody knows - I mean nobody in the whole world - knows as much about her, and what made her, as you do. Nobody else shared her experience. Nobody can understand her as well as you do. Making allowance for that, express your own feeling about one particular issue. Just one! It's a start, and emotional overload kills a potential reconciliation faster than anything. I suppose your most urgent current point of conflict is her dishonesty regarding family and holidays. Okay, so why does she feel she has to lie about this? Why does she hide behind a cliche? Maybe you could ask that - not as an accusation, but as a question - as if you really wanted to know. (Cos, you really need to know.) Then back off; give her time to work out an answer. If she comes up with an automatic, superficial one, ask again. Keep asking until she either responds frankly or shuts down the conversation. Maybe nothing good can of it. But then again.... who knows?
Look at you, Jeeves...being all empathetic. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I like this side of you. lol I appreciate what you're saying, and will see where it leads. I'm not sure really what I even want, I've given up the idea of being a Hallmark family, not that such things exist, but you know what I mean. I've let go of the idea that we'll be a close family, like some others I know...but, I don't have to let it darken my holiday season, just the same. I ran across this gif and it seems fitting... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!