Where you from Tyler, Vancouver?? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Try Winterpeg. It was 0 degrees today and I had to turn on my air conditioner, friggin' heatwave!
Toronto! Winnipeg is insane, though, I grant you. The only times I've been there it's been cold by my standards. But -2 is really not cold at all. It's pants and flannel weather, like the joke said!
More jokes US Condom Factory Blows Up President Bill Clinton called Chretien with an emergency: "Our largest condom factory has exploded!" the American President cried. "My people's favorite form of birth control! This is a true disaster!" "Bill, the Canadian people would be happy to do anything within their power to help you," replied the Prime Minister. "I do need your help," said Clinton. "Could you possibly send 1,000,000 condoms ASAP to tide us over?" "Why certainly! I'll get right on it!" said Chretien. Oh, and one more small favor, please?" said Clinton. "Yes?" "Could the condoms be red, white & blue in color; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter?" said Clinton. "No problem," replied the Prime Minister and, with that, Chretien hung up and called the President of Trojan. "I need a favor, you've got to make 1,000,000 condoms right away and send them to America." "Consider it done," said the President of Trojan. "Great! Now listen, they have to be red, white & blue in color; at least 10" long and 4" in diameter." "Easily done. Anything else?" "Yeah," said the Prime Minister, "and print 'MADE IN CANADA; SMALL SIZE' on each one." Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ------------------------------------------------------------------------ On the sixth day God turned to Archangel Gabriel and said: "Today I am going to create a land called Canada, it will be a land of outstanding natural beauty. It shall have tall majestic mountains full of mountain goats and eagles, beautiful sparkling lakes bountiful with bass and trout, forests full of elk and moose, high cliffs over-looking sandy beaches with an abundance of sea life, and rivers stocked with salmon." God continued, "I shall make the land rich in oil so as to make the inhabitants prosper, I shall call these inhabitants Canadians, and they shall be known as the most friendly people on the earth." "But Lord," asked Gabriel, "don't you think you are being too generous to these Canadians?" "Not really," replied God, "just wait and see the neighbours I am going to give them." Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ----------------------------------------------------------------------- You Know You're Canadian When: - You design your Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit. - You have more miles on your snow blower than your car. - Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled in with snow. - The local paper covers national and international headlines on two pages, but requires six pages for hockey. - The municipality buys a Zamboni before a bus. - You eat chocolate bars, not candy bars, and drink pop, not soda. - You use a red pen on your non-Canadian textbooks and fill in the missing u's from labor, honor, and color. - You know how to say free, prize and no sugar added in French thanks to your extensive education in bilingual cereal packaging. - You know what a toque is. - You've plugged a car in overnight. - You've defended your property from trespassers with a lacrosse stick because you don't own a gun. ------------------------------------------------------------------------ A Canadian hunter had been hunting all day long. He fell asleep and was awakened late in the night by a large grizzly bear. The bear ripped the front of the tent and stood on it's hind legs. The hunter only had one idea. He dropped to his knees and prayed. "Lord, Please let this be a Christian bear." When the hunter opened his eyes the bear had dropped to its knees. "Lord, thank you for this meal in which I am about to receive." Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
More jokes... Newfoundland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. Newfie search and rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the evening. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! ---------------------------------------------------------- Three Americans and three Canadians are traveling by train to a conference. At the station, the three Americans each buy tickets and watch as the three Canadians buy only a single ticket. "How are three people going to travel on only one ticket?" asked one of the three Americans. "Watch and you'll see," answers one of the Canadians. They all board the train. The Americans take their respective seats but all three Canadians cram into a restroom and close the door behind them. Shortly after the train has departed, the conductor comes around collecting tickets. He knocks on the restroom door and says, "Ticket, please." The door opens just a crack and a single arm emerges with a ticket in hand. The conductor takes it and moves on. The Americans saw this and agreed it was quite a clever idea. So after the conference, the Americans decide to copy the Canadians on the return trip and save some money. When they get to the station, they buy a single ticket for the return trip. To their astonishment, the Canadians don't buy a ticket at all. "How are you going to travel without a ticket," asks one perplexed American. "Watch and you'll see," says one of the Canadians. When they board the train, the three Americans cram into a restroom and the three Canadians cram into another one nearby. The train departs. Shortly afterward, one of the Canadians leaves his restroom and walks over to the restroom where the Americans are hiding. He knocks on the door and says, "Ticket, please." -------------------------------------------------------------------------- A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next to an Canadian on an overseas flight. After a few cocktails, the men began discussing their home lives. "Last night I made love to my wife four times," the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning she made me delicious crepes and she told me how much she adored me." "Ah, last night I made love my wife six times," the Italian responded, "and this morning she made me a wonderful omelette and told me she could never love another man." When the Canadian remained silent, the Frenchman smugly asked "And how many times did you make love to your wife last night?" "Once," he replied. "Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted. "And what did she say to you this morning?" "Don't stop!" Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Newfoundland's Worst Air Disaster occurred today when a small two-seater Cessna 152 plane crashed into a cemetery early this afternoon in central Newfoundland. I love this joke!!!
I think that I'm realizing that you can't nail down a Canadian like you are supposed to nail down an American. Americans seem to often be able to say "I believe in this, do this, and have this history." Here in Canada, those things are irrelevant to being Canadian. It's all about the here and now. Being a Canadian is about who you are now, not the history. Canada today is immensely different than the nation it was founded as. The USA is just as different, yet seems to think back to its history much more as a guideline as to how to function. I believe that Canadians want to build their nation with today and tomorrow in mind. Thus, I believe that Canadians think in the present and future tense more so than Americans. Since Canada is as diverse as it is with such a Liberal focus of thought, Canadians accept differences, in general. It really doesn't matter where you are from, or where you live. It's all just Canada. We'll joke about the different parts, but it's not really a big deal. It seems like the personal attitude and opinions are more important than the state you're from and what college you went to, like in the USA. It seems to me that if you threw a group of a dozen Americans from all over the country into a room, they would talk about where they grew up and their lives in where they are from. Canadians, on the other hand, would be more likely to talk about Canada, and the differences from here to there. I think that they would talk about and learn about each other's differing thoughts on the nation and likely get into discussions and arguements about a whole plethora of topics. I'm not saying that this would definitely not happen with Americans or that it is gauranteed to happen with Canadians. I just believe that it is more likely with Canadians because I see that mindset in more Canadians than Americans. It's very difficult to really define a Canadian, but I think that is the whole idea right now. This point in Canada's existence is very integral. There is a multitude of issues that the country is divided on and millions of people that need to learn and decide upon them. Canadians have to and do have tomorrow in mind.
I remember my social studies teacher saying that the US has the "meliting pot" immigration policy while the Canadians have a "mosaic something" one... Basically, the cultural differences in Canada are encouraged and supported and in US they want everybody to be the same: American. I certainly prefer the Canadian policy. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! It is so much richer to live in a country that actually valorize the differences between its people... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
