What a putrid putrid waste of a penis you are, you ridiculous little mascara face-painted Jerk-In-The-Box. It's easy to tell why you are celibate, you cantankerous, foul-tempered, self-loathing nonentity; not even a dildo would want to fuck you. You're damn vomit-inducing fugly. You have a face that would give Freddie Kruger nightmares. How much would you change to haunt a house? You're a politically vacillating phony liberal fuck; too damn broadminded to take your own side in a debate. Calling you a pea brain would be an insult to peas, you jellyfish-sucking mental midget. Did your mother leave you in the dryer too long when you were a kid, you little tap-dancing Leprechaun in a pink wig? Be careful you don't bump your head on the door handle on the way out. If you turned sideways and stuck out your tongue, people would think you're a zipper, you emaciated fuck. Get a job, you goddamn leach! You're as useful as a handbrake on a canoe, you clog-hopping simpleton. That's a sexy outfit you're wearing. Who shot the couch? People like you are the reason cults exist. Do yourself and everyone else a favor, go and take a fatal overdose of your medication. How's that? Can I get off your list now?