Ready to be sick?

I love this part -

If you find an atheist in your neighborhood,
TELL A PARENT OR PASTOR RIGHT AWAY!

You may be moved to try and witness to these poor lost souls yourself, however
AVOID TALKING TO THEM!

Atheists are often very grumpy and bitter and will lash out at children or they may even try to trick you into neglecting God's Word.

Very advanced witnessing techniques are needed for these grouches. Let the adults handle them.
 
"Professor Giraffenstein, the Creation Scientist & his little buddy Pepper the moth"

Pepper says: 'Hey Professor! Haven't dinos been extinct for millions of years?'
Wrong, little buddy - Dinosaurs still walk on the land and swim in the seas! And the Earth is only 10,000 years old! Incredible but TRUE!

*momentarily chokes on tongue upon reading*
Jim Carlson, retired machinist
The Internet was created by the United States of America - a Christian nation - and should not be used to spread anti-Christian, secular, or non-Christian propaganda and hatespeech. This is our Internet, and we should exercise our position as its owners and as the guardians of civilization to stop its misuse.

For this reason, this website was created to try and stop one of the more vile and dangerous misuses of the Internet: using it to mock Our Lord Jesus Christ, His teachings, and His followers.

So this guy claims that American Christians have a right to control and censor the Internet? Some people are . . . utter imbeciles.
 
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Poor Habu

Poor ... poor Habu.

Try the "Straight Pride" link. The flash animation with restroom-door characters in the Garden of Eden is most ... ridiculous.

Hey ... I wonder if this page is run by that singing abortion?

:m:,
Tiassa :cool:
 
Well, they are entitled to try to save their religion from demise. Twisting facts, speaking out of context, and making up stuff are great ways to do that.
 
I read their brief and exxagerative denunciation of the Landover Baptists site and then decided to take a gander myself. I must say, it has to be the most extensive satirical portrayals of Christianity I've ever seen.
Landover Baptist

Wow! Check out the "Kanga-Jew"! He greets you with "shalom" when you click on him! Yikes!
 
LMFAO... "He didn't give his life to be mocked"

Oh man... that made my day

I do hope you realize that this is an atheist's site though....
 
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Landover Baptist, of course, but do you mean the Objective Christianity one?

You know, I guess the Objective one is a satire too . . . No one is that fundamentalist . . .
 
Yes, it's not a christian's site. It should be fairly obvious.
 
With the sheep and all the other stuff it was pretty convincing.
 
When I read it I kept hoping it was a joke site, but it's so in depth I figured maybe it was a real site. I still don't see any part of it that's "out of character" but maybe that's the point. *shrug* Either way it's weird. If it's a real site, then I'm freaked out. If it's not a real site, someone had way too much time on their hands.
 
Hello! My name is Lambuel and I hope that we can be friends. I would like to share with you my love for Jesus. Did you know that Jesus loves each and every one of us? It's true! In the Bible, He says: "For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life"... Isn't that COOL?!

You were right, now I'm sick. What a bunch of jackals, preying on our children. It's bad enough that they try to indoctrinate adults.

I wonder which is worse, the scum who rape the children's bodies or the scum who rape their minds?
 
Why hast thou forsaken Me? Try Clicking on the Baby LOL

Yeah, this entire network of sites is definitely one amazingly elaborate ruse . . .
A Proposal For A Design Change To The U.S. Flag:

The Flag of the United States of America (see right) is a symbol that is recognized around the World. But is it doing enough to represent our Nation and our Values? Unfortunately, I am afraid that in the current socio-political climate -- both global and domestic -- it isn't, and that a design change is needed.
usflagmed.gif

The current Flag of the United States of America (for the benefit of non-Americans and poorly educated Public School graduates). While beautiful, an ignorant foreigner might mistakenly suspect we were Astrologists or some sort of Stripe Fetishists instead of proper Christians.

The current design, although obviously beautiful and rich in the pageantry of American history, doesn't fully convey the nature of our Nation to today's ignorant people. In years past, additional information about America and the Values we hold dear would be supplied via our schools and media, allowing our citizens to associate the Flag with these cultural and social facts. However, nowadays these institutions can't be trusted as they have come under the sway of the Secular Elite and more often than not spew the virus of anti-Americanism rather than healthy civic instruction. As such, the confused American citizen of today doesn't know what to associate Old Glory with, and is just as likely to want to burn it as to pledge his allegiance to it. Furthermore, those few still in the know who take the time to pledge their allegiance are under pressure from decadent Secular forces to divorce the symbol of our Nation from He Who makes our Nation strong and righteous: The Lord, Almighty God.

For these reasons, we need to make a design change to our Flag, the most visible symbol of our Nation, so that we can educate the ignorant and keep our citizens focused on our cultural values without being led astray by hate-filled, anti-American and anti-Christian demagogues.

Here, then, is our proposed new design:
godlyusflag.gif
 
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No, while christian fundies are this stupid, they wouldn't be able to build this site, let alone say some of the thigns it says.

Being a techy, and holding the views this site shows do not appear in the same person.

Plus there are just SO many little things which are obviously 'wrong' with this site.
 
Just in case you aren't sure - Landover Baptists is a wonderful satire of Christianity.

The funniest thing is that many Christians aren't quite sure.

The most important thing when becoming a Christian.

"We believe that when a person first gets saved, the first thing they should do is buy a suit and a tie. If the individual is a female, then a dress not raised over an inch above the knee is acceptable. Clothing is perhaps the most important thing about being a Christian. If one is not properly clothed and fully representative of what God would want them to appear like.. well then, that person is probably not saved. Our motto is "get saved, get to a Christian Clothing store, and get fitted for the kingdom."

Advice from Charlton Heston.

A wonderfully wacko photo of Charlton Heston promotes Landover's support system for the NRA. Next to his photo, Uncle Charlton's dubious wisdom, possibly, might just find its way to hopefully skeptical gay and lesbian teens. He's quoted saying:

"Getting teased is part of growing up. It's no big deal. Just tell yourself, 'Sticks and stones may break my bones, but a .44 Magnum will tear that bully a new asshole!'"
Boys and girls ask, "Which sidearm is right for me?"

Catholicism Defined.

Landover Baptist is hardly minority-friendly, especially when it comes to Catholics. A rather ingenious explanation for the origins of the word "Catholic" is provided as front page news:

"Cathos," to put it delicately, refers to the male genitalia. "Licos" means to place the tongue upon and lick greedily. Thus, the Catholic "Church" was named after the very deviance so many of its members publicly condemn yet privately practice.
 
"Radical Salvation" WOOO HOOO!!!!

Called "Mall Rats" in their nihilistic Secular culture, they can often be found hanging around malls after public school doing nothing constructive. Teens paradoxically desire to be "different" but also to fit in. Use this contradiction to your advantage by pointing out how all the people around them are "tools to Secularism" while offering them the chance to join in the Love of Christ. Emphasize "coolness" of Jesus and offer "Radical Salvation". Secularized teens usually can't read too well, so hand out colorful stickers instead of pamphlets.

"Darth Maul": Commercialized symbol of evil whose name sounds like "mall". Coincidence?

need I say more?
 
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