Simpsons Quote Thread!!


Registered Member
Post your favorite Simpsons quotes.

"Ooh, I'm making people haaaappy. I'm the magical man, from happy land in a gumdrop house on Lollypop Laaaane!" - Homer

"You're my wife and I love you very much but, you're living in a land of make believe, with elves and fairies and little frogs with funny green hats!" - Homer

"This has purple stuff inside. Purple is a fruit." - Homer

"My cat's breath smells like cat food." - Ralph

"Thank you for coming. I'll see you in hell." - Apu

"If elected mayor, my first act is to kill the whole lot of you, and burn your town to cinder!" - Willie

And of course my signature:D
"I bent my wookie."

That fat kid, forget his name. He is the coolest.

"Now I can't stand in line anymore."
Whoohoo! Wkd thread!!
Unfourtunately so pleased with it that have forgotten quote but i loved Mr. Burns' "See my Vest" Song.
Homer: No beer and no TV make Homer something something…
Marge: Go crazy?
Homer: Don't mind if I do!

When Cecil tries to blow up the dam that
Bart and Sideshow Bob are hanging from:
“And now, to kill you. There may be a slight ringing in
your ears. Fortunately, you'll be nowhere near them.”

Rev. Lovejoy: Or you could try a bowl of this Unitarian ice cream.
Bart: But there's nothing in it.
Rev. Lovejoy: Exactly!

in 'two bad neighbours', homer yells: so, anyone here from...Evergreen Terrance?,
then we see chief wiggum raise his thumb, with that expression...

Homer: To alcohol, the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems

Homer: And how is education suppose to make me feel smarter? Besides, everytime I learn something new it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine making course, and I forgot how to drive?
Marge: That's because you were drunk!

Homer: I am so smart. I am so smart. S. M. R. T. ... I mean S. M. A. R. T.
Ones I've nicked from websites over the years:


"Bart, with $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We
could buy all kinds of useful things!"

"Dear Lord: The gods have been good to me.
For the first time in my life, everything is
absolutely perfect just the way it is. So here's
the deal: You freeze everything the way it is,
and I won't ask for anything more. If that is OK,
please give me absolutely no sign. OK, deal. In
gratitude, I present you this offering of cookies
and milk. If you want me to eat them for you,
give me no sign. Thy will be done."
"The strong must protect the sweet"

"Marge, it takes two to lie. One to lie and one to listen."

"Remember as far as anyone knows, we're a nice normal family."
"I know what you're saying, Bart. When I was young, I wanted an electric football machine more than anything else in the world, and my parents bought it for me, and it was the happiest day of my life. Well, goodnight."

"That's it! You people have stood in my way long enough. I'm going to clown college!"

"You tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is 'never try'."

"God bless those pagans."

"I'm in a place where I don't know where I am!"

"Oh, everything's too damned expensive these days. This Bible cost 15 bucks! And talk about a preachy book! Everybody's a sinner! Except this guy."

"Mmmm, free goo."

"Don't let Krusty's death get you down, boy. People die all the time, just like that. Why, you could wake up dead tomorrow! Well, good night.

Yeah Moe that team sure did suck last night. They just plain sucked! I've seen teams suck before, but they were the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked!"

"Ha ha! Look at this country! ? U R Gay!? Ha ha!" (looking at Uruguay on the globe).

"Don't mess with the dead, boy, they have eerie powers."

"Donuts. Is there anything they can't do?"

"Let us all bask in television's warm glowing warming


"Cool, I broke his brain!"

"Ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls. Contrary to what you've just seen, war is neither glamorous nor fun. There are no winners, only losers. There are no good wars, with the following exceptions: The American Revolution, World War II, and the Star Wars Trilogy. If you'd like to learn more about war, there's lots of books in your local library, many of them with cool, gory pictures."

"What if you're a really good person, but you get into a really, really bad fight and your leg gets gangrene and it has to be amputated. Will it be waiting for you in heaven?"

"All he does is lie there like an unemployed whale."

"No, he's pretty dumb. He's in all the same special classes I am.

"Christmas is a time when people of all religions come together to worship Jesus Christ."

"What's Santa's Little Helper doing to that dog? Looks like he's trying to jump over, but he can't quite make it."

"I don't know! I don't know why I did it, I don't know why I enjoyed it, and I don't know why I'll do it again!"

"Remember, you can always find East by staring directly at the sun."

"I am through with working. Working is for chumps."


"Homer, you raided the college fund, the TV... Homer, you're driving a stake through the hearts of those who love you."

"Do you want your son to be Chief Justice of the Supreme Court, or a sleazy male stripper?"

"Bart, stop pestering Satan!"


"Oh no, the dead have risen and they're voting Republican."

"Mom, romance is dead. It was acquired in a hostile takeover by Hallmark and Disney, homogenized, and sold off piece by piece."

"Science has already proven the dangers of smoking, alcohol, and Chinese food, but I can still ruin soft drinks for everyone!"
done to a conga line beat

"I am ev-il Ho-MER! I am ev-il Ho-MER! I am ev-il Ho-MER! I am ev-il Ho-MER!"


"I felt an incredible surge of power, like God must feel when he's holding a gun!"


"...with the wrath and the vengefulness and the blood rain and the hey hey hey it hurts!"
Homer-"The best way to get out of jury service is say your prejudice against all races"
Willy: Your dog? I 'ate him. And I 'ate what he left on me rug too......You heard me!

Fat store guy: *You will form a line, there will be no cutting, that goes for you too mr cutter.
* There will be only one autograph each. Please make these out to me and to my two friends who have the same name.

Nelson: Joy to the world, the teacher's dead...

Grandpa Simpson: Maaaaatlock!!! We want Maaaatlock!!!

Sideshow Bob: oh please, cousin Mearl...

Marge: sometimes I feel so smuthered by this family I can hardly bread......I'll go make dinner now.

Mr Burns: and who the devil are you?

Mo: I wasn't really gonna kill ya, just cut you up a little.

Bart: you snuff 'em we stuff 'em.

(of course these are only 'quoted' the way they are in my memory. I don't want to look them up in the script.)
Grampa Simpson:
  • "Homer, you're dumb as a mule and twice as ugly. If a strange man offers you a ride, I say take it."

    “The metric system is the tool of the devil! My car gets forty rods to the hogshead and that's the way I likes it.”

    "Call me mint jelly, 'cause I'm on the lam!"

    "Let's see...I'm an Elk, a Mason, a Communist...for some reason I'm the head of the Gay and Lesbian Alliance..."

    "You can’t get a good sarsaparilla like this back in Springfield—angries up the blood."
    "You like it eh?"
    "Up yours!"
'And what is attempted murder anyway? I mean, do they give a nobel prize for attempted chemistry??'
- Sideshow Bob
Krusty: you call that a cartoon?? I can pull better cartoons out of my a... HEY HEY KIDS!! WOEHOEHOEHEHE!

Lovejoy: everybody helped to rebuild your house Ned, wether he's Catholic, Jew or miscellanious. Apu: Hindu! There are 1 billion of us! Lovejoy: that's super.
Grampa Simspon :
"My son maybe a cheat, a lier, a bad father and a communist but he is not a porn star."
well.....something to that effect anyways. :rolleyes:
Ralph: "Why do people run from me?"

Homer: "Mmmmm.. Forbidden Donut"

Dr. whats his name (I forgot): "By my calculations, the robots will turn into blood-thirsty killing machines in about 24 hours." (Robots jump up, start attacking people) "Whoops. Forgot to cary the one"
too many

Captain - arrrrrr........i'm not attractive


Salesman - But surely you can't put a price on your families life?
Homer - I wouldnt have thought so either, but here we are.


Homer - So I said to him, "Look buddy your car was upside down when we got here, and as for your grandma, she shouldnt have mouthed off like that" (In Homer the detective - he is explaining his day as a vigilante)


Kent Brockman - Heavy sack beatings are up a shooking 900%.
Homer - People can come up with statistics to prove anything Kent, 40% of all people know that.


Grandpa - I couldnt quite put my finger on it, there was something strange about the way he walked, much more vertical than usual.


Homer - Marge, can I get a duck?
Marge - You all ready have a monkey!
Homer - Can he get a duck?


The Mattel and Mars quick energy choc-o-bot hour
Robot - You can count on us Mr. President. Major Nuggut, Gooey, Cocco, put down those entertaining Mattel products.
*zooms in on the mattel toys*
Cr. Cataffy is up to his old tricks
Robot 2 - Lets power up!
All - Choc away!!!!!


So many more, so little time
Best Thread EV-ER! - Comic Book Store Guy Copy

Man, I love this thread!!

Ralph: I eated the purple berries. It tastes like burning!

Homer: Hellllooo...My name is Mr. Burns...I believe you have a letter for me..
Dude at PostOffice: Ok, Mr. Burns, may I have your first name?
Homer: I don't knooow...

Alien: I bring you looooove!
Dr. Hibbert: Is that the love between a man and a woman, or the love of a man for a fine Cuban cigar? *Dr. Hibbert laugh*
Alien: *pauses* *looks confused* *searching expression* I bring you loooove!
Lenny: It's bringing love, don't let it get away!
(angry mob starts to shout and wave their torches and pitchforks)
Willie: KILLIT!
Lisa: Stop! It's Mr. Burns! *shines light on "alien"*
Willie:'s Mistarr Burns...KILL IT!

Homer: Why you little!!! *strangles Bart*

*when the Simpsons go to Japan and have to work at the gutting factory to pay off their debts
Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out. Knife goes in, guts come out...
Blue Fish: Please, spare my life and I will grant you-
Bart: Knife goes in, guts come out.
*fish gets gutted*

Comic Book Store Guy: All right Mr. Santos "even-though-that's-not-your-real-name Bart Simpson"!

Comic Book Store Guy: Worst Episode EV-ER!

*having heart attack*
Comic Book Store Guy: Left arm numb......pain in left side of chest...can't go on describing symptoms any longer....*collapses*

Homer: Say Daaaaddy...Daaaddy...
Bart (as little kid): D-d-d-Domer!
Homer: Why you little!! *strangles*

Apu: Howdy neighbour! May I spray you with this hose in a playful fashion?

Bart: Hmm...I'd give my soul for a convertible!
Devil/Flanders lookalike: *appears with a red convertible in a puff of smoke*
Bart: Nah, I take it back.
Devil/Flanders lookalike: *looks sad and disappears with another puff of smoke*
Marge: Bart! Stop playing with the devil!
(something like that, can't remember too well, *shrug*)

Homer: Mmmm...tomacco....

Willie: Now take the hoose..
Nelson: The what, the moose?
Willie: The Hoose, the HOOSE!
Nelson: Oh, you mean like this? *sprays Willie in the face with the hose*

Troy McClure: You may have seen me in such educational films as....

*at the bowling alley, and Homer, Moe, Otto, and Apu are watching the Stereotypes*
Apu: Oh, they begged me to join them, they just begged me!

Homer: *rolling on the sidewalk with a book trolley* *serious face* Must kill Moe. *happy face*Wheeeee! *serious face* Must kill Moe. *happy face*Wheeeee!

Mrs. Krapable: "Embiggens" is a perfectly cromulent word!

Homer: I've got my orders: one, where's the fife, two, give me the fife!

Homer: Stick this up your fife and smoke it!

*sign says Gone Baptizin'*
Homer: They've been taken away to be Flanders-is-sis-is!!

Homer: Why you little! *strangles*
(Sorry, I just love that one, hehehe!)

Aaaand that's about all I can think of for today. Be sure to tune in next week for more scintillating quotes! (just kiddin', keep up the good quoting) :p :)