Simpsons Quote Thread!!

Ralph Wiggim- My doctor said I would stop having so much nose bleeds if I just got my finger out of there.
Seymour: "I'm not principal of the line, mother!"
Agnes: "And you never will be..."
Agnes: "My name is Agnes. It means lamb- lamb of God!"
Seymour: "Laxative, ladies?"
All: "Oooh!"
Hibbard: "Whoa! Your spine's as twisted as Sinbad's take on marriage!"
(withour reading all the quotes previously posted)

Homer goes to buy a gun

Homer: just give me my gun!
Salesperson: Sorry, the law requires a 5 day waiting period, We've got to run a background check
Homer: 5 days?!.. But I'm mad now!!..... I'd kill you if I had my gun.
Salesperson: Yeah? well, you don't
The episode where homer and marge are in jail, can't remember why though. A priest or father, not sure of the proper title come to give them their last blessing or something. Can't really remember the actual lines...

Homer: But were not catholic!
Father: Oh, then burn in hell!

He walks out and passes Rev. Lovejoy as he walks in.
Rev. L: Nice dress.
Father: Hey! Why don't you go and have sex with your wife!
Rev. L: That's it!
*Start fighting*

HAHAHA!!!:D Class.

Dr. Nick: Hi everybody!
Everybody: Hi Dr. Nick!

Detective: Beer Baron, I know you're out there, and I'm going to find you!
Homer: No you won't.
Detective: Yes I will!
Homer: aw...

Flanders (To the tune of Horse with no name):
I'm going on a date with a girl with no name
It feels good to be back in the game.

Sideshow Bob: No! It's German! It say The Bart, The.
Sideshow Bob: No! It's German! It say The Bart, The.


Sideshow Bob: *racked leaves fly off in the wind* Arg! *throws racker* I renew my objection to this pointless endeavor!
Ralph Wiggum: Hi Lisa, hi Principal Skinner, hi SuperNintendo Chalmers!

Ralph: I'm learnding.

Ralph:My cat's breath smells like cat food.

Marge:Bart's grades are up a little this term. But Lisa's are way down.
Homer:We always have one good kid and one lousy kid. Why can't both our kids be good?
Marge:Homer, we have three kids.
Homer:Marge, the dog doesn't count as a kid.
Marge:No, Maggie!
Homer:Oh, yeah.

Homer: Oh my god! Underage kids drinking without a permit!

(When Homer goes into space.)
Reporter: Uh, question for the barbeque chef: Don't you think there is an inherent danger in send underqualified civilians into space?
Homer: I'll field this one. The only danger is if they send us to that terrible Panet of the Apes.
(Homer thinks for a moment and realizes something)
Homer: Wait a minute, Statue of Liberty- that was our planet! You maniacs! You blew it up! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!

NASA guy: (sighs) Well, Homer, I guess you're the winner by default.
Homer: (jubilant) De-fault! The two sweetest words in the English language

Me need go sleep now.

Professor Frink - No, Pops, it's too risky! For all we know, there could be cubes in there the size of gorillas!

Mr Burns - Oh Meltdown! It's one of those popular buzz-words. We prefer to call it an unrequested fission surplus

Chief Wiggum - This is Papa Bear. Put out an APB for a male suspect, driving a... car of some sort, heading in the direction of, uh, you know, that place that sells chili. Suspect is hatless. Repeat, hatless.

Chief Wiggum - I can't take more of this, we need action! Take that you lousy dimension! [goes berserk with his gun on a pink wall]

Homer - You know, when I was a boy, I really wanted a catcher's mitt, but my dad wouldn't get it for me. So I held my breath until I passed out and banged my head on the coffee table. The doctor thought I might have brain damage.
Bart - Dad, what's the point of this story?
Homer - I like stories

Homer - Here are your messages: You have 30 minutes to move your car, you have 10 minutes to move your car, your car has been impounded, your car has been crushed into a cube, you have 30 minutes to move your cube.

Louie - Looks like an explosion at the Simpson house chief!
Chief Wiggum Awwh, that's two blocks away!
Louie - It looks like there's beer coming out of the chimney
Chief Wiggum - I'm proceeding on foot!
Louie - We need pretzels! I repeat, pretzels!

Marge: I think we're going to need a bigger place.
Homer: No, we don't. I've got it all figured out. The baby can have Bart's room and Bart can sleep with us until he's 21.
Marge: Won't that warp him?
Homer: My cousin Frank did it.
Marge: You don't have a cousin Frank.
Homer: He became Francine in '76. Then he joined that cult. I think his name is Mother Shabubu now.

Homer: Kids, kids. I'm not going to die. That only happens to bad people.
Bart: What about Abraham Lincoln?
Homer: Uh, he sold poison milk to school children.

[Homer, feeling behind the couch for a peanut he dropped, finds a twenty dollar bill instead.]
Homer: Oh, twenty dollars. I wanted a peanut.
Homer's Brain: Twenty dollars can buy many peanuts.
Homer: Explain how.
Homer's Brain: Money can be exchanged for goods and services.
Homer: Woo-hoo!
Im not sure which one, but this quote is from a halloween special and one of my favorites. All i remember is Homer died from eating broccoli.

Homer : Marge, ya gotta help me, I have to do 1 good deed to get into heaven!

Marge : well, i have a whole list of chores, clean the garage, paint the house ...

Homer : whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm just trying to get in, Im not running for jesus!

nazi-"avalible in ze lobby"

homer-"i must go to ze lobby"

homer-"mmmmmmmmm invisable cola"

homer-"mmmmmmmmm 64 slices of american cheese...63...62...61"

homer-"mmmmmmmmm something"

homer-"dohnuts is there anything they cant do"
Homer: If the bible has taught us nothing else, and it hasn't, it's that girls should stick to girl sports, like foxy-boxing, and mud-wrestling, and such and such

Homer: But i don't even believe in Jebus!!
"Go back to Massachusetts, pinko!" - Homer Simpson to Sideshow Bob

"The South will come again!" - Apu, at the Civil War reenactment meeting
Originally posted by %BlueSoulRobot%
Nope. But that's a good one Capt. Crunch! lol! :D

Isn't there also another one that goes like that? Bart, Nelson and Milhouse go into an R-rated movie after getting a fake ID, and Nelson says: I can think of 3 things wrong with that movie title. Problem is, I can't remember the movie title! :D

A naked Lunch!:D
'' I guess there is only one way out of our problem, a murder suicide pact"-Homer
"Maybe Bob Dole should run, Bob Dole thinks Bob Dole should, actually Bob Dole like to hear about Bob Dole talk about Bob Dole...Bob Dole!"-Bob Dole:D
Originally posted by bonzi_monkey
'' I guess there is only one way out of our problem, a murder suicide pact"-Homer
"Maybe Bob Dole should run, Bob Dole thinks Bob Dole should, actually Bob Dole like to hear about Bob Dole talk about Bob Dole...Bob Dole!"-Bob Dole:D


In the same episode:

" This is Kent Brockman with a special live report from the
headquarters of Krusty opponent John Armstrong. How can
I prove we're live? Penis!"
Does anyone have a clue as to were Springfield is? Every theory I have is eventually thrown out :bugeye:
i got the impression from a commentary on the second season dvd that they purposely make it impossible to figure out. They chose the name 'springfield' specifically because it is so common and vague (a city name thats found in most states). In other words even the creators dont know (by choice) where exactly it is.