The Worst Film You Ever Saw...

Ohhh... one really really nasty piece of film was 'Arachnid'. The other half picked it at the video store because he thought it'd be cheesy and funny. We had to turn it off after 10 minutes because it was so damn bad.

'Eyes Wide Shut' was bad... didn't last through that one either. And anyone remember that movie that Cruise and Kidman made together... 'Far and Away'... ugh.. I actually walked out of the theater after 20 minutes in that one. Was either that or slash my wrists. Couldn't take anymore. 'Vanilla Sky' was another movie I walked out on. Actually I think I've walked out of most Cruise movies. I refuse to watch anything with Kostner in it after 'Dances with Wolves' and 'The Body Guard'.

'Titanic'... lets just say I was sorry any of them survived in that movie..

LOTR my other half nearly sobbed when he realised what they'd done to the story.. lol..

And spurious... you're right.. 'Random Hearts' and 'The Horse Whisperer'... bad bad bad...
Death and the Maiden - Another Polanski flick in which the actors are well below their usual standard and the original play has been butchered.
"Starry Night."
Vincent Van Gogh is cursed by a Gypsy to be transferred to the 20th century. He has discovered that his paintings are now worth millions, and he wants to take them back, not understanding that you just can't walk into a gallery and take a painting because "it's yours."

There is a scene where he is in jail, talking to his lawyer. Typical scene with wide shot, cut to close up of Vince, close up of lawyer, wide shot, etc... Later in the film, there is a news story on TV talking about the guy who claims to be Vincent Van Gogh, trying to steal paintings. The footage they use in the news story is the scene they just showed of him in jail talking to the lawyer!!! The multiple angles and everything. As if the fictional news crew in the film was able to borrow the footage of the actual film's director. Very bizarre.

Bad, bad movie. Horrible acting, worse direction. Bad, bad, bad.
All of these people running down LOTR. I liked them, though the last one had so many story compromises.

Worst (or more accurately most disappointing) big budget; Phantom Menace. Lucas should have let someone else take over.

Worst all time; Steel, starring Shaquille O'Neal. A triumph of low budget badness. It was playing at the laundromat I use, and I was folding my clothes as fast as possible in order to get out.

Firewalker, starring Lou Gosset and Chuck Norris, deserves honorable mention. Chuck attempted to do comedy, but since his immobile facial features can't convey any emotion, it failed just as horribly as you would think it would.
mmmm, let me see... anything with that excuse for a human being, what's his name, Bruce Willis, yuk! And Nicholas Cage, Leonardo di Caprio, Mel fucking Gibson ( I think I'm going to vomit) and the other Aussie troglodyte, Russel Crowe...blah blah blah and all those idiots who used to act and now just crave money and what people call (strangely) power; as if an idiotic actor could ever have any real power; try stopping Bush the younger's murdering spree around the world!
And, in general, anything from Hollywood, culturally insignificant Hollywood; full of accountants who squeeze talent out of talented people; full of intellectual midgets who think that they have to remake every good film ever made in the world, into a pathetic, formulaic, vomit inducing load of shit; full of formula whores who know that people starved of quality will lap up any half decent shit as a masterpiece!

There is a VAST amount of cinema out there people, go discover it, read a few subtitles, learn a foreign language, respect your mental capacity!

Long live Cinema Peace to all :) :m:
Last edited:
Up and Under. Samantha Janus got her kit off, but everything else was $h!t@. My girlfiend at the time forebade me to ever even name that film again. :mad:

Full Frontal. Supposedly a scathing expose of Hollywood power games. Actually so boring I ejected the tape after 40 minutes, in favour of old TV show recordings. :mad:

Crash. Billed as a devestating and disturbing portrayal of sexual atrocities, all it aroused in me was indifference and tiredness. Neither shocking nor sexy, and certainly not worth paying for. :mad:

Plus several low-budget horror/monster movies whose names escape me, except for Arachnid. I agree with Bells on that one.
StarOfEight said:
And there are no formula whores workin' in independent film? Really?

I think we are talking about different universes, StarOfEight.
If you're talking Miramax and co. I agree, but I was actually talking about people who make films, because they have an overwhelming desire to express something.
I am am talking about what in the UK is somewhat patronisingly called "World Cinema" and depending on where you live you will, or not as the case may be, know under some other name. I am talking about beautiful, magical cinema, the standards of which make the independent cinema you speak of, pale into insignificance.
There are exceptions, as always, but the sad reality is that the majority of the people who love cinema haven't yet seen the really good stuff at all, and probably never will, as distribution potential counts more than quality in the world, and we'll only ever get to see the likes of Cinema Paradiso because it's cute enough, and think that's all there is out there.

Long live Cinema. Peace :) :m:
Most people make shit ... doesn't matter if they premiere at a multiplex or at Cannes.
My main problem with LOTR is not even the content (although that sucks too). It is the fact that they are to long! That makes my ass hurt. And that, my friends, is a criminal offense.
spuriousmonkey said:
My main problem with LOTR is not even the content (although that sucks too). It is the fact that they are to long! That makes my ass hurt. And that, my friends, is a criminal offense.
Not to mention that exploding feeling in your bladder as soon as the large drink you've just consumed finds its way there.:(
Lets see :
  • Terminator -III
  • Fast and Furious
  • Wishmaster
  • Matrix-Revolutions
  • Matrix-Reloaded (Sucked and was a black spot on First one)
  • Finding Forrester
  • X files the movie : Wastage of time...(Deja Vu and stuff)
How can T3 be disappointing? It's got some kick-ass action sequences, and Mr. Mongo himself.
T3 was disappointing relative to 2nd.And i know you wouldnt beg to differ...
StarOfEight said:
Most people make shit ... doesn't matter if they premiere at a multiplex or at Cannes.

I wish you well buddy, and I hope you'll find beauty one day (thought it wont be in T3!).
A few names for you, old:

Akira Kurosawa, Federico Fellini, Nikita Mikhalkov, Zhang Yimou, Emir Kusturica, David Lean, Ingmar Bergman...

and new:

Thomas Vinterberg, Jeunet et Caro, Abbas Kiarostami, Lukas Moodysson, Pedro Almodovar, Michael Moore, Samira Makhmalbaf, Lars von Trier...

Ultimately, each one of us should watch what they please, but criticising what we don't yet know is not a very useful, or intelligent way to look at the world around us. Forgive me if this sounds patronising, it's not meant to.

Peace and smiles to all :) :m:
... I love dogme 95 films. I saw Humanity, this England based film about a cop involved in a rape case. I'm pretty sure it was dogme style. THe problem with this one is that NORMAL people don't make generally make interesting subjects. Also the filming of it was so-so.

All in all. Julien Donkey-boy is one of the films that DOES work in this style. For you who dont know its about a schizophrenic young man. Ewen Bremmer (also in trainspotting as Spud)
Ugh, there's quite a load of bad movies. Some of the worst ones are:

You got served.
Fast and the Furious and the sequal.
Kangaroo Jack.
William Shakespere's Romeo & Juliet.

I also hate just about all of these "ghetto-fied" movies where they bring in some famous rapper and try to make a comedy. Bad acting, bad jokes, bad movies.
1)-- Mainstream film.
Pearl Harbor

Its a bad imitation of Tora! Tora! Tora! that uses special affects to mask the lunacy of most of the scenes.

2)-- A lower budget film.

Its so shit youll piss your pants for that reason maybe it shouldnt be on the list. So Ill include:

Jaws: The Revenge