Not having much luck convincing other people that you've seen UFO's? Having trouble convincing those loser, mundane "realists" that we are regularly being visited by space aliens? Fear not. True believers can follow this simple list of rules to use when trying to prove your latest ambiguous sighting is, in fact, evidence that space aliens are regularly visiting us. In your face, realists!
1) Always introduce new sightings with as much drama as possible, preferably in the context of some realist denying it. This "rallies the troops" and gets true believers feeling that they are being oppressed.
2) Obscure the meanings of words. Claim that UFO's are alien ships; then, when a UFO is proven to not be an alien ship, claim that of course you knew that; UFO just means "unidentified." Duh. That puts the "realists" on the defensive right off the bat.
3) Pre-emptive attacks! Remember, a good offense is often the best defense. If you are regularly called a troll for your attempts to be divisive and irrational, accuse them of being trolls FIRST. That way, when they call you a troll later, you can say "I said it first."
4) Be nimble. If presented with weak evidence that your latest fave UFO is a fake, then be ready with your lists of claims. If presented with strong evidence, be ready to abandon that argument and immediately post a claim about a new object, in hopes no one will notice in all the turmoil.
5) Claim that the absence of evidence is, itself, evidence. If you find a blurry photo of a light in the sky from 1960, post an assertion that it is a UFO - and if it wasn't, why hasn't anyone debunked it after 50 years? And if there is evidence debunking it, demand to know where the evidence PROVING it went. If there's no evidence proving it - who removed it? Government coverup, anyone?
6) Remember that once news media coverage leads the public to believe that UFOs may be in the vicinity, there are numerous natural and man-made objects which, especially when seen at night, can take on unusual characteristics in the minds of hopeful viewers. Capitalize on this; search local papers, forums and tweets to see if anything unusual pops up. If it does - more 'evidence!'
7) Everyone wants to be famous. If you communicate with someone who thinks they have seen a UFO, encourage them to embellish the story, explaining that this will get them on TV - or at least be more popular on-line.
8) If you are losing an argument, make sure to play it off as a big joke. Use LOL! LOL! a lot to prove that you're not really that serious about this argument, unlike your other bulletproof arguments.
9) Remember that people cannot accurately determine distances or sizes of aerial objects. Use this to your advantage; claim that even when a pilot (for example) identifies the UFO as an unusual aircraft like an Osprey, it could still be the size of the Hindenburg, since he cannot estimate the size accurately. And Ospreys aren't the size of the Hindenburg; therefore, it must be a UFO. QED.
10) Personality is king. Most UFO sightings are short on physical evidence, but often you can link the sighting to a famous, beloved personality. Then you can link the two - "oh, so you think the Pope is an immoral liar!" If they were once a scientist, pilot or other expert, even better - you can claim immediate expert cred. (Warning - this can backfire if one of the people reading is one of those experts, so use sparingly!)
11) (Bonus rule!) If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit - lots of it. Post dozens of sightings and claim that they can't all be "explainable." Use new terms and reference lots of woo - then demand that realists debunk every single bit of woo you post before you will listen to them. Or make up terms, and if the realists ask them what your term "UFologism" means, say "well, if you are that ignorant, how can you claim to know what's going on with UFO's?" Remember, the more the better here - get ready to Gish Gallop!
By using the above list, you'll be able to post reams of material about the "reality" of UFO's, and avoid the numerous (and sometimes uncomfortable) questions from realists. So get posting, and don't let the realists win!
1) Always introduce new sightings with as much drama as possible, preferably in the context of some realist denying it. This "rallies the troops" and gets true believers feeling that they are being oppressed.
2) Obscure the meanings of words. Claim that UFO's are alien ships; then, when a UFO is proven to not be an alien ship, claim that of course you knew that; UFO just means "unidentified." Duh. That puts the "realists" on the defensive right off the bat.
3) Pre-emptive attacks! Remember, a good offense is often the best defense. If you are regularly called a troll for your attempts to be divisive and irrational, accuse them of being trolls FIRST. That way, when they call you a troll later, you can say "I said it first."
4) Be nimble. If presented with weak evidence that your latest fave UFO is a fake, then be ready with your lists of claims. If presented with strong evidence, be ready to abandon that argument and immediately post a claim about a new object, in hopes no one will notice in all the turmoil.
5) Claim that the absence of evidence is, itself, evidence. If you find a blurry photo of a light in the sky from 1960, post an assertion that it is a UFO - and if it wasn't, why hasn't anyone debunked it after 50 years? And if there is evidence debunking it, demand to know where the evidence PROVING it went. If there's no evidence proving it - who removed it? Government coverup, anyone?
6) Remember that once news media coverage leads the public to believe that UFOs may be in the vicinity, there are numerous natural and man-made objects which, especially when seen at night, can take on unusual characteristics in the minds of hopeful viewers. Capitalize on this; search local papers, forums and tweets to see if anything unusual pops up. If it does - more 'evidence!'
7) Everyone wants to be famous. If you communicate with someone who thinks they have seen a UFO, encourage them to embellish the story, explaining that this will get them on TV - or at least be more popular on-line.
8) If you are losing an argument, make sure to play it off as a big joke. Use LOL! LOL! a lot to prove that you're not really that serious about this argument, unlike your other bulletproof arguments.
9) Remember that people cannot accurately determine distances or sizes of aerial objects. Use this to your advantage; claim that even when a pilot (for example) identifies the UFO as an unusual aircraft like an Osprey, it could still be the size of the Hindenburg, since he cannot estimate the size accurately. And Ospreys aren't the size of the Hindenburg; therefore, it must be a UFO. QED.
10) Personality is king. Most UFO sightings are short on physical evidence, but often you can link the sighting to a famous, beloved personality. Then you can link the two - "oh, so you think the Pope is an immoral liar!" If they were once a scientist, pilot or other expert, even better - you can claim immediate expert cred. (Warning - this can backfire if one of the people reading is one of those experts, so use sparingly!)
11) (Bonus rule!) If you can't dazzle them with brilliance, baffle them with bullshit - lots of it. Post dozens of sightings and claim that they can't all be "explainable." Use new terms and reference lots of woo - then demand that realists debunk every single bit of woo you post before you will listen to them. Or make up terms, and if the realists ask them what your term "UFologism" means, say "well, if you are that ignorant, how can you claim to know what's going on with UFO's?" Remember, the more the better here - get ready to Gish Gallop!
By using the above list, you'll be able to post reams of material about the "reality" of UFO's, and avoid the numerous (and sometimes uncomfortable) questions from realists. So get posting, and don't let the realists win!
