i've had that sneaky suspicion all my life that there was more going on behind the scenes, not in the literal sense of processes but as to a consciousness. i deduced it from the collective consciousness of society. pay attention to what he said and that no matter what good you do, the demiurge can just send in more counters to what you are trying to accomplish or change so it's a zero sum game that you are actually taking seriously. one of the hardest and major battles here is the moral one as that is what causes most problems even if the physical is taken care of if the moral aspect is not changed. of course, most don't want to reincarnate back here again once they find out what it's about. the only ones that do are the ones that are promised power or are similar to the demiurge in nature. i think someone had mentioned about houdini on this site and how he was supposed to give his wife a sign from the afterlife if it were true. the problem with this idea is that most nde experiences have noted they did not want to come back here. and even analyzing how i think and i was a bit closer to having a clue but my values are different from the way this place operates would make me someone that is on the almighty's shitlist. i remember even this one man saying to me that he doesn't think god likes me and i knew intuitively just what he meant but it was a compliment because this god is not a good one. what it really meant is i was not blind to how incompetent and an evil consciousness it is that is behind this reality. you can also see it in the depravity in nature. there are some discrepancies i've learned though is 'light' doesn't necessarily mean good. my stepfather had a lot of light in him too besides the dark but you have to pay attention to the "qualitative" aspect of it. it was a superficial bright light. it was not compassionate or true, actually it was starkly bright, bold and cold and it just hid his depravity and darkness is all. i sensed that the stepfather represents the demiurge's characteristics closely and his values. he really worshiped and looked up to this type of power/consciousness and part of the reason i know it exists on some level is people that gain through evil know things on an instinctive level that if you pay attention, you will learn about things you may not have wanted to know but are true unfortunately. it's true because it works or there is some truth to it. it did not make him compassionate when he came upon suffering etc. it just made him insensitive so it's a different 'type' of light. good people know the difference. .