Jokes and Funny Stories II

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Billy T, Jan 10, 2014.

  1. ajanta Registered Senior Member

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    544
    'TRUE STORY'(From Bangladesh)

    Three roommates. They are friends too. One day they found someone is stealing their money, rice, tobacco, shoes etc. So they are not believing each other. But who is it(thief) ?

    After somedays they caught the thief and three roommates were so exited of anger. So they decided to teach the thief a good lesson.

    Then one friend said to his two friends ' hold the ******* , I will give electric shock in his mouth.

    Friends said 'Ok, we are ready'

    So he gave electric shock to thief but all of them felt horrible electric shock.

    Over excitement and anger taught them all a good lesson.
     
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  3. ajanta Registered Senior Member

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    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!




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    Children of previous generation.


    And...


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    Children of the generation.
     
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2016
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  5. ajanta Registered Senior Member

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  7. Dr_Toad It's green! Valued Senior Member

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    1,670
    When is a Jewish baby considered viable?

    When he gets his medical degree..
     
  8. Truck Captain Stumpy Registered Senior Member

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    641
    just got this one from your site, BOSS


    The Tie Sale


    A fleeing Taliban terrorist, desperate for water, was plodding through the Afghan desert when he saw something far off in the distance.

    Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the mirage, only to find a very frail little old Jewish man standing at a small makeshift display rack – selling ties.

    The Taliban terrorist asked, “Do you have water?”
    The Jewish man replied, “I have no water. Would you like to buy a tie? They are only $5.”
    The Taliban shouted hysterically, “Idiot Infidel! I do not need such an over-priced western adornment. I spit on your ties. I need water!”

    “Sorry, I have none – just ties – pure silk – and only $5.” said the little old Jewish man.

    “Pahh! A curse on your ties. I should wrap one around your scrawny little neck and choke the life out of you, but I must conserve my energy and find water!”

    “Okay,” said the little old Jewish man, “It does not matter that you do not want to buy a tie from me or that you hate me, threaten my life and call me ‘Infidel’. I will show you that I am bigger than any of that. If you continue over that hill to the east for about two miles, you will find a restaurant. It has the finest food and all the ice-cold water you need. Go In Peace!”

    Cursing him again, the desperate Taliban staggered away over the hill.

    Several hours later, he crawled back, almost dead and gasped, “They won’t let me in without a tie!”
     
  9. arfa brane call me arf Valued Senior Member

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    4,982
    A game of turd croquet . . . ?

    Well, I'd offer to play you, but my game is totally shit right now.
     
  10. black mask Registered Member

    Messages:
    57
    its a good thing bible didn't a word about woman lying with another woman....
     
  11. Confused2 Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    325
    My favourite book:-
    'Beak House' by Darles Chickens
     
  12. arfa brane call me arf Valued Senior Member

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    4,982
    "I stink, therefore I am."

    -- Rene DesFartes
     
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  13. Truck Captain Stumpy Registered Senior Member

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    641
    that one was a real stinker...
    ROTFLMFAO
     
  14. ajanta Registered Senior Member

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    544
    KALA DHAAN

    FRIEND 1: Who have more money in the world ?

    FRIEND 2: I think.... they are some of Indians. They earn more money than others in the world.

    FRIEND 1: Really !?

    FRIEND 2: YES ! They earn more money and burn it you know !

    FRIEND 1:

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

    That is KALA DHAAN (Black money). Those idiots were not able to hide that.
     
  15. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

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    2,381
    I am of Irish and Welsh decent.
    I dont take offence at Irish jokes but they seemed to have disappeared. PC perhaps.

    Two Irishmen workers were told to replace the rope on the flag pole.
    One said "Now how can we do that?"
    The other said "We can lay it on the ground and measure it"
    The other replied "Dont be silly we need its height not its length"

    The police asked Paddy if he would like a cup of tea.
    "How do you have it" he was asked.
    "Well I have it black without the cream but if you dont have the cream I will have it without the milk"

    And on the bottom of all beer bottles we read.. "Please open other end"

    Alex
     
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  16. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

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    2,381
    I never met my Irish grand mother but was told about the time she and others were inspecting a house that had its roof removed such that only walls remained.
    She apparently said" This is so strange here we are on the inside but really we are outside"
    It somehow reminded me of the tea without the milk.
    I only recently discovered my Irish heritage which in reflection was a good thing because I never got involved in the movement, which I no doubt would have.
    I do meet many Australians who have Irish in them and we sortta look alike and I often wonder how far back we need go to find we are related.
    Alex
     
  17. Truck Captain Stumpy Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    641
    the other day i saw a dragon trying to blow his birthday candles out...
    ******************

    i heard that in detroit someone gets stabbed every 53 seconds....
    i would hate to be that guy
     
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  18. Dr_Toad It's green! Valued Senior Member

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    1,670
    You know the difference between shanty Irish and lace-curtain Irish?

    Lace-curtain Irish move the dishes before they piss in the sink.
     
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  19. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

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    2,381
    Fred was a tuff man not always known for being particulary smart but honest and hard working.

    He lived in the forest and very good with an axe.

    Fred had worn out his best axe and went to the hardware store in town to buy another axe.
    The salesman showed Fred the axes he had in stock and got into a conversation with Fred.
    "So how many trees do you cut down Fred? "

    " Oh maybe 20 to 30 a day" Fred replies.

    "Fred why dont you get a chain saw? "

    " whats a chain saw? " asked Fred.

    " Here you go Fred this is the lastest chain saw it will enable you to cut 100 trees down a day"

    "ok I will take it" says Fred "but I will be back if it does not do what you say"


    The following week Fred comes back with the chain saw and complains to the sales clerk.

    "Mate I used it for a week and I could only cut down 50 trees a day"

    The sales clerk says " thats odd let me have a look at it"

    The sales clerk looks at the saw places it on the ground and pulls the cord and starts it first pull.


    Fred jumps back in shock and shouts "what the hell is all that noise?"

    Alex
     
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  20. Xelasnave.1947 Valued Senior Member

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    2,381
    Fred cleared some land fenced it and purchase some cows.

    At the pub he asked around if anyone could get him a bull.

    The publican said "Fred you dont need a bull just talk to the vet he does artificial insemination"

    Well the vet was having a beer as well so Fred bought him a beer and asked if the vet could do the job without a bull.

    "Sure"says the vet "I will call by tomorrow, put the cows in the yard and have some hot water and towels handy"

    "done, see you in the morning" says Fred

    The next day the vet arrives and asks
    "So Fred have you rounded up the cows? "

    " yes" Fred replies.

    "And have you got the hot water and towels ready" asks the vet.

    Fred proudly answers " yes, everything is ready for you just like you asked and another thing.. There is a nail on the back of the door to hang up your pants"

    Alex
     
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  21. James R Just this guy, you know? Staff Member

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    29,792
    This latest string of "jokes" is in pretty poor taste all around. Are you guys proud of yourselves, attaching your names to these on a public forum?
     
  22. sculptor Valued Senior Member

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    3,662
    anecdote:
    My 1st wife was Italian----so Columbus Day----and a street fair--and I picked up a button which proclaimed:
    "I'm proud to be Italian"
    ---so, a friend said: "But you're not Italian"
    ---i responded: "I know, but everyone needs to be proud of something".
    ---
     
  23. sideshowbob Sorry, wrong number. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,359
    Shakespeare is dead so we have to make do.
     

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