Limericks: Preferably humorous

Discussion in 'Art & Culture' started by Dinosaur, Jul 3, 2014.

  1. Dinosaur Rational Skeptic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,882
    My last name is Cadwallader. When in college many decades ago, a group of us decided to write limericks using our last names. It was claimed that I would not be able to compete. The first is my contribution. I do not remember the source of the second one. It might have been one of my classmates.

    There was a young cannibal named Cadwallader
    Who saw a young girl and followed her.
    He watched her jiggling behind,
    but sex was not on his mind.
    He chewed and he gulped and he swallowed her.


    A tutor who tooted the flute
    tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
    Said the two to the tutor:
    “Is it harder to toot or
    to tutor two tooters to toot.”
     
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  3. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    15,380
    There was an old man of Madrid,
    Who went to an auction to bid;
    He bought, if you please,
    A case of old cheese-
    But oh, Gosh! when they lifted the lid!
     
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  5. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    15,380
    There was a young man who said, "There,
    I will sneak out during this prayer!*'

    But the squeak of his shoes

    So enlivened the pews,
    That he sat down again in despair.
     
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  7. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    33,264
    There was a young lad of Calcutta,
    Whenever he spoke he would stutter.
    To his teacher, said he,
    "P-p-lease t-tell me,
    Is a b-buttress a f-feminine b-butter?


    If having kinky sex was a crime,
    A lot of your friends would be doing time.
    The president and his cabinet would be too
    For what they do daily to me and you.
    Politicians may be worth two cents but certainly not a dime.
     
  8. Janus58 Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,934
    There once was a poster named Dinosaur,
    Who considered himself quite a connoisseur.
    But as he tended to drink,
    He then started to think.
    And we all saw the mind of a wino soar.
     
  9. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    There was an old party of Lyme,
    Who married three wives at a time.
    When asked, “ Why the Third?”
    He replied, “ One’s absurd,
    And Bigamy, sir, is a crime.”
     
  10. elte Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,253
    There once was a person called Toad,
    who spoke in a way as to goad.
    His listeners got mad,
    which in turn made him sad,
    causing him to again hit the road.
     
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  11. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    When Daddy and Mum got quite plastered,
    And their shame had been thoroughly mastered,
    They told there boy, Harry:
    “Son we never did marry.
    But don’t tell the neighbors, you Bastard.”
     
  12. btr Registered Member

    Messages:
    93
    There once was an X from place B,
    Who satisfied predicate P,
    Then X did thing A,
    In a specified way,
    Resulting in circumstance C.
     
  13. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    Limericks that are Ribald or adult content contain,
    When children are present the adults should refrain,
    From such content reciting,
    No matter how exciting,
    Cause it’s easier to refrain, than to children explain!
     
  14. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,690
    Amazing! I once had a cat named Cadwallader. Everyone called him Wally. It's a Welsh name (sometimes spelled with one L) and the name of a famous U.S. Army general in the Civil War.
     
  15. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,353
    There once was a girl named Anne Heiser
    Who said that no man could surprise her
    Pabst took a chance and got Schlitz in her pants
    Now she is sadder, Budweiser
     
  16. Arne Saknussemm trying to figure it all out Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,353
    Here's a famous pair that have to do with the 'old tree falling and no one there to hear it' issue: (is reality independent of human observation?)

    God in the Quad

    (by Ronald Knox)

    There was a young man who said, "God
    Must think it exceedingly odd
    If he finds that this tree
    Continues to be
    When there's no one about in the Quad."

    REPLY

    Dear Sir:
    Your astonishment's odd:
    I am always about in the Quad.
    And that's why the tree
    Will continue to be,
    Since observed by
    Yours faithfully,
    GOD.
     
  17. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    Said the laundress lady, Darlene,
    “Sex is great in my washing machine.
    The fast plunging action,
    Gives me such satisfaction,
    And both of us get to come clean!”
     
  18. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee
    Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.
    "But," he said, "I must see
    What the clerical fee
    Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee.
     
  19. Dinosaur Rational Skeptic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,882
    Fraggle: In your Post #11, you mention that Cadwallader is sometimes spelt with one L. That is because there was a time when there were so many Cadwalladers in the greater Philidelphia PA area that one branch of the family dropped an L to avoid confusion with other branches of the family.

    No Welsh name (?or word?) originally had an odd number of L’s.
     
  20. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    There was an Old Man of Nantucket
    Who kept all his cash in a bucket.
    His daughter, called Nan,
    Ran away with a man,
    And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
     
  21. btr Registered Member

    Messages:
    93
    That's not actually the case (I lived most of my life in Wales, half of my family is Welsh and I speak a little of the language). Both L and LL are present in the Welsh alphabet (they both count as single letters, and are pronounced very differently), and single-L is found in Welsh names even in the earliest examples of Welsh literature (Llefelys, and notably the legendary poet Taliesin); there was also a Welsh king named Hywel from the 10th century.

    Anyway...

    There was a young fellow from Wales,
    Who dined on the eyeballs of snails;
    When he couldn't get these,
    He just lived off the cheese,
    That he picked from his feet with his nails.
     
  22. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,380
    There was a young lady from Leeds
    Who swallowed a package of seeds.
    Now this sorry young lass
    Is quite covered in grass,
    But has all the tomatoes she needs.
     
  23. elte Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,253
    There once was a fella named Darryl,
    who appeared to be over a barrel.
    He bought a new car,
    but didn't get far,
    and now he wears shabby apparel.
     

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