Why are teenage girls so difficult to get to do anything?

tme if i ever hit my daughter her or her boyfriend would hit me back!

 

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There's the root of your problem. Your daughter is aware of your attitude on an instinctive level, so she knows good old mum will tidy up. Let's face it, as parents we are not servants.Promise yourself that you will leave her room as it is, however difficult you find it to do so. Let her live in a pigsty till she decides she has had enough. Remember. she is counting on you doing what mum always does, so why bother tidying up when mum will do it anyway.

You have to choose between continuing to be upset by her behaviour or enduring the thought of an untidy room. Make the right choice and you may get a pleasant surprise. From personal experience I believe hormonal changes are involved. Confrontation achieves nothing ,as you have discovered,

So be a kind . sweet mum and leave that room alone. If she asks what is going on, tell her you are aware that she is in the process of becoming a responsible adult and that you now feel she should be allowed to have her private space. This means she can have her room just as she wants it. You will not interfere.

 

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Strangely enough, it works for me.

Example:
Hmm, mike, do you think you could possibly ever stop being such an arse ?

 

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Hmm I see your problem.

I would work from a system of privileges to be earned, regularly.

Add to that a list of chores. Chores left undone will result in loss of privilege.

No negotiation.

Just ask. Has the room been cleaned? Nope, alright? Then remove a privilege until the chore is done.

 

Ha! where I live, if the police get called to your home for domestic violence, someone is going to jail, period. Even if you didn't touch them, you are cuffed and stuffed just on the childs word.

 

I never liked to clean my room. I still don't. All that aggravation for nothing. It's their room, let them be. I subscribe to the Summerhill methods.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Summerhill_School

 

Here's what I would do. (obliviously I've never been a parent)

Come home oneday and slam the door so hard, you break the window in it. Then scream at the top of your lungs: "That damn guy at the grocery store....I asked him to help me with my grocerys and he wouldn't...AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! (then throw the tv into the fireplace.) Then yell "I'm so..(punch hole in wall) sick (punch another hole) of (hole) people (hole) not listening (hole) to me! (punch a final hole) it's ok if your fist is bleeding, let it, it will add dramatic effect. Then Say, "I swear to god, I will fucking kill the next person that says no to me"... Then fire a gun several times into the ceiling.

After you finish ranting...turn to your daughter without wiping the excess spit, still hanging from your mouth, and ask, "honey, would you mind cleaning your room?"

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i dont have a gun good idea though!

 

then she takes sandwhichs up there, drinks, and they go of, and go all mouldy, i dont want my own penicillin farm!

 

In my opinion, boys are worse. But, that is only because I live with my two younger brothers, and they argue over the littlest things. I'm sure other families are different. I have always been the cooperative one and did as I was told. My parents had us do chores starting at a very young age. It teaches kids responsibility. My brothers for some odd reason, choose to argue about it. My parents never give in, and they end up doing it anyways. If you clean her room for her, of course she will argue because she knows that you will give in and do it for her. When you ask her to do something, I suggest that you don't give in, and if she doesn't do it, take something away from her; such as a cell phone or privilages such as going out with friends. Stay consistant. She needs to learn responsibility before she is thrown into the real world and has to take care of herself.

 

Just go up there when she's not around and spill the stuff over. I guarantee she will become interested in cleaning it up.

 

good idea thanks!

 

Some people don't mind living in filth. I knew a man that let his mobile home rot to nothing but a huge garbage pile.

 

Not really, that would put you on the same level as another child. I feel parents should realise that their children have many friends but only two parents.

 

eww! thats awful makes me sick just thinking about it, my home is spotless! (apart from daughters room)

 

Ah. You have to teach by example, not by coercion.

 

yes your right, you only have one mother! (and my poor daughter has me)


i ahve no problem with he friends (except her boyfriend) i ahve a problem with her laziness and attitude!

 

How to Train Your Children to Behave on Cue

Training Children Part 2: Effective Negative Reinforcement

I don't necessarily agree with her methods, but I don't have kids.

 

I remember when I was a teenager, I'd ask if I could go out or whatever and my parents would say, "you have to hoe the garder first" or "you have to clean the basement first". I'd just do it, quick, then do what I want. My sisters would scream and fight and wail and moan and end up not going out.

I found my method to be much more efficient.

I think the root problem goes back to evolutionary biology. Men hunted and fought in groups. We had to work together and recognize a hierarchy, a chain of command. Failure to do so could result in the death of the entire group. So, to this day, we're good at that. We work together well, we accept orders. We get the job done.

Meanwhile, the womenfolk were back at the cave with the children. Each the queen of her domain. Their interactions were much more political, they didn't need to work together. The better a female was at screwing another female out of her fair share of something, the more her family got.

So, to this day, women are catty. Do not accept orders well. Don't follow the chain of command. And tend to sabotage each other rather than work together.

 

I liked that first article, SG, on immediately reinforcing good or bad behavior. Teens are pretty set in their ways, and are a tough horse to break....and need more "proactive" measures. I think LA should start reinforcing bad behavior with "flash-bang" grenades. Every time her daughter throws a fit...just toss a flash-bang in her room. I guarantee after the 3rd or 4th one, she'll gesture with her hands that's she's ready to do some chores.