Child Rapist in Heaven

[Tiassa]

It's never too late for a summer of love

I suppose I should also raise the point that heaven is a bit of a mystery, even to the faithful. At no point in the Christian theology is it asserted that one gets "the heaven they want". Hell, I wouldn't mind an eternal supply of hashish, an invitation to Hendrix's place, and a Summer of Love that lasts forever.

We could use another summer of love.
It's cloudy here,
But there's a blue sky up above.

If we could only fly away from here,
We could say good-bye to all the tears,
And maybe we could spend the rest of our years
Together, together

(Styx, "Together")​

 

[Michael]

Here, they plan to be greeted by 72 young virgins of "perpetual freshness" (houris) who will lead them into palaces loaded with luxurious thrones surrounded by gold, silver and jewel plated furnishings.- a holy place where believers reclined on jeweled couches surrounded by the finest silks can experience unlimited erotic sexual pleasures.

Sounds like role=play night at Heffner's place - Ha!

Seriously, I read that the 72 virgins when translated into Syriac is a direct copy from a Syrian Christians description of heaven only it's 72 white raisins.

Raisins - yum yum
Michael

 

[Michael]

Mor Ephrem the Syrian

Mor Ephrem the Syrian, the great poet saint of the Syriac Church, was born in c. A.D. 306 in Nisibis (North-west of Mosul, Iraq). While some late sources claim that his father was a heathen priest who worshiped an idol called Abnil, his own writings affirm that he was raised in a Christian family. (Adv. Haereses, XXVI. "I was born in the way of truth: though my boyhood understood not the greatness of the benefit, I knew it when trial came." Again more explicitly, if we may trust a Confession which is extant only in Greek, "I had been early taught about Christ by my parents; they who begat me after the flesh, had trained me in the fear of the Lord... My parents were confessors before the judge: yea, I am the kindred of martyrs.")


Shahed Amanullah is editor-in-chief of alt.muslim

If you don't believe in the divine origin of the Qur'an, you've got to believe it came from somewhere. This impetus is leading a few Western scholars of Islam to quietly investigate the origins of the Qur'an, offering radically new theories about the text's meaning and the rise of Islam. Were the early Muslims captivated by Jewish messianism? Was "to kill" really a mistranslation of "to fight"? Are the houris of paradise really "white raisins"? The dearth of historical references to the Qur'an within the first 100 years of Islam is helping to fuel the research, which applies techniques previously used to critique the Bible. "I think in trying to reconstruct what happened, they went off the deep end," says one professor about this revisionist scholarship, "but they were asking the right questions." However, a Muslim Islamic studies professor adds that the "implications of some of the revisionist scholarship is to say that the Qur'an is not an authentic book."

The Guardian
Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

 

[Michael]

*God*

Yes, I'm talking to you - hey, yeah I know I know - you're a "martyr" ..
good good now get in the back of the line ... no... no ... you don't get cuts in front I said get to the back. Yeah, stand there with your buddies behind all of the people you just now killed and yeah guess what - for killing them you ONLY get to take 72 from the left pile, .... everyone else .. listen people.. everyone.. please just one moment... a moment people - everyone else here can take as many as you like from both piles....

 

[Michael]

*God*

OK people it's praise me time.
Yes .. yes, yes Timmy I know .. I know, we did it yesterday and the day for that and yeah, pretty much everyday. But I like it.
Neveryoumind why - I just do now finish your raisins, I see 32 red and 40 white this time .. anyway ... people, people , ... oK ... lets start with a quick warm up:

Do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow sew
Tea, I drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to do...oh oh oh

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow sew
Tea, I drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to Do

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray, a drop of golden sun
Me, a name I call myself
Far, a long long way to run
Sew, a needle pulling thread
La, a note to follow sew
Tea, I drink with jam and bread
That will bring us back to do

Do re mi fa so la ti do, so do

 

[Captain Kremmen]

The Guardian
Luxenberg 's new analysis, leaning on the Hymns of Ephrem the Syrian, yields "white raisins" of "crystal clarity" rather than doe-eyed, and ever willing virgins - the houris. Luxenberg claims that the context makes it clear that it is food and drink that is being offerred, and not unsullied maidens or houris.

When the suicide bomber gets to heaven
He is told "Yes you have done well, here is your reward"

He is given some white raisins.

Suicide Bomber: " Whaaaaat!???"

 

[lightgigantic]

This guy loves children. He fantasizes about sex with them all the time. But he never does anything about it. He never looks at child porn. He never touches a child, etc.
He is a good man and does good things.
He dies and goes to heaven. His idea of paradise is sexually assaulting children.

if he has the idea of sexually assaulting children, it sounds like he is a few crumbs short of a bread stick of entering into heaven


BG 4.24: A person who is fully absorbed in God consciousness is sure to attain the spiritual kingdom because of his full contribution to spiritual activities, in which the consummation is absolute and that which is offered is of the same spiritual nature.

BG 18.55: One can understand Me as I am, as the Supreme Personality of Godhead, only by devotional service. And when one is in full consciousness of Me by such devotion, he can enter into the kingdom of God.

Does he get to? Can you get kicked out of heaven? Or do you not get to have the paradise you want?

attaining the paradise that is centred around god is something different ....the material world, particularly that which is offerered in the animal form of life, is more in line with attaining a paradise according to one's poor fund of knowledge

SB 5.5.1: Lord Ṛṣabhadeva told His sons: My dear boys, of all the living entities who have accepted material bodies in this world, one who has been awarded this human form should not work hard day and night simply for sense gratification, which is available even for dogs and hogs that eat stool. One should engage in penance and austerity to attain the divine position of devotional service. By such activity, one's heart is purified, and when one attains this position, he attains eternal, blissful life, which is transcendental to material happiness and which continues forever.

if one is sincerely seeking for unrestricted sex life, one's desires can happily be achieved in pig or dog society .... no need to approach god's abode

 

[Captain Kremmen]

Other Possible Subjects for discussion:

Does watching excess TV make you thinner?
Are Crack addicts society's heroes?
Does not washing make you smell nicer?
Corrupt Cops. Are they cutting Crime?
Pollution. Is it actually good for nature?

Come off it Orleander.

 

[Orleander]

Other Possible Subjects for discussion:

Does watching excess TV make you thinner?
Are Crack addicts society's heroes?
Does not washing make you smell nicer?
Corrupt Cops. Are they cutting Crime?
Pollution. Is it actually good for nature?

Come off it Orleander.

what???

 

[Orleander]

....attaining the paradise that is centred around god is something different ....the material world, particularly that which is offerered in the animal form of life, is more in line with attaining a paradise according to one's poor fund of knowledge....

so heaven has nothing to do with material things/people. There are no streets of gold, no pearly gates, no family, no angels?

You don't get to do what you want, you do what God wants? If that were the case, I can definitely see why someone would want to be reincarnated.

 

[Yorda]

why exactly 72? why not like 70? if you knew anything about numbers, symbols and zodiac, you would understand why. 12x6.

http://paganizingfaithofyeshua.netfirms.com/jesus_sent_72_truth_sun_myth.htm

Can you get kicked out of heaven?

Ever heard of Adam and Eve? We can never stay in heaven forever because there's always that damn snake which lures us to eat fruits that send us back to hell.

Or do you not get to have the paradise you want?

"Heaven" is not like earth. You don't want or need things there. In heaven you don't have to do things to feel good. Feeling good is the natural state of being. People need things because they are missing a part of themselves, they are separate from "God", but in heaven we are whole.

When we are born to earth, we are still close to God. As we grow we become more and more separate because we start to identify ourselves with our body, which is only one half.

 

[Celpha Fiael]

so heaven has nothing to do with material things/people. There are no streets of gold, no pearly gates, no family, no angels?

You don't get to do what you want, you do what God wants? If that were the case, I can definitely see why someone would want to be reincarnated.

Please don't encourage him.

 

[Enmos]

why exactly 72? why not like 70? if you knew anything about numbers, symbols and zodiac, you would understand why. 12x6.

http://paganizingfaithofyeshua.netfirms.com/jesus_sent_72_truth_sun_myth.htm



Ever heard of Adam and Eve? We can never stay in heaven forever because there's always that damn snake which lures us to eat fruits that send us back to hell.



"Heaven" is not like earth. You don't want or need things there. In heaven you don't have to do things to feel good. Feeling good is the natural state of being. People need things because they are missing a part of themselves, they are separate from "God", but in heaven we are whole.

When we are born to earth, we are still close to God. As we grow we become more and more separate because we start to identify ourselves with our body, which is only one half.

So then, we essentially dont exist in heaven.

 

[orcot]

"Heaven" is not like earth. You don't want or need things there. In heaven you don't have to do things to feel good. Feeling good is the natural state of being. People need things because they are missing a part of themselves, they are separate from "God", but in heaven we are whole.

No offence but that seems terrible to the point of repulsive

 

[Yorda]

So then, we essentially dont exist in heaven.

the real heaven would be non-existence because there would be no problems, but it doesn't exist, so it's not real.

there is another heaven which is real because we go there when we die. but it's not a real heaven either because it doesn't last forever. that heaven is not so much different from earth, but it's much happier. there are people, streets and even furniture.

when we die in that heaven, we are born on earth (hell) again.

No offence but that seems terrible to the point of repulsive

it can't be terrible because there are no feelings (like the feeling "terrible") in heaven (non-existence, the non-existent heaven). non-existence is perfection. the paradise is a dreamless sleep, but we can never stay there forever... soon we have a dream, and then a nightmare.

you can't understand how good it feels to not feel anything, ever. only i can understand it. most people fear heaven (non-existence), and yet they believe that when they die, they will go there... i'm the opposite: my greatest wish is stop existing, but i can never cease to be.

i fear/hate life, but i am life, so i will always live.

 

[orcot]

if so then there is no heaven because everything that makes you you would be stripped off, aftherall what else is there abouth you then a bunch of atoms it would be a pittiful existance even worse then a a goldfish in a small glass of water afther having a lobotomy, hell the simple kristal clear water would even be a more accurate discription it is so far off from perfection nobody would even recognise it and would be so horrible that it would be better not to have a aftherlive all together

 

[Celpha Fiael]

you can't understand how good it feels to not feel anything, ever. only i can understand it. most people fear heaven (non-existence), and yet they believe that when they die, they will go there... i'm the opposite: my greatest wish is stop existing, but i can never cease to be.

i fear/hate life, but i am life, so i will always live.

I question how much thought you've given your beliefs; apparently we've all not existed at some point, which means we would know how it "feels". Which brings to my next question, if you're non-existent, how can you feel good, much less feel at all?

 

[Yorda]

aftherall what else is there abouth you then a bunch of atoms it would be a pittiful existance even worse then a a goldfish in a small glass of water afther having a lobotomy,

it can't be a pitiful "existence" because it is non-existence. goldfish are happier than humans because they are less conscious.

it and would be so horrible that it would be better not to have a aftherlive all together

to not have an afterlife would be exactly the heaven i'm talking about... the real afterlife is not non-existence, it's pretty much like the life on earth except better.

(but you don't even know what i'm talking about...)

I question how much thought you've given your beliefs;

i have given so much thought to my beliefs that they are not even beliefs anymore: they are Facts that can Never change.

The-Fact-That-Can-Never-Change is that everything Always changes. this Fact means that we are in hell even when we feel like we are in heaven, because when we are back in Eden, the snake always appears and sends us to hell (heaven changes to hell).

buddha claimed that he attained nirvana, but the snake send him to hell and now he's back on earth trying to attain nirvana (heaven) again. satan always comes back. it is eternal because it is the backside of god.

religions exist to give people hope even though there is no hope, there is only the thought of hope. without hope, people would drown in their sorrow. if everyone drowned, everyone would be in heaven, but it can't happen because there is "hope".

apparently we've all not existed at some point,

i have always existed.

if you're non-existent, how can you feel good,

bad question. if i'm non-existent, there is no need/will to feel anything.

 

[lightgigantic]

Orleander

“
Originally Posted by lightgigantic
....attaining the paradise that is centred around god is something different ....the material world, particularly that which is offerered in the animal form of life, is more in line with attaining a paradise according to one's poor fund of knowledge....
”
so heaven has nothing to do with material things/people. There are no streets of gold, no pearly gates, no family, no angels?

there's all this and more - the only thing is that it all has god for the center, as opposed to the illusion of thinking that one's own self/desires are the center (which is how the material world operates, in case you haven't noticed ....)

You don't get to do what you want,

we always get to do what we want (except perhaps the want to not receive the concomitant reactions for our wanting ....)
the question is whether that wanting is going to land us in the association of god in a mood of service or as a stool eating pig with a few raunchy ideas

you do what God wants?

yes thats the sum and substance of it

If that were the case, I can definitely see why someone would want to be reincarnated.

probably because you don't know much about either god's wanting or what reincarnation involves ...

 

[Enmos]

the real heaven would be non-existence because there would be no problems, but it doesn't exist, so it's not real.

there is another heaven which is real because we go there when we die. but it's not a real heaven either because it doesn't last forever. that heaven is not so much different from earth, but it's much happier. there are people, streets and even furniture.

when we die in that heaven, we are born on earth (hell) again.

And how exactly did you come across this knowledge ?