Getting a prostitute for your son. Acceptable or no?

[TimeTraveler]

I don't think of having your heart broken as being lied to, used, cheated, etc. You just fall out of love, move apart, grow up, etc.

And what EXACTLY do you mean 'your behavior'?

What I'm saying is, if you are going to use a woman for sex, pay her for her services. It's just the gentlemans way of going about it.

 

[scott3x]

...At 20, I guess you could say that I'd gotten tired of the mores of my mother, which in many ways weren't really even her mores- they were more her parent's mores as well as the religion she'd decided to adopt at the time (islam, it was my own as well from about 11 to 16). In point of fact, I never heard her parents talk about sexuality; this is a way of adopting mores- it's more about what is not said then what is. Anyway, life didn't really seem worth living with all the restrictive mores I seem to have grown up with and I figured that either my life should end or I should change my mores; and so I did....

I'm not judging, I just don't know what to say. I grew up in a very sexually restricted home as well. But it would have been against my nature to wait 10 years between 'experiences'

I didn't wait exactly. It's more that I couldn't make the first move. And I think you'll agree that that's generally the guy's domain. Lots of nervousness as well. I guess my mother instilled this idea in me that I could almost never do anything right. I argued a fair amount with my mother and I still do sometimes. However, at the same time I really respect my mother. She's one of the most honest people I know and in that I emulate her completely (even -she- thinks I'm too honest sometimes). My father is pretty honest as well but my father didn't make me feel like I was doing everything wrong when it came to relationships or about my being too honest or too revealing (it worked well enough with my parents, but not always so well with others). Ofcourse my father became self employed shortly before meeting my mother and never looked back. Me and employment haven't come to terms yet and this definitely doesn't help. We don't live together anymore, but when we did, this would come up and it wasn't pretty (as in, painful for me when he brought it up when he was drunk).

I definitely don't have this intense nervousness with making guy friends though and I definitely think he had a lot to do with it. Unlike my mother, with whom it was difficult to talk to about much other then a bit of religion and believing that there are dark powerful forces behind the scenes at times (she stood before canadian parliament regarding depleted uranium, I've been arguing that 9/11 was an inside job for months in pseudoscience now), we didn't talk about too much.

Still, with my mother I know where I stand. She was clear as to what she felt about me and my decisions. With many women, this just isn't the case. This only increases my anxiety. It's much easier online I think- here there are no 'looks' or whatever secret language that children develop to understand each other and carry on into adulthood. Everything has to be spelled out.

 

[Roman]

What I'm saying is, if you are going to use a woman for sex, pay her for her services. It's just the gentlemans way of going about it.

... you mean insulting a woman by calling her a whore? You labor under the presumption that the only reason a woman will have sex is either for love or money. Which is true. The female orgasm is a myth.

 

[TimeTraveler]

Uh.. hookers are still girls. They can even be girlfriends. But for whatever reason, they chose to have sex for money.

If you grow up poor, you look like a super model, and you aren't likely to make $50,000-100,000 a year doing anything else, the sex industry beats McDonalds. I see the sex artist as being of the same breed as any other kinda artist, from actress to musician, it's the arts, and sex is an art.

You seem to be suggesting that girlfriends have annoying faces; not a supposition I agree with.

That was a bad joke on my part.

Ah, words. For the purposes of the above, I was using sex and making love interchangeably. Ideally, I'd like every sexual experience to be a 'make love' one.

In this case, you are the sorta guy who shouldn't be having casual sex. Perhaps you should consider getting married?

Well, sex is a mechanical act while love is (in my view) more of a spiritual/emotional one; however, I think one can combine both; making love, as you say.

When you have sex with a person you truly love, its making love. When you have sex with a complete stranger or a person you don't love, it's fucking. It's unethical to fuck a girl who wants to have someone make love to her.

Again, words. Some people may use the term 'getting laid' and 'making love' interchangeably. Anyway, as I mentioned above, I would prefer every sexual encounter I have to be one that involves love.

So use "making love", so you make it clear to the women that you aren't a player/womanizer.

This I believe I can agree with. As a matter of fact, I believe that if the purpose of the drinks, etc., is to fool a woman who is not 'that kind of girl' into that one night stand, I believe that being with a prostitute may well be a better option. I've never been the type of guy who wanted to fool anyone. I won't say I haven't done it, but as a general rule, the reason was because I was very afraid indeed of saying the truth. The only time I can remember lying to someone I loved was when I was 16 and a mutual friend asked me point blank if I loved her, in front of her. I'd barely spoken to her. I simply couldn't admit it like that, especially since I was terrified that she'd cut me up with that knowledge. So I said no in a pained voice, and then got out of the room as quick as possible. I later told the same guy that I'd lied and why and cried and all that. It was way later and I wasn't even going to the same school anymore. I'm fairly sure that she knew that I loved her; I even believe there was a time when she might have loved me. But this is all speculation on my part.

I'm just trying to promote honesty. Honest relationships require that people avoid using deception when it's not necessary.

Sounds good (I assume you mean that the hooker is the stealthy one- that's the way I found things to be anyway).

They've always been straight forward with me, you give them what they want and you get what you want. I consider that a fair deal. Nobody gets hurt and thats the way it should be.

I paid a hooker once, at 20, to see what sex was like. Didn't have it again until my second girlfriend, at 30. Do I sound like the type of guy who just wants to get 'laid'?

No of course not. The hookers and prostitutes exist so that gentlemen like yourself can find good women who haven't been damaged by guys who played them or used them for sex. By giving these players hookers to play with, they'll leave the women you want to marry alone. In essence they will stop targetting innocent naive girls who want to make love, and that will make it easier for you to target these girls for marriage.

 

[TimeTraveler]

... you mean insulting a woman by calling her a whore? You labor under the presumption that the only reason a woman will have sex is either for love or money. Which is true. The female orgasm is a myth.

There are male prostitutes too.

 

[scott3x]

Originally Posted by Orleander

I don't think of having your heart broken as being lied to, used, cheated, etc. You just fall out of love, move apart, grow up, etc.

And what EXACTLY do you mean 'your behavior'?

”
What I'm saying is, if you are going to use a woman for sex, pay her for her services. It's just the gentlemans way of going about it.

Here's to hoping we move into a world wherein we don't 'use' people for sex. Yes, my first time was with a hooker, but I will never think of her as something I 'used' per se. I paid her for something that I wanted; in turn, I gave her something she wanted (money). I guess i could say she gave me a service, but I would call it an exchange, not a 'use'.

Using someone, in my book, is getting someone to do you a favour without ever thinking that you'd do a favour of similar effort if they asked for it. If they don't need a favour back, that's fine, but it should remain in the 'favour bank'; if they ever need it, it's there.

 

[TimeTraveler]

Here's to hoping we move into a world wherein we don't 'use' people for sex. Yes, my first time was with a hooker, but I will never think of her as something I 'used' per se. I paid her for something that I wanted; in turn, I gave her something she wanted (money). I guess i could say she gave me a service, but I would call it an exchange, not a 'use'.

Using someone, in my book, is getting someone to do you a favour without ever thinking that you'd do a favour of similar effort if they asked for it. If they don't need a favour back, that's fine, but it should remain in the 'favour bank'; if they ever need it, it's there.

With prostitutes theres no reason to use anyone for sex. A prostitutes job is to provide a service. You paid her, you didn't use her. As long as you pay for the service it's not using them. It's only when you try to rip them off that it's using them, like trying to get free sex. Players develop schemes to try and get sex for free because they don't want to or can't afford to pay.

If you have sex with a girl or if shes your mistress, make sure it's worth her time as much as it was worth yours. It's that simple.

 

[Challenger78]

I don't know any guy who would find a present like that from their dad, weird.

Huh.
Then all your friends must be closer to their parents than your average person.

 

[LadyMidnight]

This whole thread is making me dizzy. Some members here (ahem, TimeTraveler ) have this idea that women are these innocent Madonnas who fall in love with every guy who gives them sex. Honestly, I have a couple of steady "just for sex" partners. I feel NO emotion towards them whatsoever... well, one of them is a really close friend, so I love him as a person. But the other one? Negative. He's just really good. Most of my lady friends are the same way.

My point being: you don't have to choose between paying a prostitute and breaking someone's heart. There are other options here - like a purely sexual companion. Plenty of women are on the market for it. All the good parts of a relationship without commitment or drama. Whoever said you can't have your cake and eat it, too?

 

[scott3x]

Uh.. hookers are still girls. They can even be girlfriends. But for whatever reason, they chose to have sex for money.

If you grow up poor, you look like a super model, and you aren't likely to make $50,000-100,000 a year doing anything else, the sex industry beats McDonalds. I see the sex artist as being of the same breed as any other kinda artist, from actress to musician, it's the arts, and sex is an art.

Sure. But from what I've seen, it's on the lower end of the scale in terms of opportunities for advancement. Put another way, would any decent person want their own child to become one? I can't say that I'd ever want my (hypothetical) children to become one. I personally like tying sex with love; putting money directly into the equation, in my view, frequently if not always short circuits this proposition.

You seem to be suggesting that girlfriends have annoying faces; not a supposition I agree with.

That was a bad joke on my part.

Ok .

Ah, words. For the purposes of the above, I was using sex and making love interchangeably. Ideally, I'd like every sexual experience to be a 'make love' one.

In this case, you are the sorta guy who shouldn't be having casual sex. Perhaps you should consider getting married?

You really think having 2 sexual intercourse partners in my 33 years of life is casual? Well, ok. Anyway, I have no problem with the idea of marriage. The main problem is that I'm polyamorous. Yes, it may seem strange that someone who's done it so little would be polyamorous, but I have my reasons.

Well, sex is a mechanical act while love is (in my view) more of a spiritual/emotional one; however, I think one can combine both; making love, as you say.

When you have sex with a person you truly love, its making love. When you have sex with a complete stranger or a person you don't love, it's fucking. It's unethical to fuck a girl who wants to have someone make love to her.

Ah, more words ;-). I think it's imaginable that some may equote fucking with making love. It's not a term I myself have ever used in the bedroom, however. Terms like 'getting laid', 'doing the deed', etc., I find to be more amenable to the making love/alternative wording scenario, however. Anyway, I agree that if someone wants to make love, you shouldn't 'fuck' them.

Again, words. Some people may use the term 'getting laid' and 'making love' interchangeably. Anyway, as I mentioned above, I would prefer every sexual encounter I have to be one that involves love.

So use "making love", so you make it clear to the women that you aren't a player/womanizer.[/quote]

I've been called a player due to my polyamorous nature. Not a womanizer though; I think that's reserved for men who actually -get- a lot of women. I'm actually not dead set on being with more then one woman. As a general rule I'm not physically with any woman. Anyway, in the few occassions where I actually get close enough to a woman to broach the subject, I have made my views fairly clear.

This I believe I can agree with. As a matter of fact, I believe that if the purpose of the drinks, etc., is to fool a woman who is not 'that kind of girl' into that one night stand, I believe that being with a prostitute may well be a better option. I've never been the type of guy who wanted to fool anyone. I won't say I haven't done it, but as a general rule, the reason was because I was very afraid indeed of saying the truth. The only time I can remember lying to someone I loved was when I was 16 and a mutual friend asked me point blank if I loved her, in front of her. I'd barely spoken to her. I simply couldn't admit it like that, especially since I was terrified that she'd cut me up with that knowledge. So I said no in a pained voice, and then got out of the room as quick as possible. I later told the same guy that I'd lied and why and cried and all that. It was way later and I wasn't even going to the same school anymore. I'm fairly sure that she knew that I loved her; I even believe there was a time when she might have loved me. But this is all speculation on my part.

I'm just trying to promote honesty. Honest relationships require that people avoid using deception when it's not necessary.

Sounds good. I pride myself on my honesty.

Sounds good (I assume you mean that the hooker is the stealthy one- that's the way I found things to be anyway).

They've always been straight forward with me, you give them what they want and you get what you want. I consider that a fair deal. Nobody gets hurt and thats the way it should be.

I just meant that she broached the sex subject subtly enough, in such a way that she didn't scare me off.

I paid a hooker once, at 20, to see what sex was like. Didn't have it again until my second girlfriend, at 30. Do I sound like the type of guy who just wants to get 'laid'?

No of course not. The hookers and prostitutes exist so that gentlemen like yourself can find good women who haven't been damaged by guys who played them or used them for sex. By giving these players hookers to play with, they'll leave the women you want to marry alone. In essence they will stop targetting innocent naive girls who want to make love, and that will make it easier for you to target these girls for marriage.[/QUOTE]

Ofcourse, it gets more complicated if you're polyamorous. Still, there's hope; there's a relatively strong polyamorous community. I personally like these videos for people who know little about the lifetstyle.

 

[scott3x]

Here's to hoping we move into a world wherein we don't 'use' people for sex. Yes, my first time was with a hooker, but I will never think of her as something I 'used' per se. I paid her for something that I wanted; in turn, I gave her something she wanted (money). I guess i could say she gave me a service, but I would call it an exchange, not a 'use'.

Using someone, in my book, is getting someone to do you a favour without ever thinking that you'd do a favour of similar effort if they asked for it. If they don't need a favour back, that's fine, but it should remain in the 'favour bank'; if they ever need it, it's there.

With prostitutes theres no reason to use anyone for sex. A prostitutes job is to provide a service. You paid her, you didn't use her. As long as you pay for the service it's not using them. It's only when you try to rip them off that it's using them, like trying to get free sex.

Amen

Players develop schemes to try and get sex for free because they don't want to or can't afford to pay.

Yes, this I'd definitely consider this bad.

If you have sex with a girl or if she's your mistress, make sure it's worth her time as much as it was worth yours. It's that simple.

Agreed.

 

[scott3x]

This whole thread is making me dizzy. Some members here (ahem, TimeTraveler ) have this idea that women are these innocent Madonnas who fall in love with every guy who gives them sex. Honestly, I have a couple of steady "just for sex" partners. I feel NO emotion towards them whatsoever... well, one of them is a really close friend, so I love him as a person. But the other one? Negative. He's just really good. Most of my lady friends are the same way.

My point being: you don't have to choose between paying a prostitute and breaking someone's heart. There are other options here - like a purely sexual companion. Plenty of women are on the market for it. All the good parts of a relationship without commitment or drama. Whoever said you can't have your cake and eat it, too?

This may sound funny, but even though I'm a guy I couldn't have the 'not a friend' sexual partner. I did the one night stand thing once; my first time. That was enough of that type of a relationship for me.

I know that there are polyamorous people who are as you describe yourself; I think it's more the 'swinger' end of the scale.

Don't get me wrong, I can be sexually -attracted- to many women. I certainly see my fair share of pornography. But my heart, atleast, is rather fragile when it comes to actual relationships and I really can't see myself having sex with someone who I don't have a friendship with.

 

[Roman]

There are male prostitutes too.

There is a logical fallacy here....
How's it go....
Oh yeah.
My statement:
1. All W are either L or P.

Your counter-argument:
2. Some M are P.
3. Therefore 1. is wrong (implicit conclusion)

Ah, an illicit minor. No, I'm not talking about pedobear.

 

[scott3x]

What I'm saying is, if you are going to use a woman for sex, pay her for her services. It's just the gentlemans way of going about it.

... you mean insulting a woman by calling her a whore? You labor under the presumption that the only reason a woman will have sex is either for love or money. Which is true. The female orgasm is a myth.

No, it's not.

 

[Roman]

No, it's not.

Pfff, that site's obviously run by pornographers.

 

[scott3x]

No, it's not.

Pfff, that site's obviously run by pornographers.

What draws you to that conclusion? Look, perhaps you've never had sex with a woman who has achieved orgasm. This doesn't mean that it hasn't been done. Not being a girl, I can't say that I've had it, but the girlfriend I had sex with certainly said she did (and I don't think she'd 'fake' it- she'd tell me when it didn't work out as well).

 

[LadyMidnight]

But my heart, atleast, is rather fragile when it comes to actual relationships and I really can't see myself having sex with someone who I don't have a friendship with.

My heart is also fragile when it comes to love and relationships; my heart is NOT fragile when it comes to sex. Love and sex are a beautiful mix, but not a necessary one. I believe that one can exist without the other.

 

[Challenger78]

I think it was traditionally considered part of a boy's education, so the boy wouldn't seem completely inept on his wedding day. .

The past gets more fucked up everytime..

 

[scott3x]

But my heart, atleast, is rather fragile when it comes to actual relationships and I really can't see myself having sex with someone who I don't have a friendship with.

My heart is also fragile when it comes to love and relationships; my heart is NOT fragile when it comes to sex. Love and sex are a beautiful mix, but not a necessary one. I believe that one can exist without the other.

I guess. It's all how we define words in the ending. All I know is that for me, I would never want to separate love from sex. I can handle having a platonic friendship, but not sex without the friendship. By the way, if that's really your picture in the icon, you're beautiful :shy:

 

[lucifers angel]

Just wondering what you all think. If your son is over 18, and has a birthday, would you say it is acceptable/ethical to get him a prostitute? Please explain your thinking.

i dont see what all the fuss is about prostitutes, so yeah i would buy my son one for his birthday, its better for him to have sex for the first time with a person who wouldn't make the wole expierience rotten for him.