Masturbation is for Losers
- Thread starter Lori_7
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Happeh:
"4 posts" is more than enough to be able to "make an intelligent judgement one way or the other", unless of course you are now admitting that all your judgements concerning me are unintelligent judgements? Well Happeh?
Suffice it to say, in those four posts I have seen you do little more than metaphorically suck your own penis, ("what I say is powerful", "you must trust me" etc), without actually providing diddly squat in support of your claims. I am still awaiting the evidence.
Still, you can continue with your 'unintelligent' judgements if you so choose.
No such thing.
What I 'need' is for you to provide evidence of your claims if you expect me to take them seriously. I've asked you several times now.
Shall I take this as: "No, I don't have any evidence"? Tell you what, I take it back.. It's not verbal diarrhea, it's wonderful, extremely intelligent subject matter. Now can you please provide the evidence oh sir master king of all?
What I am 'interested' in is seeing the evidence. How hard is that for you to understand? I'm not going to just trust the word of some unknown person because he says so, while arguing against himself and claiming me to be evil incarnate.
Hate to say it pal, but Lori is not my patient, and this forum is not my office. I am off work - which means not working, and will not baby talk supposed adults just because my frank nature offends your fragile sensibilities. If you or Lori actually need something more then I shall provide you with my phone number and arrange to consult with you during working hours.
From what I can gather, you're so scared of your own you probably don't know what a dick looks like.
Ah, so you call "you do a good impersonation of a dick", "Garbage pickup would suit your mouth very well" etc as being "reasonable"? Would you not consider such insults as evil things to say? And yet here you are accusing me of evil. You're a hypocrite.
My wife, daughter, sister, mother, patients and friends all seem to disagree with you. But hey, even though you don't know me, you know better than they do.. right?
Mind if I quote you quickly? Thanks ever so much..
"We have exchanged maybe 4 posts. It is literally impossible for you to make an intelligent judgement one way or the other."
You're a hypocrite.
You mean, the same way you're talking to me? Once again: hypocrite.
Then you know little about life. You obviously do not understand much about debate or disagreement, (which I'm certain you would considering the amount of time you seemingly spend arguing against yourself).
Did I say you do a good impersonation of a dick? That kind of hurtful? Did you have to be? Is it time for some more hypocritical statements to come dribbling from between your lips?
I disagree with some statements, I provide details of why I disagree. Some people cannot handle that. While I am sympathetic towards their plight, I would question the value of these people being on a forum heavy with debate. The four facts I highlighted earlier remain, and I will get back to them shortly - and judging from other forum users posts, they tend to agree. You don't and obviously Lori doesn't because she is the accused in this case. You would serve as the defence, but you're doing a lousy job.
If it makes you feel better I'll just agree and say I do. Is that what you're after?
No, neither did I. Evidence is far much to ask for in this day and age.
With all due respect, but if the people being driven away are you and Lori, then I don't consider it much of a loss, and nor do I consider it punishment - more like a blessed life. Some god must like me.
As is your ability to be a hypocrite.
Hmm.."The majority show readily identifiable traits. Horns and wings are two of the readily identifiable traits. "
If you don't see how that is silly, then I really will give you my work number.
That makes two of us.
Why would it? Do snakes have a "penchant for hurting"?
However, to be nice I'll give you a clue:
1) I keep pet snakes
2) I have a super sized trouser snake
3) both of the above.
You decide.
Godliness heh? (refer back to my statement about you metaphorically sucking your own penis). You're right, I have no godliness. Clearly you are a much greater person than I. However, let it be said that I didn't ask you to waste anything, nor did I say I appreciated or didn't appreciate godliness. What I did do is ask for some evidence concerning your claims. I am still waiting.
If you want to help out, you can start by providing some evidence for your claims.
Next post in a bit.
"4 posts" is more than enough to be able to "make an intelligent judgement one way or the other", unless of course you are now admitting that all your judgements concerning me are unintelligent judgements? Well Happeh?
Suffice it to say, in those four posts I have seen you do little more than metaphorically suck your own penis, ("what I say is powerful", "you must trust me" etc), without actually providing diddly squat in support of your claims. I am still awaiting the evidence.
Still, you can continue with your 'unintelligent' judgements if you so choose.
No such thing.
What I 'need' is for you to provide evidence of your claims if you expect me to take them seriously. I've asked you several times now.
Shall I take this as: "No, I don't have any evidence"? Tell you what, I take it back.. It's not verbal diarrhea, it's wonderful, extremely intelligent subject matter. Now can you please provide the evidence oh sir master king of all?
What I am 'interested' in is seeing the evidence. How hard is that for you to understand? I'm not going to just trust the word of some unknown person because he says so, while arguing against himself and claiming me to be evil incarnate.
Hate to say it pal, but Lori is not my patient, and this forum is not my office. I am off work - which means not working, and will not baby talk supposed adults just because my frank nature offends your fragile sensibilities. If you or Lori actually need something more then I shall provide you with my phone number and arrange to consult with you during working hours.
From what I can gather, you're so scared of your own you probably don't know what a dick looks like.
Ah, so you call "you do a good impersonation of a dick", "Garbage pickup would suit your mouth very well" etc as being "reasonable"? Would you not consider such insults as evil things to say? And yet here you are accusing me of evil. You're a hypocrite.
My wife, daughter, sister, mother, patients and friends all seem to disagree with you. But hey, even though you don't know me, you know better than they do.. right?
Mind if I quote you quickly? Thanks ever so much..
"We have exchanged maybe 4 posts. It is literally impossible for you to make an intelligent judgement one way or the other."
You're a hypocrite.
You mean, the same way you're talking to me? Once again: hypocrite.
Then you know little about life. You obviously do not understand much about debate or disagreement, (which I'm certain you would considering the amount of time you seemingly spend arguing against yourself).
Did I say you do a good impersonation of a dick? That kind of hurtful? Did you have to be? Is it time for some more hypocritical statements to come dribbling from between your lips?
I disagree with some statements, I provide details of why I disagree. Some people cannot handle that. While I am sympathetic towards their plight, I would question the value of these people being on a forum heavy with debate. The four facts I highlighted earlier remain, and I will get back to them shortly - and judging from other forum users posts, they tend to agree. You don't and obviously Lori doesn't because she is the accused in this case. You would serve as the defence, but you're doing a lousy job.
If it makes you feel better I'll just agree and say I do. Is that what you're after?
No, neither did I. Evidence is far much to ask for in this day and age.
With all due respect, but if the people being driven away are you and Lori, then I don't consider it much of a loss, and nor do I consider it punishment - more like a blessed life. Some god must like me.
As is your ability to be a hypocrite.
Hmm.."The majority show readily identifiable traits. Horns and wings are two of the readily identifiable traits. "
If you don't see how that is silly, then I really will give you my work number.
That makes two of us.
Why would it? Do snakes have a "penchant for hurting"?
However, to be nice I'll give you a clue:
1) I keep pet snakes
2) I have a super sized trouser snake
3) both of the above.
You decide.
Godliness heh? (refer back to my statement about you metaphorically sucking your own penis). You're right, I have no godliness. Clearly you are a much greater person than I. However, let it be said that I didn't ask you to waste anything, nor did I say I appreciated or didn't appreciate godliness. What I did do is ask for some evidence concerning your claims. I am still waiting.
If you want to help out, you can start by providing some evidence for your claims.
Next post in a bit.
Godless said:Happ's crusing for some pussy.
Lori here's your man, he defends you as if you were a child. No need for both you to wank anylonger just meet and have some fun.
Actually no. After defending lori and reading her posts, I have reached the conclusion that she wants you guys to treat her badly. I walked in here without knowing the relationships going on. I saw this terrible attack on a women and I reacted.
When she came back and continued to speak to her attackers as if forgot all of it, the only conclusion left is that she is a person who thrives on men treating her poorly.
I feel bad she has been trained that way. Other than that, it is no longer my concern.
Happeh said:
Hey man, what in the hell are you talking about? This isn't a war ok? If people want to attack then let them attack. They end up looking like assholes in the end, so be it.
So let me get this straight. I am to be the "quiet little woman" and let YOU speak for me? And if I don't, then I enjoy being abused? Dude, you're fucked up.
Don't you dare come out here and speak of the way I've been "trained" as if you know a damn thing about me, you hypocritical sob. You're no better than Snakelord. YOU are the abuser now...and just so you know, I don't like it one bit...asshole.
Jaybee from his cast said:
The most obvious symptoms are blindness in one eye, a bad arm and a bad leg. Second most obvious is twisted or tilted shoulders and a particular way of standing caused by the bad leg. Many other more subtle physical affects happen.
Jaybee from his cast said:
You are an observant and intelligent man. You have noticed one of the aspects of my theory. Your conclusion is wrong because you do not have a proper understanding of how the body works. You seem like an open minded person who can think. There is a book about this subject that will try to explain things to you.
Jaybee from his cast said:
It is refreshing and hope inspiring to hear you say what you did. That book above would be one way for you to test things out. But you have to pay money for it and it is kind of expensive. It also does not provide any pictures of real human beings which is the best way to see the effects
Ask me a specific question. We can see what happens next.
EDIT: On second thought, I will offer an explanation for what you observed above. What you are noticing is the weakening of the body due to loss of energy. The tightening with no sex is the body returning to strength because there is no activity draining it's strength.
It is like you ran a mile. You are out of breath and you bend over. After a minute or two, your body straightens up because you got your breath back. The effects you mention are just like that. Sex depletes particular areas of the body I will tell you about if you are truly interested. No sex allows those areas to regain their strength like breathing calmly restores the lung's strength after running a mile.
leopold99 said:
That was just me trying to be "cute"...a flippant way of introducing my point. I didn't mean it in a malicious way, but just to say that one is short-changing themselves, in my opinion, by accepting a cheap substitute for the real deal.
Look at your own OP. You've generalized that all that wank are loosers! Is that not INSULTING?
5 truck loads of trash you've hauled out of your yard indicate you live in a dump. It's comandable that you are trying to clean your own crib, but you've emplied it many times how people keep throwing trash in your yard. That's a dump dear. Live with it, or sell and move out.
And you prayed to god for a cure of a rash on your ass?. Get your priorities straight dear, perhaps god will provide you with someone trashing a land deed in your back yard.
It is commandable that you are trying Lori, sorry for the divorce. Consider yourself lucky that the asshole you married didn't fight to keep the dump for himself. Honestly; I would be there trying as you are to clean up the place sounds real nice. Don't let the divorce stop you from achieving your dreams Lori don't use that as a crutch for your failures as well. Fight woman!.
Oh! child please get a brain. Look at what you've named this thread! You've generalized that we are loosers because we don't feel quilf for what comes naturally. To wank off is natural.
Is this hipocracy?
Lori don't take it personal. And you will do much better at debating.
Godless
leopold99 said:
Your problem is the way you view women. You think they are gold diggers. They are. Also, I would guess you were raised that women are nice and you have to be good to them blah blah. That is brainwashing. It is only partially true.
There is also an entire class of women who are sluts. Really. That is not mean. That is what they are. They want penis all the time. All you have to do is find one.
If you really want sex, and that is it, it is easy to find women who want your penis, then want you to leave as soon as possible so they can bring in the net penis. All you have to know is where to find these women, or how to recognize them.
If you are truly sexual and truly looking for sex, they will find you. They will sense your need for vagina. By masturbating, you have killed that feeling inside of you. When a woman meets you, she feels nothing. You jacked off last night so you have no need for the woman. She can tell this so she ignores you.
If you had a raging boner poking up out of your pants because you never masturbated, the women would be on their knees drooling over it. You could lead them around by the nose.
No one talks to you like this because it is "bad". It is in polite or courteous or educated company. We are talking about reality here. Not correct or acceptable speech.
(Note: I had been planning to do this topic since last week only recent posts prompted me to do it, this is in no way a direct responce to recent topics of the last 3 days)
WARNING!: This shall contain some very adult material but I would hope this forum is mature enough to treat it with the respect it deserves (at least from the other topic on a mass-debate we have done so why not this?)
By the time you start this a teenage couple have started having sex for the first time....
Following some recent posts it has come to my attention that a lot of people on this forum are not as experienced in matters of an adult nature as what is at first appeared, Also it has come to my attention that a lot of people here may have a question about the matter at hand but are either
* Too afraid to ask. (this has been the case in a certain topic about madam palm and her five lovely daughters)
* not sure what to ask.
* Not even considering the nature until the time comes and they think... oh bugger me.
Therefore I think it would be good for these people to see that we are really open and honest with each other and this should I hope allow people who are a little timid to come out of their shell and express their desires for certain facts.
Therefore ladies, gentlemen and raccons I propose that we all have a nice long discussion about what its was like the first time we had sex. that way some people may see that "Omg I'm not the only one who did that!" and feel much much better.
So let me begin, Ah yes I remember it well... well actually no I dont. All I know is that we left the TV running and there was something on with Bruce Forsieth (the guy who hosts strickly come dancing).
Well actually that wasnt really the first time. The first attempt was exactly a week earlier.
Because of the distance between us (I lived in one town, she in a small village/town 30 min away) it was a hard relationship from the start, we could only see each other on the weekends, and because I was in my last year of college this made it even more trickly.
But anyway the weekend came and I had said "why dont you spend the night at my place? Seems silly for us to only spend the saturday together." Now at the time believe it or not sex wasnt on my mind, I genually liked the girl and wanted to see her more often, She said yes and she came over.
So the friday night came and we kissed and cuddled on the sofa and then we had a little sleep together, it was only then when the Pub up the road let out its drunks did we both wake up and decided to go to bed... now this is what i then said and believe me when I say that I genually didnt know how advanced(?) the relationship was so I didnt want her to feel preassured into anything. So I said this...
"What do you wanna do about sleeping arangements? I dont mind kipping on the floor i've done it before and..."
She then looked a bit upset and whispered "You're gonna sleep with me arent you?" I then smiled at her and said yeah and then explained about the how far thing...
So we went up into my room and got changed and then it suddenly struck me at that moment. This was the first girl since my mum and granny (dude I was 1) to see me naked, and this was the first girl I'd seen naked who wasnt in my head. so naturally my willy (or kong as I would call him in the next 2 seconds... Pubert however would be more accurate for the majoriy of my life) wasnt exactly the smallest thing in the room at that moment, she noticed and I did catch a little smile that said more than I think she wanted it to, so I then pulled on my PJ's and watched her get into her's,
After then answering each other the couples most challenging question "What side of the bed to you want" I let her get in first and then I followed. it was right now I started to think "Ok wow... im getting into bed with a girl! AND SHES REAL!" the lights went off and we went about trying to solve the really big first time problem... just where do you put that other arm so it isnt crushed as you hug on your sides?
We then kissed each other passionately and slowly (yes with tongues for you pervs) then I started to notice that my hands had begun to wander as did hers, and then it dawned on me... "Ok... someone elses hands are on my willy... and its much cooler than Sonic heroes!" (Ok i didnt think the heroes bit... although it was accurate).
Now for some odd reason my willy then went very hard (lol I cant think why!) I then found my top had been thrown to the floor and hers would shortly follow as well as my shorts and her bottoms slowly vanish also... So now I'm completely naked (yes I can show you a pic if you're very curious!... and a girl... thats interested! Hey!) and this very attractive young girl is putting her hands on me in places that dont see much sunlight.
Then for some reason it was like an auto pilot kicked in, I found myself on top of her our lips still locked and she then leaned towards me so I could move my hands around to her back and then it suddenly hit me like a brick wall....
I haddnt had the need to remove a bra before...
uh oh... now from my many watchings of American pie and various other teen comedies if theres one thing a girl hates... is a guy who cant get it off easy... so what did I do... well I'll tell you. After gently teasing her breasts with the odd squeeze and crunch her gentle sighs indicated to me she was enjoying it, aso then my hands ended up around the back of her bra strap and I found the little clip thing. HURRAY! I thought... which soon turned into... Oh crap... because if there is one serious design fault with the bra is that it wasnt designed for the beginning to remove... It was bloming hard I tell you! I dont know who made it! The wonder nun? Anyway after what seemed like an hour (although in retrospec it was probably around 10 seconds) the bra strap wasnt opening. So I then gently laid her down onto the bed and kisses her lips a few times and with my hands then headding south I whispered into her ears in the most loving yet terrified way I could
"Baby... we've only just started going out... and I dont wanna rush into something that... you know..."
(thank god for the phrase you know eh?) Anyway she closed her eyes and smiled, then nodded. She then rolled out from under me very slowly so I was softly placed next to her she smiled at me very caringly and whispered... well im not quite sure what it was but I picked out theres words...
"Dont worry... ... .. .... I'm not... . .. .. ..."
The next thing I know Im laid on my back with my willy standing tall and cold and then well... lets just say this is one area I did thankfully prepare correctly for, I had once read this mens health issue that said "One thing you should do for your partner is if you want it orally you really should wash both your hands and head first... and we dont mean the head on the shoulders kind..." Just think, you pee out of it, you sometimes ejaculate out of it, your dirty hands touch it, sometimes tyou get that wierd gunk under the skin! And this girl had it in her mouth! It was the least I could do! And I had done! Give your head a nice wash!
Now this is important because for first time guys it almost always catches you off guard. Teeth! Despite whatever rumours you may have heard, the majority of girls are not porn starts, they dont blow for a living so they arent exactly pro at it despite what you may think. Occasionally the odd tooth may catch your skin, and because your errect its going to hurt... its going to hurt a lot in fact, because the head is the most sensative part, but its a nice hurting feeling and it wont kill you so dont worry... just lay back and enjoy it... snd for gods sake dont fall asleep like one of my female friends told me her b/f did!
Most importantly once shes finished (be it you couldnt hold it in any longer or she simply doesnt want to do it anymore (after all guys it is a penis!) Praise her and thank her in some way. be it a hug and a kiss followed by a "You... are... amazing." (in a very caring manner) whatever... not a cheers luv!
Then to return the favour I laid next to her and allowed my hand to explore her treasure chest much to her delight.
So that was my first time... sorta...
come the next week I had planned, I practiced removing a bra and had gotten it down to a good technique and I was ready to do it, I wanted to do it also.
We spent the whole saturday at my place and we was chilling out on my bed watching TV when all of a sudden we kissed, and then cuddled... then it got very hot... and then well... clothing became a problem... so it was removed... and yes folks we were go for sex...
Bra came off easilly enough and im pretty sure she knew I had practiced on something... my mums... (NOT WITH HER WEARING IT YOU TOOLS!)
penis was errect, and had had a wash earlier and condom was put on... good to go...
Ok now after some long foreplay with the usual, kissing breasts, licking nipples (and hers also he he) I then rubbed her treasure chest a little with my hands (this is very important as i'll explain later) and then when she pretty much starte to moan "Now.... now... please baby...." I allowed the very tip of my penis just to stroke along the outside of her vagina which drove her wild... then wehn she wasnt quite expecting it I entered her...
The first thing I noticed was "Its quite moist" Then thank you mr internet porn man for showing me what I'm suposed to do I started to as they say in school "Give it to her." to my surprise my real first time actually lasted a very long time, probably because of my acting training I know how to controll my muscles and relax them (good body control) Although I could see how easy it would be to simply go wild and crazy at it and it be over in seconds.
So after our "Session" we concluded with more kissing and exchanges of "You're so... so... ohhhh..." then she looked down and nearly shirked as she realised we both kept our socks on! after the socks came off we then did it another 2 times before we eventually fell asleep and then would do it again in the morning (I'm amazed I didnt get a rash)
So guys and girls what does this tell you?
It tells you these things...
* Be clean (you're sharing your bodies with each other.at least be curtious enough to wash the dirtiest areas first!)
* Be safe. (There is nothing worse than thinking (as I did a lot during the first failed night) What if I cum inside her, you'll still have the fear but it wont be as bad as it would be otherwise.)
* If you dont wanna do something... say so! (If you're not comfortable with something dont hide it, you're partner will pick up on it in a second and they'll think you dont like them, talk to each other. do it caringly and in a way that shows you care for their feelings as much as you want them to udnerstand yours.)
* socks off! (I dont know why girls hate this but the socks... gotta take the time to lose em'.)
* it may hurt... but wont kill you (for both guys and girls, it may hurt a little at first but you wont die)
* Bra straps (guys... you need to practice taking one off... get your mums put it on a cushion and practice uncliping it. Girls... go easy on us men... we did evolve from chimps after all)
* Oral presentations should be returned just in kind (Yes I did this my first time and my g/f loved it, and I loved it when she did it to me. if your partner does oral on you, you need to seriously consider returning it back to them, it shows you care for them and you are placing your tongue which will drive both male and females crazy onto their most sensative areas.)
* Foreplay (this is important very important. remember the moist comment earlier? well imagine not putting on a gate hinge... what happens? It rubs together and breaks... thats what can happen to your willy and vagina if you dont warm up first. rub each other (dont be shy) this helps the sexual areas prepare for penetration and thers less likely of a nasty accident involving blood (yes it can happen!)
* it isnt going to be perfect (This isnt a porno, its real life, you're life and because we evolved from chimps we still do some money buisness like mistakes, sometimes things will go wrong and when they do dont dwell on it carry on as they say in the film. As I tell many people who havent done it yet but who are desperate to, if you want to epxereince a first time go bonk a buttered breadstick! You'll feel exactly the same sensations!)
* NEVER EVER! Ejacuate on your partners face without warning them first! (think about this guys... do you want someone doing that to you? yeah its kinda degrading isnt it, if its your first time or hers for that matter, the idea of a mans seamen on them can seem a little gross at first, on their face even worse, Some girls love it all over them and its likely they'll tell you whilst your doing it. If either of you is giving recieving oral please for the love of god if you're going to ejaculate TELL YOU'RE PARTNER! that way if they dont care, they cant blame you, if they dont want your liquids on them they'll pull away. If however they arent sure about it (i.e. never done it before) break it to them slowly and carefully. e.g. perform oral on them and if they ejaculate let them get you a bit messy, dont dwell on it, dont discuss it just carry on with something once they do, that shows you dont mind and like them for it. Now then maybe mention were caringly during an open discussion that you find the idea of your seamen on a face an extreme turn on. Then during sex if he/she wants it she'll let you know. never do it without their permission or warning them first because they may feel amazingly degraded and wont like you for it. And by warning them I mean at least 10 seconds.)
* Dont plan it! (I cant stress this enough, if you literall as a girl at my college did say "We're going to have sex on December 16th!" It'll be dreadful, the best sex is spontanious, unplanned and in the moment, thats because you're body is taken be surprise and everything about unplanned sex (note I said unplanned not unprepaired) is so much better. I remember with my first girl friend she had bough GTA 3 and was having trouble doing one of the levels, I started to play it a little and everything was going great, then all of a sudden we literally pounced on each other, headded off to the bedroom and had the most wild sex of the relationship! Nothing was really different only niehter of us had chance to prepare for it.)
So I guess thats some of the advice I can give right now (I'm sleepy) and thats my experience, I hope that some of you who havent had sex yet have taken some of the points in and maybe think about it some more. And I wonder now if anyone else will be brave enough to share their first times?
By now that teenage couple has finished and she's thinking that wasnt much fun. And he's looking for the buttered breadstick.
EDIT: For the love of god please no more "WHY DID YOU POST THIS!" comments, you can find my justification for this in the topic
WARNING!: This shall contain some very adult material but I would hope this forum is mature enough to treat it with the respect it deserves (at least from the other topic on a mass-debate we have done so why not this?)
By the time you start this a teenage couple have started having sex for the first time....
Following some recent posts it has come to my attention that a lot of people on this forum are not as experienced in matters of an adult nature as what is at first appeared, Also it has come to my attention that a lot of people here may have a question about the matter at hand but are either
* Too afraid to ask. (this has been the case in a certain topic about madam palm and her five lovely daughters)
* not sure what to ask.
* Not even considering the nature until the time comes and they think... oh bugger me.
Therefore I think it would be good for these people to see that we are really open and honest with each other and this should I hope allow people who are a little timid to come out of their shell and express their desires for certain facts.
Therefore ladies, gentlemen and raccons I propose that we all have a nice long discussion about what its was like the first time we had sex. that way some people may see that "Omg I'm not the only one who did that!" and feel much much better.
So let me begin, Ah yes I remember it well... well actually no I dont. All I know is that we left the TV running and there was something on with Bruce Forsieth (the guy who hosts strickly come dancing).
Well actually that wasnt really the first time. The first attempt was exactly a week earlier.
Because of the distance between us (I lived in one town, she in a small village/town 30 min away) it was a hard relationship from the start, we could only see each other on the weekends, and because I was in my last year of college this made it even more trickly.
But anyway the weekend came and I had said "why dont you spend the night at my place? Seems silly for us to only spend the saturday together." Now at the time believe it or not sex wasnt on my mind, I genually liked the girl and wanted to see her more often, She said yes and she came over.
So the friday night came and we kissed and cuddled on the sofa and then we had a little sleep together, it was only then when the Pub up the road let out its drunks did we both wake up and decided to go to bed... now this is what i then said and believe me when I say that I genually didnt know how advanced(?) the relationship was so I didnt want her to feel preassured into anything. So I said this...
"What do you wanna do about sleeping arangements? I dont mind kipping on the floor i've done it before and..."
She then looked a bit upset and whispered "You're gonna sleep with me arent you?" I then smiled at her and said yeah and then explained about the how far thing...
So we went up into my room and got changed and then it suddenly struck me at that moment. This was the first girl since my mum and granny (dude I was 1) to see me naked, and this was the first girl I'd seen naked who wasnt in my head. so naturally my willy (or kong as I would call him in the next 2 seconds... Pubert however would be more accurate for the majoriy of my life) wasnt exactly the smallest thing in the room at that moment, she noticed and I did catch a little smile that said more than I think she wanted it to, so I then pulled on my PJ's and watched her get into her's,
After then answering each other the couples most challenging question "What side of the bed to you want" I let her get in first and then I followed. it was right now I started to think "Ok wow... im getting into bed with a girl! AND SHES REAL!" the lights went off and we went about trying to solve the really big first time problem... just where do you put that other arm so it isnt crushed as you hug on your sides?
We then kissed each other passionately and slowly (yes with tongues for you pervs) then I started to notice that my hands had begun to wander as did hers, and then it dawned on me... "Ok... someone elses hands are on my willy... and its much cooler than Sonic heroes!" (Ok i didnt think the heroes bit... although it was accurate).
Now for some odd reason my willy then went very hard (lol I cant think why!) I then found my top had been thrown to the floor and hers would shortly follow as well as my shorts and her bottoms slowly vanish also... So now I'm completely naked (yes I can show you a pic if you're very curious!... and a girl... thats interested! Hey!) and this very attractive young girl is putting her hands on me in places that dont see much sunlight.
Then for some reason it was like an auto pilot kicked in, I found myself on top of her our lips still locked and she then leaned towards me so I could move my hands around to her back and then it suddenly hit me like a brick wall....
I haddnt had the need to remove a bra before...
uh oh... now from my many watchings of American pie and various other teen comedies if theres one thing a girl hates... is a guy who cant get it off easy... so what did I do... well I'll tell you. After gently teasing her breasts with the odd squeeze and crunch her gentle sighs indicated to me she was enjoying it, aso then my hands ended up around the back of her bra strap and I found the little clip thing. HURRAY! I thought... which soon turned into... Oh crap... because if there is one serious design fault with the bra is that it wasnt designed for the beginning to remove... It was bloming hard I tell you! I dont know who made it! The wonder nun? Anyway after what seemed like an hour (although in retrospec it was probably around 10 seconds) the bra strap wasnt opening. So I then gently laid her down onto the bed and kisses her lips a few times and with my hands then headding south I whispered into her ears in the most loving yet terrified way I could
"Baby... we've only just started going out... and I dont wanna rush into something that... you know..."
(thank god for the phrase you know eh?) Anyway she closed her eyes and smiled, then nodded. She then rolled out from under me very slowly so I was softly placed next to her she smiled at me very caringly and whispered... well im not quite sure what it was but I picked out theres words...
"Dont worry... ... .. .... I'm not... . .. .. ..."
The next thing I know Im laid on my back with my willy standing tall and cold and then well... lets just say this is one area I did thankfully prepare correctly for, I had once read this mens health issue that said "One thing you should do for your partner is if you want it orally you really should wash both your hands and head first... and we dont mean the head on the shoulders kind..." Just think, you pee out of it, you sometimes ejaculate out of it, your dirty hands touch it, sometimes tyou get that wierd gunk under the skin! And this girl had it in her mouth! It was the least I could do! And I had done! Give your head a nice wash!
Now this is important because for first time guys it almost always catches you off guard. Teeth! Despite whatever rumours you may have heard, the majority of girls are not porn starts, they dont blow for a living so they arent exactly pro at it despite what you may think. Occasionally the odd tooth may catch your skin, and because your errect its going to hurt... its going to hurt a lot in fact, because the head is the most sensative part, but its a nice hurting feeling and it wont kill you so dont worry... just lay back and enjoy it... snd for gods sake dont fall asleep like one of my female friends told me her b/f did!
Most importantly once shes finished (be it you couldnt hold it in any longer or she simply doesnt want to do it anymore (after all guys it is a penis!) Praise her and thank her in some way. be it a hug and a kiss followed by a "You... are... amazing." (in a very caring manner) whatever... not a cheers luv!
Then to return the favour I laid next to her and allowed my hand to explore her treasure chest much to her delight.
So that was my first time... sorta...
come the next week I had planned, I practiced removing a bra and had gotten it down to a good technique and I was ready to do it, I wanted to do it also.
We spent the whole saturday at my place and we was chilling out on my bed watching TV when all of a sudden we kissed, and then cuddled... then it got very hot... and then well... clothing became a problem... so it was removed... and yes folks we were go for sex...
Bra came off easilly enough and im pretty sure she knew I had practiced on something... my mums... (NOT WITH HER WEARING IT YOU TOOLS!)
penis was errect, and had had a wash earlier and condom was put on... good to go...
Ok now after some long foreplay with the usual, kissing breasts, licking nipples (and hers also he he) I then rubbed her treasure chest a little with my hands (this is very important as i'll explain later) and then when she pretty much starte to moan "Now.... now... please baby...." I allowed the very tip of my penis just to stroke along the outside of her vagina which drove her wild... then wehn she wasnt quite expecting it I entered her...
The first thing I noticed was "Its quite moist" Then thank you mr internet porn man for showing me what I'm suposed to do I started to as they say in school "Give it to her." to my surprise my real first time actually lasted a very long time, probably because of my acting training I know how to controll my muscles and relax them (good body control) Although I could see how easy it would be to simply go wild and crazy at it and it be over in seconds.
So after our "Session" we concluded with more kissing and exchanges of "You're so... so... ohhhh..." then she looked down and nearly shirked as she realised we both kept our socks on! after the socks came off we then did it another 2 times before we eventually fell asleep and then would do it again in the morning (I'm amazed I didnt get a rash)
So guys and girls what does this tell you?
It tells you these things...
* Be clean (you're sharing your bodies with each other.at least be curtious enough to wash the dirtiest areas first!)
* Be safe. (There is nothing worse than thinking (as I did a lot during the first failed night) What if I cum inside her, you'll still have the fear but it wont be as bad as it would be otherwise.)
* If you dont wanna do something... say so! (If you're not comfortable with something dont hide it, you're partner will pick up on it in a second and they'll think you dont like them, talk to each other. do it caringly and in a way that shows you care for their feelings as much as you want them to udnerstand yours.)
* socks off! (I dont know why girls hate this but the socks... gotta take the time to lose em'.)
* it may hurt... but wont kill you (for both guys and girls, it may hurt a little at first but you wont die)
* Bra straps (guys... you need to practice taking one off... get your mums put it on a cushion and practice uncliping it. Girls... go easy on us men... we did evolve from chimps after all)
* Oral presentations should be returned just in kind (Yes I did this my first time and my g/f loved it, and I loved it when she did it to me. if your partner does oral on you, you need to seriously consider returning it back to them, it shows you care for them and you are placing your tongue which will drive both male and females crazy onto their most sensative areas.)
* Foreplay (this is important very important. remember the moist comment earlier? well imagine not putting on a gate hinge... what happens? It rubs together and breaks... thats what can happen to your willy and vagina if you dont warm up first. rub each other (dont be shy) this helps the sexual areas prepare for penetration and thers less likely of a nasty accident involving blood (yes it can happen!)
* it isnt going to be perfect (This isnt a porno, its real life, you're life and because we evolved from chimps we still do some money buisness like mistakes, sometimes things will go wrong and when they do dont dwell on it carry on as they say in the film. As I tell many people who havent done it yet but who are desperate to, if you want to epxereince a first time go bonk a buttered breadstick! You'll feel exactly the same sensations!)
* NEVER EVER! Ejacuate on your partners face without warning them first! (think about this guys... do you want someone doing that to you? yeah its kinda degrading isnt it, if its your first time or hers for that matter, the idea of a mans seamen on them can seem a little gross at first, on their face even worse, Some girls love it all over them and its likely they'll tell you whilst your doing it. If either of you is giving recieving oral please for the love of god if you're going to ejaculate TELL YOU'RE PARTNER! that way if they dont care, they cant blame you, if they dont want your liquids on them they'll pull away. If however they arent sure about it (i.e. never done it before) break it to them slowly and carefully. e.g. perform oral on them and if they ejaculate let them get you a bit messy, dont dwell on it, dont discuss it just carry on with something once they do, that shows you dont mind and like them for it. Now then maybe mention were caringly during an open discussion that you find the idea of your seamen on a face an extreme turn on. Then during sex if he/she wants it she'll let you know. never do it without their permission or warning them first because they may feel amazingly degraded and wont like you for it. And by warning them I mean at least 10 seconds.)
* Dont plan it! (I cant stress this enough, if you literall as a girl at my college did say "We're going to have sex on December 16th!" It'll be dreadful, the best sex is spontanious, unplanned and in the moment, thats because you're body is taken be surprise and everything about unplanned sex (note I said unplanned not unprepaired) is so much better. I remember with my first girl friend she had bough GTA 3 and was having trouble doing one of the levels, I started to play it a little and everything was going great, then all of a sudden we literally pounced on each other, headded off to the bedroom and had the most wild sex of the relationship! Nothing was really different only niehter of us had chance to prepare for it.)
So I guess thats some of the advice I can give right now (I'm sleepy) and thats my experience, I hope that some of you who havent had sex yet have taken some of the points in and maybe think about it some more. And I wonder now if anyone else will be brave enough to share their first times?
By now that teenage couple has finished and she's thinking that wasnt much fun. And he's looking for the buttered breadstick.
EDIT: For the love of god please no more "WHY DID YOU POST THIS!" comments, you can find my justification for this in the topic
SnakeLord said:
You are judging scientific or educational or learning or teaching ideas. I am judging your personal courtesy or interpersonal relations. IMO, there is a world of difference. I have seen your interpersonal skills. You have not seen any of the evidence or proof of my intellectual claims.
SnakeLord said:
Trying to shock me?
OK. I admit it. I am chuckling. I owe you a laugh one of these days.SnakeLord said:
I disagree. But not for the reasons you think. I disagree because, what is god? You want to stomp on the christian god. Go ahead. I don't care. God could be something entirely different from the christian few. What matters is there is some agency that can take control of you and make you do things against your will. That is a godlike power. If it is your next door neighbor that is controlling you like a marionette, they are God. They own you.
SnakeLord said:
I can tell this conversation will go nowhere. We will butt heads for however long, then I will go my way and you will go yours. We will both be convinced of our own correctness. I have seen it before. Our personalities are going against each other. I am right. Your personality, a dominating one, cannot allow anyone else to be right, regardless of what they see.
In spite of my misgivings, please inspect the picture found on this page and tell me what you think about the man in the picture. Tell me what you think of his state of health, or any other thing about him that strikes you as memorable.
http://www.star-ecentral.com/news/story.asp?file=/2005/12/20/movies/12911487&sec=movies
SnakeLord said:
I must be in a good mood. I am chuckling away at this post. We both know it is reasonable for someone who has had their words labled "verbal diarrhea" to be unhappy. Acting like I am demanding to be treated like a king instead of with common courtesy is just acting on your part.
SnakeLord said:
You must be kidding. I avoid Western medicine doctors like the plague because many of them display an attitude similar to yours. I am not a walking disease needing your treatment. I am a human being with feelings who only allows people who actually care to get anywhere close to my body.
SnakeLord said:
There is a difference. I am being your mirror. I see how you talk to others, then I talk to you in your own way. You do not like it. My hope is that you wil put two and two together and realize people do not like the way you talk to them the same way you don't like being talked at by someone who talks the way you do.
SnakeLord said:
We must take your word they don't mind. We must ignore that your wife and daughters are emotionally and financially dependent on you. The coddle you for that reason. Your patients need your care. They will not challenge you. What if you give them the wrong medicine because you are angry?
SnakeLord said:
This does not support your claim. It is not bullying for me to make a factual statement that you are unable to make an informed decision about my claims because we have not discussed them in any kind of depth. The only thing taking place so far is my claims and your refutation of them.
SnakeLord said:
Maybe I don't. I avoid people that speak like that. For reasons that you will not accept. People have energy. There is an energy body duplicate of the human body. This energy body acts on emotions and what people really feel. When you speak to someone in that hateful tone, your energy body is literally puching and kicking and knocking people to the ground. That is literally what happens on the energy plane. You don't accept this so to you, your speech is just words. To the people having their energy body kicked and punched by you, you are a hurtful man that should be avoided.
SnakeLord said:
What I am after is understanding why you speak the way you do. In my world, only the type of people I describe speak that way. If I can learn what makes you speak the way you do, I will know more about the world around my and why human beings act the way they do.
SnakeLord said:
You made me laugh again. "Wtih all due respect"?
You are making a mistake by ignoring people like lori and I. We are offering you an alternative world view that is just as valid as your own. You don't have to come here and live with us if you don't want to. We want to tell you what our world is like so that when you get past the way you have been currently brainwashed, you will have another world you can go looking for to live in. Lori and I told you it existed, so you have a goal that you know is real.
SnakeLord said:
I am beginning to think you really are a doctor. If you are, you need to make a decision. Further contact with me will radically alter your world view. The things you think are reality will slowly fade away and become insubstantial. You will then be fearful because the foundation of your world has been shown to be false. It will be especially hard for you because your doctors training has made you certain you know this and that.
When you begin to see that what I say is true, and that it contradicts much of what you know and believe, you will get angry and try to drive me away so you can go back to believeing in the safe world where you know everything. Enlightment is a painful process.
SnakeLord said:
Will you stop making me laugh?
I am laughing because I know for a fact in the core of my being that I am correct. I know that if you are honest with yourself and strong enough, I can convince you. And then.....I will laugh some more because you will then treat me like a god. That is what happens to people who have their foundation shattered and a new way of life opened up to them. They treat the people who showed them the new way of life as a god. I will have to laugh at you and tell you, no, I am not a god. Just some guy like thousands of others in the world you told you what life is really about. SnakeLord said:
Snakes are associated with evil in many human cultures. Betrayal, deceit, backstabbing are all associated with snakes. On the TV show survivor, when the other survivors tell lies to the person who will be voted off, the camera shows a snake.
Gotcha!
SnakeLord said:
It is not a super sized trouser snake. Your way of hurting people is a psychological sign of a small trouser snake. Part of my theory addresses that.
U know? This could be entertaining. You do have an intellect. I will not deny that. You can see what is relevant in a discussion. You can eloquently express yourself. You can focus on a point and not be derailed. You are not afraid of a battle. You do not run crying to the mods for protection from mean old Happeh.
One of us could actualy learn something here.
I will let you decide who will be doing the learning.
PS>If you really are a doctor, maybe I will convince you and we will be world famous and rich together? I wrote some scientists. They were certain they knew it all and could not be bothered to talk. Since that time, two scientific studies have been released that corroborate my theories. I wrote one scientist again to let him know this. He won't speak to me. I think he is embarrassed he disregarded me, then I come back within months with scientific studies corroborating my claims. Or, I am wondering if he stole my claims and is running his own research right now so he can take credit for my theory. I kept all my work and email correspondence so I have valid dates showing it was my idea first.
If I could convince you or anyone else who has the necessary credentials to get public news attention, we will both be world famous and rich. I am nobody. Nobody will pay attention to me. I need a doctor or a scientist or someone the news will listen too to act as a front man for my knowledge.
No, I'm saying you talk utter bollocks, because you do. That is of course unless you can provide evidence that masturbation makes you go blind and lose your arms and legs. Further to that, you're also talking bollocks by saying evil people have horns and wings. That is of course unless you can provide evidence that 'evil' people indeed have horns and wings, (no, not photographs you spent 30 minutes with in photoshop, but actual evidence).
My statement stands, and is an accurate judgement. You can prove it wrong by showing the evidence, or continue with the talking bollocks, (which you are doing right now by even daring to use the word 'scientific').
And unless you provide it, the statement stands that you are indeed talking utter bollocks.
No. I do not currently know one adult that would be shocked by the word 'penis'. However, you can be shocked at anything you want to be shocked at. Don't let me stand in your way. Oh, and once you've finished chuckling any chance you can check my final sentence in that quote? (as a recap: I am still awaiting the evidence). Thanks.
A fictional being.
No, they're not 'god'. They are in fact a human that's controlling me that just so happens to live next door.
It will if you provide the evidence. Why is it when I ask for evidence for religious people's claims, I not only have to do it repeatedly, but they never seem to be able to provide it?
Let's get this conversation going somewhere! Bring on the evidence.
I'm ready and waiting. You can right here, right now, right this second convince me of your "correctness". Just provide the evidence. Thank you.
Some more of that metaphorical sucking your own penis. I don't personally find it impressive. What I would find a lot more impressive is if you took the time to justify such a statement by providing the evidence.
This is where you're wrong. My personality, (perhaps a dominating one), will allow others to be right.. (you guessed it).. if they provide evidence to support their claims. You claimed that masturbation makes you go blind in one eye, causes people to turn gay, lose their legs and arms and so on and so forth.
Once again: You can be 'right' right now, right here, right this second. I am not stopping you, indeed I am urging you to be 'right', right here, right now, right this second. What are you waiting for?
Alas I do not know or trust you and as a result am a bit wary about clicking an unknown link.
Can I assume it's a gay blind man with no legs and you're now going to tell me he masturbates too much?
Incase you don't recall my earlier statement, I shall repeat it for you now, (paraphrased):
"Photo's of blind people do not constitute evidence that masturbation causes that blindness. In this instance photographs cannot help".
Nothing wrong with laughter, it's good for you. Any chance you can provide the evidence when you're finished? Please?
Perhaps.. but then the easiest and most rational way with which to prove your words are not verbal diarrhea is to simply provide the evidence. Upon doing so I will retract my words and eat my hat.
That's your right. Is there a point?
There always is when a person is in actuality being a hypocrite.
Actually I'm not concerned in the slightest, it just served to show you for the hypocrite you are.
As I said on my last post; we do not have to talk. All of this is really not needed. All that is needed is for you to provide some evidence, I'll say "yes you're right, masturbation does cause blindness and gayness", and that will be that. I mean clearly you find me that offensive, that evil, and so all-round nasty that surely getting it out the way by just providing the evidence is a logical idea?
You don't have to do anything. You can think I abuse women and it makes no difference in my life. I go to bed, bonk the wife and go to sleep, end of story.
From the same perspective, me telling you everyone that knows me disagrees with you also makes no difference.
I don't get angry.
My 'claim' was that you were talking utter bollocks. Unless you can provide evidence in support of your claim that I classified as bollocks, then the statement remains.
As for "refutation". Once the evidence arrives there will be nothing for me to try and refute. You can put an end to my "refutations" right here, right now, right this second.
Kindly provide evidence that this is anything other than another prime example of you talking utter bollocks. Thank you.
I've noticed you just continue making more and more claims without ever doing the courtesy of providing evidence to back them up - despite my continual requests for you to do so.
1) Please provide evidence that masturbation causes you to go blind, lose your legs and arms and turn gay.
2) Please provide evidence that 'evil' people have horns and wings.
3) Please provide evidence that there is an "energy body duplicate of the human body" and that it is literally kicked and punched by the use of words that offend.
Thank you.
Sincerely? Ok then:
Call it the culmination of a million experiences, a million thoughts and feelings, the evironment, one's upbringing, or if you prefer: one's inbuilt nature as created by god.
To quote Twain, {Paraphrase}
"No matter what you do, you cannot get a butterfly to kill. No matter what you do, you cannot stop a tiger from killing. Thus is their nature"
To put it as short and sweet as possible: I am who I am.. because I am.
Does this look like I am ignoring you? I'm simply waiting for the evidence to support your apparently "valid" alternate worldview where people that masturbate turn blind and gay. I am giving you ample opportunity to prove the validity of your worldview, and no matter how many times I ask and encourage you to do so, you simply ignore the requests and the chance.
How many times must I repeat myself to you? Provide the evidence and then I will see that this 'world' of yours is 'real' - where masturbation = blindness, loss of limbs and the eventual move to homosexuality. Right now it's like the pot calling the kettle black, where you dare try and paint "brainwashed" on me, when you're the one making grandiose claims that you can in no way substantiate.
Perhaps if that contact involves you providing evidence.
I blame the men in black personally.
My 'training' has made me follow the evidence. Certainty is merely a scale along which the greater the evidence, the greater the certainty. Right now you have zero evidence. That speaks for itself.
I promise. On the condition that you provide some evidence.
Shouldn't be that hard to substantiate it then. By the way, this is another prime example of sucking your own penis.
Honesty and strength are irrelevant. Evidence is all that matters.
Stop believing you exist? How I wish it were so.
So get on with it already ffs.
That might be so, but it didn't answer my question.
Am I going to have to wait that long?
I have no desire to be famous or any more rich than I already am. What I would like is some evidence to substantiate your claims. Wait, I've told you that already haven't I?
I concur.
Have a nice day,
- Status